TAR - Thread About Relationships vol. Calling TAY Graduates

Not sure if this is the right place for this but whatever. Will try to keep it short.

I work in NYC in finance and my girl of 3.5 years works in the media industry. She grew up in NYC, and works outside of the city (let’s just say it’s about 60-65 miles outside of NYC). She recently got a job in a top market for her industry, in a major TX city. That major city happens to be my hometown. The new employer doubled her salary. Because NYC is the most competitive market in her field, it was damn near impossible for her to get a job there at her level of experience. She also wanted a change of scenery. During the pandemic when I was WFH I decided to move outside of the city with her to get a change of pace.

For the last few years that I’ve been working in NYC, I’ve been thriving. Got promoted and continued to make tons of money. Now that it’s time for her to move for the new job (which doubled her salary), I feel some kind of way about going back home. While I regularly travel for work and still don’t go in the office 85% of the time (and my boss is not even located in NYC), I’m not terribly excited about two things: (1) potentially losing career momentum by not being in the center of the finance world if I move back to TX and (2) going back home and not being in an environment that I’ve enjoyed in every way. TX is kind of boring to me and I don’t like the lack of natural beauty and the slower pace. I regularly hike upstate, go to the beaches in the Hamptons every summer, etc. I’ve been the most comfortable in DC/NYC. In reality my boss will be OK with the move, but I’m not 100% sold on moving for the reasons I mentioned above. It’s not the worst place to move to and it wouldn’t be THAT bad, but it’s not my preference. My whole family and most of my friends are in TX so that will be nice but it just feels like I’m moving backwards.

Gotta make a decision soon. Not looking to do the long distance thing. I was thinking of just keeping a little studio apartment in the city and just spending a few days there (3 days or so) maybe every other week for work/social purposes. It’ll be expensive but it’s a decent compromise.
 
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I think you know the answer to your own question. Move to stay in the relationship and for her career, or stay in NYC for whatever potential career growth you think you may miss by moving along with the NYC lifestyle. Individuals can be invaluable. If she happens to be that, then are you willing to lose that?
 
Mark Antony said:
If you're remote and out the city 85% of the time what would even really change?

Rent a room in a great spot, hop a flight and get a few days break from your lady. Sounds kinda Ill.
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Yea not a whole lot would change I’m just not big on spending a lot more time in a state ran by Greg Abbott. It is home but I’m on the road a lot anyway though.

I think the best case is probably telling my boss I’ll be in NYC for networking/professional purposes for 3 days every other week and that probably works. That way I’ll get my NYC fix too.
 
Yeah that part of it sucks. Hopefully she's moving to a spot where they have their own little bubble. I wouldn't tell the boss every other week though, maybe 1 week a month so coming in more often than that would be my choice.
 
usabasketball08 usabasketball08 Do you plan on proposing?

I’m looking at it from a financial perspective. If you see a future with this woman then start talking investment horizon, goals, etc.
The money you are spending on the NYC pad could be money put towards a home, marriage/honeymoon, kids, retirement, etc. After 3.5 years I’m sure you have a solid idea of where the relationship is going.

I was in a similar situation almost 10 years ago in my mid 20s. GF of 4 years couldn’t find work in her field. She had a masters and student loans were about to be a factor. Eventually found an opportunity a few states over. I encouraged her to take it and we’ll go from there. (Yes I told her I’d move if she got situated.) After 8 months long distance we called it quits. Honestly the relationship ran its course before then but it wasn’t like “bad” more so just going with the motions. Had I moved to be with her I’m sure I would’ve regretted it.

All that to say this development could be a defining moment for your relationship. Start reflecting and being honest on where you see this thing going.
 
s0lefunk said:
usabasketball08 usabasketball08 Do you plan on proposing?

I’m looking at it from a financial perspective. If you see a future with this woman then start talking investment horizon, goals, etc.
The money you are spending on the NYC pad could be money put towards a home, marriage/honeymoon, kids, retirement, etc. After 3.5 years I’m sure you have a solid idea of where the relationship is going.

I was in a similar situation almost 10 years ago in my mid 20s. GF of 4 years couldn’t find work in her field. She had a masters and student loans were about to be a factor. Eventually found an opportunity a few states over. I encouraged her to take it and we’ll go from there. (Yes I told her I’d move if she got situated.) After 8 months long distance we called it quits. Honestly the relationship ran its course before then but it wasn’t like “bad” more so just going with the motions. Had I moved to be with her I’m sure I would’ve regretted it.

All that to say this development could be a defining moment for your relationship. Start reflecting and being honest on where you see this thing going.
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Definitely plan on proposing, probably next summer. I just have to get over it.
She specifically targeted markets that I could live in (ATL/DC/DFW/Houston/Boston) and the job she got was a huge stretch for her so I’d low key feel bad if I didn’t move too.
 
usabasketball08 usabasketball08 I know a few PE’s in TX that I would be happy to put you in touch with if necessary.

Sounds like a similar situation to mine - you’ll be fine man, I head back the city basically once a month (was just there last week). It’s just a home base and long term you will have more support.
 
I would do the long distance thing for a year to see how strong of a relationship you have before you propose. Space is a good thing
 
ecook0808 said:
Exactly what I did with my now wife - we met and 9 months later I moved to Suisse for a year+. We made it through with little to no fights and me only making out with 12 girls.
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Do you speak German/French/Italian or she became your translator? :lol:
 
usabasketball08 said:
Not sure if this is the right place for this but whatever. Will try to keep it short.

I work in NYC in finance and my girl of 3.5 years works in the media industry. She grew up in NYC, and works outside of the city (let’s just say it’s about 60-65 miles outside of NYC). She recently got a job in a top market for her industry, in a major TX city. That major city happens to be my hometown. The new employer doubled her salary. Because NYC is the most competitive market in her field, it was damn near impossible for her to get a job there at her level of experience. She also wanted a change of scenery. During the pandemic when I was WFH I decided to move outside of the city with her to get a change of pace.

For the last few years that I’ve been working in NYC, I’ve been thriving. Got promoted and continued to make tons of money. Now that it’s time for her to move for the new job (which doubled her salary), I feel some kind of way about going back home. While I regularly travel for work and still don’t go in the office 85% of the time (and my boss is not even located in NYC), I’m not terribly excited about two things: (1) potentially losing career momentum by not being in the center of the finance world if I move back to TX and (2) going back home and not being in an environment that I’ve enjoyed in every way. TX is kind of boring to me and I don’t like the lack of natural beauty and the slower pace. I regularly hike upstate, go to the beaches in the Hamptons every summer, etc. I’ve been the most comfortable in DC/NYC. In reality my boss will be OK with the move, but I’m not 100% sold on moving for the reasons I mentioned above. It’s not the worst place to move to and it wouldn’t be THAT bad, but it’s not my preference. My whole family and most of my friends are in TX so that will be nice but it just feels like I’m moving backwards.

Gotta make a decision soon. Not looking to do the long distance thing. I was thinking of just keeping a little studio apartment in the city and just spending a few days there (3 days or so) maybe every other week for work/social purposes. It’ll be expensive but it’s a decent compromise.
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i would say weigh the pros and cons

i believe you can find a job anywhere in the world if you really want to

plus texas is lowkey such a wack state :lol:
 
ecook0808 said:
usabasketball08 usabasketball08 I know a few PE’s in TX that I would be happy to put you in touch with if necessary.

Sounds like a similar situation to mine - you’ll be fine man, I head back the city basically once a month (was just there last week). It’s just a home base and long term you will have more support.
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Thanks fam, think I’ll be OK since a lot of the MD’s are all over the country now (a ton of them moved to Florida). Only the juniors need to be on the desk 5 days a week. :lol:

My girl seems fine with me being in the city as much as I need/want to be because she knows I don’t want to leave…and having personal space never hurts 🤷🏽‍♂️
 
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