TAY '16: The Saga Continues

[ogmcmxcii]

Ok single 38 yr old woman medium build with a 15 yr old daughter that goes to my church and is moving to Texas in November. You think I should hone in on that and capitalize for the time being of her here. Lol she jokes around wanting me to take her out to eat somewhere and I don't have any problems being seen with an older woman. I'll get her number Sunday.

What do the OGs think?

 

[flyny]

Ok single 38 yr old woman medium build with a 15 yr old daughter that goes to my church and is moving to Texas in November. You think I should hone in on that and capitalize for the time being of her here. Lol she jokes around wanting me to take her out to eat somewhere and I don't have any problems being seen with an older woman. I'll get her number Sunday.

What do the OGs think?

How old are you? And what do you plan on turning this relationship into? Reason I ask is cus in 3 years her daughter might try and push up on you, and then you gonna have to explain to her moms/your lady that her daughter is outta line

 

[ogmcmxcii]

How old are you? And what do you plan on turning this relationship into? Reason I ask is cus in 3 years her daughter might try and push up on you, and then you gonna have to explain to her moms/your lady that her daughter is outta line

No relationship just company wise and whatever I can milk out of the deal between now and the end of October.

I'm 24 and her daughter is 14 (basically 15 because her bday coming up in a week or two. Freshman in HS. She a lil cute something something that's probably going to blossom into something bad when she gets older)

 

[23kidd]

I wear a 44 Long, it's hard finding good priced nice suits in my size. Notdstrom rack has been good to me though.

On a side note;
My pipe print in a grey suit >

It be looking too proper. Sometimes I don't even care to hide it. I flaunt it. Walk to the coffee shop, pipe in ya face. Walk into the office, pipe in ya face. Walk to the water cooler, pipe in ya face. Look at it, love it, think about it, envy it, desire it.

 

[bendover]

Lmao she 15?
What kind of laws ya got over there

 

[ogmcmxcii]

Lmao she 15?
What kind of laws ya got over there

15 but passes for a cute 17-18 year old.

The same laws that would put me in jail if I even tried anything so thats off limits bro. Bark only, no bite.

 

[tdogg2k]

Hurtin bros

 

[suberzat1]

Talk to me

 

[doxen5703]

Hurtin bros

 

[iamdef]

Hurtin bros

What's goin on bubba?

 

[tdogg2k]

I'll try to condense some of this typing, and not let emotions take over this post.

I basically can't figure out, if I'm not ready for a serious relationship
or
Is she not the one I want to be in a serious relationship with.


She's a great girl and hits a lot of those check list things that i want. but there are also items off that checklist she's not hitting. I allowed myself to let the good, sweep the bad under the rug. But after last night's 7 hour argument (2 in person 5 on phone). the dirt and bad came out from hiding again.

I also hate when we argue, she plays the victim, but when I'm able to flip it (knowing shes in the wrong) she hits me with the... so I'm the bad guy etc.

Now don't get me wrong I'm not perfect. I actually feel like im extremely Selfless when it comes to being a in a relationship.
but I still do a bunch of selfish things (that im just realizing)
I also have selfish thoughts. places i want to go alone, things i want to do alone.

so again I ask the question is it me? or is it her not being the one I want to do it with.

I told her let's take 2 days and not talk.. really work out our feelings and see if this is right.
giving me time to think is always dangerous. I can't think of a reason I should continue our relationship. but I also can't think of a reason why I should end it.
But right now there are a bit more cons than pros.

I think it just sucks/hurts right now because she's a good chick,
She's good for me, but im not sure if shes right for me. (does that make sense?)


I dont know guys that's where im at , sorry if it's confusing.


(are argument was basically about her assuming I knew something I didn't. when i found out, I said NO to it. she didn't like that> then started making all these rules/ultimatums about my stuff because I said no to hers , (which was completely logical for me to say no)

 

[change the name Snyder]

I'm 24 and her daughter is 14 (basically 15 because her bday coming up in a week or two. Freshman in HS. She a lil cute something something that's probably going to blossom into something bad when she gets older)

 

[iamdef]

I'll try to condense some of this typing, and not let emotions take over this post.

I basically can't figure out, if I'm not ready for a serious relationship
or
Is she not the one I want to be in a serious relationship with.


She's a great girl and hits a lot of those check list things that i want. but there are also items off that checklist she's not hitting. I allowed myself to let the good, sweep the bad under the rug. But after last night's 7 hour argument (2 in person 5 on phone). the dirt and bad came out from hiding again.

I also hate when we argue, she plays the victim, but when I'm able to flip it (knowing shes in the wrong) she hits me with the... so I'm the bad guy etc.

Now don't get me wrong I'm not perfect. I actually feel like im extremely Selfless when it comes to being a in a relationship.
but I still do a bunch of selfish things (that im just realizing)
I also have selfish thoughts. places i want to go alone, things i want to do alone.

so again I ask the question is it me? or is it her not being the one I want to do it with.

I told her let's take 2 days and not talk.. really work out our feelings and see if this is right.
giving me time to think is always dangerous. I can't think of a reason I should continue our relationship. but I also can't think of a reason why I should end it.
But right now there are a bit more cons than pros.

I think it just sucks/hurts right now because she's a good chick,
She's good for me, but im not sure if shes right for me. (does that make sense?)


I dont know guys that's where im at , sorry if it's confusing.


(are argument was basically about her assuming I knew something I didn't. when i found out, I said NO to it. she didn't like that> then started making all these rules/ultimatums about my stuff because I said no to hers , (which was completely logical for me to say no)

These are always tough moments and y'all are doing the best thing by taking some time to collect your thoughts. I will always comment on how important communication is in a relationship and if y'all can't turn an argument into a conversation that can be a problem even if you reconcile. The one thing that stood out to me is that she does the stereotypical female response and plays victim even in the wrong and that to me is a complete deal breaker. I've been the bad guy in enough relationships to know that there's no way I'd deal with a woman who cannot look at herself and say, "Yea, what I did was f'd up".

Spoiler: My Suggestion

Try to alter the way that you both are coming at this situation. Instead of, assumingly, coming into it as a time to prove your point and be right come to it as I want to tell you how I feel and why I feel this way. Let her go first, while she's talking listen. Try not to interrupt in any way, show her that you respect what she has to say both verbally and nonverbally. Once she is done explain to her your original intentions with what she has issue with and reassure her that her feelings are important and apologize about what happened/how everything came across. Hopefully she doesn't try to pile on other situations and incidents since she's prob gonna feel like she's "winning" but if she does tell her that y'all will cover those things later and that you need to resolve this issue first. After she has received and absorbed your explanation, it's your turn. Remember, it's a respect thing. Tone and volume can prevent a pure message from being received appropriately. Lay it all out. Once your done, let her address your concerns and respond herself.

It took me and my wife a while before we got to a point where this runs smoothly, but it's a method that keeps us that couple that "never fights".

As far as the ultimatums and is she the right one

Spoiler: Is She the One

Some times you don't know she's the right one until you've highstepped through shoulder level ******'t. Other times it's after you break up for a few days and realize their absence is killing you and you feel incomplete. And of course there are those times where you break up and life picks up and turns golden you have no idea what changed but everything is just falling into place now.

The possibilities are endless but in this situation I'd let her know after the aforementioned conversation and let her know that you are very serious about her and how you feel not knowing if she is right for you. Let her know what you can and cannot deal with and if she over time can make those changes, she may be the one but if she's stuck in "Love Me for ME" land, grab you a first class flight outta there.

 

[tdogg2k]

Thank you so much Brotha.

I think where I'm at in my head now is still 2 choices.
1. Tell her that I just need time to sort my stuff together on my own. see where life takes me.
or
2. tell her my feelings and stick with it a while longer to see if they do manifest stronger since they're pretty high now. just not at the level I would think they need to be.


but as you said im going to just have tot ell her the truth of how I feel. give her an option as well.

 

[yaje1christ]

Been pulling quality broads, but **** don't go nowhere really only a few hangouts... It's like it's gotta be fools getting the 1up on me lately.... Things be going good then bam, a brotha gets flat lined...

That has never happened to me like this before especially this consistently. Chicks might cut me off slightly but still I'd be able to contact them...

The last week I done lost 2 shorty's on some Unsolved Mystery ****... I still gotta main chick so I definitely just charge it to the game. But I can't be out here taking no damn L's.

Maybe I shouldn't begin the dates already intoxicated and high.smh but that's the only way I can spend over $10 on a broad when I go out and ain't eem had the yambs yet... Thought I'd try something new for a change...

 

[Mark Antony]

Depends, if you feel liberated or sick after that short break.

 

[tdogg2k]

I've had the last 36 hours to self reflect. And i really am an emotionless selfish a hole.
I'm legit not ready to be in a committed relationship yet

 

[suberzat1]

Damn so what's your move.

 

[iamdef]

When I was in college I was asked if I was interested in going on a missions trip (went to a Christian college) I was like, "Nah, I'm not in a position to help lead anybody spiritually. Got too many personal issues." And the guy told me that most people don't but once they're out there ministering they see that the ability to lead was already in them, they just needed to step out into it.

When I finally said "I love you" to my wife when we were dating, I knew I loved her but because I still felt love for my ex and was kinda hoping to get back with her I didn't think I could really love anybody else. But it took me saying that to her that put me in the right place and mindset to start being a better person and a great boyfriend.

Not saying that you should disregard how you feel and stick it out with ol girl but don't count that relationship out because of your faults.

 

[tdogg2k]

Ive thought about just dropping that L-word
But then i thought I'm not 100% in love and it would hurt more with that thrown out there. I do care about her and have love for her. But i don't think/ know if it's enough to not be as selfish.

Its like i said yesterday either I'm not ready for commitment or she's not the one i want to be committed too..

Being goid for each other doesn't mean we're right for each other

 

[s0lefunk]

Ive thought about just dropping that L-word
But then i thought I'm not 100% in love and it would hurt more with that thrown out there. I do care about her and have love for her. But i don't think/ know if it's enough to not be as selfish.

Its like i said yesterday either I'm not ready for commitment or she's not the one i want to be committed too..

Being goid for each other doesn't mean we're right for each other

If you aren't ready for a committed relationship then you aren't ready. But ask yourself if its because of her or because of you. Is she not "good enough" or do you have other priorities? Long story short, a relationship isn't marriage bruh

If she cool, you think you love her, and she hasnt presented any deal breakers then why not go for it? What's the worst that can happen?

If it dont work out then whatever. If it does then you got you one.

 

[hennessy]

So what did you say no to that she assumed you were ok doing?

I can't think of a reason I should continue our relationship. but I also can't think of a reason why I should end it.
But right now there are a bit more cons than pros.

End it. Not being able to think of a reason you should continue is a good enough reason why you should end it. You answered your own question.

 

[tdogg2k]

Its all me. Shes good and as i reflected she gave up a lot for me. Alot more than i gave up for her.

Its not just she hasnt done anything to warrant a break up. I just wasnt ready and for the foreseeable future im not going to be. I tried to will myself in to be because she is a good one.
Thats where that confliction has come in...stick with it because it might work even tho im not 100% in
Or not be selfish and let her live and do her wothout her waiting for me to decide on what i want.
I feel like if you really care about someone they should never go to bed not knowing if youre in or not.

 

[heliumclinton]

Long story short, a relationship isn't marriage bruh

This is the problem these days. I've heard so many people lately say "what's the point of being in a relationship if you're not working towards eventually marriage?" :x confused how you're suppose to know you want to marry someone if you aren't in a relationship and just seeing if it feels right over time.

People take things too serious and overthink way too much man, my NT bros y'all have to live your life no one is going to do it for you.

 

[ogmcmxcii]

People take things too serious and overthink way too much man, my NT bros y'all have to live your life no one is going to do it for you.

I Know, I Know, I Know, I Get It Now.........

Need to start taking chances and put it all on black

Ive thought about just dropping that L-word

But then i thought I'm not 100% in love and it would hurt more with that thrown out there.


Being good for each other doesn't mean we're right for each other

Smart man