The Emasculation of young males by Single moms

[jordanhead718212]

How so?

Always stressed the importance of having to provide for my family when I grew up, told me to man up if I was acting soft, gave me tips on interacting with women , etc. The rest I just picked up naturally I guess

 

[datznasty]

If the welfare argument were framed any other way, people would be quick to point out there's more white women on assistance than black, even though their incidence of single parent homes right now is 17% compared to ours which has climbed over 70%

Amazing how easily deadbeat black fathers, of which there is obviously no shortage, are escaping any sort of blame in here.

 

[spottieottie305]

This is a very interesting topic.

I was actually raised by a single mother and though I wasn't ever emasculated by her, I definitely feel that I missed out on a lot growing up without a father.

It really must be disheartening knowing your father doesn't want to be in your life and he's right down the street. A big difference with me and a lot of my peers is that my father died as apposed to abandoning me and his family. Growing up I always heard stories about how great my father was that made me feel proud to be his son.

But my mom did her best. She taught me how to tie a tie, got me into sports, gave me my own space as a young man. But growing up I always latched on to different male role models growing up. Coaches, dudes in the neighborhood that were older, men in church, etc. So all in all I feel I came out ok. Never really had a problem with the females, always had friends, played sports, etc.

The biggest thing I feel I missed is just having someone to talk to and give me direct guidance whenever I needed it. I was forced to look within my self for a lot of answers.



To address the topic of authority and the upbringing between white kids and black kids:
I come from a very educated background and my mom always encouraged me to think and be smart. So much so that I sometimes got into trouble challenging a lot of my white female teachers. I always got A's in school but would get a C or D for conduct. At the time I did not understand why, but I eventually understood that white teachers were not used to being challenged by young black boys.



P.S. To the OP :::
The video is down on the 1st page

 

[Betonblck]

This is a very interesting topic.
I was actually raised by a single mother and though I wasn't ever emasculated by her, I definitely feel that I missed out on a lot growing up without a father.
It really must be disheartening knowing your father doesn't want to be in your life and he's right down the street. A big difference with me and a lot of my peers is that my father died as apposed to abandoning me and his family. Growing up I always heard stories about how great my father was that made me feel proud to be his son.
But my mom did her best. She taught me how to tie a tie, got me into sports, gave me my own space as a young man. But growing up I always latched on to different male role models growing up. Coaches, dudes in the neighborhood that were older, men in church, etc. So all in all I feel I came out ok. Never really had a problem with the females, always had friends, played sports, etc.
The biggest thing I feel I missed is just having someone to talk to and give me direct guidance whenever I needed it. I was forced to look within my self for a lot of answers.
To address the topic of authority and the upbringing between white kids and black kids:
I come from a very educated background and my mom always encouraged me to think and be smart. So much so that I sometimes got into trouble challenging a lot of my white female teachers. I always got A's in school but would get a C or D for conduct. At the time I did not understand why, but I eventually understood that white teachers were not used to being challenged by young black boys.
P.S. To the OP :::
The video is down on the 1st page

That's what I was referring to with my white privilege comment. We are brought up knowing that it's going to be hard for us so it's like, why question the system and make it harder for yourself by upsetting authority.

 

[currensy]

This is a very interesting topic.
I was actually raised by a single mother and though I wasn't ever emasculated by her, I definitely feel that I missed out on a lot growing up without a father.

The biggest thing I feel I missed is just having someone to talk to and give me direct guidance whenever I needed it. I was forced to look within my self for a lot of answers.

P.S. To the OP :::
The video is down on the 1st page

Pretty much sums my life up at this point in time, going through that awkward phase and trying to "find myself".

 

[Rootin4EverybodyBlack]

a man can teach a boy HOW TO DEAL WITH WOMEN..because he has experience being a man and dealing with women...
A woman can only give experience on what a woman WANTS from a man and how a woman deals with other women.

Plus half (not all...half) of these women that are single mothers are either A.) Bitter and lonely or B.) Slides that let every man smash.

How is a woman that has no CLUE on how to effectively interact and develop a relationship with a man gonna teach her son how to deal with women?

Some of these women are so lonely they literally push their sons to be more feminine like so they can have a "best friend" instead of a child

 

[41239]

so its hard to believe that four children (3 boys 1 girl) raised under the same house hold wouldnt have different personality traits? two couldnt be extremely outspoken, one mellow, and one timid? im not saying there is no correlation, im saying dont jump the gun so quick to generalize/categorize people with a study thats in its infant stage

Thats not what I'm getting at....and you don't even know what study i'm talking about so chill with the "infant stage" quip. I'm still looking for the document.

See black parents in american tend to come from a tradition of strict obedience to authority. They don't talk back and they don't speak out against authority. They mostly stay in line and are told not to cause problems or ask questions.

White kids tend to come from a tradition where they can openly challenge things and ask questions and be more free to act or think about. They're not limited to being representative of any respective community like minorities are. 

We can all list outliers and anecdotes but the archetype is largely true. It just is. 

That translates into the classroom.

For instance, I remember in undergrad, a lot of the white students were far more comfortable going up to the professor and asking for things like extensions on papers or for job opportunities and other forms of confidence that a lot of the minority students felt awkward about. There was another point where they looked at black and white kids in doctors offices. The black kids would passively respond to the doctor and look at their parents/guardians for approval before speaking out or asking questions where as the white kids tended to be more free in their questions and were more openly inquisitive about what was going on. Not to say the black kids DONT have questions...but the environment that you've been raised in to express yourself differs radically. White kids are more likely to raise their hands in class and go to office hours. 

Now you can say you know someone who breaks the mold and thats all fine and dandy, but many of these findings have been found by several other researchers in certain variants. 

I say all of this to say that the way we raise our kids and the traditions of punishment and handling their inquisitiveness has distinct effects on their ability to express themselves in places like the classroom or the work place. 

What you think of as a small difference can radically change a child's outlook on how they assert themselves.

no need to get saucey homie

really? many would argue that blacks have no structure and they are all a bunch of ghetto, stupid people who live off of welfare

again, ok so in your classrooms there was a 50/50 split of whites and blacks? in my classes, i have always been able to count the black guys on one hand, and the black girls are barely over 10, do you think maybe there are more whites raising their hands and going to office hours simply because THERE ARE MORE WHITES?

i agree, but i never called it a small difference, i said the claim is a huge one and would require a crazy amount of info to back up, you would have to watch at least 10,000 white girls and boys and 10,000 black girls and boys (thats 10,000 of each sex of each race for a total of 40,000 people) from age 1 until they reach college or whatever age you choose to stop at

 

[longstroke]

Great discussion here...

 

[superantigen]

In many undergrad programs, HBCUs excluded, probably, there's a disproportionate amount of white students relative to blacks. If you're noticing white students being more proactive in a class setting, it could be a simple consequence of there being more white students to begin with.

I also wouldn't discount "culture shock." Higher education was and continues to be a predominantly white space. Thus is should not be a surprise that white students express higher levels of confidence in these settings than black students.



...

 

[futuremd]

This also relates to our punishment system and willingness to engage with how kids are raised. Parents who take the time to answer their kids questions and treat them as equals tend to be more willing to assert themselves where as kids who are continually shut down tend to have very self-defeatist attitudes. 

Hear me out with this. Don't get offended.

I think a lot of times POORER/UNEDUCATED parents can't respond with anything substantial because they really haven't developed the ability to do so. That is why we hear, "Because I said so" as a response whenever a child asks a question.

So I don't think it is a black/white thing, it is a status of the parents type of thing.

Not even mad. I I don't disagree with you at all. 

 

[pip777]

Point BLANK....

If you had any sort of MALE in your life while you were young.. be thankful bc whether that man was THE MAN, a mess up, a dead beat, a player, in jail, an athlete.. whatever... he showed you a part of the game that a FEMALE CAN'T.

That's it.
Either those/that men/man showed you either how its done or how not to do it...

On point.

 

[me no pass]

great discussion going on in here.....this is the NT i love

 

[waitwut]

cant see the vid doe

 

[sin city]

I was raised by a single mother after they got divorced when I was 9. I never felt being less masculine at any point in my life. I had friends that I always play-fought with (shoving, punching, kicking) so I didn't grow up to be a little pus. Looking back, my mom did a hell of a good job raising me because she let me take charge for myself early on. It let me become my own leader in a sense.
I don't have any issues with socializing/talking to girls either but I can see how that could be a problem to other single mothered kids.

 

[thorrocksjs]

Just watched Pruitt igoe myth I'm shocked at the welfare policies those were borderline criminal forcing men out of their homes

 

[deuce king]

The ones that had fathers around, "Yes sir. Anything you want coach."

So yea it hurts interaction between that child and other men. They aren't used to respecting men and probably hear their mothers bad-mouth men on the regular.

That's a great point, and one that happens very often. I hear alot of women bashing males on the regular. Little do they realize that they aren't really dealing with men, but a bunch of boys or a bunch of ******. These women truly are not used to dealing with real men. They then pass this hatred on from one to the next.

 

[stripe]

This is true. My mom made sure to pay extra attention to make sure I put women on a pedestal.
With no father figure around you have to develop your own "game" from scratch.
Basically I was taught the skills to simp, but I had to learn the skills to pimp.

All women do this. Especially that, "remember that's someone's daughter, or sister, or mother", etc. which tells you to treat them as you would someone who you're close to and cares about you. Which is the dumbest advice ever cause most these women don't know and/or give a **** about you, so why treat them like someone who raised you or you grew up with? Girls aren't taught, "remember, that's someone's son, brother, father" or whatever, and if they are taught that, they don't care. This is not only women though. Men do this too. And it just distorts a boy's vision from the jump and leaves him in a pretty bad position.

I remember one time I tried to talk to this girl, and my father saw and said not to "holla" at women, as if they're a "piece of meat". Which was the most hypocritical thing cause I vividly remember and hear about how this dude used to be whistling and talking to every piece of ***. But women are taught how to be pampered and how to get what they want out of men. It's crazy.

 

[stripe]

This just goes on parents teaching there kids what I call "fairy tale lessons", and "disney values", that have no use or is pretty destructive when put into use in the real world. You hear them all the time. People literally just spit out things they heard in movies or read that some old idiot said and take it as truth, even when it doesn't make any sense.

 

[chuxndunx]

I found most people who grew up without their father look up to society/media's male role models. They tend to be Alpha Males because in my opinion, they don't have a nurturing Father that tells them it's ok to stand down sometimes.

Having both parents growing up, I learned to survive. My friends without a father learned to dominate.

They are both very good features.

 

[stripe]

There is more to his lazyness but I dont wanna expand on my pops. But yes, I do attribute being a leader as manly and masculine. Who wants to be scottie pippen? I rather be Mike.

Bad example. Pippen's defense would make a lot of boys in this league break down and cry. Don't you ever belittle that man.

 

[spizike231]

I don't know what OP's video was about cause it's gone, but I was raised by a single mother..

I'm not soft. I train in Muay Thai and have been for 3 years now.. one of the most brutal sports in Martial Arts, and I'm good at it. I played basketball, get into arguments and fight people who disrespect me just as much as the next person. This whole assumption that just because you were raised by a single mother means that you're soft is completely wrong. It all depends on where you grew up and who you grew up around (friends). If you hang out with guys, you're by nature all going to want to grow up being masculine. If you grow up with no friends, that masculine feeling might feel wrong or odd to you, seeing as you're just around your mother all day.

I don't think it affects you nearly as much as your environment does. I've seen tons of dudes when I was in high school who were soft as a pillow, but had both of their parents in their lives.

Being raised by a single mother has some connection, but no direct link or major impact on the "manliness" of the final outcome.

 

[longstroke]

Again, there is no doubt that the presence of a male role model is needed. Whether or not it be an Uncle, older cousin, older brother, seeing someone who is a success is incredibly important for the self esteem of any child, whether or not that child is male or female. You've got to see it, live with it, then know it.

For young men, it's even more important to have REALISTIC images, showing men not only at their strongest while succeeding, but also when they fail, teaching them how to get back up off of the canvas after being knocked down.

The issue with the emasculation by these Women, is that the young men gain unrealistic perceptions of what a man should be, as they are living out the dreams of their mothers, aunts, and family friends, which is usually not the best environment to be raised around. They develop the captain save a ...mentality, and when they fail, they become angered then turning on themselves. What happens at this point is that they will either develop ego over confidence, possibly becoming hyper masculine, which brings about a whole other set of problems. 

Without the example of humanity, they do not allow themselves room to fail, as failing is a part of the learning curve. You do not jump out the box batting 400, you've got to learn to read the pitcher, then even how to hold the bat.

 

[stripe]

I don't know what OP's video was about cause it's gone, but I was raised by a single mother..
I'm not soft. I train in Muay Thai and have been for 3 years now.. one of the most brutal sports in Martial Arts, and I'm good at it. I played basketball, get into arguments and fight people who disrespect me just as much as the next person. This whole assumption that just because you were raised by a single mother means that you're soft is completely wrong. It all depends on where you grew up and who you grew up around (friends). If you hang out with guys, you're by nature all going to want to grow up being masculine. If you grow up with no friends, that masculine feeling might feel wrong or odd to you, seeing as you're just around your mother all day.
I don't think it affects you nearly as much as your environment does. I've seen tons of dudes when I was in high school who were soft as a pillow, but had both of their parents in their lives.
Being raised by a single mother has some connection, but no direct link or major impact on the "manliness" of the final outcome.

I think you guys are missing it. The popular response is, "I was raised by a single mom, I'm not a pus. I do so and so, and I fight with people who disrespect me and get into arguments", and I just sit here and think, how does any of that make you a man? Woman do that too. A lot. Actually, more than men might. Not saying you're a woman or any less of a man, but it just doesn't prove anything.

 

[stripe]

Again, there is no doubt that the presence of a male role model is needed. Whether or not it be an Uncle, older cousin, older brother, seeing someone who is a success is incredibly important for the self esteem of any child, whether or not that child is male or female. You've got to see it, live with it, then know it.

For young men, it's even more important to have REALISTIC images, showing men not only at their strongest while succeeding, but also when they fail, teaching them how to get back up off of the canvas after being knocked down.

The issue with the emasculation by these Women, is that the young men gain unrealistic perceptions of what a man should be, as they are living out the dreams of their mothers, aunts, and family friends, which is usually not the best environment to be raised around. They develop the captain save a ...mentality, and when they fail, they become angered then turning on themselves. What happens at this point is that they will either develop ego over confidence, possibly becoming hyper masculine, which brings about a whole other set of problems. 

Without the example of humanity, they do not allow themselves room to fail, as failing is a part of the learning curve. You do not jump out the box batting 400, you've got to learn to read the pitcher, then even how to hold the bat.

A real shame this post is going to go unrecognized. Cause there is so much truth in it.

A lot of the mistakes I see my father made (when he was around), I can attribute to him not having a father himself. He was also a teen when I was born. So he simply could not have known how to teach me to be a man. He didn't know himself. And that's very sad. We don't even know what a man is supposed to be anymore.

But women have an idea, and the nice guy that the women in some of our lives groomed us to be does not fit that, so naturally, they go with the hypermasculine ones (or the ***-holes as some of you would say). Cause the saving and catering traits is not what a man is, and women don't understand how much damage they're doing to their sons "unpreparing" them for the real world by telling them nonsense like that based on what they want men to be. I see less and less men everyday. It's either wimps and niceguys or compensating wimps and hypermasculine lames. Just two extremes.

I remember when my mom used to be mad at me she would tell me I was gonna be a ****** cause I only respected or listened to men when I was younger.

Now she tells me as a man, I should pay everything to take a woman out, basically spend money to have the privilege of taking a woman out, while she contributes nothing, not even split costs. I told her she knows damn well that doesn't make any sense. I had to go through experiences to know that though.

Men lost their way, women didn't though. That's why we're behind. And it doesn't only screw men. It screws all of us.

Great topic LONGSTROKE

EDIT: I have to add this was also accompanied by my mom telling me to fight back when I would be bothered in school and my dad telling me not to and to tell the teacher. And I would listen to him, because I thought he was a boy, like me, so he knows what he's talking about. Yeah, I'm not really sure what my father was trying to do there. Eventually, said **** that noise and I kinda learned to respect my mom as my father figure.

 

[runningfishy]

Defend traditional marriage!
Pro Choice

FREAK LIBERALISTS.


Gender roles definitely play their part in a child's upbringing. You definitely want the good cop bad cop approach, as well as a mom and dad. It's just how it works. It's just nature, especially for human beings. Everyone wants to say that the 'mother's role is greater, and that's true in my books, but an absent father figure hurts as well.