the thread about nothing...

Jking0821 said:
Nigerian special effects
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Rob at least trying
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th3answ3r's ex
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Got into it with my girl last night over "showing commitment". Been together for 2 years now and she "needs" me to move in with her to show my commitment. I really don't want to i like my place and i like having my own place...she doesn't really get it thinks im holding out. I can't explain it but like i don't want to move into her condo...i like my row home. But she can't move in with me because it would make her commute to work a solid hour when right now its about 30 mins.
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She needs to understand that. Not to overstep my bounds, but she's acting a bit selfish in that regard. If you're happy where you are, why can't she accept that?
 
beh235 said:
Jking0821 said:
Nigerian special effects :smokin

Rob at least trying :smokin :smokin :smokin

th3answ3r's ex :smh: :smh:



Got into it with my girl last night over "showing commitment". Been together for 2 years now and she "needs" me to move in with her to show my commitment. I really don't want to i like my place and i like having my own place...she doesn't really get it thinks im holding out. I can't explain it but like i don't want to move into her condo...i like my row home. But she can't move in with me because it would make her commute to work a solid hour when right now its about 30 mins.
Click to expand...
She needs to understand that. Not to overstep my bounds, but she's acting a bit selfish in that regard. If you're happy where you are, why can't she accept that?
Click to expand...


This has been our biggest issue forever. For me 2 years is nothing in a relationship. There is some statistic that 3 years is the mark if a relationship will end or continue. After 3 years you are basically at terminal velocity. You either will do forever...or break it off because you can't see a future with the person.

She seems to think that if i want to marry her i should know by now and im like um i don't know how to tell you this but im not really ready. And she is like well i am...its unfair if i am ready and you aren't. And im like ok...so her answer is well if you move in that shows commitment. And im like this problem isn't about commitment its about expectations. And if we get married and your way of acting is to constantly pressure me with expectations then i am not going to be able to handle that forever.

It just goes round and round...
 
There is some statistic that 3 years is the mark if a relationship will end or continue. After 3 years you are basically at terminal velocity. You either will do forever...or break it off because you can't see a future with the person.
Click to expand...

I never thought about it but in my experience and my family and friends , that is insanely accurate.

Interesting
 
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Moving in isn't showing commitment. It would simply be satisfying her question that you are committed to the relationship in the long run. That isn't fair on you because that isn't how you base the relationship. I'm glad that you recognize that fulfilling her expectations now, she'll continue to do that down the road. 

She has to understand that and if she doesn't, it's only going to cause problems in the relationship. She should also see that you are committed to the relationship without having to move in.

The relationship goes both ways and can't solely focus on what she wants.
 
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Fozzy Badfeet said:
Moving in isn't showing commitment. It would simply be satisfying her question that you are committed to the relationship in the long run. That isn't fair on you because that isn't how you base the relationship. I'm glad that you recognize that fulfilling her expectations now, she'll continue to do that down the road. 

She has to understand that and if she doesn't, it's only going to cause problems in the relationship. She should also see that you are committed to the relationship without having to move in.

The relationship goes both ways and can't solely focus on what she wants.
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Sadly it some how becomes "everything has to happen on your terms" "you aren't ready so i have to wait its always you you you"

And i am like a relationship is two people...why would you want to force me to make a huge decision before im ready...that doesn't sound wrong? Like oh he isn't ready il make him ready...that won't work.

Girls man. I turn 30 this year. And not to sound like a d-bag but some of this is a business decision too. i have the ability to allow you to be a stay at home mom. Like i can provide you with everything you want...and im asking you to wait literally a year...what is a year on forever...can you just give me a year? "But if you know its going to happen in a year then why not just do it now" because im not ready now....
 
Jking0821 said:
Sadly it some how becomes "everything has to happen on your terms" "you aren't ready so i have to wait its always you you you"

And i am like a relationship is two people...why would you want to force me to make a huge decision before im ready...that doesn't sound wrong? Like oh he isn't ready il make him ready...that won't work.

Girls man. I turn 30 this year. And not to sound like a d-bag but some of this is a business decision too. i have the ability to allow you to be a stay at home mom. Like i can provide you with everything you want...and im asking you to wait literally a year...what is a year on forever...can you just give me a year? "But if you know its going to happen in a year then why not just do it now" because im not ready now....
Click to expand...
Have you communicated this with her?

It doesn't sound wrong, she has to be understanding. Why is she forcing you  into making a decision when you're clearly telling her you're not ready.

She's not being reasonable.

You're being upfront and honest. Planning and preparing for how you can provide you and her (hopefully future wife) and future family. That alone should be a sign for her that you're not dating her for the sake of dating her.
 
Jking0821 said:
 
beh235 said:
 
Jking0821 said:
Nigerian special effects
smokin.gif


Rob at least trying
smokin.gif
smokin.gif
smokin.gif


th3answ3r's ex
mean.gif
mean.gif




Got into it with my girl last night over "showing commitment". Been together for 2 years now and she "needs" me to move in with her to show my commitment. I really don't want to i like my place and i like having my own place...she doesn't really get it thinks im holding out. I can't explain it but like i don't want to move into her condo...i like my row home. But she can't move in with me because it would make her commute to work a solid hour when right now its about 30 mins.
Click to expand...
She needs to understand that. Not to overstep my bounds, but she's acting a bit selfish in that regard. If you're happy where you are, why can't she accept that?
Click to expand...

This has been our biggest issue forever. For me 2 years is nothing in a relationship. There is some statistic that 3 years is the mark if a relationship will end or continue. After 3 years you are basically at terminal velocity. You either will do forever...or break it off because you can't see a future with the person.

She seems to think that if i want to marry her i should know by now and im like um i don't know how to tell you this but im not really ready. And she is like well i am...its unfair if i am ready and you aren't. And im like ok...so her answer is well if you move in that shows commitment. And im like this problem isn't about commitment its about expectations. And if we get married and your way of acting is to constantly pressure me with expectations then i am not going to be able to handle that forever.

It just goes round and round...
Click to expand...
I'm scared for you man. I know that's a tough spot in a relationship. You aren't quite on the same page with your partner and you don't know how to tell them. I think the best thing to do is just tell them so you know where you stand. Her putting pressure on marriage is no good. You can't do that to people.
 
Yea two years and you don't know if you want to marry her is a sign. Feel like people who are in this situation or something similar are just scared to lose the other person.
 
sckid20 said:
Is something happening in a year or are u actually using the 3 year gauge?
Click to expand...

Not really. There is a lot to it. so sorry for the story but

1. If she shows the ability to have patience with me and wait until im ready it will say a lot to me about our future. We both want the same things out of life (a house, a family etc). But love isn't enough when its forever. You need to be able to work together as a team really
2. I will be in a better financial place. Have a lot of college debt that i plan to knock out in the next 2 years so i can get funds together for a ring and a house
3. Her family doesn't believe in moving in with your spouse pre engagement. I want to respect her family's wishes and do it "the right" way. I want them in my life long term and to respect me as a man for respecting their wishes. I don't want to get off on the wrong foot of forever.

My girl is wildly emotional and its kind of what i love about her. Her heart is huge and she loves me more then i can comprehend. So she just knows what she feels and it really hurts her that i don't reciprocate those emotions and jump in with two feet without looking down. Im just too much of a realist
 
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Jking0821 said:
Not really. There is a lot to it. so sorry for the story but

1. If she shows the ability to have patience with me and wait until im ready it will say a lot to me about our future. We both want the same things out of life (a house, a family etc). But love isn't enough when its forever. You need to be able to work together as a team really
2. I will be in a better financial place. Have a lot of college debt that i plan to knock out in the next 2 years so i can get funds together for a ring and a house
3. Her family doesn't believe in moving in with your spouse pre engagement. I want to respect her family's wishes and do it "the right" way. I want them in my life long term and to respect me as a man for respecting their wishes. I don't want to get off on the wrong foot of forever.

My girl is wildly emotional and its kind of what i love about her. Her heart is huge and she loves me more then i can comprehend. So she just knows what she feels and it really hurts her that i don't reciprocate those emotions and jump in with two feet without looking down. Im just too much of a realist
Click to expand...
This alone should have calmed her down and re-assured her that you respect her family's wished for their daughter.

Just continue to communicate with her why you're not ready yet.

But at the same time be prepared to answer the question of "Can't you pay off your debt while we're engaged or married?" lol
 
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