Judge: Richard, since you chose to defend yourself and fire the public defender, I guess it's your turn to question the witness.Ricky: Thank you, Your Majesty.Judge: And Richard, before you begin, I'd like to say that I think this is a very bad idea. However, you do have a right to defend yourself, so proceed, but please remember to watch your language.Ricky: Look, I can't speak without swearing, and I've only got my Grade 10, and I haven't had a cigarette since I've been arrested, and I'm ready to ******' snap. So I'd like to make a request under the people's freedom of choices and voices act that I be able to smoke and swear in your courtroom. Because if I can't smoke and swear, I'm ******! And so are all these guys. I won't be able to properly express myself at a court level, and that's ********! It's not fair and if you ask me, I think it's a ******' mistrial.Prosecutor: This man can't represent anyone...Your Honor! He's a complete and total idiot!Judge: Now although I am opposed to that kind of language in my courtroom, I'm going to allow it, as unfortunately it is part of your right to a fair trial. So you may proceed, but please, I want to remind you that this is not a carnival. Richard, you have permission to smoke and swear.Ricky: Thank you. I just gotta get some cigarettes, actually.
[Ricky walks over to the prosecutor's desk and snaps his fingers]
Ricky: Let's go, smokes!Prosecutor: But I've only got two left!Ricky: I don't care. You've been a **** all morning. It's the least you can do for me!Prosecutor: Oh, for the love of God...
[Several members of the prosecution start to light cigarettes]
Judge: Just the defendant, please.Ricky: My first order of business is to tell the prosecutor to shut the **** up and wipe that stupid ******g grin off his face because it's distraculating my case.
