Tips on dealing with social awkwardness/anxiety?

[girlslovewaffles]

This is going to sound weird, but sometimes I pretend that I'm a white person.
Like, I make an effort in doing an impersonation of a nosy white dude, but with my voice, and just channel that.
Every minority has done it for laughs, but it's a good tool.

WWWPS, what would a white person say.

OP, I'm sorry if you're white, though.

 

[Ox.]

 
This is going to sound weird, but sometimes I pretend that I'm a white person.

Like, I make an effort in doing an impersonation of a nosy white dude, but with my voice, and just channel that.

Every minority has done it for laughs, but it's a good tool.

WWWPS, what would a white person say.

OP, I'm sorry if you're white, though.

you're awkward man 

 

[sonunox34]

Ayo

Didn't read any of the replies in this thread, but don't be afraid to seek counseling. I saw a counselor in college and it changed my life. She prescribed me these meds that make me feel normal instead of a shaking, nervous wreck. Been on five dates in two weeks, never could have done it without the doc's guidance from a couple years back.

Meds would help if you had an actual condition. But if you think it's just something behavioral that can be corrected or improved on, a counselor can help with that, too.

 

[shoefreakbaby]

as ive mentioned in other threads. she was cheating on me , said she was tired of being a wife and a mother and left me and my girls to be with someother dude. havent heard from her in awhile nor do i want to hear from her..............

Soulless floozy

Disgusting

 

[pepperjackchees]

You get yambs, you'll be alright.

 

[nychiphophippo]

Aighttt I took a lot of time writing this out because I wish I had someone to give me advice when I was younger...

I'm turning 24 and grew up awkward as F**K and over the last couple of months or so I've been much more conscious about correcting it and still am. But I've definitely made progress. BTW I have plenty of friends, consider myself good-looking, intelligent, funny and have a good personality...but I was still always crazy introverted. It's possible to have a high sense of self yet still be awkward and an introvert for those that never dealt with awkwardness and introversion.

You gotta start building and practicing the positive habits when you're alone in public first and it'll translate into social situations. And just consciously look at a lot of what you do as practice to stop being so awkward.

First thing I've corrected is pulling out my phone whenever I feel awkward as my safety net. Maybe back in the day it was cool to be the guy on the cell phone looking super important and busy...but I look at it now as just people ************ on social media as an ironically more and more anti-social generation. Stop giving yourself a positive reinforcer by pulling out your phone for a negative thing you want to correct.

Next thing. Make yourself more affable, warm, and welcoming. I used to walk around with like almost a shell around me that wouldn't let anyone in, and I didn't want them in. Hood on, grizzly beard, ignoring everyone and everything. It sounds almost cliche, but a friendly smile does so much. The best test subject for you to study and understand human nature is your own self. I remember being out in my shell and a random stranger caught me off guard with a good morning or some **** and I like froze up for a second as the person passed me by, and then I realized it actually made me feel good and made me happy to have that happen. I'm not saying go out and spread joy to the whole world, but that moment was a bit of a realization for me. If something as simple as that can make me happy, then it can make others happy, and happiness is desirable, so people WANT others to give them a smile/warm look and say something to them because it makes them happy and then obviously things like this can spark social situations, small talk, even as minor as they can be. it then becomes something that can translate into real social situations when you're out at a party, bar or whatever. [COLOR=#RED]I swear that just last night it helped me. TAYers will approve of this part.[/COLOR] I was waiting on line to get into this club/lounge in NYC for my friend and his girl doing like a big joint birthday thing. As I'm waiting on line, there's a group of hot girls in front of me and I decide to make small talk and ask the girls if they're waiting in line for the birthday. They said they are and we introduced ourselves, and they got in while my boy and I waited and we went our separate ways. Fast forward a half hour later, and I see one of the girls that I met earlier by the bar, I ask her if she was one of the girls I saw outside and within 5 minutes I'm making out with her by the bar. Since this is NT, I'm a minority and she was a hot, rich, white, Jewish girl

Gunna post more advice later since this post has already exceeded most peoples tl;dr threshold

 

[buggz05]

This is going to sound weird, but sometimes I pretend that I'm a white person.
Like, I make an effort in doing an impersonation of a nosy white dude, but with my voice, and just channel that.
Every minority has done it for laughs, but it's a good tool.

WWWPS, what would a white person say.

OP, I'm sorry if you're white, though.

I was going to say that I was going to try this but I can't do it.

 

[HIM]

The thing I hate about being an introvert is a lot of people think I'm just being a dbag if I show up to a party and don't introduce myself to them. I'll say what's up to everyone I know and whoever they're with but other than that I usually don't go out of my way to introduce myself to the rest of the party. A lot of females I know and a couple that I ended up messing with me have told me they thought I was an ******* initially because I never said hi or anything

Not everyone that is introverted has low self-esteem or is lacking confidence btw. Some people just may be quiet and prefer to keep to themselves.


OP-Just put yourself in those uncomfortable positions as much as possible. It'll only get better.

 

[hymen man]

I'm generally a quiet dude.. just have always been. I think my speech impediment I had earlier definitely played a part in me not speaking up or trying to make a lot of friends. Got a good circle of friends/family. Don't really feel awkward unless I'm put on the spot to make a speech or any of that shh

 

[AZwildcats]

Man this thread is too real for me. As I've gotten older, I've become more and more socially awkward and conscious. The reason I like posting on NT is the anonymity of it. A lot of the introspective stuff I share on here, I would never tell to the people in my real life. I used to make fun of the dudes who felt more comfortable behind a screen then actually interacting with people, and now I've become one.

 

[parada45]

I use to be socially awkward

I use to say nothing to anyone and stay home every weekend

Pretty much just forced myself out of it

It’s worth it man

I got so many yambs when I broke out of it

Wish I would have done it earlier

 

[parada45]

Double

 

[AgentZero]

 no hair d fish ..... no dont have friends. acquaINTANCEs yes but nobody that calls me up to do anything besides play pickup basketball. add to the fact i'm a single father with twin two year old daughter and no help from anyone besides my folks to watch them when they are asleep which is why i cant work. been looking for graveyard job to no avail..sorry to go off topic. So all this and i have social anxiety.

 I feel like i  have scratchers type odds against me but i still try and remain as positive as i can be . 

That's a rough position to be in, glad that you're trying to remain positive.

I think your primary concern should be to find someone or some place that can watch your kids so that you can get a job. I'm sure you already have, but focus your efforts on finding this and filling out job applications.

If things work out for you and you're able to land a job then constant social interaction at your workplace with your fellow employees will come along with that. While this won't completely get rid of any social anxiety you do have, it will give you more experience and confidence as you get to know and work with them. They probably won't even be focused on you or your flaws (if that's something that gives you anxiety), since people who work together share the common goal of accomplishing the job each day and working together to achieve that. Basically, they'll be more focused on the job. There's always the chance you meet some cool people at work as well and if you really get along then you could always hang with them outside of work.

 

[mugen81]

The thing I hate about being an introvert is a lot of people think I'm just being a dbag if I show up to a party and don't introduce myself to them. I'll say what's up to everyone I know and whoever they're with but other than that I usually don't go out of my way to introduce myself to the rest of the party. A lot of females I know and a couple that I ended up messing with me have told me they thought I was an ******* initially because I never said hi or anything

Not everyone that is introverted has low self-esteem or is lacking confidence btw. Some people just may be quiet and prefer to keep to themselves.


OP-Just put yourself in those uncomfortable positions as much as possible. It'll only get better.

All of this...
Ran out of reps

 

[girlslovewaffles]

Introversion =/= socially awkward.

Some of y'all are just introvert AND socially awkward. Not introducing yourself to the rest of the party? Awkward. Not making an effort to at least talk to people? Awkward. Not saying a simple hi or hello? Awkward.

I've been introvert my whole life. That doesn't mean you get a pass for being a socially awkward dude. Go out there and mingle. That's how opportunities present themselves, both socially and professionally.

Using introversion as an excuse to not display good manners is laughable.

 

[tr1ll]

Ecstasy.

Once you see yourself go 100%, full throttle, with no inhibition, you'll realize your not as lame as you think.

 

[4one5]

I think this is a great video for you to watch OP.

 

[ayzee]

Used have this problem. Still do to a lesser extent.

Tried psychotherapy + meds. Worked temporarily.

I think the best medicine is staying active to keep your mind busy/stimulated. Get in the gym. Don't procrastinate over small things because you'll probably regret indecision later on down the road. Stop worrying, say F it once in a while and step out of your comfort zone. Like others have said, don't be afraid of people. Puff your chest out and look them in the eyes when conversing. Eat well.

 

[heat on daily]

no hair d fish ..... no dont have friends. acquaINTANCEs yes but nobody that calls me up to do anything besides play pickup basketball. add to the fact i'm a single father with twin two year old daughter and no help from anyone besides my folks to watch them when they are asleep which is why i cant work. been looking for graveyard job to no avail..sorry to go off topic. So all this and i have social anxiety.
 I feel like i  have scratchers type odds against me but i still try and remain as positive as i can be . 

as ive mentioned in other threads. she was cheating on me , said she was tired of being a wife and a mother and left me and my girls to be with someother dude. havent heard from her in awhile nor do i want to hear from her..............

Damn bruh

I ain't even religious but my prayers are with you

 

[hymen man]

Aighttt I took a lot of time writing this out because I wish I had someone to give me advice when I was younger...

I'm turning 24 and grew up awkward as F**K and over the last couple of months or so I've been much more conscious about correcting it and still am. But I've definitely made progress. BTW I have plenty of friends, consider myself good-looking, intelligent, funny and have a good personality...but I was still always crazy introverted. It's possible to have a high sense of self yet still be awkward and an introvert for those that never dealt with awkwardness and introversion.

You gotta start building and practicing the positive habits when you're alone in public first and it'll translate into social situations. And just consciously look at a lot of what you do as practice to stop being so awkward.

First thing I've corrected is pulling out my phone whenever I feel awkward as my safety net. Maybe back in the day it was cool to be the guy on the cell phone looking super important and busy...but I look at it now as just people ************ on social media as an ironically more and more anti-social generation. Stop giving yourself a positive reinforcer by pulling out your phone for a negative thing you want to correct.

Next thing. Make yourself more affable, warm, and welcoming. I used to walk around with like almost a shell around me that wouldn't let anyone in, and I didn't want them in. Hood on, grizzly beard, ignoring everyone and everything. It sounds almost cliche, but a friendly smile does so much. The best test subject for you to study and understand human nature is your own self. I remember being out in my shell and a random stranger caught me off guard with a good morning or some **** and I like froze up for a second as the person passed me by, and then I realized it actually made me feel good and made me happy to have that happen. I'm not saying go out and spread joy to the whole world, but that moment was a bit of a realization for me. If something as simple as that can make me happy, then it can make others happy, and happiness is desirable, so people WANT others to give them a smile/warm look and say something to them because it makes them happy and then obviously things like this can spark social situations, small talk, even as minor as they can be. it then becomes something that can translate into real social situations when you're out at a party, bar or whatever. [COLOR=#RED]I swear that just last night it helped me. TAYers will approve of this part.[/COLOR] I was waiting on line to get into this club/lounge in NYC for my friend and his girl doing like a big joint birthday thing. As I'm waiting on line, there's a group of hot girls in front of me and I decide to make small talk and ask the girls if they're waiting in line for the birthday. They said they are and we introduced ourselves, and they got in while my boy and I waited and we went our separate ways. Fast forward a half hour later, and I see one of the girls that I met earlier by the bar, I ask her if she was one of the girls I saw outside and within 5 minutes I'm making out with her by the bar. Since this is NT, I'm a minority and she was a hot, rich, white, Jewish girl

Gunna post more advice later since this post has already exceeded most peoples tl;dr threshold

great post.

 

[tr1ll]

i struggle with the samething bro. I can't talk to girls or people for that matter. i dont have friends. i have never approached a female.all the girls i have been with have approached me(which explains why they all turned out to be *****) and im not a young cat no more. Im not the best looking dude, i workout though. i look like derek fisher.im broke.  Its sucks being awkward and to have no game so to say.

everytime i try to be nice to females i get shunned.lately  i only gotten approached by straight fat wack looking girls. im not looking for top notch but damn my ex's were pretty decent looking.id say solid sevens.

Im not trying to throw salt or anything, but if you got kids, that means you got laid, which means you not THAT socially awkward. Was your BM ugly, how old are you? You did something right(or maybe not).

I can understand how your situation would slow you down, doe.

 

[suniversal]

Take a few public speaking classes (you will know no one in the room). Sure you will get nervous, but after a few it will be a lot easier. Go out of your way to meet new people, if you are part of NT i assume you have a sneaker collection or into some sort of hobby/collection. Can be cool to discuss with people who have no idea about the culture we are into. When I was younger I would make an effort to talk with everyone from an EA, teachers, students, athletes, colleagues...it takes some time but, atleast you want to get better at it. Have a few questions,follow ups in your head. (Growing up I was shy, introverted and kept to myself)...

 

[rejimen]

I can relate to this.

Social awkwardness always haunted me, but I've always been one to attract people ironically. That would basically force me to have to deal with my issues face to face, light str8 shots with no chase.

The real issue was within me, though I always found someone or something to blame it on. Thats so weak when you think about it, like how can you ever progress if you keep putting your problems off on others. They aren't going to deal with them for you and unless you handle them yourself, then they will always remain. The easiest way to recognize these demonic impurities is take a step outside of yourself and look from other people's perspectives. Why do they see you the way they do you have to ask yourself. There have been numerous instances that I've stared at myself in front of the bathroom mirror. You know you have a problem when you can't even look at yourself . Talk about shame and disappointment, I would realize it all right in front of the mirror.

I saw a pattern that I needed to change. Recognize your pattern and either switch it up or do the exact opposite. The best advice I can give is to throw yourself in those situations and force yourself to change. Thinking about it is only the beginning of more negative thoughts and excuses to come.

 

[krazy88s]

Work on yourself bit by bit. Also, there's some good advice from others that have the same issue

 

[HIM]

Introversion =/= socially awkward.

Some of y'all are just introvert AND socially awkward. Not introducing yourself to the rest of the party? Awkward. Not making an effort to at least talk to people? Awkward. Not saying a simple hi or hello? Awkward.

I've been introvert my whole life. That doesn't mean you get a pass for being a socially awkward dude. Go out there and mingle. That's how opportunities present themselves, both socially and professionally.

Using introversion as an excuse to not display good manners is laughable.

I don't think you understand what being an introvert means. If you're very outgoing and say hi to 30+ people at a party, who you've never met, then that kind of sort of means you are more of an extrovert. I don't sit in a corner by myself. If someone speaks to me I have no problem holding a conversation with them.


I've performed at clubs before and haven't been nervous at all. I was great at speeches all throughout high school and college. I just naturally prefer sticking to my group of 4 close friends.

Now I realise maybe I should have never posted in this thread since it is more about soial anxiety

I just watned to share a funny tidbit.