Women and Men can't be friends? vol. why not NT?

[powerballin]

if you aren't over 21 yet then you don't understand.  Once you get outta college you will get it.  Some of you don't understand the difference between friends and associates. 

 

[weekz]

I hear you but y'all really can't keep it in your pants under control? Like one of my boys has a bangin younger sister but I'm not about to try and smash that, she's not even my friend more of an associate but I look at it like that, treating my female friends like sisters. Women can give you a different perspective just like friends from different backgrounds can on certain things. I am still in college though so maybe some fellas in here are looking at it from the "real world" viewpoint and meeting females at work or out at a club.

Some things I definitely agree with the "no male/female friendships" group, like your girl gaining new male friends while in a relationship or vice vera with your girl not bein cool with you developing new female friendships while in a relationship thats all a no go. But having female friends is still possible, I met my 3 good female friends through the dorm freshman year, and through class and doing work in groups, etc. One is obsessed w/ sports so one I can hit her up like one of the homies and talk about that, one is into the same different types of music I'm into, and one is just hilarious and literally is like my sister...thats just how our friendships started and have grown since then...I also knew them all BEFORE I met my current gf. I don't try and do anything shady like hittin them up at 1 am tryin to get some nude or video chat or anything And at one point, prior to me meeting my gf, I was attracted to them I'll admit bc they are good looking, but there's soooo many good looking females that I'm not sweating it I valued the friendship more than me getting to hit it a few times.

And honestly I don't talk to them about their boy troubles, leave that **** for their girlfriends but we have had and still do have deep conversations like regular friends do...talk about personal stuff, life, etc., but I think another key is that my gf knows them too. I think there's a difference to being attracted to or vibing with a "personality" than just sexually wanting to **** someone. Plus girls have other girlfriends, and yeah that jealousy stuff can come into play but if everyone knows what the deal is then that won't get in the way of your homegirl hooking you up with her friend....just gotta use the situations to your advantage.

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[gllahone84]

Ya'll really applauding that? 

Wow. 

 

[ccastro02]

Something tell me that a lot of ya'll also take issue with your girl hanging out with her female friends as well.

 

[powerballin]

Ya'll really applauding that? 

Wow. 

Exactly. Very sad

 

[powerballin]

Ya'll really applauding that? 

Wow. 

Exactly. Very sad

Does your girl ever talk to any other guys (past friends, acquaintances, etc)- if so, how does that make you feel? Or are you very controlling and "forbid" her from talking to anybody that isnt female?

My girl works at a make-up store. All women employees.  I pick her up and drop her off at work.  She doesn't have a cell phone or social networking.  She uses my laptop.  We live in an area with no friends expect our neighbor who is a 86 year old woman with 4 cats.  Also, I had her vocal cords removed.

 

[gllahone84]

 

[mugen81]

I don't know how old you dudes are...or if you're a product of this "new 21st century *****" syndrome.

I don't know if ya'll are speaking from the perspective of a "not so serious boyfriend/girlfriend" situation or not. I'm 26 and am engaged so I'll speak from my perspective. I get the feeling alot of you basing your viewpoint on chicks ya'll are just going through the motions with.

But...

1) I doubt very seriously that if any of you are married or engaged...you'd co-sign your spouse having "male friends" that they "hang out with". At 25+ in a serious relationship/marriage...that just sounds absolutely stupid. "Hey honey...I'm going to hang out with Lexington. Make sure the kids are in bed at a reasonable time". :\

2) Your girl having male friends isn't some sign of your security. Stop wearing that as a badge of honor.

3) It is human nature for a man/woman to have sexual tension and attraction. The first thought that runs through your mind when you see a woman isn't how cool or smart she is. Of course that doesn't mean you have to act on it...but a person who you'd EVER think about sexually...it's obvious that the relationship holds a different status than it would with a "friend" of the same sex. 

Can the church say amen

 

[Mark Antony]

You can tell the difference in philosophy with the older vs. younger dudes. No way son should be applauding that hard.

 

[jadakhanman]

Lol some of you dudes are some straight taliban. If you gotta worry about your girl slippin then it's already over for you. I'm not trying to police other people's friendships even if it is my girl. If I start putting restrictions on her then how am I going to do what I want?

 

[sfc415]

Lol some of you dudes are some straight taliban. If you gotta worry about your girl slippin then it's already over for you. I'm not trying to police other people's friendships even if it is my girl. If I start putting restrictions on her then how am I going to do what I want?

Exactly. If you don't trust her, why are you even with her?

I kick it with some cute girls who have boyfriends and there's absolutely no drama, ever. That whole "I want to smash" doesn't even enter my head. Do I see them as attractive? Yes. Does that mean I want to @#$% them? No. Some of you need to reevaluate how you deal with women. Seems like all of them are walking sex toys to you guys or some @#$%

 

[benny bugatti]

I'm like the polar opposite of everyone that's posting here, because if I was truly friends with a girl, there's no way I'd have any chance of smashing. To me friends are who you keep it real with, who you tell your grimiest secrets and dirt to. My friends know most if not all my issues. I don't know how a true friendship can develop into a relationship, unless you are holding back, which makes me ponder if it's a real friendship. People are trained to be attracted to others that don't have glaring flaws, but sharing those flaws is what makes you relatable as a friend.

But associates, on the other hand. That's where I get it in. I've knocked off several of those.  I call some of them my friends but really, I'm not telling them about dry streaks, or my lack of confidence in certain areas, my failures in life, or anything that would make me look less attractive. That ain't a friendship, IMO.

Point is, a female friend is a girl that I have shut that part of me off to and said let's just be cool. If you smashing your female friends, then either your personality and background is aligned perfectly with what these girls respond to, or you playing politics.

 

[lyonbc1]

I hear you but y'all really can't keep it in your pants under control?

Maybe I'm getting old or something...

But if you have sexual urges for another person. Don't you clearly think of them more than friend in a way? I don't care if never cross the line or not. You've thought about it. 

Call me whatever you want but I've never had a woman in my age bracket that was a regular part of my life...that I didn't put my penis inside of.

I don't get this "friend" **** and I never played that "friend zone" **** either. The closest I've ever been to that was a classmate from college that I used to hang with and we were both in relationships at the time. But I never tried to pretend she was "just a friend". Sexual tension was obvious from the jump. A man and a woman don't look at each other and feelings of attraction don't pass through their brains. That is FICTION and you 21st century bammas just want to seem cool and "in control" so you play that whole "I'm not insecure" angle. Me and that girl didn't act on it while we were in our situations...but when they ended, she certainly turned into a **** buddy. 

I've had plenty of female acquaintances. Co-workers that I might go to lunch with, or classmates that I'd shoot the **** with from time to time.

A friend? As if I could go to my girlfriend and tell her..."Hey boo, me and ashley are going to catch a movie later. I'll call you when we get out". Na...none of the girls I've been in serious relationships with (and my current fiance) ain't play that ****. Yes, a man or woman will cheat if they want...but it's HUMAN NATURE to feel some sort of security over the person you love or are serious about. The fact that my fiance would pull the cal out on me if I told her I was going to hang out alone with a "girlfriend" is comforting. I'm blunt...my girl better cheat on me...cause if she ever came me talking about "Me and Andre bout to go hang out"...she knows she might as well **** him too cause we ain't rockin like that.

You "play it cool" dudes are of a different breed. But everybody was raised different I suppose.

Again, I'm speaking from the perspective of being in a serious situation at 26 going on 27 and I feel like age matters alot here. At a certain age...you just aren't out here meeting legit "friends" of a different sex. On another note...I don't just consider everyone I go out with my girlfriend. If I commit...it's because I see a future with you. Not just because we "like" each other and find each other attractive. I get the gist that alot of dudes are speaking on this from the perspective of being in situations that aren't really that serious. But that's another topic.

I've been attracted to the personality and vibe with it....no ayo but thats what friends are be it male or female you share common interests and enjoy the company....I never acted on anything at all I wouldn't have wanted to do that w/ female friends, wouldn't have wanted to ruin a solid friendship over that...and we are in diff stages like I said, I'm still in school you're out working I presume so we come at the scenario differently...I knew em from the first several days of me getting at school, I have my male homies and my female friends....I haven't had sexual desires like that b/c I don't see them like that...again hundreds of other girls I could get to fulfill that if I weren't in a relationship of 3 years.

It comes down to whether they are past friends prior to the relationship and not new spring up developments like "oh I met Chris at work and we're going to eat daily and he bought me flowers"....That ish wouldn't fly... to me its like sisters bro, nothing about bammas or being feeble minded. They are legitimately my friends, not simply acquaintances (I have a lot of acquaintances I know the difference).

Y'all can speak to your own situations as can I, I know it can be done I'm proof of it as are a lot of other people in here....Y'all can call it "beta" or whatever but its the truth, If your homies have girlfriends who are cute, y'all want to smash that too? Its the same principle to me, those people are off limits.

The difference I think is your girl or fiance knowing the people you kick it with (be them males or females)....being in the dark and having random secret people the other party doesn't know is where problems and insecurities can start up

 

[powerballin]

So you guys have girlfriends that go on lunch dates, dinner dates, shopping, workout etc. with another man? Just them 2 not a group.

 

[gatzbygordon]

my girl has some of the lamest guy friends..they know each other from college and they're all in show biz..

the gay ones act straight and the straight ones are mad annoying..

i dont mind her kickin it with her homies..

shes the one who doesnt enjoy their company since they complain like women..

 

[lyonbc1]

So you guys have girlfriends that go on lunch dates, dinner dates, shopping, workout etc. with another man? Just them 2 not a group.

She doesn't go workout w/them but one is gay so they have shopped before at the mall ( I hate doing that myself w/ my girl) but the other males that I actually know, and she knew prior to our relationship I have no problem if they go eat lunch together once a month or something. Or like my girl for instance, goes and records songs at their house and plays music. I don't go to the movies with just one of my male friends, usually its a crew of 3 or 4 of us, so anything I'd do with my boys short of workout together and play bball I'd do with any of my friends male or female. We have an understanding and trust each other and neither of us have broken that for 3 years so I don't see it changing.

 

[king milaac]

If you are with a girl who is attractive you have to accept the fact that other men will want to F her. 24/7.

Having said that, friendships have no limits, no gender restrictions, you can form that bond with someone, through association (work or school), through common interests, hobbies, etc, regardless of gender. This happens naturally for humans.

So yes, in all likelihood, your attractive girl, will have male friends.  In every man's perfect world, you have a dime chick, who has NO male friends, and does not associate herself with any males at school, work, gym, whatever.......well guess what, that is not reality ya'll. If your girl has somewhat of a likable personality she will have many friends, of both genders. You will need to accept and come to terms with that.

Now if your girlfriend becomes friends with a dude and at any given moment, given the chance, dude would smash, is that grounds to get mad?

IMO no. It's reality.

What really needs to be done is

1) you need to look at yourself, look at her, and look at your relationship. Is there anything missing from your relationship? Is their a void in your relationship? etc etc..... If the answer to that is no, and you are content, she is content, and the relationship is healthy, then you are solid, stay confident, and stay in control of your emotions.

2) Her character. Does she thrive off attention? Even when she's with you, does she still seek attention? Is she insecure and does she need validation from men to make her feel secure? Is she manipulative? If she has any of these traits, then you have a problem if a male friend shows up in the picture.....

I've been on both ends of stick in terms of dealing with friends of the opposite sex and at the end of the day it's just stress and wasted energy. I've lost relationships because of jealousy, both me being jealous and my ex being way too jealous for me. What I learned is that in any relationship, you need to come to terms with reality, take a good look at yourself and her (don't worry about other wolves trying to get at her because that is a fact of life) and think about how healthy your relationship is, and judge from there.

 

[shatterkneesinc]

i dont think anyone should have a problem with females having male friends
its a problem when the female only or mostly have male friends.

 

[ccastro02]

But i guarantee that all you that have problems with your girl having male friends, also have problems allowing your girl go out with her female friends as well. ..

 

[fantastic4our]

If you are with a girl who is attractive you have to accept the fact that other men will want to F her. 24/7.

Having said that, friendships have no limits, no gender restrictions, you can form that bond with someone, through association (work or school), through common interests, hobbies, etc, regardless of gender. This happens naturally for humans.

So yes, in all likelihood, your attractive girl, will have male friends.  In every man's perfect world, you have a dime chick, who has NO male friends, and does not associate herself with any males at school, work, gym, whatever.......well guess what, that is not reality ya'll. If your girl has somewhat of a likable personality she will have many friends, of both genders. You will need to accept and come to terms with that.

Now if your girlfriend becomes friends with a dude and at any given moment, given the chance, dude would smash, is that grounds to get mad?

IMO no. It's reality.

What really needs to be done is

1) you need to look at yourself, look at her, and look at your relationship. Is there anything missing from your relationship? Is their a void in your relationship? etc etc..... If the answer to that is no, and you are content, she is content, and the relationship is healthy, then you are solid, stay confident, and stay in control of your emotions.

2) Her character. Does she thrive off attention? Even when she's with you, does she still seek attention? Is she insecure and does she need validation from men to make her feel secure? Is she manipulative? If she has any of these traits, then you have a problem if a male friend shows up in the picture.....

I've been on both ends of stick in terms of dealing with friends of the opposite sex and at the end of the day it's just stress and wasted energy. I've lost relationships because of jealousy, both me being jealous and my ex being way too jealous for me. What I learned is that in any relationship, you need to come to terms with reality, take a good look at yourself and her (don't worry about other wolves trying to get at her because that is a fact of life) and think about how healthy your relationship is, and judge from there.

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[atlien seeko]

I'm enjoying reading some of these perspectives. Respect.

 

[captnaj phd]

But i guarantee that all you that have problems with your girl having male friends, also have problems allowing your girl go out with her female friends as well. ..

Welp, I singlehandedly debunk that theory.

She can go out with the biddies for girls' night or whatever as much as she wants. Her friends ain't (all) birds and they don't want the precious. Activities approved.

If she was in a business that required after-hours socialization, there's a clause for that too.

But just voluntarily spending your free time with some next-*** dude? Grabbing lunch at the cafe 3x a week with somebody from work? Clubbing with a Facebook friend? Dinner and drinks with some non-domestic ****? TEXT BUDDIES?! Nah. It is, or can become, an emotional bond no matter how you slice it. What possible good can come from it?

It's just not working for me unless he plays for the other team or is one of those totally asexual childhood friend/play cousin-type deals. I don't think it would be appropriate for me to do, so I don't think it's appropriate for her to do.

Besides, I'm her ******g male friend. It's part of the contract.

 

[mondaynightraw]

Im just gonna say this

Some chicks are very naive when it comes to the intentions of dudes they call "friends"

 

[mondaynightraw]

True, i told her that one of them is really just sitting back in the cut and waiting on an oppurtunity (when we're fighting or something) to come in for a smash and "console" her

He is

Some females are stupid enough to put themselves in situations where dude might think he got a chance.

I know If im goin' on lunch dates with somebodies queen, im gonna try to smash.

I ain't with the whole "brother" "male best friend" nonsense. I don't care how innocent they may make it seem.

 

[niquefreak94]

Welp, I singlehandedly debunk that theory.

She can go out with the biddies for girls' night or whatever as much as she wants. Her friends ain't (all) birds and they don't want the precious. Activities approved.

If she was in a business that required after-hours socialization, there's a clause for that too.

But just voluntarily spending your free time with some next-*** dude? Grabbing lunch at the cafe 3x a week with somebody from work? Clubbing with a Facebook friend? Dinner and drinks with some non-domestic ****? TEXT BUDDIES?! Nah. It is, or can become, an emotional bond no matter how you slice it. What possible good can come from it?

It's just not working for me unless he plays for the other team or is one of those totally asexual childhood friend/play cousin-type deals. I don't think it would be appropriate for me to do, so I don't think it's appropriate for her to do.

Besides, I'm her ******g male friend. It's part of the contract.

this this this!