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- May 20, 2004
I've been planing on writing this letter to Mike Vick for a good min. This is my first draft, just wondering possible insights or valueable commentaries NTmight have on it.
Dear Mike Vick,
I'd like to start this letter by saying I'm a big fan, you single handedly reinvented
the archetype of the successful NFL quarterback or at minimum successfully defied the
status quo. I myself have never played football, but I've assistant coached a liberals arts
college (loyola chicago) intramural football team to a 6-1 record and led a number of
dynasties to prolific records with national championships galore on NCAA 2004 for
playstation 2. My analytical understanding of football is in the college game, I actually
applied for the Michigan head coaching position but was regretfully turned down (true
story, technically I got no response but nonetheless). But my actual calling per-say is
graphic design and photography. I attend the School of the Art Institute of Chicago
(You've probably seen the museum my school is directly tied to that's near soldier field).
If your into fly korean girls, you're super live at my school otherwise there's a lot
whacked out kids and queers.
Now at this point if you're still reading this, and no hate, and while I don't know how
"pimped out" or "baller" your prison cell is but I imagine there's not a whole lot to do,
so nonetheless you should still be reading this and you're probably wondering why on
earth is this idiot writing me a letter. What does he want? My answer, nothing, I'm
trying to put you up on to something...
Now, it sucks with what happen your legal troubles, but not to worry I have a solution.
Not in the sense that I can get you out of prison, that'd be cool, but I'm neither a
lawyer nor am I qualified all to answer or make any legal claims. But nonetheless, as
someone curious as I am when your legal troubles came about I looked into places
where dog fighting was actually legal. And crazy enough as it sounds, dog fighting is legal
in Japan. Now, as someone part Japanese who's never been to Japan, I've always wanted
to go. Now, while perhaps, dog fighting in Japan is run by Yakuza mobsters who will cut
your fingers off if you don't pay debts, but I saw on ESPN you got to keep your signing
bonus so you have guap, no problems.
So my proposition is this, we can go to Japan, I can see the homeland, we can cop some
fly kicks cause while I'm not 100% sure I would assume Nike kind of cut the tape on
your contract with them, and we can fight some dogs. Maybe body some fly Japanese
broads, eat some good food as I'm sure prison food is probably plain +%$+$+@ terrible,
and really I'm down for whatever. If Marcus isn't doing anything, he's more than welcome
to come as well, you bring the whole posse as I'm sure you have one. Just so you know
and probably more importantly for Marcus I think Japan is kind of O.D. on the policy
on no burners, so you gotta leave those at home, but I'm sure in prison you'll learn how
to hold an ox in you're gums, so we're set. I don't know if you saw the video of Pedro
Martinez at a %*@$ fight in the Dominican Republic but he looked like +%$+$+@ badass at it
and Major League Baseball isn't doing %%++, that's the kinda P.R. that's +%$+$+@ gangsta,
you'll have your hood steez back in no time. And if you want maybe we'll learn how to
tell say "Suck my +@*! Roger Goodell" in Japanese or some crazy %%++ like that. Anyhow
if you're down let me know.
Thanks,
(My Signature)
P.S. Included is a stamped addressed envelope and some paper to write back.
Dear Mike Vick,
I'd like to start this letter by saying I'm a big fan, you single handedly reinvented
the archetype of the successful NFL quarterback or at minimum successfully defied the
status quo. I myself have never played football, but I've assistant coached a liberals arts
college (loyola chicago) intramural football team to a 6-1 record and led a number of
dynasties to prolific records with national championships galore on NCAA 2004 for
playstation 2. My analytical understanding of football is in the college game, I actually
applied for the Michigan head coaching position but was regretfully turned down (true
story, technically I got no response but nonetheless). But my actual calling per-say is
graphic design and photography. I attend the School of the Art Institute of Chicago
(You've probably seen the museum my school is directly tied to that's near soldier field).
If your into fly korean girls, you're super live at my school otherwise there's a lot
whacked out kids and queers.
Now at this point if you're still reading this, and no hate, and while I don't know how
"pimped out" or "baller" your prison cell is but I imagine there's not a whole lot to do,
so nonetheless you should still be reading this and you're probably wondering why on
earth is this idiot writing me a letter. What does he want? My answer, nothing, I'm
trying to put you up on to something...
Now, it sucks with what happen your legal troubles, but not to worry I have a solution.
Not in the sense that I can get you out of prison, that'd be cool, but I'm neither a
lawyer nor am I qualified all to answer or make any legal claims. But nonetheless, as
someone curious as I am when your legal troubles came about I looked into places
where dog fighting was actually legal. And crazy enough as it sounds, dog fighting is legal
in Japan. Now, as someone part Japanese who's never been to Japan, I've always wanted
to go. Now, while perhaps, dog fighting in Japan is run by Yakuza mobsters who will cut
your fingers off if you don't pay debts, but I saw on ESPN you got to keep your signing
bonus so you have guap, no problems.
So my proposition is this, we can go to Japan, I can see the homeland, we can cop some
fly kicks cause while I'm not 100% sure I would assume Nike kind of cut the tape on
your contract with them, and we can fight some dogs. Maybe body some fly Japanese
broads, eat some good food as I'm sure prison food is probably plain +%$+$+@ terrible,
and really I'm down for whatever. If Marcus isn't doing anything, he's more than welcome
to come as well, you bring the whole posse as I'm sure you have one. Just so you know
and probably more importantly for Marcus I think Japan is kind of O.D. on the policy
on no burners, so you gotta leave those at home, but I'm sure in prison you'll learn how
to hold an ox in you're gums, so we're set. I don't know if you saw the video of Pedro
Martinez at a %*@$ fight in the Dominican Republic but he looked like +%$+$+@ badass at it
and Major League Baseball isn't doing %%++, that's the kinda P.R. that's +%$+$+@ gangsta,
you'll have your hood steez back in no time. And if you want maybe we'll learn how to
tell say "Suck my +@*! Roger Goodell" in Japanese or some crazy %%++ like that. Anyhow
if you're down let me know.
Thanks,
(My Signature)
P.S. Included is a stamped addressed envelope and some paper to write back.
