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bodying a dude on crystal meth
Best feeling in the world is...
- Thread in 'General' Thread starter Started by finnns2003,
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when the school bell rings
Edit: dang how long did it take you to write that novel Rex
Edit: dang how long did it take you to write that novel Rex
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WINNING
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My money's on Dostoevsky.
I'll never forget the way he ethered Rex back in 1880.
Spoiler [+]
[h1]The Lost Dog[/h1]
Rexanglorum leaned against the fence with an air of dignity,waiting for Alyosha to appear. Yes, he had long wanted to meet him.He had heard a great deal about him from the boys, but hitherto hehad always maintained an appearance of disdainful indifference whenhe was mentioned, and he had even "criticised" what heheard about Alyosha. But secretly he had a great longing to make hisacquaintance; there was something sympathetic and attractive in allhe was told about Alyosha. So the present moment was important: tobegin with, he had to show himself at his best, to show hisindependence. "Or he'll think of me as thirteen and take me fora boy, like the rest of them. And what are these boys to him? I shallask him when I get to know him. It's a pity I am so short, though.Tuzikov is younger than I am, yet he is half a head taller. But Ihave a clever face. I am not good-looking. I know I'm hideous, butI've a clever face. I mustn't talk too freely; if I fall into hisarms all at once, he may think- Tfoo! how horrible if he shouldthink- !"
Such were the thoughts that excited Rexanglorum while he was doinghis utmost to assume the most independent air. What distressed himmost was his being so short; he did not mind so much his "hideous"face, as being so short. On the wall in a corner at home he had theyear before made a pencil-mark to show his height, and every twomonths since he anxiously measured himself against it to see how muchhe had gained. But alas! he grew very slowly, and this sometimesreduced him almost to despair. His face was in reality by no means"hideous"; on the contrary, it was rather attractive, witha fair, pale skin, freckled. His small, lively grey eyes had afearless look, and often glowed with feeling. He had rather highcheekbones; small, very red, but not very thick, lips; his nose wassmall and unmistakably turned up. "I've a regular pug nose, aregular pug nose," Rexanglorum used to mutter to himself when helooked in the looking-glass, and he always left it with indignation."But perhaps I haven't got a clever face?" he sometimesthought, doubtful even of that. But it must not be supposed that hismind was preoccupied with his face and his height. On the contrary,however bitter the moments before the looking-glass were to him, hequickly forgot them, and forgot them for a long time, "abandoninghimself entirely to ideas and to real life," as he formulated itto himself.
Alyosha came out quickly and hastened up to Rexanglorum. Before hereached him, Rexanglorum could see that he looked delighted. "Canhe be so glad to see me?" Rexanglorum wondered, feeling pleased.We may note here, in passing, that Alyosha's appearance had undergonea complete change since we saw him last. He had abandoned his cassockand was wearing now a wellcut coat, a soft, round hat, and his hairhad been cropped short. All this was very becoming to him, and helooked quite handsome. His charming face always had a good-humouredexpression; but there was a gentleness and serenity in hisgood-humour. To Rexanglorum's surprise, Alyosha came out to him justas he was, without an overcoat. He had evidently come in haste. Heheld out his hand to Rexanglorum at once.
"Here you are at last! How anxious we've been to see you!"
"There were reasons which you shall know directly. Anyway, Iam glad to make your acquaintance. I've long been hoping for anopportunity, and have heard a great deal about you," Rexanglorummuttered, a little breathless.
"We should have met anyway. I've heard a great deal aboutyou, too; but you've been a long time coming here."
"Tell me, how are things going?"
"Ilusha is very ill. He is certainly dying."
"How awful! You must admit that medicine is a fraud,Karamazov," cried Rexanglorum warmly.
"Ilusha has mentioned you often, very often, even in hissleep, in delirium, you know. One can see that you used to be very,very dear to him... before the incident... with the knife.... Thenthere's another reason.... Tell me, is that your dog?"
"Yes Perezvon."
"Not Zhutchka?" Alyosha looked at Rexanglorum with eyesfull of pity. "Is she lost for ever?"
"I know you would all like it to be Zhutchka. I've heard allabout it." Rexanglorum smiled mysteriously. "Listen,Karamazov, I'll tell you all about it. That's what I came for; that'swhat I asked you to come out here for, to explain the whole episodeto you before we go in," he began with animation. "You see,Karamazov, Ilusha came into the preparatory class last spring. Well,you know what our preparatory class is- a lot of small boys. Theybegan teasing Ilusha at once. I am two classes higher up, and, ofcourse, I only look on at them from a distance. I saw the boy wasweak and small, but he wouldn't give in to them; he fought with them.I saw he was proud, and his eyes were full of fire. I like childrenlike that. And they teased him all the more. The worst of it was hewas horribly dressed at the time, his breeches were too small forhim, and there were holes in his boots. They worried him about it;they jeered at him. That I can't stand. I stood up for him at once,and gave it to them hot. I beat them, but they adore me, do you know,Karamazov?" Rexanglorum boasted impulsively; "but I amalways fond of children. I've two chickens in my hands at home now-that's what detained me to-day. So they left off beating Ilusha and Itook him under my protection. I saw the boy was proud. I tell youthat, the boy was proud; but in the end he became slavishly devotedto me: he did my slightest bidding, obeyed me as though I were God,tried to copy me. In the intervals between the classes he used to runto me at once' and I'd go about with him. On Sundays, too. Theyalways laugh when an older boy makes friends with a younger one likethat; but that's a prejudice. If it's my fancy, that's enough. I amteaching him, developing him. Why shouldn't I develop him if I likehim? Here you, Karamazov, have taken up with all these nestlings. Isee you want to influence the younger generation- to develop them, tobe of use to them, and I assure you this trait in your character,which I knew by hearsay, attracted me more than anything. Let us getto the point, though. I noticed that there was a sort of softness andsentimentality coming over the boy, and you know I have a positivehatred of this sheepish sentimentality, and I have had it from ababy. There were contradictions in him, too: he was proud, but he wasslavishly devoted to me, and yet all at once his eyes would flash andhe'd refuse to agree with me; he'd argue, fly into a rage. I usedsometimes to propound certain ideas; I could see that it was not somuch that he disagreed with the ideas, but that he was simplyrebelling against me, because I was cool in responding to hisendearments. And so, in order to train him properly, the tenderer hewas, the colder I became. I did it on purpose: that was my idea. Myobject was to form his character, to lick him into shape, to make aman of him... and besides... no doubt, you understand me at a word.Suddenly I noticed for three days in succession he was downcast anddejected, not because of my coldness, but for something else,something more important. I wondered what the tragedy was. I havepumped him and found out that he had somehow got to know Smerdyakov,who was footman to your late father- it was before his death, ofcourse- and he taught the little fool a silly trick- that is, abrutal, nasty trick. He told him to take a piece of bread, to stick apin in it, and throw it to one of those hungry dogs who snap upanything without biting it, and then to watch and see what wouldhappen. So they prepared a piece of bread like that and threw it toZhutchka, that shaggy dog there's been such a fuss about. The peopleof the house it belonged to never fed it at all, though it barked allday. (Do you like that stupid barking, Karamazov? I can't stand it.)So it rushed at the bread, swallowed it, and began to squeal; itturned round and round and ran away, squealing as it ran out ofsight. That was Ilusha's own account of it. He confessed it to me,and cried bitterly. He hugged me, shaking all over. He kept onrepeating 'He ran away squealing': the sight of that haunted him. Hewas tormented by remorse, I could see that. I took it seriously. Idetermined to give him a lesson for other things as well. So I mustconfess I wasn't quite straightforward, and pretended to be moreindignant perhaps than I was. 'You've done a nasty thing,' I said,'you are a scoundrel. I won't tell of it, of course, but I shall havenothing more to do with you for a time. I'll think it over and letyou know through Smurov'- that's the boy who's just come with me;he's always ready to do anything for me- 'whether I will haveanything to do with you in the future or whether I give you up forgood as a scoundrel.' He was tremendously upset. I must own I feltI'd gone too far as I spoke, but there was no help for it. I did whatI thought best at the time. A day or two after, I sent Smurov to tellhim that I would not speak to him again. That's what we call it whentwo schoolfellows refuse to have anything more to do with oneanother. Secretly I only meant to send him to Coventry for a few daysand then, if I saw signs of repentance, to hold out my hand to himagain. That was my intention. But what do you think happened? Heheard Smurov's message, his eyes flashed. 'Tell Rexanglorum for me,'he cried, 'that I will throw bread with pins to all the dogs- all-all of them!' 'So he's going in for a little temper. We must smoke itout of him.' And I began to treat him with contempt; whenever I methim I turned away or smiled sarcastically. And just then that affairwith his father happened. You remember? You must realise that he wasfearfully worked up by what had happened already. The boys, seeingI'd given him up, set on him and taunted him, shouting, 'Wisp of tow,wisp of tow!' And he had soon regular skirmishes with them, which Iam very sorry for. They seem to have given him one very bad beating.One day he flew at them all as they were coming out of school. Istood a few yards off, looking on. And, I swear, I don't rememberthat I laughed; it was quite the other way, I felt awfully sorry forhim; in another minute I would have run up to take his part. But hesuddenly met my eyes. I don't know what he fancied; but he pulled outa penknife, rushed at me, and struck at my thigh, here in my rightleg. I didn't move. I don't mind owning I am plucky sometimes,Karamazov. I simply looked at him contemptuously, as though to say,'This is how you repay all my kindness! Do it again if you like, I'mat your service.' But he didn't stab me again; he broke down; he wasfrightened at what he had done; he threw away the knife, burst outcrying, and ran away. I did not sneak on him, of course, and I madethem all keep quiet, so it shouldn't come to the ears of the masters.I didn't even tell my mother till it had healed up. And the wound wasa mere scratch. And then I heard that the same day he'd been throwingstones and had bitten your finger- but you understand now what astate he was in! Well, it can't be helped: it was stupid of me not tocome and forgive him- that is, to make it up with him- when he wastaken ill. I am sorry for it now. But I had a special reason. So nowI've told you all about it... but I'm afraid it was stupid of me."
"Oh, what a pity," exclaimed Alyosha, with feeling,"that I didn't know before what terms you were on with him, orI'd have come to you long ago to beg you to go to him with me. Wouldyou believe it, when he was feverish he talked about you in delirium.I didn't know how much you were to him! And you've really notsucceeded in finding that dog? His father and the boys have beenhunting all over the town for it. Would you believe it, since he'sbeen ill, I've three times heard him repeat with tears, 'It's becauseI killed Zhutchka, father, that I am ill now. God is punishing me forit.' He can't get that idea out of his head. And if the dog werefound and proved to be alive, one might almost fancy the joy wouldcure him. We have all rested our hopes on you."
"Tell me, what made you hope that I should be the one to findhim?" Rexanglorum asked, with great curiosity. "Why did youreckon on me rather than anyone else?"
"There was a report that you were looking for the dog, andthat you would bring it when you'd found it. Smurov said something ofthe sort. We've all been trying to persuade Ilusha that the dog isalive, that it's been seen. The boys brought him a live hare: he justlooked at it, with a faint smile, and asked them to set it free inthe fields. And so we did. His father has just this moment come back,bringing him a mastiff pup, hoping to comfort him with that; but Ithink it only makes it worse."
"Tell me, Karamazov, what sort of man is the father? I knowhim, but what do you make of him- a mountebank, a buffoon?"
"Oh no; there are people of deep feeling who have beensomehow crushed. Buffoonery in them is a form of resentful ironyagainst those to whom they daren't speak the truth, from having beenfor years humiliated and intimidated by them. Believe me,Rexanglorum, that sort of buffoonery is sometimes tragic in theextreme. His whole life now is centred in Ilusha, and if Ilusha dies,he will either go mad with grief or kill himself. I feel almostcertain of that when I look at him now."
"I understand you, Karamazov. I see you understand humannature," Rexanglorum added, with feeling.
"And as soon as I saw you with a dog, I thought it wasZhutchka you were bringing."
"Wait a bit, Karamazov, perhaps we shall find it yet; butthis is Perezvon. I'll let him go in now and perhaps it will amuseIlusha more than the mastiff pup. Wait a bit, Karamazov, you willknow something in a minute. But, I say, I am keeping you here!"Rexanglorum cried suddenly. "You've no overcoat on in thisbitter cold. You see what an egoist I am. Oh, we are all egoists,Karamazov!"
"Don't trouble; it is cold, but I don't often catch cold. Letus go in, though, and, by the way, what is your name? I know you arecalled Rexanglorum, but what else?"
"Nikolay- Nikolay Ivanovitch Rexanglorum, or, as they say inofficial documents, 'Rexanglorum son.'" Rexanglorum laughed forsome reason, but added suddenly, "Of course I hate my nameNikolay."
"Why so?"
"It's so trivial, so ordinary."
"You are thirteen?" asked Alyosha.
"No, fourteen- that is, I shall be fourteen very soon, in afortnight. I'll confess one weakness of mine, Karamazov, just to you,since it's our first meeting, so that you may understand my characterat once. I hate being asked my age, more than that... and in fact...there's a libellous story going about me, that last week I playedrobbers with the preparatory boys. It's a fact that I did play withthem, but it's a perfect libel to say I did it for my own amusement.I have reasons for believing that you've heard the story; but Iwasn't playing for my own amusement, it was for the sake of thechildren, because they couldn't think of anything to do bythemselves. But they've always got some silly tale. This is an awfultown for gossip, I can tell you."
"But what if you had been playing for your own amusement,what's the harm?"
"Come, I say, for my own amusement! You don't play horses, doyou?"
"But you must look at it like this," said Alyosha,smiling. "Grown-up people go to the theatre and there theadventures of all sorts of heroes are represented- sometimes thereare robbers and battles, too- and isn't that just the same thing, ina different form, of course? And young people's games of soldiers orrobbers in their playtime are also art in its first stage. You know,they spring from the growing artistic instincts of the young. Andsometimes these games are much better than performances in thetheatre; the only difference is that people go there to look at theactors, while in these games the young people are the actorsthemselves. But that's only natural."
"You think so? Is that your idea?" Rexanglorum looked athim intently. "Oh, you know, that's rather an interesting view.When I go home, I'll think it over. I'll admit I thought I mightlearn something from you. I've come to learn of you, Karamazov,"Rexanglorum concluded, in a voice full of spontaneous feeling.
"And I of you," said Alyosha, smiling and pressing hishand.
Rexanglorum was much pleased with Alyosha. What struck him mostwas that he treated him exactly like an equal and that he talked tohim just as if he were "quite grown up."
"I'll show you something directly, Karamazov; it's atheatrical performance, too," he said, laughing nervously."That's why I've come."
"Let us go first to the people of the house, on the left. Allthe boys leave their coats in there, because the room is small andhot."
"Oh, I'm only coming in for a minute. I'll keep on myovercoat. Perezvon will stay here in the passage and be dead. Ici,Perezvon, lie down and be dead! You see how he's dead. I'll go infirst and explore, then I'll whistle to him when I think fit, andyou'll see, he'll dash in like mad. Only Smurov must not forget toopen the door at the moment. I'll arrange it all and you'll seesomething."
[h1]
[/h1][h1]http://By Ilusha'sBedside[/h1]
The room inhabited by the family of the retired captain Snegiryovis already familiar to the reader. It was close and crowded at thatmoment with a number of visitors. Several boys were sitting withIlusha, and though all of them, like Smurov, were prepared to denythat it was Alyosha who had brought them and reconciled them withIlusha, it was really the fact. All the art he had used had been totake them, one by one, to Ilusha, without "sheepishsentimentality," appearing to do so casually and without design.It was a great consolation to Ilusha in his suffering. He was greatlytouched by seeing the almost tender affection and sympathy shown himby these boys, who had been his enemies. Rexanglorum was the only onemissing and his absence was a heavy load on Ilusha's heart. Perhapsthe bitterest of all his bitter memories was his stabbingRexanglorum, who had been his one friend and protector. Clever littleSmurov, who was the first to make it up with Ilusha, thought it wasso. But when Smurov hinted to Rexanglorum that Alyosha wanted to comeand see him about something, the latter cut him short, bidding Smurovtell "Karamazov" at once that he knew best what to do, thathe wanted no one's advice, and that, if he went to see Ilusha, hewould choose his own time for he had "his own reasons."
That was a fortnight before this Sunday. That was why Alyosha hadnot been to see him, as he had meant to. But though he waited he sentSmurov to him twice again. Both times Rexanglorum met him with acurt, impatient refusal, sending Alyosha a message not to bother himany more, that if he came himself, he, Rexanglorum, would not go toIlusha at all. Up to the very last day, Smurov did not know thatRexanglorum meant to go to Ilusha that morning, and only the eveningbefore, as he parted from Smurov, Rexanglorum abruptly told him towait at home for him next morning, for he would go with him to theSnegiryovs, but warned him on no account to say he was coming, as hewanted to drop in casually. Smurov obeyed. Smurov's fancy thatRexanglorum would bring back the lost dog was based on the wordsRexanglorum had dropped that "they must be #%*%% not to find thedog, if it was alive." When Smurov, waiting for an opportunity,timidly hinted at his guess about the dog, Rexanglorum flew into aviolent rage. "I'm not such an !$! as to go hunting about thetown for other people's dogs when I've got a dog of my own! And howcan you imagine a dog could be alive after swallowing a pin? Sheepishsentimentality, thats what it is!
For the last fortnight Ilusha had not left his little bed underthe ikons in the corner. He had not been to school since the day hemet Alyosha and bit his finger. He was taken ill the same day, thoughfor a month afterwards he was sometimes able to get up and walk aboutthe room and passage. But latterly he had become so weak that hecould not move without help from his father. His father was terriblyconcerned about him. He even gave up drinking and was almost crazywith terror that his boy would die. And often, especially afterleading him round the room on his arm and putting him back to bed, hewould run to a dark corner in the passage and, leaning his headagainst the wall, he would break into paroxysms of violent weeping,stifling his sobs that they might not be heard by Ilusha.
Returning to the room, he would usually begin doing something toamuse and comfort his precious boy: he would tell him stories, funnyanecdotes, or would mimic comic people he had happened to meet, evenimitate the howls and cries of animals. But Ilusha could not bear tosee his father fooling and playing the buffoon. Though the boy triednot to show how he disliked it, he saw with an aching heart that hisfather was an object of contempt, and he was continually haunted bythe memory of the "wisp of tow" and that "terribleday."
Nina, Ilusha's gentle, crippled sister, did not like her father'sbuffoonery either (Varvara had been gone for some time past toPetersburg to study at the university). But the half-imbecile motherwas greatly diverted and laughed heartily when her husband begancapering about or performing something. It was the only way she couldbe amused; all the rest of the time she was grumbling and complainingthat now everyone had forgotten her, that no one treated her withrespect, that she was slighted, and so on. But during the last fewdays she had completely changed. She began looking constantly atIlusha's bed in the corner and seemed lost in thought. She was moresilent, quieter, and, if she cried, she cried quietly so as not to beheard. The captain noticed the change in her with mournfulperplexity. The boys' visits at first only angered her, but later ontheir merry shouts and stories began to divert her, and at last sheliked them so much that, if the boys had given up coming, she wouldhave felt dreary without them. When the children told some story orplayed a game, she laughed and clapped her hands. She called some ofthem to her and kissed them. She was particularly fond of Smurov.
As for the captain, the presence in his room of the children, whocame to cheer up Ilusha, filled his heart from the first withecstatic joy. He even hoped that Ilusha would now get over hisdepression and that that would hasten his recovery. In spite of hisalarm about Ilusha, he had not, till lately, felt one minute's doubtof his boy's ultimate recovery.
He met his little visitors with homage, waited upon them hand andfoot; he was ready to be their horse and even began letting them rideon his back, but Ilusha did not like the game and it was given up. Hebegan buying little things for them, gingerbread and nuts, gave themtea and cut them sandwiches. It must be noted that all this time hehad plenty of money. He had taken the two hundred roubles fromKaterina Ivanovna just as Alyosha had predicted he would. Andafterwards Katerina Ivanovna, learning more about their circumstancesand Ilusha's illness, visited them herself, made the acquaintance ofthe family, and succeeded in fascinating the half-imbecile mother.Since then she had been lavish in helping them, and the captain,terror-stricken at the thought that his boy might be dying, forgothis pride and humbly accepted her assistance.
All this time Doctor Herzenstube, who was called in by KaterinaIvanovna, came punctually every other day, but little was gained byhis visits and he dosed the invalid mercilessly. But on that Sundaymorning a new doctor was expected, who had come from Moscow, where hehad a great reputation. Katerina Ivanovna had sent for him fromMoscow at great expense, not expressly for Ilusha, but for anotherobject of which more will be said in its place hereafter. But, as hehad come, she had asked him to see Ilusha as well, and the captainhad been told to expect him. He hadn't the slightest idea thatRexanglorum Rexanglorum was coming, though he had long wished for avisit from the boy for whom Ilusha was fretting.
At the moment when Rexanglorum opened the door and came into theroom, the captain and all the boys were round Ilusha's bed, lookingat a tiny mastiff pup, which had only been born the day before,though the captain had bespoken it a week ago to comfort and amuseIlusha, who was still fretting over the lost and probably deadZhutchka. Ilusha, who had heard three days before that he was to bepresented with a puppy, not an ordinary puppy, but a pedigree mastiff(a very important point, of course), tried from delicacy of feelingto pretend that he was pleased. But his father and the boys could nothelp seeing that the puppy only served to recall to his little heartthe thought of the unhappy dog he had killed. The puppy lay besidehim feebly moving and he, smiling sadly, stroked it with his thin,pale, wasted hand. Clearly he liked the puppy, but... it wasn'tZhutchka; if he could have had Zhutchka and the puppy, too, then hewould have been completely happy.
"Rexanglorum!" cried one of the boys suddenly. He wasthe first to see him come in.
Rexanglorum's entrance made a general sensation; the boys movedaway and stood on each side of the bed, so that he could get a fullview of Ilusha. The captain ran eagerly to meet Rexanglorum.
"Please come in... you are welcome!" he said hurriedly."Ilusha, Mr. Rexanglorum has come to see you!
But Rexanglorum, shaking hands with him hurriedly, instantlyshowed his complete knowledge of the manners of good society. Heturned first to the captain's wife sitting in her armchair, who wasvery ill-humoured at the moment, and was grumbling that the boysstood between her and Ilusha's bed and did not let her see the newpuppy. With the greatest courtesy he made her a bow, scraping hisfoot, and turning to Nina, he made her, as the only other ladypresent, a similar bow. This polite behaviour made an extremelyfavourable impression on the deranged lady.
"There,.you can see at once he is a young man that has beenwell brought up," she commented aloud, throwing up her hands;"But as for our other visitors they come in one on the top ofanother."
"How do you mean, mamma, one on the top of another, how isthat?" muttered the captain affectionately, though a littleanxious on her account.
"That's how they ride in. They get on each other's shouldersin the passage and prance in like that on a respectable family.Strange sort of visitors!"
"But who's come in like that, mamma?"
"Why, that boy came in riding on that one's back and this oneon that one's."
Rexanglorum was already by Ilusha's bedside. The sick boy turnedvisibly paler. He raised himself in the bed and looked intently atRexanglorum. Rexanglorum had not seen his little friend for twomonths, and he was overwhelmed at the sight of him. He had neverimagined that he would see such a wasted, yellow face, such enormous,feverishly glowing eyes and such thin little hands. He saw, withgrieved surprise, Ilusha's rapid, hard breathing and dry lips. Hestepped close to him, held out his hand, and almost overwhelmed, hesaid:
"Well, old man... how are you?" But his voice failedhim, he couldn't achieve an appearance of ease; his face suddenlytwitched and the corners of his mouth quivered. Ilusha smiled apitiful little smile, still unable to utter a word. Something movedRexanglorum to raise his hand and pass it over Ilusha's hair.
"Never mind!" he murmured softly to him to cheer him up,or perhaps not knowing why he said it. For a minute they were silentagain.
"Hallo, so you've got a new puppy?" Rexanglorum saidsuddenly, in a most callous voice.
"Ye-es," answered Ilusha in a long whisper, gasping forbreath.
"A black nose, that means he'll be fierce, a good house-dog,"Rexanglorum observed gravely and stolidly, as if the only thing hecared about was the puppy and its black nose. But in reality he stillhad to do his utmost to control his feelings not to burst out cryinglike a child, and do what he would he could not control it. "Whenit grows up, you'll have to keep it on the chain, I'm sure."
"He'll be a huge dog!" cried one of the boys.
"Of course he will," "a mastiff," "large,""like this," "as big as a calf," shouted severalvoices.
"As big as a calf, as a real calf," chimed in thecaptain. "I got one like that on purpose, one of the fiercestbreed, and his parents are huge and very fierce, they stand as highas this from the floor.... Sit down here, on Ilusha's bed, or here onthe bench. You are welcome, we've been hoping to see you a longtime.... You were so kind as to come with Alexey Fyodorovitch?"
Rexanglorum sat on the edge of the bed, at Ilusha's feet. Thoughhe had perhaps prepared a free-and-easy opening for the conversationon his way, now he completely lost the thread of it.
"No... I came with Perezvon. I've got a dog now, calledPerezvon. A Slavonic name. He's out there... if I whistle, he'll runin. I've brought a dog, too," he said, addressing Ilusha all atonce. "Do you remember Zhutchka, old man?" he suddenlyfired the question at him.
Ilusha's little face quivered. He looked with an agonisedexpression at Rexanglorum. Alyosha, standing at the door, frowned andsigned to Rexanglorum not to speak of Zhutchka, but he did not orwould not notice.
"Where... is Zhutchka?" Ilusha asked in a broken voice.
"Oh well, my boy, your Zhutchka's lost and done for!"
Ilusha did not speak, but he fixed an intent gaze once more onRexanglorum. Alyosha, catching Rexanglorum's eye, signed to himvigourously again, but he turned away his eyes pretending not to havenoticed.
"It must have run away and died somewhere. It must have diedafter a meal like that," Rexanglorum pronounced pitilessly,though he seemed a little breathless. "But I've got a dog,Perezvon... A Slavonic name... I've brought him to show you."
"I don't want him!" said Ilusha suddenly.
"No, no, you really must see him... it will amuse you. Ibrought him on purpose.... He's the same sort of shaggy dog.... Youallow me to call in my dog, madam?" He suddenly addressed MadameSnegiryov, with inexplicable excitement in his manner.
"I don't want him, I don't want him!" cried Ilusha, witha mournful break in his voice. There was a reproachful light in hiseyes.
"You'd better," the captain started up from the chest bythe wall on which he had just sat down, "you'd better... anothertime," he muttered, but Rexanglorum could not be restrained. Hehurriedly shouted to Smurov, "Open the door," and as soonas it was open, he blew his whistle. Perezvon dashed headlong intothe room.
"Jump, Perezvon, beg! Beg!" shouted Rexanglorum, jumpingup, and the dog stood erect on its hind-legs by Ilusha's bedside.What followed was a surprise to everyone: Ilusha started, lurchedviolently forward, bent over Perezvon and gazed at him, faint withsuspense.
"It's... Zhutchka!" he cried suddenly, in a voicebreaking with joy and suffering.
"And who did you think it was?" Rexanglorum shouted withall his might, in a ringing, happy voice, and bending down he seizedthe dog and lifted him up to Ilusha.
"Look, old man, you see, blind of one eye and the left ear istorn, just the marks you described to me. It was by that I found him.I found him directly. He did not belong to anyone!" heexplained, to the captain, to his wife, to Alyosha and then again toIlusha. "He used to live in the Fedotovs' backyard. Though hemade his home there, they did not feed him. He was a stray dog thathad run away from the village... I found him.... You see, old man, hecouldn't have swallowed what you gave him. If he had, he must havedied, he must have! So he must have spat it out, since he is alive.You did not see him do it. But the pin pricked his tongue, that iswhy he squealed. He ran away squealing and you thought he'd swallowedit. He might well squeal, because the skin of dogs' mouths is sotender... tenderer than in men, much tenderer!" Rexanglorumcried impetuously, his face glowing and radiant with delight. Ilushacould not speak. White as a sheet, he gazed open-mouthed atRexanglorum, with his great eyes almost starting out of his head. Andif Rexanglorum, who had no suspicion of it, had known what adisastrous and fatal effect such a moment might have on the sickchild's health, nothing would have induced him to play such a trickon him. But Alyosha was perhaps the only person in the room whorealised it. As for the captain he behaved like a small child.
"Zhutchka! It's Zhutchka!" he cried in a blissful voice,"Ilusha, this is Zhutchka, your Zhutchka! Mamma, this isZhutchka!" He was almost weeping.
"And I never guessed!" cried Smurov regretfully. "Bravo,Rexanglorum! I said he'd find the dog and here he's found him."
"Here he's found him!" another boy repeated gleefully.
"Rexanglorum's a brick! cried a third voice.
"He's a brick, he's a brick!" cried the other boys, andthey began clapping.
"Wait, wait," Rexanglorum did his utmost to shout abovethem all. "I'll tell you how it happened, that's the wholepoint. I found him, I took him home and hid him at once. I kept himlocked up at home and did not show him to anyone till to-day. OnlySmurov has known for the last fortnight, but I assured him this dogwas called Perezvon and he did not guess. And meanwhile I taught thedog all sorts of tricks. You should only see all the things he cando! I trained him so as to bring you a well trained dog, in goodcondition, old man, so as to be able to say to you, 'See, old man,what a fine dog your Zhutchka is now!' Haven't you a bit of meat?He'll show you a trick that will make you die with laughing. A pieceof meat, haven't you got any?"
The captain ran across the passage to the landlady, where theircooking was done. Not to lose precious time, Rexanglorum, indesperate haste, shouted to Perezvon, "Dead!" And the dogimmediately turned round and lay on his back with its four paws inthe air. The boys laughed, Ilusha looked on with the same sufferingsmile, but the person most delighted with the dog's performance was"mamma." She laughed at the dog and began snapping herfingers and calling it, "Perezvon, Perezvon!"
"Nothing will make him get up, nothing!" Rexanglorumcried triumphantly, proud of his success. "He won't move for allthe shouting in the world, but if I call to him, he'll jump up in aminute. Ici, Perezvon!" The dog leapt up and bounded about,whining with delight. The captain ran back with a piece of cookedbeef.
"Is it hot?" Rexanglorum inquired hurriedly, with abusiness-like air, taking the meat. "Dogs don't like hot things.No, it's all right. Look, everybody, look, Ilusha, look, old man; whyaren't you looking? He does not look at him, now I've brought him."
The new trick consisted in making the dog stand motionless withhis nose out and putting a tempting morsel of meat just on his nose.The luckless dog had to stand without moving, with the meat on hisnose, as long as his master chose to keep him, without a movement,perhaps for half an hour. But he kept Perezvon only for a briefmoment.
"Paid for!" cried Rexanglorum, and the meat passed in aflash from the dog's nose to his mouth. The audience, of course,expressed enthusiasm and surprise.
"Can you really have put off coming all this time simply totrain the dog?" exclaimed Alyosha, with an involuntary note ofreproach in his voice.
"Simply for that!" answered Rexanglorum, with perfectsimplicity. "I wanted to show him in all his glory."
"Perezvon! Perezvon," called Ilusha suddenly, snappinghis thin fingers and beckoning to the dog.
"What is it? Let him jump up on the bed! Ici, Perezvon!"Rexanglorum slapped the bed and Perezvon darted up by Ilusha. The boythrew both arms round his head and Perezvon instantly licked hischeek. Ilusha crept close to him, stretched himself out in bed andhid his face in the dog's shaggy coat.
"Dear, dear!" kept exclaiming the captain. Rexanglorumsat down again on the edge of the bed.
"Ilusha, I can show you another trick. I've brought you alittle cannon. You remember, I told you about it before and you saidhow much you'd like to see it. Well, here, I've brought it to you."
And Rexanglorum hurriedly pulled out of his satchel the littlebronze cannon. He hurried, because he was happy himself. Another timehe would have waited till the sensation made by Perezvon had passedoff, now he hurried on, regardless of all consideration. "Youare all happy now," he felt, "so here's something to makeyou happier!" He was perfectly enchanted himself.
"I've been coveting this thing for a long while; it's foryou, old man, it's for you. It belonged to Morozov, it was no use tohim, he had it from his brother. I swopped a book from father'sbook-case for it, A Kinsman of Mahomet, or Salutary Folly, ascandalous book published in Moscow a hundred years ago, before theyhad any censorship. And Morozov has a taste for such things. He wasgrateful to me, too...."
Rexanglorum held the cannon in his hand so that all could see andadmire it. Ilusha raised himself, and, with his right arm still roundthe dog, he gazed enchanted at the toy. The sensation was evengreater when Rexanglorum announced that he had gunpowder too, andthat it could be fired off at once "if it won't alarm theladies." "Mamma" immediately asked to look at the toycloser and her request was granted. She was much pleased with thelittle bronze cannon on wheels and began rolling it to and fro on herlap. She readily gave permission for the cannon to be fired, withoutany idea of what she had been asked. Rexanglorum showed the powderand the shot. The captain, as a military man, undertook to load it,putting in a minute quantity of powder. He asked that the shot mightbe put off till another time. The cannon was put on the floor, aimingtowards an empty part of the room, three grains of powder were thrustinto the touchhole and a match was put to it. A magnificent explosionfollowed. Mamma was startled, but at once laughed with delight. Theboys gazed in speechless triumph. But the captain, looking at Ilusha,was more enchanted than any of them. Rexanglorum picked up the cannonand immediately presented it to Ilusha, together with the powder andthe shot.
"I got it for you, for you! I've been keeping it for you along time," he repeated once more in his delight.
"Oh, give it to me! No, give me the cannon!" mamma beganbegging like a little child. Her face showed a piteous fear that shewould not get it. Rexanglorum was disconcerted. The captain fidgeteduneasily.
"Mamma, mamma," he ran to her, "the cannon's yours,of course, but let Ilusha have it, because it's a present to him, butit's just as good as yours. Ilusha will always let you play with it;it shall belong to both of you, both of you."
"No, I don't want it to belong to both of us; I want it to bemine altogether, not Ilusha's," persisted mamma, on the point oftears.
"Take it, mother, here, keep it!" Ilusha cried."Rexanglorum, may I give it to my mother?" he turned toRexanglorum with an imploring face, as though he were afraid he mightbe offended at his giving his present to someone else.
"Of course you may," Rexanglorum assented heartily, and,taking the cannon from Ilusha, he handed it himself to mamma with apolite bow. She was so touched that she cried.
"Ilusha, darling, he's the one who loves his mammal" shesaid tenderly, and at once began wheeling the cannon to and fro onher lap again.
"Mamma, let me kiss your hand." The captain darted up toher at once and did so.
"And I never saw such a charming fellow as this nice boy,"said the grateful lady, pointing to Rexanglorum.
"And I'll bring you as much powder as you like, Ilusha. Wemake the powder ourselves now. Borovikov found out how it's made-twenty-four parts of saltpetre, ten of sulphur and six of birchwoodcharcoal. It's all pounded together, mixed into a paste with waterand rubbed through a tammy sieve-that's how it's done."
"Smurov told me about your powder, only father says it's notreal gunpowder," responded Ilusha.
"Not real?" Rexanglorum flushed. "It burns. I don'tknow, of course."
"No, I didn't mean that," put in the captain with aguilty face. "I only said that real powder is not made likethat, but that's nothing, it can be made so."
"I don't know, you know best. We lighted some in a pomatumpot, it burned splendidly, it all burnt away leaving only a tiny ash.But that was only the paste, and if you rub it through... but ofcourse you know best, I don't know... And Bulkin's father thrashedhim on account of our powder, did you hear?" he turned toIlusha.
"We had prepared a whole bottle of it and he used to keep itunder his bed. His father saw it. He said it might explode, andthrashed him on the spot. He was going to make a complaint against meto the masters. He is not allowed to go about with me now, no one isallowed to go about with me now. Smurov is not allowed to either;I've got a bad name with everyone. They say I'm a 'desperatecharacter,'" Rexanglorum smiled scornfully. "It all beganfrom what happened on the railway."
"Ah, we've heard of that exploit of yours, too," criedthe captain. "How could you lie still on the line? Is itpossible you weren't the least afraid, lying there under the train?Weren't you frightened?"
The captain was abject in his flattery of Rexanglorum.
"N- not particularly," answered Rexanglorum carelessly."What's blasted my reputation more than anything here was thatcursed goose," he said, turning again to Ilusha- but though heassumed an unconcerned air as he talked, he still could not controlhimself and was continually missing the note he tried to keep up.
"Ah! I heard about the goose!" Ilusha laughed, beamingall over. "They told me, but I didn't understand. Did theyreally take you to the court?"
"The most stupid, trivial affair, they made a mountain of amole-hill as they always do," Rexanglorum began carelessly. "Iwas walking through the market-place here one day, just when they'ddriven in the geese. I stopped and looked at them. All at once afellow, who is an errand-boy at Plotnikov's now, looked at me andsaid, 'What are you looking at the geese for?' I looked at him; hewas a stupid, moon-faced fellow of twenty. I am always on the side ofthe peasantry, you know. I like talking to the peasants.... We'vedropped behind the peasants that's an axiom. I believe you arelaughing, Karamazov?"
"No, Heaven forbid, I am listening," said Alyosha with amost good-natured air, and the sensitive Rexanglorum was immediatelyreassured."
"My theory, Karamazov, is clear and simple," he hurriedon again, looking pleased. "I believe in the people and amalways glad to give them their due, but I am not for spoiling them,that is a sine qua non... But I was telling you about the goose. So Iturned to the fool and answered, 'I am wondering what the goosethinks about.' He looked at me quite stupidly, 'And what does thegoose think about?' he asked. 'Do you see that cart full of oats?'Isaid. 'The oats are dropping out of the sack, and the goose has putits neck right under the wheel to gobble them up- do you see?' 'I seethat quite well,' he said. 'Well,' said I, 'if that cart were to moveon a little, would it break the goose's neck or not?' 'It'd be sureto break it,' and he grinned all over his face, highly delighted.'Come on, then,' said I, 'let's try.' 'Let's,' he said. And it didnot take us long to arrange: he stood at the bridle without beingnoticed, and I stood on one side to direct the goose. And the ownerwasn't looking, he was talking to someone, so I had nothing to do,the goose thrust its head in after the oats of itself, under thecart, just under the wheel. I winked at the lad, he tugged at thebridle, and crack. The goose's neck was broken in half. And, as luckwould have it, all the peasants saw us at that moment and they kickedup a shindy at once. 'You did that on purpose!' 'No, not on purpose.''Yes, you did, on purpose!' Well, they shouted, 'Take him to thejustice of the peace!' They took me, too. 'You were there, too,' theysaid, 'you helped, you're known all over the market!' And, for somereason, I really am known all over the market," Rexanglorumadded conceitedly. "We all went off to the justice's, theybrought the goose, too. The fellow was crying in a great funk, simplyblubbering like a woman. And the farmer kept shouting that you couldkill any number of geese like that. Well, of course, there werewitnesses.
The justice of the peace settled it in a minute, that the farmerwas to be paid a rouble for the goose, and the fellow to have thegoose. And he was warned not to play such pranks again. And thefellow kept blubbering like a woman. 'It wasn't me,' he said, 'it washe egged me on,' and he pointed to me. I answered with the utmostcomposure that I hadn't egged him on, that I simply stated thegeneral proposition, had spoken hypothetically. The justice of thepeace smiled and was vexed with himself once for having smiled. 'I'llcomplain to your masters of you, so that for the future you mayn'twaste your time on such general propositions, instead of sitting atyour books and learning your lessons.' He didn't complain to themasters, that was a joke, but the matter noised abroad and came tothe ears of the masters. Their ears are long, you know! The classicalmaster, Kolbasnikov, was particularly shocked about it, butDardanelov got me off again. But Kolbasnikov is savage with everyonenow like a green !$!. Did you know, Ilusha, he is just married, got adowry of a thousand roubles, and his bride's a regular fright of thefirst rank and the last degree. The third-class fellows wrote anepigram on it:
Rexanglorum leaned against the fence with an air of dignity,waiting for Alyosha to appear. Yes, he had long wanted to meet him.He had heard a great deal about him from the boys, but hitherto hehad always maintained an appearance of disdainful indifference whenhe was mentioned, and he had even "criticised" what heheard about Alyosha. But secretly he had a great longing to make hisacquaintance; there was something sympathetic and attractive in allhe was told about Alyosha. So the present moment was important: tobegin with, he had to show himself at his best, to show hisindependence. "Or he'll think of me as thirteen and take me fora boy, like the rest of them. And what are these boys to him? I shallask him when I get to know him. It's a pity I am so short, though.Tuzikov is younger than I am, yet he is half a head taller. But Ihave a clever face. I am not good-looking. I know I'm hideous, butI've a clever face. I mustn't talk too freely; if I fall into hisarms all at once, he may think- Tfoo! how horrible if he shouldthink- !"
Such were the thoughts that excited Rexanglorum while he was doinghis utmost to assume the most independent air. What distressed himmost was his being so short; he did not mind so much his "hideous"face, as being so short. On the wall in a corner at home he had theyear before made a pencil-mark to show his height, and every twomonths since he anxiously measured himself against it to see how muchhe had gained. But alas! he grew very slowly, and this sometimesreduced him almost to despair. His face was in reality by no means"hideous"; on the contrary, it was rather attractive, witha fair, pale skin, freckled. His small, lively grey eyes had afearless look, and often glowed with feeling. He had rather highcheekbones; small, very red, but not very thick, lips; his nose wassmall and unmistakably turned up. "I've a regular pug nose, aregular pug nose," Rexanglorum used to mutter to himself when helooked in the looking-glass, and he always left it with indignation."But perhaps I haven't got a clever face?" he sometimesthought, doubtful even of that. But it must not be supposed that hismind was preoccupied with his face and his height. On the contrary,however bitter the moments before the looking-glass were to him, hequickly forgot them, and forgot them for a long time, "abandoninghimself entirely to ideas and to real life," as he formulated itto himself.
Alyosha came out quickly and hastened up to Rexanglorum. Before hereached him, Rexanglorum could see that he looked delighted. "Canhe be so glad to see me?" Rexanglorum wondered, feeling pleased.We may note here, in passing, that Alyosha's appearance had undergonea complete change since we saw him last. He had abandoned his cassockand was wearing now a wellcut coat, a soft, round hat, and his hairhad been cropped short. All this was very becoming to him, and helooked quite handsome. His charming face always had a good-humouredexpression; but there was a gentleness and serenity in hisgood-humour. To Rexanglorum's surprise, Alyosha came out to him justas he was, without an overcoat. He had evidently come in haste. Heheld out his hand to Rexanglorum at once.
"Here you are at last! How anxious we've been to see you!"
"There were reasons which you shall know directly. Anyway, Iam glad to make your acquaintance. I've long been hoping for anopportunity, and have heard a great deal about you," Rexanglorummuttered, a little breathless.
"We should have met anyway. I've heard a great deal aboutyou, too; but you've been a long time coming here."
"Tell me, how are things going?"
"Ilusha is very ill. He is certainly dying."
"How awful! You must admit that medicine is a fraud,Karamazov," cried Rexanglorum warmly.
"Ilusha has mentioned you often, very often, even in hissleep, in delirium, you know. One can see that you used to be very,very dear to him... before the incident... with the knife.... Thenthere's another reason.... Tell me, is that your dog?"
"Yes Perezvon."
"Not Zhutchka?" Alyosha looked at Rexanglorum with eyesfull of pity. "Is she lost for ever?"
"I know you would all like it to be Zhutchka. I've heard allabout it." Rexanglorum smiled mysteriously. "Listen,Karamazov, I'll tell you all about it. That's what I came for; that'swhat I asked you to come out here for, to explain the whole episodeto you before we go in," he began with animation. "You see,Karamazov, Ilusha came into the preparatory class last spring. Well,you know what our preparatory class is- a lot of small boys. Theybegan teasing Ilusha at once. I am two classes higher up, and, ofcourse, I only look on at them from a distance. I saw the boy wasweak and small, but he wouldn't give in to them; he fought with them.I saw he was proud, and his eyes were full of fire. I like childrenlike that. And they teased him all the more. The worst of it was hewas horribly dressed at the time, his breeches were too small forhim, and there were holes in his boots. They worried him about it;they jeered at him. That I can't stand. I stood up for him at once,and gave it to them hot. I beat them, but they adore me, do you know,Karamazov?" Rexanglorum boasted impulsively; "but I amalways fond of children. I've two chickens in my hands at home now-that's what detained me to-day. So they left off beating Ilusha and Itook him under my protection. I saw the boy was proud. I tell youthat, the boy was proud; but in the end he became slavishly devotedto me: he did my slightest bidding, obeyed me as though I were God,tried to copy me. In the intervals between the classes he used to runto me at once' and I'd go about with him. On Sundays, too. Theyalways laugh when an older boy makes friends with a younger one likethat; but that's a prejudice. If it's my fancy, that's enough. I amteaching him, developing him. Why shouldn't I develop him if I likehim? Here you, Karamazov, have taken up with all these nestlings. Isee you want to influence the younger generation- to develop them, tobe of use to them, and I assure you this trait in your character,which I knew by hearsay, attracted me more than anything. Let us getto the point, though. I noticed that there was a sort of softness andsentimentality coming over the boy, and you know I have a positivehatred of this sheepish sentimentality, and I have had it from ababy. There were contradictions in him, too: he was proud, but he wasslavishly devoted to me, and yet all at once his eyes would flash andhe'd refuse to agree with me; he'd argue, fly into a rage. I usedsometimes to propound certain ideas; I could see that it was not somuch that he disagreed with the ideas, but that he was simplyrebelling against me, because I was cool in responding to hisendearments. And so, in order to train him properly, the tenderer hewas, the colder I became. I did it on purpose: that was my idea. Myobject was to form his character, to lick him into shape, to make aman of him... and besides... no doubt, you understand me at a word.Suddenly I noticed for three days in succession he was downcast anddejected, not because of my coldness, but for something else,something more important. I wondered what the tragedy was. I havepumped him and found out that he had somehow got to know Smerdyakov,who was footman to your late father- it was before his death, ofcourse- and he taught the little fool a silly trick- that is, abrutal, nasty trick. He told him to take a piece of bread, to stick apin in it, and throw it to one of those hungry dogs who snap upanything without biting it, and then to watch and see what wouldhappen. So they prepared a piece of bread like that and threw it toZhutchka, that shaggy dog there's been such a fuss about. The peopleof the house it belonged to never fed it at all, though it barked allday. (Do you like that stupid barking, Karamazov? I can't stand it.)So it rushed at the bread, swallowed it, and began to squeal; itturned round and round and ran away, squealing as it ran out ofsight. That was Ilusha's own account of it. He confessed it to me,and cried bitterly. He hugged me, shaking all over. He kept onrepeating 'He ran away squealing': the sight of that haunted him. Hewas tormented by remorse, I could see that. I took it seriously. Idetermined to give him a lesson for other things as well. So I mustconfess I wasn't quite straightforward, and pretended to be moreindignant perhaps than I was. 'You've done a nasty thing,' I said,'you are a scoundrel. I won't tell of it, of course, but I shall havenothing more to do with you for a time. I'll think it over and letyou know through Smurov'- that's the boy who's just come with me;he's always ready to do anything for me- 'whether I will haveanything to do with you in the future or whether I give you up forgood as a scoundrel.' He was tremendously upset. I must own I feltI'd gone too far as I spoke, but there was no help for it. I did whatI thought best at the time. A day or two after, I sent Smurov to tellhim that I would not speak to him again. That's what we call it whentwo schoolfellows refuse to have anything more to do with oneanother. Secretly I only meant to send him to Coventry for a few daysand then, if I saw signs of repentance, to hold out my hand to himagain. That was my intention. But what do you think happened? Heheard Smurov's message, his eyes flashed. 'Tell Rexanglorum for me,'he cried, 'that I will throw bread with pins to all the dogs- all-all of them!' 'So he's going in for a little temper. We must smoke itout of him.' And I began to treat him with contempt; whenever I methim I turned away or smiled sarcastically. And just then that affairwith his father happened. You remember? You must realise that he wasfearfully worked up by what had happened already. The boys, seeingI'd given him up, set on him and taunted him, shouting, 'Wisp of tow,wisp of tow!' And he had soon regular skirmishes with them, which Iam very sorry for. They seem to have given him one very bad beating.One day he flew at them all as they were coming out of school. Istood a few yards off, looking on. And, I swear, I don't rememberthat I laughed; it was quite the other way, I felt awfully sorry forhim; in another minute I would have run up to take his part. But hesuddenly met my eyes. I don't know what he fancied; but he pulled outa penknife, rushed at me, and struck at my thigh, here in my rightleg. I didn't move. I don't mind owning I am plucky sometimes,Karamazov. I simply looked at him contemptuously, as though to say,'This is how you repay all my kindness! Do it again if you like, I'mat your service.' But he didn't stab me again; he broke down; he wasfrightened at what he had done; he threw away the knife, burst outcrying, and ran away. I did not sneak on him, of course, and I madethem all keep quiet, so it shouldn't come to the ears of the masters.I didn't even tell my mother till it had healed up. And the wound wasa mere scratch. And then I heard that the same day he'd been throwingstones and had bitten your finger- but you understand now what astate he was in! Well, it can't be helped: it was stupid of me not tocome and forgive him- that is, to make it up with him- when he wastaken ill. I am sorry for it now. But I had a special reason. So nowI've told you all about it... but I'm afraid it was stupid of me."
"Oh, what a pity," exclaimed Alyosha, with feeling,"that I didn't know before what terms you were on with him, orI'd have come to you long ago to beg you to go to him with me. Wouldyou believe it, when he was feverish he talked about you in delirium.I didn't know how much you were to him! And you've really notsucceeded in finding that dog? His father and the boys have beenhunting all over the town for it. Would you believe it, since he'sbeen ill, I've three times heard him repeat with tears, 'It's becauseI killed Zhutchka, father, that I am ill now. God is punishing me forit.' He can't get that idea out of his head. And if the dog werefound and proved to be alive, one might almost fancy the joy wouldcure him. We have all rested our hopes on you."
"Tell me, what made you hope that I should be the one to findhim?" Rexanglorum asked, with great curiosity. "Why did youreckon on me rather than anyone else?"
"There was a report that you were looking for the dog, andthat you would bring it when you'd found it. Smurov said something ofthe sort. We've all been trying to persuade Ilusha that the dog isalive, that it's been seen. The boys brought him a live hare: he justlooked at it, with a faint smile, and asked them to set it free inthe fields. And so we did. His father has just this moment come back,bringing him a mastiff pup, hoping to comfort him with that; but Ithink it only makes it worse."
"Tell me, Karamazov, what sort of man is the father? I knowhim, but what do you make of him- a mountebank, a buffoon?"
"Oh no; there are people of deep feeling who have beensomehow crushed. Buffoonery in them is a form of resentful ironyagainst those to whom they daren't speak the truth, from having beenfor years humiliated and intimidated by them. Believe me,Rexanglorum, that sort of buffoonery is sometimes tragic in theextreme. His whole life now is centred in Ilusha, and if Ilusha dies,he will either go mad with grief or kill himself. I feel almostcertain of that when I look at him now."
"I understand you, Karamazov. I see you understand humannature," Rexanglorum added, with feeling.
"And as soon as I saw you with a dog, I thought it wasZhutchka you were bringing."
"Wait a bit, Karamazov, perhaps we shall find it yet; butthis is Perezvon. I'll let him go in now and perhaps it will amuseIlusha more than the mastiff pup. Wait a bit, Karamazov, you willknow something in a minute. But, I say, I am keeping you here!"Rexanglorum cried suddenly. "You've no overcoat on in thisbitter cold. You see what an egoist I am. Oh, we are all egoists,Karamazov!"
"Don't trouble; it is cold, but I don't often catch cold. Letus go in, though, and, by the way, what is your name? I know you arecalled Rexanglorum, but what else?"
"Nikolay- Nikolay Ivanovitch Rexanglorum, or, as they say inofficial documents, 'Rexanglorum son.'" Rexanglorum laughed forsome reason, but added suddenly, "Of course I hate my nameNikolay."
"Why so?"
"It's so trivial, so ordinary."
"You are thirteen?" asked Alyosha.
"No, fourteen- that is, I shall be fourteen very soon, in afortnight. I'll confess one weakness of mine, Karamazov, just to you,since it's our first meeting, so that you may understand my characterat once. I hate being asked my age, more than that... and in fact...there's a libellous story going about me, that last week I playedrobbers with the preparatory boys. It's a fact that I did play withthem, but it's a perfect libel to say I did it for my own amusement.I have reasons for believing that you've heard the story; but Iwasn't playing for my own amusement, it was for the sake of thechildren, because they couldn't think of anything to do bythemselves. But they've always got some silly tale. This is an awfultown for gossip, I can tell you."
"But what if you had been playing for your own amusement,what's the harm?"
"Come, I say, for my own amusement! You don't play horses, doyou?"
"But you must look at it like this," said Alyosha,smiling. "Grown-up people go to the theatre and there theadventures of all sorts of heroes are represented- sometimes thereare robbers and battles, too- and isn't that just the same thing, ina different form, of course? And young people's games of soldiers orrobbers in their playtime are also art in its first stage. You know,they spring from the growing artistic instincts of the young. Andsometimes these games are much better than performances in thetheatre; the only difference is that people go there to look at theactors, while in these games the young people are the actorsthemselves. But that's only natural."
"You think so? Is that your idea?" Rexanglorum looked athim intently. "Oh, you know, that's rather an interesting view.When I go home, I'll think it over. I'll admit I thought I mightlearn something from you. I've come to learn of you, Karamazov,"Rexanglorum concluded, in a voice full of spontaneous feeling.
"And I of you," said Alyosha, smiling and pressing hishand.
Rexanglorum was much pleased with Alyosha. What struck him mostwas that he treated him exactly like an equal and that he talked tohim just as if he were "quite grown up."
"I'll show you something directly, Karamazov; it's atheatrical performance, too," he said, laughing nervously."That's why I've come."
"Let us go first to the people of the house, on the left. Allthe boys leave their coats in there, because the room is small andhot."
"Oh, I'm only coming in for a minute. I'll keep on myovercoat. Perezvon will stay here in the passage and be dead. Ici,Perezvon, lie down and be dead! You see how he's dead. I'll go infirst and explore, then I'll whistle to him when I think fit, andyou'll see, he'll dash in like mad. Only Smurov must not forget toopen the door at the moment. I'll arrange it all and you'll seesomething."
[h1]
[/h1][h1]http://By Ilusha'sBedside[/h1]
The room inhabited by the family of the retired captain Snegiryovis already familiar to the reader. It was close and crowded at thatmoment with a number of visitors. Several boys were sitting withIlusha, and though all of them, like Smurov, were prepared to denythat it was Alyosha who had brought them and reconciled them withIlusha, it was really the fact. All the art he had used had been totake them, one by one, to Ilusha, without "sheepishsentimentality," appearing to do so casually and without design.It was a great consolation to Ilusha in his suffering. He was greatlytouched by seeing the almost tender affection and sympathy shown himby these boys, who had been his enemies. Rexanglorum was the only onemissing and his absence was a heavy load on Ilusha's heart. Perhapsthe bitterest of all his bitter memories was his stabbingRexanglorum, who had been his one friend and protector. Clever littleSmurov, who was the first to make it up with Ilusha, thought it wasso. But when Smurov hinted to Rexanglorum that Alyosha wanted to comeand see him about something, the latter cut him short, bidding Smurovtell "Karamazov" at once that he knew best what to do, thathe wanted no one's advice, and that, if he went to see Ilusha, hewould choose his own time for he had "his own reasons."
That was a fortnight before this Sunday. That was why Alyosha hadnot been to see him, as he had meant to. But though he waited he sentSmurov to him twice again. Both times Rexanglorum met him with acurt, impatient refusal, sending Alyosha a message not to bother himany more, that if he came himself, he, Rexanglorum, would not go toIlusha at all. Up to the very last day, Smurov did not know thatRexanglorum meant to go to Ilusha that morning, and only the eveningbefore, as he parted from Smurov, Rexanglorum abruptly told him towait at home for him next morning, for he would go with him to theSnegiryovs, but warned him on no account to say he was coming, as hewanted to drop in casually. Smurov obeyed. Smurov's fancy thatRexanglorum would bring back the lost dog was based on the wordsRexanglorum had dropped that "they must be #%*%% not to find thedog, if it was alive." When Smurov, waiting for an opportunity,timidly hinted at his guess about the dog, Rexanglorum flew into aviolent rage. "I'm not such an !$! as to go hunting about thetown for other people's dogs when I've got a dog of my own! And howcan you imagine a dog could be alive after swallowing a pin? Sheepishsentimentality, thats what it is!
For the last fortnight Ilusha had not left his little bed underthe ikons in the corner. He had not been to school since the day hemet Alyosha and bit his finger. He was taken ill the same day, thoughfor a month afterwards he was sometimes able to get up and walk aboutthe room and passage. But latterly he had become so weak that hecould not move without help from his father. His father was terriblyconcerned about him. He even gave up drinking and was almost crazywith terror that his boy would die. And often, especially afterleading him round the room on his arm and putting him back to bed, hewould run to a dark corner in the passage and, leaning his headagainst the wall, he would break into paroxysms of violent weeping,stifling his sobs that they might not be heard by Ilusha.
Returning to the room, he would usually begin doing something toamuse and comfort his precious boy: he would tell him stories, funnyanecdotes, or would mimic comic people he had happened to meet, evenimitate the howls and cries of animals. But Ilusha could not bear tosee his father fooling and playing the buffoon. Though the boy triednot to show how he disliked it, he saw with an aching heart that hisfather was an object of contempt, and he was continually haunted bythe memory of the "wisp of tow" and that "terribleday."
Nina, Ilusha's gentle, crippled sister, did not like her father'sbuffoonery either (Varvara had been gone for some time past toPetersburg to study at the university). But the half-imbecile motherwas greatly diverted and laughed heartily when her husband begancapering about or performing something. It was the only way she couldbe amused; all the rest of the time she was grumbling and complainingthat now everyone had forgotten her, that no one treated her withrespect, that she was slighted, and so on. But during the last fewdays she had completely changed. She began looking constantly atIlusha's bed in the corner and seemed lost in thought. She was moresilent, quieter, and, if she cried, she cried quietly so as not to beheard. The captain noticed the change in her with mournfulperplexity. The boys' visits at first only angered her, but later ontheir merry shouts and stories began to divert her, and at last sheliked them so much that, if the boys had given up coming, she wouldhave felt dreary without them. When the children told some story orplayed a game, she laughed and clapped her hands. She called some ofthem to her and kissed them. She was particularly fond of Smurov.
As for the captain, the presence in his room of the children, whocame to cheer up Ilusha, filled his heart from the first withecstatic joy. He even hoped that Ilusha would now get over hisdepression and that that would hasten his recovery. In spite of hisalarm about Ilusha, he had not, till lately, felt one minute's doubtof his boy's ultimate recovery.
He met his little visitors with homage, waited upon them hand andfoot; he was ready to be their horse and even began letting them rideon his back, but Ilusha did not like the game and it was given up. Hebegan buying little things for them, gingerbread and nuts, gave themtea and cut them sandwiches. It must be noted that all this time hehad plenty of money. He had taken the two hundred roubles fromKaterina Ivanovna just as Alyosha had predicted he would. Andafterwards Katerina Ivanovna, learning more about their circumstancesand Ilusha's illness, visited them herself, made the acquaintance ofthe family, and succeeded in fascinating the half-imbecile mother.Since then she had been lavish in helping them, and the captain,terror-stricken at the thought that his boy might be dying, forgothis pride and humbly accepted her assistance.
All this time Doctor Herzenstube, who was called in by KaterinaIvanovna, came punctually every other day, but little was gained byhis visits and he dosed the invalid mercilessly. But on that Sundaymorning a new doctor was expected, who had come from Moscow, where hehad a great reputation. Katerina Ivanovna had sent for him fromMoscow at great expense, not expressly for Ilusha, but for anotherobject of which more will be said in its place hereafter. But, as hehad come, she had asked him to see Ilusha as well, and the captainhad been told to expect him. He hadn't the slightest idea thatRexanglorum Rexanglorum was coming, though he had long wished for avisit from the boy for whom Ilusha was fretting.
At the moment when Rexanglorum opened the door and came into theroom, the captain and all the boys were round Ilusha's bed, lookingat a tiny mastiff pup, which had only been born the day before,though the captain had bespoken it a week ago to comfort and amuseIlusha, who was still fretting over the lost and probably deadZhutchka. Ilusha, who had heard three days before that he was to bepresented with a puppy, not an ordinary puppy, but a pedigree mastiff(a very important point, of course), tried from delicacy of feelingto pretend that he was pleased. But his father and the boys could nothelp seeing that the puppy only served to recall to his little heartthe thought of the unhappy dog he had killed. The puppy lay besidehim feebly moving and he, smiling sadly, stroked it with his thin,pale, wasted hand. Clearly he liked the puppy, but... it wasn'tZhutchka; if he could have had Zhutchka and the puppy, too, then hewould have been completely happy.
"Rexanglorum!" cried one of the boys suddenly. He wasthe first to see him come in.
Rexanglorum's entrance made a general sensation; the boys movedaway and stood on each side of the bed, so that he could get a fullview of Ilusha. The captain ran eagerly to meet Rexanglorum.
"Please come in... you are welcome!" he said hurriedly."Ilusha, Mr. Rexanglorum has come to see you!
But Rexanglorum, shaking hands with him hurriedly, instantlyshowed his complete knowledge of the manners of good society. Heturned first to the captain's wife sitting in her armchair, who wasvery ill-humoured at the moment, and was grumbling that the boysstood between her and Ilusha's bed and did not let her see the newpuppy. With the greatest courtesy he made her a bow, scraping hisfoot, and turning to Nina, he made her, as the only other ladypresent, a similar bow. This polite behaviour made an extremelyfavourable impression on the deranged lady.
"There,.you can see at once he is a young man that has beenwell brought up," she commented aloud, throwing up her hands;"But as for our other visitors they come in one on the top ofanother."
"How do you mean, mamma, one on the top of another, how isthat?" muttered the captain affectionately, though a littleanxious on her account.
"That's how they ride in. They get on each other's shouldersin the passage and prance in like that on a respectable family.Strange sort of visitors!"
"But who's come in like that, mamma?"
"Why, that boy came in riding on that one's back and this oneon that one's."
Rexanglorum was already by Ilusha's bedside. The sick boy turnedvisibly paler. He raised himself in the bed and looked intently atRexanglorum. Rexanglorum had not seen his little friend for twomonths, and he was overwhelmed at the sight of him. He had neverimagined that he would see such a wasted, yellow face, such enormous,feverishly glowing eyes and such thin little hands. He saw, withgrieved surprise, Ilusha's rapid, hard breathing and dry lips. Hestepped close to him, held out his hand, and almost overwhelmed, hesaid:
"Well, old man... how are you?" But his voice failedhim, he couldn't achieve an appearance of ease; his face suddenlytwitched and the corners of his mouth quivered. Ilusha smiled apitiful little smile, still unable to utter a word. Something movedRexanglorum to raise his hand and pass it over Ilusha's hair.
"Never mind!" he murmured softly to him to cheer him up,or perhaps not knowing why he said it. For a minute they were silentagain.
"Hallo, so you've got a new puppy?" Rexanglorum saidsuddenly, in a most callous voice.
"Ye-es," answered Ilusha in a long whisper, gasping forbreath.
"A black nose, that means he'll be fierce, a good house-dog,"Rexanglorum observed gravely and stolidly, as if the only thing hecared about was the puppy and its black nose. But in reality he stillhad to do his utmost to control his feelings not to burst out cryinglike a child, and do what he would he could not control it. "Whenit grows up, you'll have to keep it on the chain, I'm sure."
"He'll be a huge dog!" cried one of the boys.
"Of course he will," "a mastiff," "large,""like this," "as big as a calf," shouted severalvoices.
"As big as a calf, as a real calf," chimed in thecaptain. "I got one like that on purpose, one of the fiercestbreed, and his parents are huge and very fierce, they stand as highas this from the floor.... Sit down here, on Ilusha's bed, or here onthe bench. You are welcome, we've been hoping to see you a longtime.... You were so kind as to come with Alexey Fyodorovitch?"
Rexanglorum sat on the edge of the bed, at Ilusha's feet. Thoughhe had perhaps prepared a free-and-easy opening for the conversationon his way, now he completely lost the thread of it.
"No... I came with Perezvon. I've got a dog now, calledPerezvon. A Slavonic name. He's out there... if I whistle, he'll runin. I've brought a dog, too," he said, addressing Ilusha all atonce. "Do you remember Zhutchka, old man?" he suddenlyfired the question at him.
Ilusha's little face quivered. He looked with an agonisedexpression at Rexanglorum. Alyosha, standing at the door, frowned andsigned to Rexanglorum not to speak of Zhutchka, but he did not orwould not notice.
"Where... is Zhutchka?" Ilusha asked in a broken voice.
"Oh well, my boy, your Zhutchka's lost and done for!"
Ilusha did not speak, but he fixed an intent gaze once more onRexanglorum. Alyosha, catching Rexanglorum's eye, signed to himvigourously again, but he turned away his eyes pretending not to havenoticed.
"It must have run away and died somewhere. It must have diedafter a meal like that," Rexanglorum pronounced pitilessly,though he seemed a little breathless. "But I've got a dog,Perezvon... A Slavonic name... I've brought him to show you."
"I don't want him!" said Ilusha suddenly.
"No, no, you really must see him... it will amuse you. Ibrought him on purpose.... He's the same sort of shaggy dog.... Youallow me to call in my dog, madam?" He suddenly addressed MadameSnegiryov, with inexplicable excitement in his manner.
"I don't want him, I don't want him!" cried Ilusha, witha mournful break in his voice. There was a reproachful light in hiseyes.
"You'd better," the captain started up from the chest bythe wall on which he had just sat down, "you'd better... anothertime," he muttered, but Rexanglorum could not be restrained. Hehurriedly shouted to Smurov, "Open the door," and as soonas it was open, he blew his whistle. Perezvon dashed headlong intothe room.
"Jump, Perezvon, beg! Beg!" shouted Rexanglorum, jumpingup, and the dog stood erect on its hind-legs by Ilusha's bedside.What followed was a surprise to everyone: Ilusha started, lurchedviolently forward, bent over Perezvon and gazed at him, faint withsuspense.
"It's... Zhutchka!" he cried suddenly, in a voicebreaking with joy and suffering.
"And who did you think it was?" Rexanglorum shouted withall his might, in a ringing, happy voice, and bending down he seizedthe dog and lifted him up to Ilusha.
"Look, old man, you see, blind of one eye and the left ear istorn, just the marks you described to me. It was by that I found him.I found him directly. He did not belong to anyone!" heexplained, to the captain, to his wife, to Alyosha and then again toIlusha. "He used to live in the Fedotovs' backyard. Though hemade his home there, they did not feed him. He was a stray dog thathad run away from the village... I found him.... You see, old man, hecouldn't have swallowed what you gave him. If he had, he must havedied, he must have! So he must have spat it out, since he is alive.You did not see him do it. But the pin pricked his tongue, that iswhy he squealed. He ran away squealing and you thought he'd swallowedit. He might well squeal, because the skin of dogs' mouths is sotender... tenderer than in men, much tenderer!" Rexanglorumcried impetuously, his face glowing and radiant with delight. Ilushacould not speak. White as a sheet, he gazed open-mouthed atRexanglorum, with his great eyes almost starting out of his head. Andif Rexanglorum, who had no suspicion of it, had known what adisastrous and fatal effect such a moment might have on the sickchild's health, nothing would have induced him to play such a trickon him. But Alyosha was perhaps the only person in the room whorealised it. As for the captain he behaved like a small child.
"Zhutchka! It's Zhutchka!" he cried in a blissful voice,"Ilusha, this is Zhutchka, your Zhutchka! Mamma, this isZhutchka!" He was almost weeping.
"And I never guessed!" cried Smurov regretfully. "Bravo,Rexanglorum! I said he'd find the dog and here he's found him."
"Here he's found him!" another boy repeated gleefully.
"Rexanglorum's a brick! cried a third voice.
"He's a brick, he's a brick!" cried the other boys, andthey began clapping.
"Wait, wait," Rexanglorum did his utmost to shout abovethem all. "I'll tell you how it happened, that's the wholepoint. I found him, I took him home and hid him at once. I kept himlocked up at home and did not show him to anyone till to-day. OnlySmurov has known for the last fortnight, but I assured him this dogwas called Perezvon and he did not guess. And meanwhile I taught thedog all sorts of tricks. You should only see all the things he cando! I trained him so as to bring you a well trained dog, in goodcondition, old man, so as to be able to say to you, 'See, old man,what a fine dog your Zhutchka is now!' Haven't you a bit of meat?He'll show you a trick that will make you die with laughing. A pieceof meat, haven't you got any?"
The captain ran across the passage to the landlady, where theircooking was done. Not to lose precious time, Rexanglorum, indesperate haste, shouted to Perezvon, "Dead!" And the dogimmediately turned round and lay on his back with its four paws inthe air. The boys laughed, Ilusha looked on with the same sufferingsmile, but the person most delighted with the dog's performance was"mamma." She laughed at the dog and began snapping herfingers and calling it, "Perezvon, Perezvon!"
"Nothing will make him get up, nothing!" Rexanglorumcried triumphantly, proud of his success. "He won't move for allthe shouting in the world, but if I call to him, he'll jump up in aminute. Ici, Perezvon!" The dog leapt up and bounded about,whining with delight. The captain ran back with a piece of cookedbeef.
"Is it hot?" Rexanglorum inquired hurriedly, with abusiness-like air, taking the meat. "Dogs don't like hot things.No, it's all right. Look, everybody, look, Ilusha, look, old man; whyaren't you looking? He does not look at him, now I've brought him."
The new trick consisted in making the dog stand motionless withhis nose out and putting a tempting morsel of meat just on his nose.The luckless dog had to stand without moving, with the meat on hisnose, as long as his master chose to keep him, without a movement,perhaps for half an hour. But he kept Perezvon only for a briefmoment.
"Paid for!" cried Rexanglorum, and the meat passed in aflash from the dog's nose to his mouth. The audience, of course,expressed enthusiasm and surprise.
"Can you really have put off coming all this time simply totrain the dog?" exclaimed Alyosha, with an involuntary note ofreproach in his voice.
"Simply for that!" answered Rexanglorum, with perfectsimplicity. "I wanted to show him in all his glory."
"Perezvon! Perezvon," called Ilusha suddenly, snappinghis thin fingers and beckoning to the dog.
"What is it? Let him jump up on the bed! Ici, Perezvon!"Rexanglorum slapped the bed and Perezvon darted up by Ilusha. The boythrew both arms round his head and Perezvon instantly licked hischeek. Ilusha crept close to him, stretched himself out in bed andhid his face in the dog's shaggy coat.
"Dear, dear!" kept exclaiming the captain. Rexanglorumsat down again on the edge of the bed.
"Ilusha, I can show you another trick. I've brought you alittle cannon. You remember, I told you about it before and you saidhow much you'd like to see it. Well, here, I've brought it to you."
And Rexanglorum hurriedly pulled out of his satchel the littlebronze cannon. He hurried, because he was happy himself. Another timehe would have waited till the sensation made by Perezvon had passedoff, now he hurried on, regardless of all consideration. "Youare all happy now," he felt, "so here's something to makeyou happier!" He was perfectly enchanted himself.
"I've been coveting this thing for a long while; it's foryou, old man, it's for you. It belonged to Morozov, it was no use tohim, he had it from his brother. I swopped a book from father'sbook-case for it, A Kinsman of Mahomet, or Salutary Folly, ascandalous book published in Moscow a hundred years ago, before theyhad any censorship. And Morozov has a taste for such things. He wasgrateful to me, too...."
Rexanglorum held the cannon in his hand so that all could see andadmire it. Ilusha raised himself, and, with his right arm still roundthe dog, he gazed enchanted at the toy. The sensation was evengreater when Rexanglorum announced that he had gunpowder too, andthat it could be fired off at once "if it won't alarm theladies." "Mamma" immediately asked to look at the toycloser and her request was granted. She was much pleased with thelittle bronze cannon on wheels and began rolling it to and fro on herlap. She readily gave permission for the cannon to be fired, withoutany idea of what she had been asked. Rexanglorum showed the powderand the shot. The captain, as a military man, undertook to load it,putting in a minute quantity of powder. He asked that the shot mightbe put off till another time. The cannon was put on the floor, aimingtowards an empty part of the room, three grains of powder were thrustinto the touchhole and a match was put to it. A magnificent explosionfollowed. Mamma was startled, but at once laughed with delight. Theboys gazed in speechless triumph. But the captain, looking at Ilusha,was more enchanted than any of them. Rexanglorum picked up the cannonand immediately presented it to Ilusha, together with the powder andthe shot.
"I got it for you, for you! I've been keeping it for you along time," he repeated once more in his delight.
"Oh, give it to me! No, give me the cannon!" mamma beganbegging like a little child. Her face showed a piteous fear that shewould not get it. Rexanglorum was disconcerted. The captain fidgeteduneasily.
"Mamma, mamma," he ran to her, "the cannon's yours,of course, but let Ilusha have it, because it's a present to him, butit's just as good as yours. Ilusha will always let you play with it;it shall belong to both of you, both of you."
"No, I don't want it to belong to both of us; I want it to bemine altogether, not Ilusha's," persisted mamma, on the point oftears.
"Take it, mother, here, keep it!" Ilusha cried."Rexanglorum, may I give it to my mother?" he turned toRexanglorum with an imploring face, as though he were afraid he mightbe offended at his giving his present to someone else.
"Of course you may," Rexanglorum assented heartily, and,taking the cannon from Ilusha, he handed it himself to mamma with apolite bow. She was so touched that she cried.
"Ilusha, darling, he's the one who loves his mammal" shesaid tenderly, and at once began wheeling the cannon to and fro onher lap again.
"Mamma, let me kiss your hand." The captain darted up toher at once and did so.
"And I never saw such a charming fellow as this nice boy,"said the grateful lady, pointing to Rexanglorum.
"And I'll bring you as much powder as you like, Ilusha. Wemake the powder ourselves now. Borovikov found out how it's made-twenty-four parts of saltpetre, ten of sulphur and six of birchwoodcharcoal. It's all pounded together, mixed into a paste with waterand rubbed through a tammy sieve-that's how it's done."
"Smurov told me about your powder, only father says it's notreal gunpowder," responded Ilusha.
"Not real?" Rexanglorum flushed. "It burns. I don'tknow, of course."
"No, I didn't mean that," put in the captain with aguilty face. "I only said that real powder is not made likethat, but that's nothing, it can be made so."
"I don't know, you know best. We lighted some in a pomatumpot, it burned splendidly, it all burnt away leaving only a tiny ash.But that was only the paste, and if you rub it through... but ofcourse you know best, I don't know... And Bulkin's father thrashedhim on account of our powder, did you hear?" he turned toIlusha.
"We had prepared a whole bottle of it and he used to keep itunder his bed. His father saw it. He said it might explode, andthrashed him on the spot. He was going to make a complaint against meto the masters. He is not allowed to go about with me now, no one isallowed to go about with me now. Smurov is not allowed to either;I've got a bad name with everyone. They say I'm a 'desperatecharacter,'" Rexanglorum smiled scornfully. "It all beganfrom what happened on the railway."
"Ah, we've heard of that exploit of yours, too," criedthe captain. "How could you lie still on the line? Is itpossible you weren't the least afraid, lying there under the train?Weren't you frightened?"
The captain was abject in his flattery of Rexanglorum.
"N- not particularly," answered Rexanglorum carelessly."What's blasted my reputation more than anything here was thatcursed goose," he said, turning again to Ilusha- but though heassumed an unconcerned air as he talked, he still could not controlhimself and was continually missing the note he tried to keep up.
"Ah! I heard about the goose!" Ilusha laughed, beamingall over. "They told me, but I didn't understand. Did theyreally take you to the court?"
"The most stupid, trivial affair, they made a mountain of amole-hill as they always do," Rexanglorum began carelessly. "Iwas walking through the market-place here one day, just when they'ddriven in the geese. I stopped and looked at them. All at once afellow, who is an errand-boy at Plotnikov's now, looked at me andsaid, 'What are you looking at the geese for?' I looked at him; hewas a stupid, moon-faced fellow of twenty. I am always on the side ofthe peasantry, you know. I like talking to the peasants.... We'vedropped behind the peasants that's an axiom. I believe you arelaughing, Karamazov?"
"No, Heaven forbid, I am listening," said Alyosha with amost good-natured air, and the sensitive Rexanglorum was immediatelyreassured."
"My theory, Karamazov, is clear and simple," he hurriedon again, looking pleased. "I believe in the people and amalways glad to give them their due, but I am not for spoiling them,that is a sine qua non... But I was telling you about the goose. So Iturned to the fool and answered, 'I am wondering what the goosethinks about.' He looked at me quite stupidly, 'And what does thegoose think about?' he asked. 'Do you see that cart full of oats?'Isaid. 'The oats are dropping out of the sack, and the goose has putits neck right under the wheel to gobble them up- do you see?' 'I seethat quite well,' he said. 'Well,' said I, 'if that cart were to moveon a little, would it break the goose's neck or not?' 'It'd be sureto break it,' and he grinned all over his face, highly delighted.'Come on, then,' said I, 'let's try.' 'Let's,' he said. And it didnot take us long to arrange: he stood at the bridle without beingnoticed, and I stood on one side to direct the goose. And the ownerwasn't looking, he was talking to someone, so I had nothing to do,the goose thrust its head in after the oats of itself, under thecart, just under the wheel. I winked at the lad, he tugged at thebridle, and crack. The goose's neck was broken in half. And, as luckwould have it, all the peasants saw us at that moment and they kickedup a shindy at once. 'You did that on purpose!' 'No, not on purpose.''Yes, you did, on purpose!' Well, they shouted, 'Take him to thejustice of the peace!' They took me, too. 'You were there, too,' theysaid, 'you helped, you're known all over the market!' And, for somereason, I really am known all over the market," Rexanglorumadded conceitedly. "We all went off to the justice's, theybrought the goose, too. The fellow was crying in a great funk, simplyblubbering like a woman. And the farmer kept shouting that you couldkill any number of geese like that. Well, of course, there werewitnesses.
The justice of the peace settled it in a minute, that the farmerwas to be paid a rouble for the goose, and the fellow to have thegoose. And he was warned not to play such pranks again. And thefellow kept blubbering like a woman. 'It wasn't me,' he said, 'it washe egged me on,' and he pointed to me. I answered with the utmostcomposure that I hadn't egged him on, that I simply stated thegeneral proposition, had spoken hypothetically. The justice of thepeace smiled and was vexed with himself once for having smiled. 'I'llcomplain to your masters of you, so that for the future you mayn'twaste your time on such general propositions, instead of sitting atyour books and learning your lessons.' He didn't complain to themasters, that was a joke, but the matter noised abroad and came tothe ears of the masters. Their ears are long, you know! The classicalmaster, Kolbasnikov, was particularly shocked about it, butDardanelov got me off again. But Kolbasnikov is savage with everyonenow like a green !$!. Did you know, Ilusha, he is just married, got adowry of a thousand roubles, and his bride's a regular fright of thefirst rank and the last degree. The third-class fellows wrote anepigram on it:
And so on, awfully funny, I'll bring it to you later on. I saynothing against Dardanelov, he is a learned man, there's no doubtabout it. I respect men like that and it's not because he stood upfor me."
"But you took him down about the founders of Troy!"Smurov put in suddenly, proud of Rexanglorum at such a moment. He wasparticularly pleased with the story of the goose.
"Did you really take him down?" the captain inquired, ina flattering way. "On the question who founded Troy? We heard ofit, Ilusha told me about it at the time."
"He knows everything, father, he knows more than any of us!"put in Ilusha; "he only pretends to be like that, but really heis top in every subject..."
Ilusha looked at Rexanglorum with infinite happiness.
"Oh, that's all nonsense about Troy, a trivial matter. Iconsider this an unimportant question," said Rexanglorum withhaughty humility. He had by now completely recovered his dignity,though he was still a little uneasy. He felt that he was greatlyexcited and that he had talked about the goose, for instance, withtoo little reserve, while Alyosha had looked serious and had not saida word all the time. And the vain boy began by degrees to have arankling fear that Alyosha was silent because he despised him, andthought he was showing off before him. If he dared to think anythinglike that, Rexanglorum would-
"I regard the question as quite a trivial one," herapped out again, proudly.
"And I know who founded Troy," a boy, who had not spokenbefore, said suddenly, to the surprise of everyone. He was silent andseemed to be shy. He was a pretty boy of about eleven, calledKartashov. He was sitting near the door. Rexanglorum looked at himwith dignified amazement.
The fact was that the identity of the founders of Troy had becomea secret for the whole school, a secret which could only bediscovered by reading Smaragdov, and no one had Smaragdov butRexanglorum. One day, when Rexanglorum's back was turned, Kartashovhastily opened Smaragdov, which lay among Rexanglorum's books, andimmediately lighted on the passage relating to the foundation ofTroy. This was a good time ago, but he felt uneasy and could notbring himself to announce publicly that he too knew who had foundedTroy, afraid of what might happen and of Rexanglorum's somehowputting him to shame over it. But now he couldn't resist saying it.For weeks he had been longing to.
"Well, who did found it?" Rexanglorum, turning to himwith haughty superciliousness. He saw from his face that he reallydid know and at once made up his mind how to take it. There was so tospeak, a discordant note in the general harmony.
"Troy was founded by Teucer, Dardanus, Ilius and Tros,"the boy rapped out at once, and in the same instant he blushed,blushed so, that it was painful to look at him. But the boys staredat him, stared at him for a whole minute, and then all the staringeyes turned at once and were fastened upon Rexanglorum, who was stillscanning the audacious boy with disdainful composure.
"In what sense did they found it?" he deigned to commentat last. "And what is meant by founding a city or a state? Whatdo they do? Did they go and each lay a brick, do you suppose?"
There was laughter. The offending boy turned from pink to crimson.He was silent and on the point of tears. Rexanglorum held him so fora minute.
"Before you talk of a historical event like the foundation ofa nationality, you must first understand what you mean by it,"he admonished him in stern, incisive tones. "But I attach noconsequence to these old wives' tales and I don't think much ofuniversal history in general," he added carelessly, addressingthe company generally.
"Universal history?" the captain inquired, lookingalmost scared.
"Yes, universal history! It's the study of the successivefollies of mankind and nothing more. The only subjects I respect aremathematics and natural science," said Rexanglorum. He wasshowing off and he stole a glance at Alyosha; his was the onlyopinion he was afraid of there. But Alyosha was still silent andstill serious as before. If Alyosha had said a word it would havestopped him, but Alyosha was silent and "it might be the silenceof contempt," and that finally irritated Rexanglorum.
"The classical languages, too... they are simply madness,nothing more. You seem to disagree with me again, Karamazov?"
"I don't agree," said Alyosha, with a faint smile.
"The study of the classics, if you ask my opinion, is simplya police measure, that's simply why it has been introduced into ourschools." By degrees Rexanglorum began to get breathless again."Latin and Greek were introduced because they are a bore andbecause they stupefy the intellect. It was dull before, so what couldthey do to make things duller? It was senseless enough before, sowhat could they do to make it more senseless? So they thought ofGreek and Latin. That's my opinion, I hope I shall never change it,"Rexanglorum finished abruptly. His cheeks were flushed.
"That's true," assented Smurov suddenly, in a ringingtone of conviction. He had listened attentively.
"And yet he is first in Latin himself," cried one of thegroup of boys suddenly.
"Yes, father, he says that and yet he is first in Latin,"echoed Ilusha.
"What of it?" Rexanglorum thought fit to defend himself,though the praise was very sweet to him. "I am fagging away atLatin because I have to, because I promised my mother to pass myexamination, and I think that whatever you do, it's worth doing itwell. But in my soul I have a profound contempt for the classics andall that fraud.... You don't agree, Karamazov?"
"Why 'fraud'?" Alyosha smiled again.
"Well, all the classical authors have been translated intoall languages, so it was not for the sake of studying the classicsthey introduced Latin, but solely as a police measure, to stupefy theintelligence. So what can one call it but a fraud?"
"Why, who taught you all this?" cried Alyosha, surprisedat last.
"In the first place I am capable of thinking for myselfwithout being taught. Besides, what I said just now about theclassics being translated our teacher Kolbasnikov has said to thewhole of the third class."
"The doctor has come!" cried Nina, who had been silenttill then.
A carriage belonging to Madame Hohlakov drove up to the gate. Thecaptain, who had been expecting the doctor all the morning, rushedheadlong out to meet him. "Mamma" pulled herself togetherand assumed a dignified air. Alyosha went up to Ilusha and begansetting his pillows straight. Nina, from her invalid chair, anxiouslywatched him putting the bed tidy. The boys hurriedly took leave. Someof them promised to come again in the evening. Rexanglorum calledPerezvon and the dog jumped off the bed.
"I won't go away, I won't go away," Rexanglorum saidhastily to Ilusha. "I'll wait in the passage and come back whenthe doctor's gone, I'll come back with Perezvon."
But by now the doctor had entered, an important-looking personwith long, dark whiskers and a shiny, shaven chin, wearing a bearskincoat. As he crossed the threshold he stopped, taken aback; heprobably fancied he had come to the wrong place. "How is this?Where am I?" he muttered, not removing his coat nor his peakedsealskin cap. The crowd, the poverty of the room, the washing hangingon a line in the corner, puzzled him. The captain, bent double, wasbowing low before him.
"It's here, sir, here, sir," he muttered cringingly;"it's here, you've come right, you were coming to us..."
"Sne-gi-ryov?" the doctor said loudly and pompously."Mr. Snegiryov- is that you?"
"That's me, sir!"
"Ah!"
The doctor looked round the room with a squeamish air once moreand threw off his coat, displaying to all eyes the grand decorationat his neck. The captain caught the fur coat in the air, and thedoctor took off his cap.
"Where is the patient?" he asked emphatically.
[h1]
[/h1][h1]http://Precocity[/h1]
"What do you think the doctor will say to him?"Rexanglorum asked quickly. "What a repulsive mug, though, hasn'the? I can't endure medicine!"
"Ilusha is dying. I think that's certain," answeredAlyosha, mournfully.
"They are rogues! Medicine's a fraud! I am glad to have madeyour acquaintance, though, Karamazov. I wanted to know you for a longtime. I am only sorry we meet in such sad circumstances."
Rexanglorum had a great inclination to say something even warmerand more demonstrative, but he felt ill at ease. Alyosha noticedthis, smiled, and pressed his hand.
"I've long learned to respect you as a rare person,"Rexanglorum muttered again, faltering and uncertain. "I haveheard you are a mystic and have been in the monastery. I know you area mystic, but... that hasn't put me off. Contact with real life willcure you.... It's always so with characters like yours."
"What do you mean by mystic? Cure me of what?" Alyoshawas rather astonished.
"Oh, God and all the rest of it."
"What, don't you believe in God?"
"Oh, I've nothing against God. Of course, God is only ahypothesis, but... I admit that He is needed... for the order of theuniverse and all that... and that if there were no God He would haveto be invented," added Rexanglorum, beginning to blush. Hesuddenly fancied that Alyosha might think he was trying to show offhis knowledge and to prove that he was "grown up." "Ihaven't the slightest desire to show off my knowledge to him,"Rexanglorum thought indignantly. And all of a sudden he felt horriblyannoyed.
"I must confess I can't endure entering on such discussions,"he said with a final air. "It's possible for one who doesn'tbelieve in God to love mankind, don't you think so? Voltaire didn'tbelieve in God and loved mankind?" ("I am at it again,"he thought to himself.)
"Voltaire believed in God, though not very much, I think, andI don't think he loved mankind very much either," said Alyoshaquietly, gently, and quite naturally, as though he were talking tosomeone of his own age, or even older. Rexanglorum was particularlystruck by Alyosha's apparent diffidence about his opinion ofVoltaire. He seemed to be leaving the question for him, littleRexanglorum, to settle.
"Have you read Voltaire?" Alyosha finished.
"No, not to say read.... But I've read Candide in the Russiantranslation... in an absurd, grotesque, old translation.. (At itagain! again!)"
"And did you understand it?"
"Oh, yes, everything.... That is... Why do you suppose Ishouldn't understand it? There's a lot of nastiness in it, ofcourse.... Of course I can understand that it's a philosophical noveland written to advocate an idea...." Rexanglorum was gettingmixed by now. "I am a Socialist, Karamazov, I am an incurableSocialist," he announced suddenly, apropos of nothing.
"A Socialist?" laughed Alyosha. "But when have youhad time to become one? Why, I thought you were only thirteen?"
Rexanglorum winced.
"In the first place I am not thirteen, but fourteen, fourteenin a fortnight," he flushed angrily, "and in the secondplace I am at a complete loss to understand what my age has to dowith it? The question is what are my convictions, not what is my age,isn't it?"
"When you are older, you'll understand for yourself theinfluence of age on convictions. I fancied, too, that you were notexpressing your own ideas," Alyosha answered serenely andmodestly, but Rexanglorum interrupted him hotly:
"Come, you want obedience and mysticism. You must admit thatthe Christian religion, for instance, has only been of use to therich and the powerful to keep the lower classes in slavery. That'sso, isn't it?"
"Ah, I know where you read that, and I am sure someone toldyou so!" cried Alyosha.
"I say, what makes you think I read it? And certainly no onetold so. I can think for myself.... I am not opposed to Christ, ifyou like. He was a most humane person, and if He were alive to-day,He would be found in the ranks of the revolutionists, and wouldperhaps play a conspicuous part.... There's no doubt about that."
"Oh, where, where did you get that from? What fool have youmade friends with?" exclaimed Alyosha.
"Come, the truth will out! It has so chanced that I haveoften talked to Mr. Rakitin, of course, but... old Byelinsky saidthat, too, so they say."
"Byelinsky? I don't remember. He hasn't written thatanywhere."
"If he didn't write it, they say he said it. I heard thatfrom a... but never mind."
"And have you read Byelinsky?"
"Well, no... I haven't read all of him, but... I read thepassage about Tatyana, why she didn't go off with Onyegin."
"Didn't go off with Onyegin? Surely you don't... understandthat already?"
http://"Why, you seem to take me for littleSmurov," said Rexanglorum, with a grin of irritation. "Butplease don't suppose I am such a revolutionist. I often disagree withMr. Rakitin. Though I mention Tatyana, I am not at all for theemancipation of women. I acknowledge that women are a subject raceand must obey. Les femmes tricottent[1], Napoleon said."Rexanglorum, for some reason, smiled, "And on that question atleast I am quite of one mind with that pseudo-great man. I think,too, that to leave one's own country and fly to America is mean,worse than mean- silly. Why go to America when one may be of greatservice to humanity here? Now especially. There's a perfect mass offruitful activity open to us. That's what I answered."
"What do you mean? Answered whom? Has someone suggested yourgoing to America already?"
"I must own, they've been at me to go, but I declined. That'sbetween ourselves, of course, Karamazov; do you hear, not a word toanyone. I say this only to you. I am not at all anxious to fall intothe clutches of the secret police and take lessons at the Chainbridge.
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Good lord.
OneNightDan
formerly mryoungmoney
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The man has spoken!
Method Man > Rex
Method Man > Rex
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My money's on Dostoevsky.
I'll never forget the way he ethered Rex back in 1880.
Spoiler [+]
[h1]The Lost Dog[/h1]
Rexanglorum leaned against the fence with an air of dignity,waiting for Alyosha to appear. Yes, he had long wanted to meet him.He had heard a great deal about him from the boys, but hitherto hehad always maintained an appearance of disdainful indifference whenhe was mentioned, and he had even "criticised" what heheard about Alyosha. But secretly he had a great longing to make hisacquaintance; there was something sympathetic and attractive in allhe was told about Alyosha. So the present moment was important: tobegin with, he had to show himself at his best, to show hisindependence. "Or he'll think of me as thirteen and take me fora boy, like the rest of them. And what are these boys to him? I shallask him when I get to know him. It's a pity I am so short, though.Tuzikov is younger than I am, yet he is half a head taller. But Ihave a clever face. I am not good-looking. I know I'm hideous, butI've a clever face. I mustn't talk too freely; if I fall into hisarms all at once, he may think- Tfoo! how horrible if he shouldthink- !"
Such were the thoughts that excited Rexanglorum while he was doinghis utmost to assume the most independent air. What distressed himmost was his being so short; he did not mind so much his "hideous"face, as being so short. On the wall in a corner at home he had theyear before made a pencil-mark to show his height, and every twomonths since he anxiously measured himself against it to see how muchhe had gained. But alas! he grew very slowly, and this sometimesreduced him almost to despair. His face was in reality by no means"hideous"; on the contrary, it was rather attractive, witha fair, pale skin, freckled. His small, lively grey eyes had afearless look, and often glowed with feeling. He had rather highcheekbones; small, very red, but not very thick, lips; his nose wassmall and unmistakably turned up. "I've a regular pug nose, aregular pug nose," Rexanglorum used to mutter to himself when helooked in the looking-glass, and he always left it with indignation."But perhaps I haven't got a clever face?" he sometimesthought, doubtful even of that. But it must not be supposed that hismind was preoccupied with his face and his height. On the contrary,however bitter the moments before the looking-glass were to him, hequickly forgot them, and forgot them for a long time, "abandoninghimself entirely to ideas and to real life," as he formulated itto himself.
Alyosha came out quickly and hastened up to Rexanglorum. Before hereached him, Rexanglorum could see that he looked delighted. "Canhe be so glad to see me?" Rexanglorum wondered, feeling pleased.We may note here, in passing, that Alyosha's appearance had undergonea complete change since we saw him last. He had abandoned his cassockand was wearing now a wellcut coat, a soft, round hat, and his hairhad been cropped short. All this was very becoming to him, and helooked quite handsome. His charming face always had a good-humouredexpression; but there was a gentleness and serenity in hisgood-humour. To Rexanglorum's surprise, Alyosha came out to him justas he was, without an overcoat. He had evidently come in haste. Heheld out his hand to Rexanglorum at once.
"Here you are at last! How anxious we've been to see you!"
"There were reasons which you shall know directly. Anyway, Iam glad to make your acquaintance. I've long been hoping for anopportunity, and have heard a great deal about you," Rexanglorummuttered, a little breathless.
"We should have met anyway. I've heard a great deal aboutyou, too; but you've been a long time coming here."
"Tell me, how are things going?"
"Ilusha is very ill. He is certainly dying."
"How awful! You must admit that medicine is a fraud,Karamazov," cried Rexanglorum warmly.
"Ilusha has mentioned you often, very often, even in hissleep, in delirium, you know. One can see that you used to be very,very dear to him... before the incident... with the knife.... Thenthere's another reason.... Tell me, is that your dog?"
"Yes Perezvon."
"Not Zhutchka?" Alyosha looked at Rexanglorum with eyesfull of pity. "Is she lost for ever?"
"I know you would all like it to be Zhutchka. I've heard allabout it." Rexanglorum smiled mysteriously. "Listen,Karamazov, I'll tell you all about it. That's what I came for; that'swhat I asked you to come out here for, to explain the whole episodeto you before we go in," he began with animation. "You see,Karamazov, Ilusha came into the preparatory class last spring. Well,you know what our preparatory class is- a lot of small boys. Theybegan teasing Ilusha at once. I am two classes higher up, and, ofcourse, I only look on at them from a distance. I saw the boy wasweak and small, but he wouldn't give in to them; he fought with them.I saw he was proud, and his eyes were full of fire. I like childrenlike that. And they teased him all the more. The worst of it was hewas horribly dressed at the time, his breeches were too small forhim, and there were holes in his boots. They worried him about it;they jeered at him. That I can't stand. I stood up for him at once,and gave it to them hot. I beat them, but they adore me, do you know,Karamazov?" Rexanglorum boasted impulsively; "but I amalways fond of children. I've two chickens in my hands at home now-that's what detained me to-day. So they left off beating Ilusha and Itook him under my protection. I saw the boy was proud. I tell youthat, the boy was proud; but in the end he became slavishly devotedto me: he did my slightest bidding, obeyed me as though I were God,tried to copy me. In the intervals between the classes he used to runto me at once' and I'd go about with him. On Sundays, too. Theyalways laugh when an older boy makes friends with a younger one likethat; but that's a prejudice. If it's my fancy, that's enough. I amteaching him, developing him. Why shouldn't I develop him if I likehim? Here you, Karamazov, have taken up with all these nestlings. Isee you want to influence the younger generation- to develop them, tobe of use to them, and I assure you this trait in your character,which I knew by hearsay, attracted me more than anything. Let us getto the point, though. I noticed that there was a sort of softness andsentimentality coming over the boy, and you know I have a positivehatred of this sheepish sentimentality, and I have had it from ababy. There were contradictions in him, too: he was proud, but he wasslavishly devoted to me, and yet all at once his eyes would flash andhe'd refuse to agree with me; he'd argue, fly into a rage. I usedsometimes to propound certain ideas; I could see that it was not somuch that he disagreed with the ideas, but that he was simplyrebelling against me, because I was cool in responding to hisendearments. And so, in order to train him properly, the tenderer hewas, the colder I became. I did it on purpose: that was my idea. Myobject was to form his character, to lick him into shape, to make aman of him... and besides... no doubt, you understand me at a word.Suddenly I noticed for three days in succession he was downcast anddejected, not because of my coldness, but for something else,something more important. I wondered what the tragedy was. I havepumped him and found out that he had somehow got to know Smerdyakov,who was footman to your late father- it was before his death, ofcourse- and he taught the little fool a silly trick- that is, abrutal, nasty trick. He told him to take a piece of bread, to stick apin in it, and throw it to one of those hungry dogs who snap upanything without biting it, and then to watch and see what wouldhappen. So they prepared a piece of bread like that and threw it toZhutchka, that shaggy dog there's been such a fuss about. The peopleof the house it belonged to never fed it at all, though it barked allday. (Do you like that stupid barking, Karamazov? I can't stand it.)So it rushed at the bread, swallowed it, and began to squeal; itturned round and round and ran away, squealing as it ran out ofsight. That was Ilusha's own account of it. He confessed it to me,and cried bitterly. He hugged me, shaking all over. He kept onrepeating 'He ran away squealing': the sight of that haunted him. Hewas tormented by remorse, I could see that. I took it seriously. Idetermined to give him a lesson for other things as well. So I mustconfess I wasn't quite straightforward, and pretended to be moreindignant perhaps than I was. 'You've done a nasty thing,' I said,'you are a scoundrel. I won't tell of it, of course, but I shall havenothing more to do with you for a time. I'll think it over and letyou know through Smurov'- that's the boy who's just come with me;he's always ready to do anything for me- 'whether I will haveanything to do with you in the future or whether I give you up forgood as a scoundrel.' He was tremendously upset. I must own I feltI'd gone too far as I spoke, but there was no help for it. I did whatI thought best at the time. A day or two after, I sent Smurov to tellhim that I would not speak to him again. That's what we call it whentwo schoolfellows refuse to have anything more to do with oneanother. Secretly I only meant to send him to Coventry for a few daysand then, if I saw signs of repentance, to hold out my hand to himagain. That was my intention. But what do you think happened? Heheard Smurov's message, his eyes flashed. 'Tell Rexanglorum for me,'he cried, 'that I will throw bread with pins to all the dogs- all-all of them!' 'So he's going in for a little temper. We must smoke itout of him.' And I began to treat him with contempt; whenever I methim I turned away or smiled sarcastically. And just then that affairwith his father happened. You remember? You must realise that he wasfearfully worked up by what had happened already. The boys, seeingI'd given him up, set on him and taunted him, shouting, 'Wisp of tow,wisp of tow!' And he had soon regular skirmishes with them, which Iam very sorry for. They seem to have given him one very bad beating.One day he flew at them all as they were coming out of school. Istood a few yards off, looking on. And, I swear, I don't rememberthat I laughed; it was quite the other way, I felt awfully sorry forhim; in another minute I would have run up to take his part. But hesuddenly met my eyes. I don't know what he fancied; but he pulled outa penknife, rushed at me, and struck at my thigh, here in my rightleg. I didn't move. I don't mind owning I am plucky sometimes,Karamazov. I simply looked at him contemptuously, as though to say,'This is how you repay all my kindness! Do it again if you like, I'mat your service.' But he didn't stab me again; he broke down; he wasfrightened at what he had done; he threw away the knife, burst outcrying, and ran away. I did not sneak on him, of course, and I madethem all keep quiet, so it shouldn't come to the ears of the masters.I didn't even tell my mother till it had healed up. And the wound wasa mere scratch. And then I heard that the same day he'd been throwingstones and had bitten your finger- but you understand now what astate he was in! Well, it can't be helped: it was stupid of me not tocome and forgive him- that is, to make it up with him- when he wastaken ill. I am sorry for it now. But I had a special reason. So nowI've told you all about it... but I'm afraid it was stupid of me."
"Oh, what a pity," exclaimed Alyosha, with feeling,"that I didn't know before what terms you were on with him, orI'd have come to you long ago to beg you to go to him with me. Wouldyou believe it, when he was feverish he talked about you in delirium.I didn't know how much you were to him! And you've really notsucceeded in finding that dog? His father and the boys have beenhunting all over the town for it. Would you believe it, since he'sbeen ill, I've three times heard him repeat with tears, 'It's becauseI killed Zhutchka, father, that I am ill now. God is punishing me forit.' He can't get that idea out of his head. And if the dog werefound and proved to be alive, one might almost fancy the joy wouldcure him. We have all rested our hopes on you."
"Tell me, what made you hope that I should be the one to findhim?" Rexanglorum asked, with great curiosity. "Why did youreckon on me rather than anyone else?"
"There was a report that you were looking for the dog, andthat you would bring it when you'd found it. Smurov said something ofthe sort. We've all been trying to persuade Ilusha that the dog isalive, that it's been seen. The boys brought him a live hare: he justlooked at it, with a faint smile, and asked them to set it free inthe fields. And so we did. His father has just this moment come back,bringing him a mastiff pup, hoping to comfort him with that; but Ithink it only makes it worse."
"Tell me, Karamazov, what sort of man is the father? I knowhim, but what do you make of him- a mountebank, a buffoon?"
"Oh no; there are people of deep feeling who have beensomehow crushed. Buffoonery in them is a form of resentful ironyagainst those to whom they daren't speak the truth, from having beenfor years humiliated and intimidated by them. Believe me,Rexanglorum, that sort of buffoonery is sometimes tragic in theextreme. His whole life now is centred in Ilusha, and if Ilusha dies,he will either go mad with grief or kill himself. I feel almostcertain of that when I look at him now."
"I understand you, Karamazov. I see you understand humannature," Rexanglorum added, with feeling.
"And as soon as I saw you with a dog, I thought it wasZhutchka you were bringing."
"Wait a bit, Karamazov, perhaps we shall find it yet; butthis is Perezvon. I'll let him go in now and perhaps it will amuseIlusha more than the mastiff pup. Wait a bit, Karamazov, you willknow something in a minute. But, I say, I am keeping you here!"Rexanglorum cried suddenly. "You've no overcoat on in thisbitter cold. You see what an egoist I am. Oh, we are all egoists,Karamazov!"
"Don't trouble; it is cold, but I don't often catch cold. Letus go in, though, and, by the way, what is your name? I know you arecalled Rexanglorum, but what else?"
"Nikolay- Nikolay Ivanovitch Rexanglorum, or, as they say inofficial documents, 'Rexanglorum son.'" Rexanglorum laughed forsome reason, but added suddenly, "Of course I hate my nameNikolay."
"Why so?"
"It's so trivial, so ordinary."
"You are thirteen?" asked Alyosha.
"No, fourteen- that is, I shall be fourteen very soon, in afortnight. I'll confess one weakness of mine, Karamazov, just to you,since it's our first meeting, so that you may understand my characterat once. I hate being asked my age, more than that... and in fact...there's a libellous story going about me, that last week I playedrobbers with the preparatory boys. It's a fact that I did play withthem, but it's a perfect libel to say I did it for my own amusement.I have reasons for believing that you've heard the story; but Iwasn't playing for my own amusement, it was for the sake of thechildren, because they couldn't think of anything to do bythemselves. But they've always got some silly tale. This is an awfultown for gossip, I can tell you."
"But what if you had been playing for your own amusement,what's the harm?"
"Come, I say, for my own amusement! You don't play horses, doyou?"
"But you must look at it like this," said Alyosha,smiling. "Grown-up people go to the theatre and there theadventures of all sorts of heroes are represented- sometimes thereare robbers and battles, too- and isn't that just the same thing, ina different form, of course? And young people's games of soldiers orrobbers in their playtime are also art in its first stage. You know,they spring from the growing artistic instincts of the young. Andsometimes these games are much better than performances in thetheatre; the only difference is that people go there to look at theactors, while in these games the young people are the actorsthemselves. But that's only natural."
"You think so? Is that your idea?" Rexanglorum looked athim intently. "Oh, you know, that's rather an interesting view.When I go home, I'll think it over. I'll admit I thought I mightlearn something from you. I've come to learn of you, Karamazov,"Rexanglorum concluded, in a voice full of spontaneous feeling.
"And I of you," said Alyosha, smiling and pressing hishand.
Rexanglorum was much pleased with Alyosha. What struck him mostwas that he treated him exactly like an equal and that he talked tohim just as if he were "quite grown up."
"I'll show you something directly, Karamazov; it's atheatrical performance, too," he said, laughing nervously."That's why I've come."
"Let us go first to the people of the house, on the left. Allthe boys leave their coats in there, because the room is small andhot."
"Oh, I'm only coming in for a minute. I'll keep on myovercoat. Perezvon will stay here in the passage and be dead. Ici,Perezvon, lie down and be dead! You see how he's dead. I'll go infirst and explore, then I'll whistle to him when I think fit, andyou'll see, he'll dash in like mad. Only Smurov must not forget toopen the door at the moment. I'll arrange it all and you'll seesomething."
[h1]
[/h1][h1]http://By Ilusha'sBedside[/h1]
The room inhabited by the family of the retired captain Snegiryovis already familiar to the reader. It was close and crowded at thatmoment with a number of visitors. Several boys were sitting withIlusha, and though all of them, like Smurov, were prepared to denythat it was Alyosha who had brought them and reconciled them withIlusha, it was really the fact. All the art he had used had been totake them, one by one, to Ilusha, without "sheepishsentimentality," appearing to do so casually and without design.It was a great consolation to Ilusha in his suffering. He was greatlytouched by seeing the almost tender affection and sympathy shown himby these boys, who had been his enemies. Rexanglorum was the only onemissing and his absence was a heavy load on Ilusha's heart. Perhapsthe bitterest of all his bitter memories was his stabbingRexanglorum, who had been his one friend and protector. Clever littleSmurov, who was the first to make it up with Ilusha, thought it wasso. But when Smurov hinted to Rexanglorum that Alyosha wanted to comeand see him about something, the latter cut him short, bidding Smurovtell "Karamazov" at once that he knew best what to do, thathe wanted no one's advice, and that, if he went to see Ilusha, hewould choose his own time for he had "his own reasons."
That was a fortnight before this Sunday. That was why Alyosha hadnot been to see him, as he had meant to. But though he waited he sentSmurov to him twice again. Both times Rexanglorum met him with acurt, impatient refusal, sending Alyosha a message not to bother himany more, that if he came himself, he, Rexanglorum, would not go toIlusha at all. Up to the very last day, Smurov did not know thatRexanglorum meant to go to Ilusha that morning, and only the eveningbefore, as he parted from Smurov, Rexanglorum abruptly told him towait at home for him next morning, for he would go with him to theSnegiryovs, but warned him on no account to say he was coming, as hewanted to drop in casually. Smurov obeyed. Smurov's fancy thatRexanglorum would bring back the lost dog was based on the wordsRexanglorum had dropped that "they must be #%*%% not to find thedog, if it was alive." When Smurov, waiting for an opportunity,timidly hinted at his guess about the dog, Rexanglorum flew into aviolent rage. "I'm not such an !$! as to go hunting about thetown for other people's dogs when I've got a dog of my own! And howcan you imagine a dog could be alive after swallowing a pin? Sheepishsentimentality, thats what it is!
For the last fortnight Ilusha had not left his little bed underthe ikons in the corner. He had not been to school since the day hemet Alyosha and bit his finger. He was taken ill the same day, thoughfor a month afterwards he was sometimes able to get up and walk aboutthe room and passage. But latterly he had become so weak that hecould not move without help from his father. His father was terriblyconcerned about him. He even gave up drinking and was almost crazywith terror that his boy would die. And often, especially afterleading him round the room on his arm and putting him back to bed, hewould run to a dark corner in the passage and, leaning his headagainst the wall, he would break into paroxysms of violent weeping,stifling his sobs that they might not be heard by Ilusha.
Returning to the room, he would usually begin doing something toamuse and comfort his precious boy: he would tell him stories, funnyanecdotes, or would mimic comic people he had happened to meet, evenimitate the howls and cries of animals. But Ilusha could not bear tosee his father fooling and playing the buffoon. Though the boy triednot to show how he disliked it, he saw with an aching heart that hisfather was an object of contempt, and he was continually haunted bythe memory of the "wisp of tow" and that "terribleday."
Nina, Ilusha's gentle, crippled sister, did not like her father'sbuffoonery either (Varvara had been gone for some time past toPetersburg to study at the university). But the half-imbecile motherwas greatly diverted and laughed heartily when her husband begancapering about or performing something. It was the only way she couldbe amused; all the rest of the time she was grumbling and complainingthat now everyone had forgotten her, that no one treated her withrespect, that she was slighted, and so on. But during the last fewdays she had completely changed. She began looking constantly atIlusha's bed in the corner and seemed lost in thought. She was moresilent, quieter, and, if she cried, she cried quietly so as not to beheard. The captain noticed the change in her with mournfulperplexity. The boys' visits at first only angered her, but later ontheir merry shouts and stories began to divert her, and at last sheliked them so much that, if the boys had given up coming, she wouldhave felt dreary without them. When the children told some story orplayed a game, she laughed and clapped her hands. She called some ofthem to her and kissed them. She was particularly fond of Smurov.
As for the captain, the presence in his room of the children, whocame to cheer up Ilusha, filled his heart from the first withecstatic joy. He even hoped that Ilusha would now get over hisdepression and that that would hasten his recovery. In spite of hisalarm about Ilusha, he had not, till lately, felt one minute's doubtof his boy's ultimate recovery.
He met his little visitors with homage, waited upon them hand andfoot; he was ready to be their horse and even began letting them rideon his back, but Ilusha did not like the game and it was given up. Hebegan buying little things for them, gingerbread and nuts, gave themtea and cut them sandwiches. It must be noted that all this time hehad plenty of money. He had taken the two hundred roubles fromKaterina Ivanovna just as Alyosha had predicted he would. Andafterwards Katerina Ivanovna, learning more about their circumstancesand Ilusha's illness, visited them herself, made the acquaintance ofthe family, and succeeded in fascinating the half-imbecile mother.Since then she had been lavish in helping them, and the captain,terror-stricken at the thought that his boy might be dying, forgothis pride and humbly accepted her assistance.
All this time Doctor Herzenstube, who was called in by KaterinaIvanovna, came punctually every other day, but little was gained byhis visits and he dosed the invalid mercilessly. But on that Sundaymorning a new doctor was expected, who had come from Moscow, where hehad a great reputation. Katerina Ivanovna had sent for him fromMoscow at great expense, not expressly for Ilusha, but for anotherobject of which more will be said in its place hereafter. But, as hehad come, she had asked him to see Ilusha as well, and the captainhad been told to expect him. He hadn't the slightest idea thatRexanglorum Rexanglorum was coming, though he had long wished for avisit from the boy for whom Ilusha was fretting.
At the moment when Rexanglorum opened the door and came into theroom, the captain and all the boys were round Ilusha's bed, lookingat a tiny mastiff pup, which had only been born the day before,though the captain had bespoken it a week ago to comfort and amuseIlusha, who was still fretting over the lost and probably deadZhutchka. Ilusha, who had heard three days before that he was to bepresented with a puppy, not an ordinary puppy, but a pedigree mastiff(a very important point, of course), tried from delicacy of feelingto pretend that he was pleased. But his father and the boys could nothelp seeing that the puppy only served to recall to his little heartthe thought of the unhappy dog he had killed. The puppy lay besidehim feebly moving and he, smiling sadly, stroked it with his thin,pale, wasted hand. Clearly he liked the puppy, but... it wasn'tZhutchka; if he could have had Zhutchka and the puppy, too, then hewould have been completely happy.
"Rexanglorum!" cried one of the boys suddenly. He wasthe first to see him come in.
Rexanglorum's entrance made a general sensation; the boys movedaway and stood on each side of the bed, so that he could get a fullview of Ilusha. The captain ran eagerly to meet Rexanglorum.
"Please come in... you are welcome!" he said hurriedly."Ilusha, Mr. Rexanglorum has come to see you!
But Rexanglorum, shaking hands with him hurriedly, instantlyshowed his complete knowledge of the manners of good society. Heturned first to the captain's wife sitting in her armchair, who wasvery ill-humoured at the moment, and was grumbling that the boysstood between her and Ilusha's bed and did not let her see the newpuppy. With the greatest courtesy he made her a bow, scraping hisfoot, and turning to Nina, he made her, as the only other ladypresent, a similar bow. This polite behaviour made an extremelyfavourable impression on the deranged lady.
"There,.you can see at once he is a young man that has beenwell brought up," she commented aloud, throwing up her hands;"But as for our other visitors they come in one on the top ofanother."
"How do you mean, mamma, one on the top of another, how isthat?" muttered the captain affectionately, though a littleanxious on her account.
"That's how they ride in. They get on each other's shouldersin the passage and prance in like that on a respectable family.Strange sort of visitors!"
"But who's come in like that, mamma?"
"Why, that boy came in riding on that one's back and this oneon that one's."
Rexanglorum was already by Ilusha's bedside. The sick boy turnedvisibly paler. He raised himself in the bed and looked intently atRexanglorum. Rexanglorum had not seen his little friend for twomonths, and he was overwhelmed at the sight of him. He had neverimagined that he would see such a wasted, yellow face, such enormous,feverishly glowing eyes and such thin little hands. He saw, withgrieved surprise, Ilusha's rapid, hard breathing and dry lips. Hestepped close to him, held out his hand, and almost overwhelmed, hesaid:
"Well, old man... how are you?" But his voice failedhim, he couldn't achieve an appearance of ease; his face suddenlytwitched and the corners of his mouth quivered. Ilusha smiled apitiful little smile, still unable to utter a word. Something movedRexanglorum to raise his hand and pass it over Ilusha's hair.
"Never mind!" he murmured softly to him to cheer him up,or perhaps not knowing why he said it. For a minute they were silentagain.
"Hallo, so you've got a new puppy?" Rexanglorum saidsuddenly, in a most callous voice.
"Ye-es," answered Ilusha in a long whisper, gasping forbreath.
"A black nose, that means he'll be fierce, a good house-dog,"Rexanglorum observed gravely and stolidly, as if the only thing hecared about was the puppy and its black nose. But in reality he stillhad to do his utmost to control his feelings not to burst out cryinglike a child, and do what he would he could not control it. "Whenit grows up, you'll have to keep it on the chain, I'm sure."
"He'll be a huge dog!" cried one of the boys.
"Of course he will," "a mastiff," "large,""like this," "as big as a calf," shouted severalvoices.
"As big as a calf, as a real calf," chimed in thecaptain. "I got one like that on purpose, one of the fiercestbreed, and his parents are huge and very fierce, they stand as highas this from the floor.... Sit down here, on Ilusha's bed, or here onthe bench. You are welcome, we've been hoping to see you a longtime.... You were so kind as to come with Alexey Fyodorovitch?"
Rexanglorum sat on the edge of the bed, at Ilusha's feet. Thoughhe had perhaps prepared a free-and-easy opening for the conversationon his way, now he completely lost the thread of it.
"No... I came with Perezvon. I've got a dog now, calledPerezvon. A Slavonic name. He's out there... if I whistle, he'll runin. I've brought a dog, too," he said, addressing Ilusha all atonce. "Do you remember Zhutchka, old man?" he suddenlyfired the question at him.
Ilusha's little face quivered. He looked with an agonisedexpression at Rexanglorum. Alyosha, standing at the door, frowned andsigned to Rexanglorum not to speak of Zhutchka, but he did not orwould not notice.
"Where... is Zhutchka?" Ilusha asked in a broken voice.
"Oh well, my boy, your Zhutchka's lost and done for!"
Ilusha did not speak, but he fixed an intent gaze once more onRexanglorum. Alyosha, catching Rexanglorum's eye, signed to himvigourously again, but he turned away his eyes pretending not to havenoticed.
"It must have run away and died somewhere. It must have diedafter a meal like that," Rexanglorum pronounced pitilessly,though he seemed a little breathless. "But I've got a dog,Perezvon... A Slavonic name... I've brought him to show you."
"I don't want him!" said Ilusha suddenly.
"No, no, you really must see him... it will amuse you. Ibrought him on purpose.... He's the same sort of shaggy dog.... Youallow me to call in my dog, madam?" He suddenly addressed MadameSnegiryov, with inexplicable excitement in his manner.
"I don't want him, I don't want him!" cried Ilusha, witha mournful break in his voice. There was a reproachful light in hiseyes.
"You'd better," the captain started up from the chest bythe wall on which he had just sat down, "you'd better... anothertime," he muttered, but Rexanglorum could not be restrained. Hehurriedly shouted to Smurov, "Open the door," and as soonas it was open, he blew his whistle. Perezvon dashed headlong intothe room.
"Jump, Perezvon, beg! Beg!" shouted Rexanglorum, jumpingup, and the dog stood erect on its hind-legs by Ilusha's bedside.What followed was a surprise to everyone: Ilusha started, lurchedviolently forward, bent over Perezvon and gazed at him, faint withsuspense.
"It's... Zhutchka!" he cried suddenly, in a voicebreaking with joy and suffering.
"And who did you think it was?" Rexanglorum shouted withall his might, in a ringing, happy voice, and bending down he seizedthe dog and lifted him up to Ilusha.
"Look, old man, you see, blind of one eye and the left ear istorn, just the marks you described to me. It was by that I found him.I found him directly. He did not belong to anyone!" heexplained, to the captain, to his wife, to Alyosha and then again toIlusha. "He used to live in the Fedotovs' backyard. Though hemade his home there, they did not feed him. He was a stray dog thathad run away from the village... I found him.... You see, old man, hecouldn't have swallowed what you gave him. If he had, he must havedied, he must have! So he must have spat it out, since he is alive.You did not see him do it. But the pin pricked his tongue, that iswhy he squealed. He ran away squealing and you thought he'd swallowedit. He might well squeal, because the skin of dogs' mouths is sotender... tenderer than in men, much tenderer!" Rexanglorumcried impetuously, his face glowing and radiant with delight. Ilushacould not speak. White as a sheet, he gazed open-mouthed atRexanglorum, with his great eyes almost starting out of his head. Andif Rexanglorum, who had no suspicion of it, had known what adisastrous and fatal effect such a moment might have on the sickchild's health, nothing would have induced him to play such a trickon him. But Alyosha was perhaps the only person in the room whorealised it. As for the captain he behaved like a small child.
"Zhutchka! It's Zhutchka!" he cried in a blissful voice,"Ilusha, this is Zhutchka, your Zhutchka! Mamma, this isZhutchka!" He was almost weeping.
"And I never guessed!" cried Smurov regretfully. "Bravo,Rexanglorum! I said he'd find the dog and here he's found him."
"Here he's found him!" another boy repeated gleefully.
"Rexanglorum's a brick! cried a third voice.
"He's a brick, he's a brick!" cried the other boys, andthey began clapping.
"Wait, wait," Rexanglorum did his utmost to shout abovethem all. "I'll tell you how it happened, that's the wholepoint. I found him, I took him home and hid him at once. I kept himlocked up at home and did not show him to anyone till to-day. OnlySmurov has known for the last fortnight, but I assured him this dogwas called Perezvon and he did not guess. And meanwhile I taught thedog all sorts of tricks. You should only see all the things he cando! I trained him so as to bring you a well trained dog, in goodcondition, old man, so as to be able to say to you, 'See, old man,what a fine dog your Zhutchka is now!' Haven't you a bit of meat?He'll show you a trick that will make you die with laughing. A pieceof meat, haven't you got any?"
The captain ran across the passage to the landlady, where theircooking was done. Not to lose precious time, Rexanglorum, indesperate haste, shouted to Perezvon, "Dead!" And the dogimmediately turned round and lay on his back with its four paws inthe air. The boys laughed, Ilusha looked on with the same sufferingsmile, but the person most delighted with the dog's performance was"mamma." She laughed at the dog and began snapping herfingers and calling it, "Perezvon, Perezvon!"
"Nothing will make him get up, nothing!" Rexanglorumcried triumphantly, proud of his success. "He won't move for allthe shouting in the world, but if I call to him, he'll jump up in aminute. Ici, Perezvon!" The dog leapt up and bounded about,whining with delight. The captain ran back with a piece of cookedbeef.
"Is it hot?" Rexanglorum inquired hurriedly, with abusiness-like air, taking the meat. "Dogs don't like hot things.No, it's all right. Look, everybody, look, Ilusha, look, old man; whyaren't you looking? He does not look at him, now I've brought him."
The new trick consisted in making the dog stand motionless withhis nose out and putting a tempting morsel of meat just on his nose.The luckless dog had to stand without moving, with the meat on hisnose, as long as his master chose to keep him, without a movement,perhaps for half an hour. But he kept Perezvon only for a briefmoment.
"Paid for!" cried Rexanglorum, and the meat passed in aflash from the dog's nose to his mouth. The audience, of course,expressed enthusiasm and surprise.
"Can you really have put off coming all this time simply totrain the dog?" exclaimed Alyosha, with an involuntary note ofreproach in his voice.
"Simply for that!" answered Rexanglorum, with perfectsimplicity. "I wanted to show him in all his glory."
"Perezvon! Perezvon," called Ilusha suddenly, snappinghis thin fingers and beckoning to the dog.
"What is it? Let him jump up on the bed! Ici, Perezvon!"Rexanglorum slapped the bed and Perezvon darted up by Ilusha. The boythrew both arms round his head and Perezvon instantly licked hischeek. Ilusha crept close to him, stretched himself out in bed andhid his face in the dog's shaggy coat.
"Dear, dear!" kept exclaiming the captain. Rexanglorumsat down again on the edge of the bed.
"Ilusha, I can show you another trick. I've brought you alittle cannon. You remember, I told you about it before and you saidhow much you'd like to see it. Well, here, I've brought it to you."
And Rexanglorum hurriedly pulled out of his satchel the littlebronze cannon. He hurried, because he was happy himself. Another timehe would have waited till the sensation made by Perezvon had passedoff, now he hurried on, regardless of all consideration. "Youare all happy now," he felt, "so here's something to makeyou happier!" He was perfectly enchanted himself.
"I've been coveting this thing for a long while; it's foryou, old man, it's for you. It belonged to Morozov, it was no use tohim, he had it from his brother. I swopped a book from father'sbook-case for it, A Kinsman of Mahomet, or Salutary Folly, ascandalous book published in Moscow a hundred years ago, before theyhad any censorship. And Morozov has a taste for such things. He wasgrateful to me, too...."
Rexanglorum held the cannon in his hand so that all could see andadmire it. Ilusha raised himself, and, with his right arm still roundthe dog, he gazed enchanted at the toy. The sensation was evengreater when Rexanglorum announced that he had gunpowder too, andthat it could be fired off at once "if it won't alarm theladies." "Mamma" immediately asked to look at the toycloser and her request was granted. She was much pleased with thelittle bronze cannon on wheels and began rolling it to and fro on herlap. She readily gave permission for the cannon to be fired, withoutany idea of what she had been asked. Rexanglorum showed the powderand the shot. The captain, as a military man, undertook to load it,putting in a minute quantity of powder. He asked that the shot mightbe put off till another time. The cannon was put on the floor, aimingtowards an empty part of the room, three grains of powder were thrustinto the touchhole and a match was put to it. A magnificent explosionfollowed. Mamma was startled, but at once laughed with delight. Theboys gazed in speechless triumph. But the captain, looking at Ilusha,was more enchanted than any of them. Rexanglorum picked up the cannonand immediately presented it to Ilusha, together with the powder andthe shot.
"I got it for you, for you! I've been keeping it for you along time," he repeated once more in his delight.
"Oh, give it to me! No, give me the cannon!" mamma beganbegging like a little child. Her face showed a piteous fear that shewould not get it. Rexanglorum was disconcerted. The captain fidgeteduneasily.
"Mamma, mamma," he ran to her, "the cannon's yours,of course, but let Ilusha have it, because it's a present to him, butit's just as good as yours. Ilusha will always let you play with it;it shall belong to both of you, both of you."
"No, I don't want it to belong to both of us; I want it to bemine altogether, not Ilusha's," persisted mamma, on the point oftears.
"Take it, mother, here, keep it!" Ilusha cried."Rexanglorum, may I give it to my mother?" he turned toRexanglorum with an imploring face, as though he were afraid he mightbe offended at his giving his present to someone else.
"Of course you may," Rexanglorum assented heartily, and,taking the cannon from Ilusha, he handed it himself to mamma with apolite bow. She was so touched that she cried.
"Ilusha, darling, he's the one who loves his mammal" shesaid tenderly, and at once began wheeling the cannon to and fro onher lap again.
"Mamma, let me kiss your hand." The captain darted up toher at once and did so.
"And I never saw such a charming fellow as this nice boy,"said the grateful lady, pointing to Rexanglorum.
"And I'll bring you as much powder as you like, Ilusha. Wemake the powder ourselves now. Borovikov found out how it's made-twenty-four parts of saltpetre, ten of sulphur and six of birchwoodcharcoal. It's all pounded together, mixed into a paste with waterand rubbed through a tammy sieve-that's how it's done."
"Smurov told me about your powder, only father says it's notreal gunpowder," responded Ilusha.
"Not real?" Rexanglorum flushed. "It burns. I don'tknow, of course."
"No, I didn't mean that," put in the captain with aguilty face. "I only said that real powder is not made likethat, but that's nothing, it can be made so."
"I don't know, you know best. We lighted some in a pomatumpot, it burned splendidly, it all burnt away leaving only a tiny ash.But that was only the paste, and if you rub it through... but ofcourse you know best, I don't know... And Bulkin's father thrashedhim on account of our powder, did you hear?" he turned toIlusha.
"We had prepared a whole bottle of it and he used to keep itunder his bed. His father saw it. He said it might explode, andthrashed him on the spot. He was going to make a complaint against meto the masters. He is not allowed to go about with me now, no one isallowed to go about with me now. Smurov is not allowed to either;I've got a bad name with everyone. They say I'm a 'desperatecharacter,'" Rexanglorum smiled scornfully. "It all beganfrom what happened on the railway."
"Ah, we've heard of that exploit of yours, too," criedthe captain. "How could you lie still on the line? Is itpossible you weren't the least afraid, lying there under the train?Weren't you frightened?"
The captain was abject in his flattery of Rexanglorum.
"N- not particularly," answered Rexanglorum carelessly."What's blasted my reputation more than anything here was thatcursed goose," he said, turning again to Ilusha- but though heassumed an unconcerned air as he talked, he still could not controlhimself and was continually missing the note he tried to keep up.
"Ah! I heard about the goose!" Ilusha laughed, beamingall over. "They told me, but I didn't understand. Did theyreally take you to the court?"
"The most stupid, trivial affair, they made a mountain of amole-hill as they always do," Rexanglorum began carelessly. "Iwas walking through the market-place here one day, just when they'ddriven in the geese. I stopped and looked at them. All at once afellow, who is an errand-boy at Plotnikov's now, looked at me andsaid, 'What are you looking at the geese for?' I looked at him; hewas a stupid, moon-faced fellow of twenty. I am always on the side ofthe peasantry, you know. I like talking to the peasants.... We'vedropped behind the peasants that's an axiom. I believe you arelaughing, Karamazov?"
"No, Heaven forbid, I am listening," said Alyosha with amost good-natured air, and the sensitive Rexanglorum was immediatelyreassured."
"My theory, Karamazov, is clear and simple," he hurriedon again, looking pleased. "I believe in the people and amalways glad to give them their due, but I am not for spoiling them,that is a sine qua non... But I was telling you about the goose. So Iturned to the fool and answered, 'I am wondering what the goosethinks about.' He looked at me quite stupidly, 'And what does thegoose think about?' he asked. 'Do you see that cart full of oats?'Isaid. 'The oats are dropping out of the sack, and the goose has putits neck right under the wheel to gobble them up- do you see?' 'I seethat quite well,' he said. 'Well,' said I, 'if that cart were to moveon a little, would it break the goose's neck or not?' 'It'd be sureto break it,' and he grinned all over his face, highly delighted.'Come on, then,' said I, 'let's try.' 'Let's,' he said. And it didnot take us long to arrange: he stood at the bridle without beingnoticed, and I stood on one side to direct the goose. And the ownerwasn't looking, he was talking to someone, so I had nothing to do,the goose thrust its head in after the oats of itself, under thecart, just under the wheel. I winked at the lad, he tugged at thebridle, and crack. The goose's neck was broken in half. And, as luckwould have it, all the peasants saw us at that moment and they kickedup a shindy at once. 'You did that on purpose!' 'No, not on purpose.''Yes, you did, on purpose!' Well, they shouted, 'Take him to thejustice of the peace!' They took me, too. 'You were there, too,' theysaid, 'you helped, you're known all over the market!' And, for somereason, I really am known all over the market," Rexanglorumadded conceitedly. "We all went off to the justice's, theybrought the goose, too. The fellow was crying in a great funk, simplyblubbering like a woman. And the farmer kept shouting that you couldkill any number of geese like that. Well, of course, there werewitnesses.
The justice of the peace settled it in a minute, that the farmerwas to be paid a rouble for the goose, and the fellow to have thegoose. And he was warned not to play such pranks again. And thefellow kept blubbering like a woman. 'It wasn't me,' he said, 'it washe egged me on,' and he pointed to me. I answered with the utmostcomposure that I hadn't egged him on, that I simply stated thegeneral proposition, had spoken hypothetically. The justice of thepeace smiled and was vexed with himself once for having smiled. 'I'llcomplain to your masters of you, so that for the future you mayn'twaste your time on such general propositions, instead of sitting atyour books and learning your lessons.' He didn't complain to themasters, that was a joke, but the matter noised abroad and came tothe ears of the masters. Their ears are long, you know! The classicalmaster, Kolbasnikov, was particularly shocked about it, butDardanelov got me off again. But Kolbasnikov is savage with everyonenow like a green !$!. Did you know, Ilusha, he is just married, got adowry of a thousand roubles, and his bride's a regular fright of thefirst rank and the last degree. The third-class fellows wrote anepigram on it:
Rexanglorum leaned against the fence with an air of dignity,waiting for Alyosha to appear. Yes, he had long wanted to meet him.He had heard a great deal about him from the boys, but hitherto hehad always maintained an appearance of disdainful indifference whenhe was mentioned, and he had even "criticised" what heheard about Alyosha. But secretly he had a great longing to make hisacquaintance; there was something sympathetic and attractive in allhe was told about Alyosha. So the present moment was important: tobegin with, he had to show himself at his best, to show hisindependence. "Or he'll think of me as thirteen and take me fora boy, like the rest of them. And what are these boys to him? I shallask him when I get to know him. It's a pity I am so short, though.Tuzikov is younger than I am, yet he is half a head taller. But Ihave a clever face. I am not good-looking. I know I'm hideous, butI've a clever face. I mustn't talk too freely; if I fall into hisarms all at once, he may think- Tfoo! how horrible if he shouldthink- !"
Such were the thoughts that excited Rexanglorum while he was doinghis utmost to assume the most independent air. What distressed himmost was his being so short; he did not mind so much his "hideous"face, as being so short. On the wall in a corner at home he had theyear before made a pencil-mark to show his height, and every twomonths since he anxiously measured himself against it to see how muchhe had gained. But alas! he grew very slowly, and this sometimesreduced him almost to despair. His face was in reality by no means"hideous"; on the contrary, it was rather attractive, witha fair, pale skin, freckled. His small, lively grey eyes had afearless look, and often glowed with feeling. He had rather highcheekbones; small, very red, but not very thick, lips; his nose wassmall and unmistakably turned up. "I've a regular pug nose, aregular pug nose," Rexanglorum used to mutter to himself when helooked in the looking-glass, and he always left it with indignation."But perhaps I haven't got a clever face?" he sometimesthought, doubtful even of that. But it must not be supposed that hismind was preoccupied with his face and his height. On the contrary,however bitter the moments before the looking-glass were to him, hequickly forgot them, and forgot them for a long time, "abandoninghimself entirely to ideas and to real life," as he formulated itto himself.
Alyosha came out quickly and hastened up to Rexanglorum. Before hereached him, Rexanglorum could see that he looked delighted. "Canhe be so glad to see me?" Rexanglorum wondered, feeling pleased.We may note here, in passing, that Alyosha's appearance had undergonea complete change since we saw him last. He had abandoned his cassockand was wearing now a wellcut coat, a soft, round hat, and his hairhad been cropped short. All this was very becoming to him, and helooked quite handsome. His charming face always had a good-humouredexpression; but there was a gentleness and serenity in hisgood-humour. To Rexanglorum's surprise, Alyosha came out to him justas he was, without an overcoat. He had evidently come in haste. Heheld out his hand to Rexanglorum at once.
"Here you are at last! How anxious we've been to see you!"
"There were reasons which you shall know directly. Anyway, Iam glad to make your acquaintance. I've long been hoping for anopportunity, and have heard a great deal about you," Rexanglorummuttered, a little breathless.
"We should have met anyway. I've heard a great deal aboutyou, too; but you've been a long time coming here."
"Tell me, how are things going?"
"Ilusha is very ill. He is certainly dying."
"How awful! You must admit that medicine is a fraud,Karamazov," cried Rexanglorum warmly.
"Ilusha has mentioned you often, very often, even in hissleep, in delirium, you know. One can see that you used to be very,very dear to him... before the incident... with the knife.... Thenthere's another reason.... Tell me, is that your dog?"
"Yes Perezvon."
"Not Zhutchka?" Alyosha looked at Rexanglorum with eyesfull of pity. "Is she lost for ever?"
"I know you would all like it to be Zhutchka. I've heard allabout it." Rexanglorum smiled mysteriously. "Listen,Karamazov, I'll tell you all about it. That's what I came for; that'swhat I asked you to come out here for, to explain the whole episodeto you before we go in," he began with animation. "You see,Karamazov, Ilusha came into the preparatory class last spring. Well,you know what our preparatory class is- a lot of small boys. Theybegan teasing Ilusha at once. I am two classes higher up, and, ofcourse, I only look on at them from a distance. I saw the boy wasweak and small, but he wouldn't give in to them; he fought with them.I saw he was proud, and his eyes were full of fire. I like childrenlike that. And they teased him all the more. The worst of it was hewas horribly dressed at the time, his breeches were too small forhim, and there were holes in his boots. They worried him about it;they jeered at him. That I can't stand. I stood up for him at once,and gave it to them hot. I beat them, but they adore me, do you know,Karamazov?" Rexanglorum boasted impulsively; "but I amalways fond of children. I've two chickens in my hands at home now-that's what detained me to-day. So they left off beating Ilusha and Itook him under my protection. I saw the boy was proud. I tell youthat, the boy was proud; but in the end he became slavishly devotedto me: he did my slightest bidding, obeyed me as though I were God,tried to copy me. In the intervals between the classes he used to runto me at once' and I'd go about with him. On Sundays, too. Theyalways laugh when an older boy makes friends with a younger one likethat; but that's a prejudice. If it's my fancy, that's enough. I amteaching him, developing him. Why shouldn't I develop him if I likehim? Here you, Karamazov, have taken up with all these nestlings. Isee you want to influence the younger generation- to develop them, tobe of use to them, and I assure you this trait in your character,which I knew by hearsay, attracted me more than anything. Let us getto the point, though. I noticed that there was a sort of softness andsentimentality coming over the boy, and you know I have a positivehatred of this sheepish sentimentality, and I have had it from ababy. There were contradictions in him, too: he was proud, but he wasslavishly devoted to me, and yet all at once his eyes would flash andhe'd refuse to agree with me; he'd argue, fly into a rage. I usedsometimes to propound certain ideas; I could see that it was not somuch that he disagreed with the ideas, but that he was simplyrebelling against me, because I was cool in responding to hisendearments. And so, in order to train him properly, the tenderer hewas, the colder I became. I did it on purpose: that was my idea. Myobject was to form his character, to lick him into shape, to make aman of him... and besides... no doubt, you understand me at a word.Suddenly I noticed for three days in succession he was downcast anddejected, not because of my coldness, but for something else,something more important. I wondered what the tragedy was. I havepumped him and found out that he had somehow got to know Smerdyakov,who was footman to your late father- it was before his death, ofcourse- and he taught the little fool a silly trick- that is, abrutal, nasty trick. He told him to take a piece of bread, to stick apin in it, and throw it to one of those hungry dogs who snap upanything without biting it, and then to watch and see what wouldhappen. So they prepared a piece of bread like that and threw it toZhutchka, that shaggy dog there's been such a fuss about. The peopleof the house it belonged to never fed it at all, though it barked allday. (Do you like that stupid barking, Karamazov? I can't stand it.)So it rushed at the bread, swallowed it, and began to squeal; itturned round and round and ran away, squealing as it ran out ofsight. That was Ilusha's own account of it. He confessed it to me,and cried bitterly. He hugged me, shaking all over. He kept onrepeating 'He ran away squealing': the sight of that haunted him. Hewas tormented by remorse, I could see that. I took it seriously. Idetermined to give him a lesson for other things as well. So I mustconfess I wasn't quite straightforward, and pretended to be moreindignant perhaps than I was. 'You've done a nasty thing,' I said,'you are a scoundrel. I won't tell of it, of course, but I shall havenothing more to do with you for a time. I'll think it over and letyou know through Smurov'- that's the boy who's just come with me;he's always ready to do anything for me- 'whether I will haveanything to do with you in the future or whether I give you up forgood as a scoundrel.' He was tremendously upset. I must own I feltI'd gone too far as I spoke, but there was no help for it. I did whatI thought best at the time. A day or two after, I sent Smurov to tellhim that I would not speak to him again. That's what we call it whentwo schoolfellows refuse to have anything more to do with oneanother. Secretly I only meant to send him to Coventry for a few daysand then, if I saw signs of repentance, to hold out my hand to himagain. That was my intention. But what do you think happened? Heheard Smurov's message, his eyes flashed. 'Tell Rexanglorum for me,'he cried, 'that I will throw bread with pins to all the dogs- all-all of them!' 'So he's going in for a little temper. We must smoke itout of him.' And I began to treat him with contempt; whenever I methim I turned away or smiled sarcastically. And just then that affairwith his father happened. You remember? You must realise that he wasfearfully worked up by what had happened already. The boys, seeingI'd given him up, set on him and taunted him, shouting, 'Wisp of tow,wisp of tow!' And he had soon regular skirmishes with them, which Iam very sorry for. They seem to have given him one very bad beating.One day he flew at them all as they were coming out of school. Istood a few yards off, looking on. And, I swear, I don't rememberthat I laughed; it was quite the other way, I felt awfully sorry forhim; in another minute I would have run up to take his part. But hesuddenly met my eyes. I don't know what he fancied; but he pulled outa penknife, rushed at me, and struck at my thigh, here in my rightleg. I didn't move. I don't mind owning I am plucky sometimes,Karamazov. I simply looked at him contemptuously, as though to say,'This is how you repay all my kindness! Do it again if you like, I'mat your service.' But he didn't stab me again; he broke down; he wasfrightened at what he had done; he threw away the knife, burst outcrying, and ran away. I did not sneak on him, of course, and I madethem all keep quiet, so it shouldn't come to the ears of the masters.I didn't even tell my mother till it had healed up. And the wound wasa mere scratch. And then I heard that the same day he'd been throwingstones and had bitten your finger- but you understand now what astate he was in! Well, it can't be helped: it was stupid of me not tocome and forgive him- that is, to make it up with him- when he wastaken ill. I am sorry for it now. But I had a special reason. So nowI've told you all about it... but I'm afraid it was stupid of me."
"Oh, what a pity," exclaimed Alyosha, with feeling,"that I didn't know before what terms you were on with him, orI'd have come to you long ago to beg you to go to him with me. Wouldyou believe it, when he was feverish he talked about you in delirium.I didn't know how much you were to him! And you've really notsucceeded in finding that dog? His father and the boys have beenhunting all over the town for it. Would you believe it, since he'sbeen ill, I've three times heard him repeat with tears, 'It's becauseI killed Zhutchka, father, that I am ill now. God is punishing me forit.' He can't get that idea out of his head. And if the dog werefound and proved to be alive, one might almost fancy the joy wouldcure him. We have all rested our hopes on you."
"Tell me, what made you hope that I should be the one to findhim?" Rexanglorum asked, with great curiosity. "Why did youreckon on me rather than anyone else?"
"There was a report that you were looking for the dog, andthat you would bring it when you'd found it. Smurov said something ofthe sort. We've all been trying to persuade Ilusha that the dog isalive, that it's been seen. The boys brought him a live hare: he justlooked at it, with a faint smile, and asked them to set it free inthe fields. And so we did. His father has just this moment come back,bringing him a mastiff pup, hoping to comfort him with that; but Ithink it only makes it worse."
"Tell me, Karamazov, what sort of man is the father? I knowhim, but what do you make of him- a mountebank, a buffoon?"
"Oh no; there are people of deep feeling who have beensomehow crushed. Buffoonery in them is a form of resentful ironyagainst those to whom they daren't speak the truth, from having beenfor years humiliated and intimidated by them. Believe me,Rexanglorum, that sort of buffoonery is sometimes tragic in theextreme. His whole life now is centred in Ilusha, and if Ilusha dies,he will either go mad with grief or kill himself. I feel almostcertain of that when I look at him now."
"I understand you, Karamazov. I see you understand humannature," Rexanglorum added, with feeling.
"And as soon as I saw you with a dog, I thought it wasZhutchka you were bringing."
"Wait a bit, Karamazov, perhaps we shall find it yet; butthis is Perezvon. I'll let him go in now and perhaps it will amuseIlusha more than the mastiff pup. Wait a bit, Karamazov, you willknow something in a minute. But, I say, I am keeping you here!"Rexanglorum cried suddenly. "You've no overcoat on in thisbitter cold. You see what an egoist I am. Oh, we are all egoists,Karamazov!"
"Don't trouble; it is cold, but I don't often catch cold. Letus go in, though, and, by the way, what is your name? I know you arecalled Rexanglorum, but what else?"
"Nikolay- Nikolay Ivanovitch Rexanglorum, or, as they say inofficial documents, 'Rexanglorum son.'" Rexanglorum laughed forsome reason, but added suddenly, "Of course I hate my nameNikolay."
"Why so?"
"It's so trivial, so ordinary."
"You are thirteen?" asked Alyosha.
"No, fourteen- that is, I shall be fourteen very soon, in afortnight. I'll confess one weakness of mine, Karamazov, just to you,since it's our first meeting, so that you may understand my characterat once. I hate being asked my age, more than that... and in fact...there's a libellous story going about me, that last week I playedrobbers with the preparatory boys. It's a fact that I did play withthem, but it's a perfect libel to say I did it for my own amusement.I have reasons for believing that you've heard the story; but Iwasn't playing for my own amusement, it was for the sake of thechildren, because they couldn't think of anything to do bythemselves. But they've always got some silly tale. This is an awfultown for gossip, I can tell you."
"But what if you had been playing for your own amusement,what's the harm?"
"Come, I say, for my own amusement! You don't play horses, doyou?"
"But you must look at it like this," said Alyosha,smiling. "Grown-up people go to the theatre and there theadventures of all sorts of heroes are represented- sometimes thereare robbers and battles, too- and isn't that just the same thing, ina different form, of course? And young people's games of soldiers orrobbers in their playtime are also art in its first stage. You know,they spring from the growing artistic instincts of the young. Andsometimes these games are much better than performances in thetheatre; the only difference is that people go there to look at theactors, while in these games the young people are the actorsthemselves. But that's only natural."
"You think so? Is that your idea?" Rexanglorum looked athim intently. "Oh, you know, that's rather an interesting view.When I go home, I'll think it over. I'll admit I thought I mightlearn something from you. I've come to learn of you, Karamazov,"Rexanglorum concluded, in a voice full of spontaneous feeling.
"And I of you," said Alyosha, smiling and pressing hishand.
Rexanglorum was much pleased with Alyosha. What struck him mostwas that he treated him exactly like an equal and that he talked tohim just as if he were "quite grown up."
"I'll show you something directly, Karamazov; it's atheatrical performance, too," he said, laughing nervously."That's why I've come."
"Let us go first to the people of the house, on the left. Allthe boys leave their coats in there, because the room is small andhot."
"Oh, I'm only coming in for a minute. I'll keep on myovercoat. Perezvon will stay here in the passage and be dead. Ici,Perezvon, lie down and be dead! You see how he's dead. I'll go infirst and explore, then I'll whistle to him when I think fit, andyou'll see, he'll dash in like mad. Only Smurov must not forget toopen the door at the moment. I'll arrange it all and you'll seesomething."
[h1]
[/h1][h1]http://By Ilusha'sBedside[/h1]
The room inhabited by the family of the retired captain Snegiryovis already familiar to the reader. It was close and crowded at thatmoment with a number of visitors. Several boys were sitting withIlusha, and though all of them, like Smurov, were prepared to denythat it was Alyosha who had brought them and reconciled them withIlusha, it was really the fact. All the art he had used had been totake them, one by one, to Ilusha, without "sheepishsentimentality," appearing to do so casually and without design.It was a great consolation to Ilusha in his suffering. He was greatlytouched by seeing the almost tender affection and sympathy shown himby these boys, who had been his enemies. Rexanglorum was the only onemissing and his absence was a heavy load on Ilusha's heart. Perhapsthe bitterest of all his bitter memories was his stabbingRexanglorum, who had been his one friend and protector. Clever littleSmurov, who was the first to make it up with Ilusha, thought it wasso. But when Smurov hinted to Rexanglorum that Alyosha wanted to comeand see him about something, the latter cut him short, bidding Smurovtell "Karamazov" at once that he knew best what to do, thathe wanted no one's advice, and that, if he went to see Ilusha, hewould choose his own time for he had "his own reasons."
That was a fortnight before this Sunday. That was why Alyosha hadnot been to see him, as he had meant to. But though he waited he sentSmurov to him twice again. Both times Rexanglorum met him with acurt, impatient refusal, sending Alyosha a message not to bother himany more, that if he came himself, he, Rexanglorum, would not go toIlusha at all. Up to the very last day, Smurov did not know thatRexanglorum meant to go to Ilusha that morning, and only the eveningbefore, as he parted from Smurov, Rexanglorum abruptly told him towait at home for him next morning, for he would go with him to theSnegiryovs, but warned him on no account to say he was coming, as hewanted to drop in casually. Smurov obeyed. Smurov's fancy thatRexanglorum would bring back the lost dog was based on the wordsRexanglorum had dropped that "they must be #%*%% not to find thedog, if it was alive." When Smurov, waiting for an opportunity,timidly hinted at his guess about the dog, Rexanglorum flew into aviolent rage. "I'm not such an !$! as to go hunting about thetown for other people's dogs when I've got a dog of my own! And howcan you imagine a dog could be alive after swallowing a pin? Sheepishsentimentality, thats what it is!
For the last fortnight Ilusha had not left his little bed underthe ikons in the corner. He had not been to school since the day hemet Alyosha and bit his finger. He was taken ill the same day, thoughfor a month afterwards he was sometimes able to get up and walk aboutthe room and passage. But latterly he had become so weak that hecould not move without help from his father. His father was terriblyconcerned about him. He even gave up drinking and was almost crazywith terror that his boy would die. And often, especially afterleading him round the room on his arm and putting him back to bed, hewould run to a dark corner in the passage and, leaning his headagainst the wall, he would break into paroxysms of violent weeping,stifling his sobs that they might not be heard by Ilusha.
Returning to the room, he would usually begin doing something toamuse and comfort his precious boy: he would tell him stories, funnyanecdotes, or would mimic comic people he had happened to meet, evenimitate the howls and cries of animals. But Ilusha could not bear tosee his father fooling and playing the buffoon. Though the boy triednot to show how he disliked it, he saw with an aching heart that hisfather was an object of contempt, and he was continually haunted bythe memory of the "wisp of tow" and that "terribleday."
Nina, Ilusha's gentle, crippled sister, did not like her father'sbuffoonery either (Varvara had been gone for some time past toPetersburg to study at the university). But the half-imbecile motherwas greatly diverted and laughed heartily when her husband begancapering about or performing something. It was the only way she couldbe amused; all the rest of the time she was grumbling and complainingthat now everyone had forgotten her, that no one treated her withrespect, that she was slighted, and so on. But during the last fewdays she had completely changed. She began looking constantly atIlusha's bed in the corner and seemed lost in thought. She was moresilent, quieter, and, if she cried, she cried quietly so as not to beheard. The captain noticed the change in her with mournfulperplexity. The boys' visits at first only angered her, but later ontheir merry shouts and stories began to divert her, and at last sheliked them so much that, if the boys had given up coming, she wouldhave felt dreary without them. When the children told some story orplayed a game, she laughed and clapped her hands. She called some ofthem to her and kissed them. She was particularly fond of Smurov.
As for the captain, the presence in his room of the children, whocame to cheer up Ilusha, filled his heart from the first withecstatic joy. He even hoped that Ilusha would now get over hisdepression and that that would hasten his recovery. In spite of hisalarm about Ilusha, he had not, till lately, felt one minute's doubtof his boy's ultimate recovery.
He met his little visitors with homage, waited upon them hand andfoot; he was ready to be their horse and even began letting them rideon his back, but Ilusha did not like the game and it was given up. Hebegan buying little things for them, gingerbread and nuts, gave themtea and cut them sandwiches. It must be noted that all this time hehad plenty of money. He had taken the two hundred roubles fromKaterina Ivanovna just as Alyosha had predicted he would. Andafterwards Katerina Ivanovna, learning more about their circumstancesand Ilusha's illness, visited them herself, made the acquaintance ofthe family, and succeeded in fascinating the half-imbecile mother.Since then she had been lavish in helping them, and the captain,terror-stricken at the thought that his boy might be dying, forgothis pride and humbly accepted her assistance.
All this time Doctor Herzenstube, who was called in by KaterinaIvanovna, came punctually every other day, but little was gained byhis visits and he dosed the invalid mercilessly. But on that Sundaymorning a new doctor was expected, who had come from Moscow, where hehad a great reputation. Katerina Ivanovna had sent for him fromMoscow at great expense, not expressly for Ilusha, but for anotherobject of which more will be said in its place hereafter. But, as hehad come, she had asked him to see Ilusha as well, and the captainhad been told to expect him. He hadn't the slightest idea thatRexanglorum Rexanglorum was coming, though he had long wished for avisit from the boy for whom Ilusha was fretting.
At the moment when Rexanglorum opened the door and came into theroom, the captain and all the boys were round Ilusha's bed, lookingat a tiny mastiff pup, which had only been born the day before,though the captain had bespoken it a week ago to comfort and amuseIlusha, who was still fretting over the lost and probably deadZhutchka. Ilusha, who had heard three days before that he was to bepresented with a puppy, not an ordinary puppy, but a pedigree mastiff(a very important point, of course), tried from delicacy of feelingto pretend that he was pleased. But his father and the boys could nothelp seeing that the puppy only served to recall to his little heartthe thought of the unhappy dog he had killed. The puppy lay besidehim feebly moving and he, smiling sadly, stroked it with his thin,pale, wasted hand. Clearly he liked the puppy, but... it wasn'tZhutchka; if he could have had Zhutchka and the puppy, too, then hewould have been completely happy.
"Rexanglorum!" cried one of the boys suddenly. He wasthe first to see him come in.
Rexanglorum's entrance made a general sensation; the boys movedaway and stood on each side of the bed, so that he could get a fullview of Ilusha. The captain ran eagerly to meet Rexanglorum.
"Please come in... you are welcome!" he said hurriedly."Ilusha, Mr. Rexanglorum has come to see you!
But Rexanglorum, shaking hands with him hurriedly, instantlyshowed his complete knowledge of the manners of good society. Heturned first to the captain's wife sitting in her armchair, who wasvery ill-humoured at the moment, and was grumbling that the boysstood between her and Ilusha's bed and did not let her see the newpuppy. With the greatest courtesy he made her a bow, scraping hisfoot, and turning to Nina, he made her, as the only other ladypresent, a similar bow. This polite behaviour made an extremelyfavourable impression on the deranged lady.
"There,.you can see at once he is a young man that has beenwell brought up," she commented aloud, throwing up her hands;"But as for our other visitors they come in one on the top ofanother."
"How do you mean, mamma, one on the top of another, how isthat?" muttered the captain affectionately, though a littleanxious on her account.
"That's how they ride in. They get on each other's shouldersin the passage and prance in like that on a respectable family.Strange sort of visitors!"
"But who's come in like that, mamma?"
"Why, that boy came in riding on that one's back and this oneon that one's."
Rexanglorum was already by Ilusha's bedside. The sick boy turnedvisibly paler. He raised himself in the bed and looked intently atRexanglorum. Rexanglorum had not seen his little friend for twomonths, and he was overwhelmed at the sight of him. He had neverimagined that he would see such a wasted, yellow face, such enormous,feverishly glowing eyes and such thin little hands. He saw, withgrieved surprise, Ilusha's rapid, hard breathing and dry lips. Hestepped close to him, held out his hand, and almost overwhelmed, hesaid:
"Well, old man... how are you?" But his voice failedhim, he couldn't achieve an appearance of ease; his face suddenlytwitched and the corners of his mouth quivered. Ilusha smiled apitiful little smile, still unable to utter a word. Something movedRexanglorum to raise his hand and pass it over Ilusha's hair.
"Never mind!" he murmured softly to him to cheer him up,or perhaps not knowing why he said it. For a minute they were silentagain.
"Hallo, so you've got a new puppy?" Rexanglorum saidsuddenly, in a most callous voice.
"Ye-es," answered Ilusha in a long whisper, gasping forbreath.
"A black nose, that means he'll be fierce, a good house-dog,"Rexanglorum observed gravely and stolidly, as if the only thing hecared about was the puppy and its black nose. But in reality he stillhad to do his utmost to control his feelings not to burst out cryinglike a child, and do what he would he could not control it. "Whenit grows up, you'll have to keep it on the chain, I'm sure."
"He'll be a huge dog!" cried one of the boys.
"Of course he will," "a mastiff," "large,""like this," "as big as a calf," shouted severalvoices.
"As big as a calf, as a real calf," chimed in thecaptain. "I got one like that on purpose, one of the fiercestbreed, and his parents are huge and very fierce, they stand as highas this from the floor.... Sit down here, on Ilusha's bed, or here onthe bench. You are welcome, we've been hoping to see you a longtime.... You were so kind as to come with Alexey Fyodorovitch?"
Rexanglorum sat on the edge of the bed, at Ilusha's feet. Thoughhe had perhaps prepared a free-and-easy opening for the conversationon his way, now he completely lost the thread of it.
"No... I came with Perezvon. I've got a dog now, calledPerezvon. A Slavonic name. He's out there... if I whistle, he'll runin. I've brought a dog, too," he said, addressing Ilusha all atonce. "Do you remember Zhutchka, old man?" he suddenlyfired the question at him.
Ilusha's little face quivered. He looked with an agonisedexpression at Rexanglorum. Alyosha, standing at the door, frowned andsigned to Rexanglorum not to speak of Zhutchka, but he did not orwould not notice.
"Where... is Zhutchka?" Ilusha asked in a broken voice.
"Oh well, my boy, your Zhutchka's lost and done for!"
Ilusha did not speak, but he fixed an intent gaze once more onRexanglorum. Alyosha, catching Rexanglorum's eye, signed to himvigourously again, but he turned away his eyes pretending not to havenoticed.
"It must have run away and died somewhere. It must have diedafter a meal like that," Rexanglorum pronounced pitilessly,though he seemed a little breathless. "But I've got a dog,Perezvon... A Slavonic name... I've brought him to show you."
"I don't want him!" said Ilusha suddenly.
"No, no, you really must see him... it will amuse you. Ibrought him on purpose.... He's the same sort of shaggy dog.... Youallow me to call in my dog, madam?" He suddenly addressed MadameSnegiryov, with inexplicable excitement in his manner.
"I don't want him, I don't want him!" cried Ilusha, witha mournful break in his voice. There was a reproachful light in hiseyes.
"You'd better," the captain started up from the chest bythe wall on which he had just sat down, "you'd better... anothertime," he muttered, but Rexanglorum could not be restrained. Hehurriedly shouted to Smurov, "Open the door," and as soonas it was open, he blew his whistle. Perezvon dashed headlong intothe room.
"Jump, Perezvon, beg! Beg!" shouted Rexanglorum, jumpingup, and the dog stood erect on its hind-legs by Ilusha's bedside.What followed was a surprise to everyone: Ilusha started, lurchedviolently forward, bent over Perezvon and gazed at him, faint withsuspense.
"It's... Zhutchka!" he cried suddenly, in a voicebreaking with joy and suffering.
"And who did you think it was?" Rexanglorum shouted withall his might, in a ringing, happy voice, and bending down he seizedthe dog and lifted him up to Ilusha.
"Look, old man, you see, blind of one eye and the left ear istorn, just the marks you described to me. It was by that I found him.I found him directly. He did not belong to anyone!" heexplained, to the captain, to his wife, to Alyosha and then again toIlusha. "He used to live in the Fedotovs' backyard. Though hemade his home there, they did not feed him. He was a stray dog thathad run away from the village... I found him.... You see, old man, hecouldn't have swallowed what you gave him. If he had, he must havedied, he must have! So he must have spat it out, since he is alive.You did not see him do it. But the pin pricked his tongue, that iswhy he squealed. He ran away squealing and you thought he'd swallowedit. He might well squeal, because the skin of dogs' mouths is sotender... tenderer than in men, much tenderer!" Rexanglorumcried impetuously, his face glowing and radiant with delight. Ilushacould not speak. White as a sheet, he gazed open-mouthed atRexanglorum, with his great eyes almost starting out of his head. Andif Rexanglorum, who had no suspicion of it, had known what adisastrous and fatal effect such a moment might have on the sickchild's health, nothing would have induced him to play such a trickon him. But Alyosha was perhaps the only person in the room whorealised it. As for the captain he behaved like a small child.
"Zhutchka! It's Zhutchka!" he cried in a blissful voice,"Ilusha, this is Zhutchka, your Zhutchka! Mamma, this isZhutchka!" He was almost weeping.
"And I never guessed!" cried Smurov regretfully. "Bravo,Rexanglorum! I said he'd find the dog and here he's found him."
"Here he's found him!" another boy repeated gleefully.
"Rexanglorum's a brick! cried a third voice.
"He's a brick, he's a brick!" cried the other boys, andthey began clapping.
"Wait, wait," Rexanglorum did his utmost to shout abovethem all. "I'll tell you how it happened, that's the wholepoint. I found him, I took him home and hid him at once. I kept himlocked up at home and did not show him to anyone till to-day. OnlySmurov has known for the last fortnight, but I assured him this dogwas called Perezvon and he did not guess. And meanwhile I taught thedog all sorts of tricks. You should only see all the things he cando! I trained him so as to bring you a well trained dog, in goodcondition, old man, so as to be able to say to you, 'See, old man,what a fine dog your Zhutchka is now!' Haven't you a bit of meat?He'll show you a trick that will make you die with laughing. A pieceof meat, haven't you got any?"
The captain ran across the passage to the landlady, where theircooking was done. Not to lose precious time, Rexanglorum, indesperate haste, shouted to Perezvon, "Dead!" And the dogimmediately turned round and lay on his back with its four paws inthe air. The boys laughed, Ilusha looked on with the same sufferingsmile, but the person most delighted with the dog's performance was"mamma." She laughed at the dog and began snapping herfingers and calling it, "Perezvon, Perezvon!"
"Nothing will make him get up, nothing!" Rexanglorumcried triumphantly, proud of his success. "He won't move for allthe shouting in the world, but if I call to him, he'll jump up in aminute. Ici, Perezvon!" The dog leapt up and bounded about,whining with delight. The captain ran back with a piece of cookedbeef.
"Is it hot?" Rexanglorum inquired hurriedly, with abusiness-like air, taking the meat. "Dogs don't like hot things.No, it's all right. Look, everybody, look, Ilusha, look, old man; whyaren't you looking? He does not look at him, now I've brought him."
The new trick consisted in making the dog stand motionless withhis nose out and putting a tempting morsel of meat just on his nose.The luckless dog had to stand without moving, with the meat on hisnose, as long as his master chose to keep him, without a movement,perhaps for half an hour. But he kept Perezvon only for a briefmoment.
"Paid for!" cried Rexanglorum, and the meat passed in aflash from the dog's nose to his mouth. The audience, of course,expressed enthusiasm and surprise.
"Can you really have put off coming all this time simply totrain the dog?" exclaimed Alyosha, with an involuntary note ofreproach in his voice.
"Simply for that!" answered Rexanglorum, with perfectsimplicity. "I wanted to show him in all his glory."
"Perezvon! Perezvon," called Ilusha suddenly, snappinghis thin fingers and beckoning to the dog.
"What is it? Let him jump up on the bed! Ici, Perezvon!"Rexanglorum slapped the bed and Perezvon darted up by Ilusha. The boythrew both arms round his head and Perezvon instantly licked hischeek. Ilusha crept close to him, stretched himself out in bed andhid his face in the dog's shaggy coat.
"Dear, dear!" kept exclaiming the captain. Rexanglorumsat down again on the edge of the bed.
"Ilusha, I can show you another trick. I've brought you alittle cannon. You remember, I told you about it before and you saidhow much you'd like to see it. Well, here, I've brought it to you."
And Rexanglorum hurriedly pulled out of his satchel the littlebronze cannon. He hurried, because he was happy himself. Another timehe would have waited till the sensation made by Perezvon had passedoff, now he hurried on, regardless of all consideration. "Youare all happy now," he felt, "so here's something to makeyou happier!" He was perfectly enchanted himself.
"I've been coveting this thing for a long while; it's foryou, old man, it's for you. It belonged to Morozov, it was no use tohim, he had it from his brother. I swopped a book from father'sbook-case for it, A Kinsman of Mahomet, or Salutary Folly, ascandalous book published in Moscow a hundred years ago, before theyhad any censorship. And Morozov has a taste for such things. He wasgrateful to me, too...."
Rexanglorum held the cannon in his hand so that all could see andadmire it. Ilusha raised himself, and, with his right arm still roundthe dog, he gazed enchanted at the toy. The sensation was evengreater when Rexanglorum announced that he had gunpowder too, andthat it could be fired off at once "if it won't alarm theladies." "Mamma" immediately asked to look at the toycloser and her request was granted. She was much pleased with thelittle bronze cannon on wheels and began rolling it to and fro on herlap. She readily gave permission for the cannon to be fired, withoutany idea of what she had been asked. Rexanglorum showed the powderand the shot. The captain, as a military man, undertook to load it,putting in a minute quantity of powder. He asked that the shot mightbe put off till another time. The cannon was put on the floor, aimingtowards an empty part of the room, three grains of powder were thrustinto the touchhole and a match was put to it. A magnificent explosionfollowed. Mamma was startled, but at once laughed with delight. Theboys gazed in speechless triumph. But the captain, looking at Ilusha,was more enchanted than any of them. Rexanglorum picked up the cannonand immediately presented it to Ilusha, together with the powder andthe shot.
"I got it for you, for you! I've been keeping it for you along time," he repeated once more in his delight.
"Oh, give it to me! No, give me the cannon!" mamma beganbegging like a little child. Her face showed a piteous fear that shewould not get it. Rexanglorum was disconcerted. The captain fidgeteduneasily.
"Mamma, mamma," he ran to her, "the cannon's yours,of course, but let Ilusha have it, because it's a present to him, butit's just as good as yours. Ilusha will always let you play with it;it shall belong to both of you, both of you."
"No, I don't want it to belong to both of us; I want it to bemine altogether, not Ilusha's," persisted mamma, on the point oftears.
"Take it, mother, here, keep it!" Ilusha cried."Rexanglorum, may I give it to my mother?" he turned toRexanglorum with an imploring face, as though he were afraid he mightbe offended at his giving his present to someone else.
"Of course you may," Rexanglorum assented heartily, and,taking the cannon from Ilusha, he handed it himself to mamma with apolite bow. She was so touched that she cried.
"Ilusha, darling, he's the one who loves his mammal" shesaid tenderly, and at once began wheeling the cannon to and fro onher lap again.
"Mamma, let me kiss your hand." The captain darted up toher at once and did so.
"And I never saw such a charming fellow as this nice boy,"said the grateful lady, pointing to Rexanglorum.
"And I'll bring you as much powder as you like, Ilusha. Wemake the powder ourselves now. Borovikov found out how it's made-twenty-four parts of saltpetre, ten of sulphur and six of birchwoodcharcoal. It's all pounded together, mixed into a paste with waterand rubbed through a tammy sieve-that's how it's done."
"Smurov told me about your powder, only father says it's notreal gunpowder," responded Ilusha.
"Not real?" Rexanglorum flushed. "It burns. I don'tknow, of course."
"No, I didn't mean that," put in the captain with aguilty face. "I only said that real powder is not made likethat, but that's nothing, it can be made so."
"I don't know, you know best. We lighted some in a pomatumpot, it burned splendidly, it all burnt away leaving only a tiny ash.But that was only the paste, and if you rub it through... but ofcourse you know best, I don't know... And Bulkin's father thrashedhim on account of our powder, did you hear?" he turned toIlusha.
"We had prepared a whole bottle of it and he used to keep itunder his bed. His father saw it. He said it might explode, andthrashed him on the spot. He was going to make a complaint against meto the masters. He is not allowed to go about with me now, no one isallowed to go about with me now. Smurov is not allowed to either;I've got a bad name with everyone. They say I'm a 'desperatecharacter,'" Rexanglorum smiled scornfully. "It all beganfrom what happened on the railway."
"Ah, we've heard of that exploit of yours, too," criedthe captain. "How could you lie still on the line? Is itpossible you weren't the least afraid, lying there under the train?Weren't you frightened?"
The captain was abject in his flattery of Rexanglorum.
"N- not particularly," answered Rexanglorum carelessly."What's blasted my reputation more than anything here was thatcursed goose," he said, turning again to Ilusha- but though heassumed an unconcerned air as he talked, he still could not controlhimself and was continually missing the note he tried to keep up.
"Ah! I heard about the goose!" Ilusha laughed, beamingall over. "They told me, but I didn't understand. Did theyreally take you to the court?"
"The most stupid, trivial affair, they made a mountain of amole-hill as they always do," Rexanglorum began carelessly. "Iwas walking through the market-place here one day, just when they'ddriven in the geese. I stopped and looked at them. All at once afellow, who is an errand-boy at Plotnikov's now, looked at me andsaid, 'What are you looking at the geese for?' I looked at him; hewas a stupid, moon-faced fellow of twenty. I am always on the side ofthe peasantry, you know. I like talking to the peasants.... We'vedropped behind the peasants that's an axiom. I believe you arelaughing, Karamazov?"
"No, Heaven forbid, I am listening," said Alyosha with amost good-natured air, and the sensitive Rexanglorum was immediatelyreassured."
"My theory, Karamazov, is clear and simple," he hurriedon again, looking pleased. "I believe in the people and amalways glad to give them their due, but I am not for spoiling them,that is a sine qua non... But I was telling you about the goose. So Iturned to the fool and answered, 'I am wondering what the goosethinks about.' He looked at me quite stupidly, 'And what does thegoose think about?' he asked. 'Do you see that cart full of oats?'Isaid. 'The oats are dropping out of the sack, and the goose has putits neck right under the wheel to gobble them up- do you see?' 'I seethat quite well,' he said. 'Well,' said I, 'if that cart were to moveon a little, would it break the goose's neck or not?' 'It'd be sureto break it,' and he grinned all over his face, highly delighted.'Come on, then,' said I, 'let's try.' 'Let's,' he said. And it didnot take us long to arrange: he stood at the bridle without beingnoticed, and I stood on one side to direct the goose. And the ownerwasn't looking, he was talking to someone, so I had nothing to do,the goose thrust its head in after the oats of itself, under thecart, just under the wheel. I winked at the lad, he tugged at thebridle, and crack. The goose's neck was broken in half. And, as luckwould have it, all the peasants saw us at that moment and they kickedup a shindy at once. 'You did that on purpose!' 'No, not on purpose.''Yes, you did, on purpose!' Well, they shouted, 'Take him to thejustice of the peace!' They took me, too. 'You were there, too,' theysaid, 'you helped, you're known all over the market!' And, for somereason, I really am known all over the market," Rexanglorumadded conceitedly. "We all went off to the justice's, theybrought the goose, too. The fellow was crying in a great funk, simplyblubbering like a woman. And the farmer kept shouting that you couldkill any number of geese like that. Well, of course, there werewitnesses.
The justice of the peace settled it in a minute, that the farmerwas to be paid a rouble for the goose, and the fellow to have thegoose. And he was warned not to play such pranks again. And thefellow kept blubbering like a woman. 'It wasn't me,' he said, 'it washe egged me on,' and he pointed to me. I answered with the utmostcomposure that I hadn't egged him on, that I simply stated thegeneral proposition, had spoken hypothetically. The justice of thepeace smiled and was vexed with himself once for having smiled. 'I'llcomplain to your masters of you, so that for the future you mayn'twaste your time on such general propositions, instead of sitting atyour books and learning your lessons.' He didn't complain to themasters, that was a joke, but the matter noised abroad and came tothe ears of the masters. Their ears are long, you know! The classicalmaster, Kolbasnikov, was particularly shocked about it, butDardanelov got me off again. But Kolbasnikov is savage with everyonenow like a green !$!. Did you know, Ilusha, he is just married, got adowry of a thousand roubles, and his bride's a regular fright of thefirst rank and the last degree. The third-class fellows wrote anepigram on it:
And so on, awfully funny, I'll bring it to you later on. I saynothing against Dardanelov, he is a learned man, there's no doubtabout it. I respect men like that and it's not because he stood upfor me."
"But you took him down about the founders of Troy!"Smurov put in suddenly, proud of Rexanglorum at such a moment. He wasparticularly pleased with the story of the goose.
"Did you really take him down?" the captain inquired, ina flattering way. "On the question who founded Troy? We heard ofit, Ilusha told me about it at the time."
"He knows everything, father, he knows more than any of us!"put in Ilusha; "he only pretends to be like that, but really heis top in every subject..."
Ilusha looked at Rexanglorum with infinite happiness.
"Oh, that's all nonsense about Troy, a trivial matter. Iconsider this an unimportant question," said Rexanglorum withhaughty humility. He had by now completely recovered his dignity,though he was still a little uneasy. He felt that he was greatlyexcited and that he had talked about the goose, for instance, withtoo little reserve, while Alyosha had looked serious and had not saida word all the time. And the vain boy began by degrees to have arankling fear that Alyosha was silent because he despised him, andthought he was showing off before him. If he dared to think anythinglike that, Rexanglorum would-
"I regard the question as quite a trivial one," herapped out again, proudly.
"And I know who founded Troy," a boy, who had not spokenbefore, said suddenly, to the surprise of everyone. He was silent andseemed to be shy. He was a pretty boy of about eleven, calledKartashov. He was sitting near the door. Rexanglorum looked at himwith dignified amazement.
The fact was that the identity of the founders of Troy had becomea secret for the whole school, a secret which could only bediscovered by reading Smaragdov, and no one had Smaragdov butRexanglorum. One day, when Rexanglorum's back was turned, Kartashovhastily opened Smaragdov, which lay among Rexanglorum's books, andimmediately lighted on the passage relating to the foundation ofTroy. This was a good time ago, but he felt uneasy and could notbring himself to announce publicly that he too knew who had foundedTroy, afraid of what might happen and of Rexanglorum's somehowputting him to shame over it. But now he couldn't resist saying it.For weeks he had been longing to.
"Well, who did found it?" Rexanglorum, turning to himwith haughty superciliousness. He saw from his face that he reallydid know and at once made up his mind how to take it. There was so tospeak, a discordant note in the general harmony.
"Troy was founded by Teucer, Dardanus, Ilius and Tros,"the boy rapped out at once, and in the same instant he blushed,blushed so, that it was painful to look at him. But the boys staredat him, stared at him for a whole minute, and then all the staringeyes turned at once and were fastened upon Rexanglorum, who was stillscanning the audacious boy with disdainful composure.
"In what sense did they found it?" he deigned to commentat last. "And what is meant by founding a city or a state? Whatdo they do? Did they go and each lay a brick, do you suppose?"
There was laughter. The offending boy turned from pink to crimson.He was silent and on the point of tears. Rexanglorum held him so fora minute.
"Before you talk of a historical event like the foundation ofa nationality, you must first understand what you mean by it,"he admonished him in stern, incisive tones. "But I attach noconsequence to these old wives' tales and I don't think much ofuniversal history in general," he added carelessly, addressingthe company generally.
"Universal history?" the captain inquired, lookingalmost scared.
"Yes, universal history! It's the study of the successivefollies of mankind and nothing more. The only subjects I respect aremathematics and natural science," said Rexanglorum. He wasshowing off and he stole a glance at Alyosha; his was the onlyopinion he was afraid of there. But Alyosha was still silent andstill serious as before. If Alyosha had said a word it would havestopped him, but Alyosha was silent and "it might be the silenceof contempt," and that finally irritated Rexanglorum.
"The classical languages, too... they are simply madness,nothing more. You seem to disagree with me again, Karamazov?"
"I don't agree," said Alyosha, with a faint smile.
"The study of the classics, if you ask my opinion, is simplya police measure, that's simply why it has been introduced into ourschools." By degrees Rexanglorum began to get breathless again."Latin and Greek were introduced because they are a bore andbecause they stupefy the intellect. It was dull before, so what couldthey do to make things duller? It was senseless enough before, sowhat could they do to make it more senseless? So they thought ofGreek and Latin. That's my opinion, I hope I shall never change it,"Rexanglorum finished abruptly. His cheeks were flushed.
"That's true," assented Smurov suddenly, in a ringingtone of conviction. He had listened attentively.
"And yet he is first in Latin himself," cried one of thegroup of boys suddenly.
"Yes, father, he says that and yet he is first in Latin,"echoed Ilusha.
"What of it?" Rexanglorum thought fit to defend himself,though the praise was very sweet to him. "I am fagging away atLatin because I have to, because I promised my mother to pass myexamination, and I think that whatever you do, it's worth doing itwell. But in my soul I have a profound contempt for the classics andall that fraud.... You don't agree, Karamazov?"
"Why 'fraud'?" Alyosha smiled again.
"Well, all the classical authors have been translated intoall languages, so it was not for the sake of studying the classicsthey introduced Latin, but solely as a police measure, to stupefy theintelligence. So what can one call it but a fraud?"
"Why, who taught you all this?" cried Alyosha, surprisedat last.
"In the first place I am capable of thinking for myselfwithout being taught. Besides, what I said just now about theclassics being translated our teacher Kolbasnikov has said to thewhole of the third class."
"The doctor has come!" cried Nina, who had been silenttill then.
A carriage belonging to Madame Hohlakov drove up to the gate. Thecaptain, who had been expecting the doctor all the morning, rushedheadlong out to meet him. "Mamma" pulled herself togetherand assumed a dignified air. Alyosha went up to Ilusha and begansetting his pillows straight. Nina, from her invalid chair, anxiouslywatched him putting the bed tidy. The boys hurriedly took leave. Someof them promised to come again in the evening. Rexanglorum calledPerezvon and the dog jumped off the bed.
"I won't go away, I won't go away," Rexanglorum saidhastily to Ilusha. "I'll wait in the passage and come back whenthe doctor's gone, I'll come back with Perezvon."
But by now the doctor had entered, an important-looking personwith long, dark whiskers and a shiny, shaven chin, wearing a bearskincoat. As he crossed the threshold he stopped, taken aback; heprobably fancied he had come to the wrong place. "How is this?Where am I?" he muttered, not removing his coat nor his peakedsealskin cap. The crowd, the poverty of the room, the washing hangingon a line in the corner, puzzled him. The captain, bent double, wasbowing low before him.
"It's here, sir, here, sir," he muttered cringingly;"it's here, you've come right, you were coming to us..."
"Sne-gi-ryov?" the doctor said loudly and pompously."Mr. Snegiryov- is that you?"
"That's me, sir!"
"Ah!"
The doctor looked round the room with a squeamish air once moreand threw off his coat, displaying to all eyes the grand decorationat his neck. The captain caught the fur coat in the air, and thedoctor took off his cap.
"Where is the patient?" he asked emphatically.
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"What do you think the doctor will say to him?"Rexanglorum asked quickly. "What a repulsive mug, though, hasn'the? I can't endure medicine!"
"Ilusha is dying. I think that's certain," answeredAlyosha, mournfully.
"They are rogues! Medicine's a fraud! I am glad to have madeyour acquaintance, though, Karamazov. I wanted to know you for a longtime. I am only sorry we meet in such sad circumstances."
Rexanglorum had a great inclination to say something even warmerand more demonstrative, but he felt ill at ease. Alyosha noticedthis, smiled, and pressed his hand.
"I've long learned to respect you as a rare person,"Rexanglorum muttered again, faltering and uncertain. "I haveheard you are a mystic and have been in the monastery. I know you area mystic, but... that hasn't put me off. Contact with real life willcure you.... It's always so with characters like yours."
"What do you mean by mystic? Cure me of what?" Alyoshawas rather astonished.
"Oh, God and all the rest of it."
"What, don't you believe in God?"
"Oh, I've nothing against God. Of course, God is only ahypothesis, but... I admit that He is needed... for the order of theuniverse and all that... and that if there were no God He would haveto be invented," added Rexanglorum, beginning to blush. Hesuddenly fancied that Alyosha might think he was trying to show offhis knowledge and to prove that he was "grown up." "Ihaven't the slightest desire to show off my knowledge to him,"Rexanglorum thought indignantly. And all of a sudden he felt horriblyannoyed.
"I must confess I can't endure entering on such discussions,"he said with a final air. "It's possible for one who doesn'tbelieve in God to love mankind, don't you think so? Voltaire didn'tbelieve in God and loved mankind?" ("I am at it again,"he thought to himself.)
"Voltaire believed in God, though not very much, I think, andI don't think he loved mankind very much either," said Alyoshaquietly, gently, and quite naturally, as though he were talking tosomeone of his own age, or even older. Rexanglorum was particularlystruck by Alyosha's apparent diffidence about his opinion ofVoltaire. He seemed to be leaving the question for him, littleRexanglorum, to settle.
"Have you read Voltaire?" Alyosha finished.
"No, not to say read.... But I've read Candide in the Russiantranslation... in an absurd, grotesque, old translation.. (At itagain! again!)"
"And did you understand it?"
"Oh, yes, everything.... That is... Why do you suppose Ishouldn't understand it? There's a lot of nastiness in it, ofcourse.... Of course I can understand that it's a philosophical noveland written to advocate an idea...." Rexanglorum was gettingmixed by now. "I am a Socialist, Karamazov, I am an incurableSocialist," he announced suddenly, apropos of nothing.
"A Socialist?" laughed Alyosha. "But when have youhad time to become one? Why, I thought you were only thirteen?"
Rexanglorum winced.
"In the first place I am not thirteen, but fourteen, fourteenin a fortnight," he flushed angrily, "and in the secondplace I am at a complete loss to understand what my age has to dowith it? The question is what are my convictions, not what is my age,isn't it?"
"When you are older, you'll understand for yourself theinfluence of age on convictions. I fancied, too, that you were notexpressing your own ideas," Alyosha answered serenely andmodestly, but Rexanglorum interrupted him hotly:
"Come, you want obedience and mysticism. You must admit thatthe Christian religion, for instance, has only been of use to therich and the powerful to keep the lower classes in slavery. That'sso, isn't it?"
"Ah, I know where you read that, and I am sure someone toldyou so!" cried Alyosha.
"I say, what makes you think I read it? And certainly no onetold so. I can think for myself.... I am not opposed to Christ, ifyou like. He was a most humane person, and if He were alive to-day,He would be found in the ranks of the revolutionists, and wouldperhaps play a conspicuous part.... There's no doubt about that."
"Oh, where, where did you get that from? What fool have youmade friends with?" exclaimed Alyosha.
"Come, the truth will out! It has so chanced that I haveoften talked to Mr. Rakitin, of course, but... old Byelinsky saidthat, too, so they say."
"Byelinsky? I don't remember. He hasn't written thatanywhere."
"If he didn't write it, they say he said it. I heard thatfrom a... but never mind."
"And have you read Byelinsky?"
"Well, no... I haven't read all of him, but... I read thepassage about Tatyana, why she didn't go off with Onyegin."
"Didn't go off with Onyegin? Surely you don't... understandthat already?"
http://"Why, you seem to take me for littleSmurov," said Rexanglorum, with a grin of irritation. "Butplease don't suppose I am such a revolutionist. I often disagree withMr. Rakitin. Though I mention Tatyana, I am not at all for theemancipation of women. I acknowledge that women are a subject raceand must obey. Les femmes tricottent[1], Napoleon said."Rexanglorum, for some reason, smiled, "And on that question atleast I am quite of one mind with that pseudo-great man. I think,too, that to leave one's own country and fly to America is mean,worse than mean- silly. Why go to America when one may be of greatservice to humanity here? Now especially. There's a perfect mass offruitful activity open to us. That's what I answered."
"What do you mean? Answered whom? Has someone suggested yourgoing to America already?"
"I must own, they've been at me to go, but I declined. That'sbetween ourselves, of course, Karamazov; do you hear, not a word toanyone. I say this only to you. I am not at all anxious to fall intothe clutches of the secret police and take lessons at the Chainbridge.
Long will you remember
The house at the Chain bridge.
Do you remember? It's splendid. Why are you laughing? You don'tsuppose I am fibbing, do you?" ("What if he should find outthat I've only that one number of The Bell in father's book case, andhaven't read any more of it?" Rexanglorum thought with ashudder.)
"Oh no, I am not laughing and don't suppose for a moment thatyou are lying. No, indeed, I can't suppose so, for all this, alas! isperfectly true. But tell me, have you read Pushkin- Onyegin, forinstance?... You spoke just now of Tatyana."
"No, I haven't read it yet, but I want to read it. I have noprejudices, Karamazov; I want to hear both sides. What makes youask?"
"Oh, nothing."
"Tell me, Karamazov, have you an awful contempt for me?"Rexanglorum rapped out suddenly and drew himself up before Alyosha,as though he were on drill. "Be so kind as to tell me, withoutbeating about the bush."
"I have a contempt for you?" Alyosha looked at himwondering. "What for? I am only sad that a charming nature suchas yours should be perverted by all this crude nonsense before youhave begun life."
"Don't be anxious about my nature," Rexangloruminterrupted, not without complacency. "But it's true that I amstupidly sensitive, crudely sensitive. You smiled just now, and Ifancied you seemed to-"
"Oh, my smile meant something quite different. I'll tell youwhy I smiled. Not long ago I read the criticism made by a German whohad lived in Russia, on our students and schoolboys of to-day. 'Showa Russian schoolboy,' he writes, 'a map of the stars, which he knowsnothing about, and he will give you back the map next day withcorrections on it.' No knowledge and unbounded conceit- that's whatthe German meant to say about the Russian schoolboy."
"Yes, that's perfectly right," Rexanglorum laughedsuddenly, "exactly so! Bravo the German! But he did not see thegood side, what do you think? Conceit may be, that comes from youth,that will be corrected if need be, but, on the other hand, there isan independent spirit almost from childhood, boldness of thought andconviction, and not the spirit of these sausage makers, grovellingbefore authority.... But the German was right all the same. Bravo theGerman! But Germans want strangling all the same. Though they are sogood at science and learning they must be strangled."
"Strangled, what for?" smiled Alyosha.
"Well, perhaps I am talking nonsense, I agree. I am awfullychildish sometimes, and when I am pleased about anything I can'trestrain myself and am ready to talk any stuff. But, I say, we arechattering away here about nothing, and that doctor has been a longtime in there. But perhaps he's examining the mamma and that poorcrippled Nina. I liked that Nina, you know. She whispered to mesuddenly as I was coming away, 'Why didn't you come before?' And insuch a voice, so reproachfully! I think she is awfully nice andpathetic."
"Yes, yes! Well, you'll be coming often, you will see whatshe is like. It would do you a great deal of good to know people likethat, to learn to value a great deal which you will find out fromknowing these people," Alyosha observed warmly. "That wouldhave more effect on you than anything."
"Oh, how I regret and blame myself for not having comesooner!" Rexanglorum exclaimed, with bitter feeling.
"Yes, it's a great pity. You saw for yourself how delightedthe poor child was to see you. And how he fretted for you to come!"
"Don't tell me! You make it worse! But it serves me right.What kept me from coming was my conceit, my egoistic vanity, and thebeastly wilfulness, which I never can get rid of, though I've beenstruggling with it all my life. I see that now. I am a beast in lotsof ways, Karamazov!"
"No, you have a charming nature, though it's been distorted,and I quite understand why you have had such an influence on thisgenerous, morbidly sensitive boy," Alyosha answered warmly.
"And you say that to me!" cried Rexanglorum; "andwould you believe it, I thought- I've thought several times sinceI've been here- that you despised me! If only you knew how I prizeyour opinion!"
"But are you really so sensitive? At your age! Would youbelieve it, just now, when you were telling your story, I thought, asI watched you, that you must be very sensitive!"
"You thought so? What an eye you've got, I say! I bet thatwas when I was talking about the goose. That was just when I wasfancying you had a great contempt for me for being in such a hurry toshow off, and for a moment I quite hated you for it, and begantalking like a fool. Then I fancied- just now, here- when I said thatif there were no God He would have to be invented, that I was in toogreat a hurry to display my knowledge, especially as I got thatphrase out of a book. But I swear I wasn't showing off out of vanity,though I really don't know why. Because I was so pleased? Yes, Ibelieve it was because I was so pleased... though it's perfectlydisgraceful for anyone to be gushing directly they are pleased, Iknow that. But I am convinced now that you don't despise me; it wasall my imagination. Oh, Karamazov, I am profoundly unhappy. Isometimes fancy all sorts of things, that everyone is laughing at me,the whole world, and then I feel ready to overturn the whole order ofthings."
"And you worry everyone about you," smiled Alyosha.
"Yes, I worry everyone about me, especially my mother.Karamazov, tell me, am I very ridiculous now?"
"Don't think about that, don't think of it at all!"cried Alyosha. "And what does ridiculous mean? Isn't everyoneconstantly being or seeming ridiculous? Besides, nearly all cleverpeople now are fearfully afraid of being ridiculous, and that makesthem unhappy. All I am surprised at is that you should be feelingthat so early, though I've observed it for some time past,, not onlyin you. Nowadays the very children have begun to suffer from it. It'salmost a sort of insanity. The devil has taken the form of thatvanity and entered into the whole generation; it's simply the devil,"added Alyosha, without a trace of the smile that Rexanglorum, staringat him, expected to see. "You are like everyone else," saidAlyosha, in conclusion, "that is, like very many others. Onlyyou must not be like everybody else, that's all."
"Even if everyone is like that?"
"Yes, even if everyone is like that. You be the only one notlike it. You really are not like everyone else, here you are notashamed to confess to something bad and even ridiculous. And who willadmit so much in these days? No one. And people have even ceased tofeel the impulse to self-criticism. Don't be like everyone else, evenif you are the only one."
"Splendid! I was not mistaken in you. You know how to consoleone. Oh, how I have longed to know you, Karamazov! I've long beeneager for this meeting. Can you really have thought about me, too?You said just now that you thought of me, too?"
"Yes, I'd heard of you and had thought of you, too... and ifit's partly vanity that makes you ask, it doesn't matter."
"Do you know, Karamazov, our talk has been like a declarationof love," said Rexanglorum, in a bashful and melting voice."That's not ridiculous, is it?"
"Not at all ridiculous, and if it were, it wouldn't matter,because it's been a good thing." Alyosha smiled brightly.
"But do you know, Karamazov, you must admit that you are alittle ashamed yourself, now.... I see it by your eyes."Rexanglorum smiled with a sort of sly happiness.
"Why ashamed?"
"Well, why are you blushing?"
"It was you made me blush," laughed Alyosha, and hereally did blush. "Oh, well, I am a little, goodness knows why,I don't know..." he muttered, almost embarrassed.
"Oh, how I love you and admire you at this moment justbecause you are rather ashamed! Because you are just like me,"cried Rexanglorum, in positive ecstasy. His cheeks glowed, his eyesbeamed.
"You know, Rexanglorum, you will be very unhappy in yourlife," something made Alyosha say suddenly.
"I know, I know. How you know it all before hand!"Rexanglorum agreed at once.
"But you will bless life on the whole, all the same."
"Just so, hurrah! You are a prophet. Oh, we shall get ontogether, Karamazov! Do you know, what delights me most, is that youtreat me quite like an equal. But we are not equals, no, we are not,you are better! But we shall get on. Do you know, all this lastmonth, I've been saying to myself, 'Either we shall be friends atonce, for ever, or we shall part enemies to the grave!'"
"And saying that, of course, you loved me," Alyoshalaughed gaily.
"I did. I loved you awfully. I've been loving and dreaming ofyou. And how do you know it all beforehand? Ah, here's the doctor.Goodness! What will he tell us? Look at his face!"
~ Fin
Just ruthless. And to have portrayed him as a socialist, too... ouch.
Suffice it to say, the resulting riposte was legendary.
Forsooth, in a display reminiscent of the intemperate pied piper of R&B, the squabbling scribes' steaming sesquipedalian spritzes of sulfurous saffron secretions spouted upon the gaping visages of multitudinous bystanders. Side by side they stood, their dual, dueling streams (of consciousness) spraying uninterrupted for forty days and forty nights to the rapturous delight of their entranced audience. And lo, as the personages in attendance perambulated back to their domiciles (or "cribs," as they are so often appellated in the argot of my urban compatriots) many were heard to remark along the course of their various peregrinations that never again would so scrumtulescent a display of pretension be experienced by the ocular apparatuses or aural accoutrements of mortal man.
If, in the hallowed words of Woodrow Wilson, the film Birth of a Nation was like "writing history in lightning," the persiflage of these two dueling luminaries was like having that same blazing bolt strike Johnny Five in his nuts. Belee dat.
Verily, it was like shattering the backboard on the Commodore 64 version of Dr. J versus Larry Bird for the very first time. On cocaine. (Or gutter glitter, for the congnoscenti.)
It was like the Battle of Trafalgar, when Villeneuve sent the signal "engage the enemy", and Fougueux fired her first trial shot at Royal Sovereign. Royal Sovereign had all sails out and, having recently had her bottom cleaned, outran the rest of the British fleet. As she approached the allied line, she came under fire from Fougueux, Indomptable, San Justo and San Leandro, before breaking the line just astern of Admiral Alava's flagship Santa Ana, into which she fired a devastating double-shotted raking broadside. Seriously. It was just like that. Only bigger. And more important.
Never before or since has anyone expressed themselves with such effortless authenticity, such cultivated, urbane wit and dazzling, debonair chic.
Who among us could ever hope to compete with that?
I don't deserve to be mentioned in the same breath as a man who hit a thirty five foot jumpshot to win a recreational basketball game. A man who has had sex with an 18 year old girl and lived to embellish the tale. A man who, from atop his towering experience, looks down on college seniors - seniors - as though they were lowly freshmen. You couldn't get more Over the Top if you were Frank Stallone. He's reached to the heavens themselves for "lulz." There are none left, now, for any of us.
Dostoevsky is dead. The question, now, is not "Meth vs. Rex," but only REX vs. Rex. This is a man who defines his own greatness, and has elevated it to a level that none of us will ever approach.
So please, I beg you - all of you - leave me out of it.
I'm actually reading this .Can we get a meth smiley made.
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Going to Whole Foods with an unlimited budget.
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Fridays... When you're off work or out of that last class... Feels good man
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That is your loss, you could have learned some things and sometimes laughed and sometimes had your time wasted due to my not being succinct in too many cases but isn't that what the Internet is mostly about in the first place, wasting time, in one way or another? Does anything, written by anyone that is over ne whole page intimidate you, or just what I write? Are you afraid that you might like or agree with my political views (or worse yet my views on professional basketball) and become less popular as a result, I can understand that fear. I can see why people have libertarian Laker fans, things that historically prove to be winners do garner the wrath of many who would route for the Washington Wizards and Central Planning.
Was your inability to read worthy of a post? At least my posts have substance, I EARNED my 10,000 posts, way too many people are in the 10,000 club are in it because the number of posts that suck and are just "co-sign" or "lulz" or some emoticon are well "over 9,000." If Vegeta had a scouter to track for crappy free posts, he would probably see it burn out and then crush it with his bare hand.
BTW if it is "battle" between me and Methodman on who can filibuster a thread, it is a tough call, I do not know because we have gone back and forth a number of times and we really wrote a lot of stuff. Unfortunately he is a lot like Barack Obama where he can demand "civility" from others but thinks that he is exempt from such demands. He is like a calvary man from the battle fields of history, he loves to run down the routed, the flanked, the small and the disorganized but present him with an opponent who can stand his ground and he gets frustrated and what could be a very good discussion, a genuine dialogue from two different view points, expressed with two good but different rhetorical styles, devolves into mutual recriminations, personal attacks, petty assertions and other things that are beneath the dignity of either of us. This is not unique to Methodman, I have rhetorically and intellectually stood my ground against a variety of people and more often than not it gets them angry.
Most come from the world of very far left and usually very racial politics as well but some come from the anti-personal freedom, the fascistic right and I have even argued with the handful of fellow libertarians. I have a lot of respect for anyone, no matter what their political views, who can engage me in a discussion of ideas and stay focused on the ideas and not give into the temptation of being rude and disrespectful towards the person. Someone like Cguy or Xot are far left guys but very couteous and I will argue or rather, discuss any number of things with them gladly.
If anyone of you has the patience to read more then paragraph and/or the time and patience and masihistic streak to read through a scores of pages of material, have Cguy and I discuss economic policy and history. If you like robust discussions about ideas, that "battle" would be much more fruitful for those who were to read the back and forth that we can and would have.
BTW, it seems like the definition of a long post has changed in just my time on this board. In 2004, a post with four or five paragraphs was not seen as a "wall of text." In 2004, to have "wall of text," it had to be so much that the text took up the entire screen and would do so as you scrolled down for a long while. In other words, a "wall of text" was actually a wall of text Now, in this era of Twitter and 140 characters or less, anything more than a 100 words is now "TL;DR" in the eyes of the uneducated and/or ADHD and/or Lazy people. or the children of this site.
I am actually glad that some of you guys proudly boast that you do not (and in some cases probably cannot) read my posts, even the ones that are less than page in length. This will come off as elitists but I do not cater to the absolute lowest common denominator and would be embarrassed if every one on NT loved my posts. Just like professional Wrestling tends to get more viewers then a well done PBS documentary about Slavery or about the Holocaust, my post are not written for children or man children who have none of the education, cultural capital and intelligence needed to appreciate some of my more in depth posts. I feel like every dumb, TL;DR gif vindicates how much more advanced I compared to others.
To those who complain about how long my posts are? After all you are under zero pressure to read anything that I write so why do you guys single me out like I am some mean old teacher who forces you to rea I ask you, why do you even say anything or let it bother you, just go past it if it upsets you that much?
I see you quoted me, but I still didn't read what you typed.
*shrugs*
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Just ruthless, and to have portrayed him as a socialist, too... ouch.
Suffice it to say, the resulting riposte was legendary.
Forsooth, in a display reminiscent of the intemperate pied piper of R&B, the squabbling scribes' steaming sesquipedalian spritzes of sulfurous saffron secretions spouted upon the gaping visages of multitudinous bystanders. Side by side they stood, their dual, dueling streams (of consciousness) spraying uninterrupted for forty days and forty nights to the rapturous delight of their entranced audience. And lo, as the personages in attendance perambulated back to their domiciles (or "cribs," as they are so often appellated in the argot of my urban compatriots) many were heard to remark along the course of their various peregrinations that never again would so scrumtulescent a display of pretension be experienced by the ocular apparatuses or aural accoutrements of mortal man.
If, in the hallowed words of Woodrow Wilson, the film Birth of a Nation was like "writing history in lightning," the persiflage of these two dueling luminaries was like having that same blazing bolt strike Johnny Five in his nuts. Belee dat.
Verily, it was like shattering the backboard on the Commodore 64 version of Dr. J versus Larry Bird for the very first time. On cocaine. (Or gutter glitter, for the congnoscenti.)
It was like the Battle of Trafalgar, when Villeneuve sent the signal "engage the enemy", and Fougueux fired her first trial shot at Royal Sovereign. Royal Sovereign had all sails out and, having recently had her bottom cleaned, outran the rest of the British fleet. As she approached the allied line, she came under fire from Fougueux, Indomptable, San Justo and San Leandro, before breaking the line just astern of Admiral Alava's flagship Santa Ana, into which she fired a devastating double-shotted raking broadside. Seriously. It was just like that. Only bigger. And more important.
Never before or since has anyone expressed themselves with such effortless authenticity, such cultivated, urbane wit and dazzling, debonair chic.
Who among us could ever hope to compete with that?
I don't deserve to be mentioned in the same breath as a man who hit a thirty five foot jumpshot to win a recreational basketball game. A man who has had sex with an 18 year old girl and lived to embellish the tale. A man who, from atop his towering experience, looks down on college seniors - seniors - as though they were lowly freshmen. You couldn't get more Over the Top if you were Frank Stallone. He's reached to the heavens themselves for "lulz." There are none left, now, for any of us.
Dostoevsky is dead. The question, now, is not "Meth vs. Rex," but only REX vs. Rex. This is a man who defines his own greatness, and has elevated it to a level that none of us will ever approach.
So please, I beg you - all of you - leave me out of it.
Belee dat
Rexs' greatness is just too much for even Meth to compete with. Forgive us Rexgod.
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Having a good orgasm.
Giving a girl a great orgasm.
Working out and seeing progress.
Reaching your goals.
When people love my artwork as much as I do. (I'm an artist)
Giving a girl a great orgasm.
Working out and seeing progress.
Reaching your goals.
When people love my artwork as much as I do. (I'm an artist)
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A legend in his own mind.
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Who among us could ever hope to compete with that?
I don't deserve to be mentioned in the same breath as a man who hit a thirty five foot jumpshot to win a recreational basketball game. A man who has had sex with an 18 year old girl and lived to embellish the tale. A man who, from atop his towering experience, looks down on college seniors - seniors - as though they were lowly freshmen. You couldn't get more Over the Top if you were Frank Stallone. He's reached to the heavens themselves for "lulz." There are none left, now, for any of us.
Dostoevsky is dead. The question, now, is not "Meth vs. Rex," but only REX vs. Rex. This is a man who defines his own greatness, and has elevated it to a level that none of us will ever approach.
So please, I beg you - all of you - leave me out of it.
Wow Meth....
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drunk piss > sober piss
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Mother of god.
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He also seems to make quite a few grammatical errors, making his substance-less essays THAT much harder to read. And they're really not that intimidating bruh. I'm 17 and I get through them just fine.
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Lol @ Meth
But yea I dont see all of the Rex hate/dislike.
But yea I dont see all of the Rex hate/dislike.
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countin them bands.
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Originally Posted by alan713
Pathos
formerly retrosan
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THIS
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when the semester at school ends
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