Confessions

[doozy122]

Confession. I am a functioning alcoholic. My job rarely ever suffers from my binge drinking and I'm 2nd best from this past years new hires as far as performance, which is a fairly huge gap past myself. I'm not proud because I know I'm digging my grave. Usually have 30??? Drinks a week. I've had 5 32oz craftbeers today which clock in at like 8%. I hate it but I feel like it's a lifestyle.

Do you live on the East Coast?

 

[salazaro44]

Do you live on the East Coast?

No. I'm on the west coast. Which I hate 100%. I need to get my life straight and move to Boston.

 

[ogmcmxcii]

edit: I guess I should've asked first -- what is the hold up for you? Are you looking for the one off the bat? You can't live the player life because you object to it morally, or you don't think you could do it, or what?

Moving in a couple months and not trying to start anything until I'm settled down elsewhere.

No woman out there is perfect, and I'm not perfect either

Don't have the energy/mindset for that lifestyle

That switch inside could easily be turned on but prefer to just leave it off

I could really toy and hurt people but karma is mysterious.

Trust me I'm really a one woman person

 

[$EA$ON$ Change]

I got so much **** on my mind and I think it's literally driving me insane. I'm not schizophrenic but the voice inside my head is almost always talking, basically I"m talking to myself in my head & thinking too much. Some days I am completely fine and feel liberated or super happy but on my bad days I think about if stabbing myself would be a better option than trying to live. I feel super lonely with all of my friends, family, and associates. I wish I had or knew my mom & father better but honestly I can't even really talk to them like that b/c they work so much. The times I have had with them I didn't really know where to start at or what to say really.....it was like a quiet outing with a stranger.

Sometimes I envy my brothers and how they all have a father in their lives, I'm really the only one w/o one and it really sucks. Used to get excited when he'd be like "I'll come get you" until he never showed up, not even call to let me know what's up. Wish I knew my brothers better but I don't think the 2 that live with each other really care, I don't care so much either, to really get to know each other. What's funny is we all went to the same schools as each other but never saw each other at all.

I've got very strong emotions and I have been trying to just let it out since the beginning of the year. Everytime my anxiety or depression gets really bad I can feel the tears wanting to come out but they never do. I remember after my 2nd car accident I felt a really clear headed happiness that whole week, I didn't have to go to work, worry about putting gas in the car, and didn't have to worry about doing stupid schoolwork, **** was blissful.

It hurt seeing a girl I really wanted to be with choose another ***** over me then get dumped by dude then disappear out of my life, really liked speaking to her but oh well. Talked for a little while to this girl I thought was gorgeous but I ****** that up by not going with the flow and trying to force her to talk about something she didn't really want too. I sort of want to apologize and talk to her again but eh, it's so many dope girls out here right? Right... Tried talking to another girl recently, told her I was feeling her and all that jazz then she started dating a *****, dumped that guy, told me she wanted to mature and be single then a week later started dating someone else. That whole thing was hilarious...still gonna meetup with her tomorrow or I plan to at least. Idk if this is what dating and finding who you can rock with is supposed to be but I don't think I'm cut out for this anymore.

I like to smoke weed to calm myself down, be focused, and wish my mom would understand that. Tried anxiety medicine and all that did was make me sleepy and yawn all the time, I probably should've let the pills level out before I quit but I didn't like that tired all the time feeling...I can get that naturally lol. Took a lot of shrooms this summer, still unraveling things from those trips, but I think this one trip took me over the edge....almost jumped in the little bay right by my crib after I came down b/c I couldn't sleep and felt really really depressed & lonely afterwards. Me being hella wreckless I did about 2 more intense trips like this after, 1 left me really happy and the other left me feeling empty. The last intense trip was really crazy though, I completely went into another world and started speaking in tongues or some weird *** alien sounding language. The visuals were great

I do feel very hopeless at times. Wanted to get a cat, yea I like cats , but got told no and it crushed my spirit cause there wasn't really even a reason why, no explanation, nothing.

For like the past 3 weeks I have been really thinking does all of this crap really matter? If I'm dead and gone I won't have to feel crappy all the time like I do now. Idk, I'm tryna find some purpose, doubt I will off myself ....but if I got smacked by a bus and died I wouldn't mind that either.

I'm tired of being tired, feel kinda better writing some of this out.

 

[andretti]

"feel kinda better writing some of this out."

And sometimes that's what it takes.


How old are you man?

 

[Sir San Diego]

Never end up being with someone i dont care about. Always end up caring about boys who dont care about me.

Most women I know with that story confuse sex for love. When they can't have sex without catching feelings, they should probably stop letting dudes that don't care smash. I know this other woman that always chases dudes that are a level or two above her and they dump her for women they're more attracted because they were only using her for sex until something better became available.

What kind of men are you having relationships with and at what point are you figuring out that you care more than they do?

 

[Fozz]

Moving to VA from CA has been a pretty stressful process. A month being here...Not sure how I'll get settled and call this place 'home'.

I know the holidays are going to be really tough for my family and I, since everyone is back in CA.

But I know this was a good opportunity for my family. Just have to stay positive.

 

[Sir San Diego]

Where in VA? Are you in the military?

 

[Fozz]

Where in VA? Are you in the military?

Not in the military, but work for the DHS.

I'm living in Fairfax.

 

[rare]

Cheated on her by sexting back in February for 3-4 days, finally told my girl July and flew out to see her to save us. Now she asked for space and I'm giving it to her but it seems like things aren't looking so good. I think I pushed her away by denying her time to properly reflect, but I feel as though there might another guy or I'm just paranoid she'll get back at me.

 

[Sir San Diego]

Gotcha. Make it work homie. I know the cost of living has to be lower and oddly enough, it seems jobs pay better outside of CA.

 

[matters7]

Had an adolescent client paticipate in EMDR. Long story short we found out his elder brother was crossing personal boundaries while sleeping in same room. Explained a lot of his acting out in public behaviors... Hopefully you find answers in your journey yo [emoji]9996[/emoji]️

Had it done. Waste of time for me. That's cool. I can finally be left to myself to cure myself without constant distruption to my mental being

 

[$EA$ON$ Change]

"feel kinda better writing some of this out."

And sometimes that's what it takes.


How old are you man?

20. I feel older than I really am |I

 

[gregzzy23]

girls that just got out of relationships but are so fire

 

[ogmcmxcii]

girls that just got out of relationships but are so fire

Abort Mission [emoji]128680[/emoji][emoji]128680[/emoji][emoji]128680[/emoji]

 

[andretti]

"feel kinda better writing some of this out."

And sometimes that's what it takes.


How old are you man?

20. I feel older than I really am |I

21 I'll pm you later . Was/still in the same boat as you .

 

[gregzzy23]

Abort Mission [emoji]128680[/emoji][emoji]128680[/emoji][emoji]128680[/emoji]

i dont learn

 

[Roderick Kingsley]

I wish I wasn't so into being with somebody and could actually feel content being on my own.

self-love comes first. your happiness can't root from another person. 

 

[Roderick Kingsley]

applying to nursing school is stressing me out. i'm just so anxious. i'm trying to attack it properly with positivity & reminding myself that it'll be worth it, but my body isn't dealing with the stress so well. sometimes i just want to break down and cry.

i know i just need to relax, but 

 

[ROYGBiV]

applying to nursing school is stressing me out. i'm just so anxious. i'm trying to attack it properly with positivity & reminding myself that it'll be worth it, but my body isn't dealing with the stress so well. sometimes i just want to break down and cry.

i know i just need to relax, but 

You've gone this far tina, you got this. If it helps I hear that baking and sending cookies to loved ones works well.

 

[ogmcmxcii]

self-love comes first. your happiness can't root from another person. 

And if you don't learn it now, you'll be a pass around for someone else to take advantage of.

 

[spizike231]

I'm materialistic when it comes to things I'm passionate about.

Tech, for example. I want the new iPhone every year.

My girl thinks that that's insane and labels me as materialistic, saying that it's just a phone and why do I need a new one when the one I have works fine.. she pretty much says its a waste of money and I'm so materialistic that I flex our finances to get the new toy I want. Which is sometimes true. (As far as finances goes)

I can't tell if I'm the "bad materialistic" or if I'm in a reasonable "I like nice things" area and my girl just isn't used to that.

 

[SC kid]

Give more examples.

Ill tell you straight up family.

 

[suberzat1]

I'm materialistic when it comes to things I'm passionate about.

Tech, for example. I want the new iPhone every year.

My girl thinks that that's insane and labels me as materialistic, saying that it's just a phone and why do I need a new one when the one I have works fine.. she pretty much says its a waste of money and I'm so materialistic that I flex our finances to get the new toy I want. Which is sometimes true. (As far as finances goes)

I can't tell if I'm the "bad materialistic" or if I'm in a reasonable "I like nice things" area and my girl just isn't used to that.

Tell her you want to get the new nexus in October instead once she sees the price ask her what she thinks now

 

[red mendelssohn]

Been letting things go as of late. Shoe collection/ purchasing gone down drastically, purging the place of anything that is extra or won't be used as often.

Looking to buy my first place soon. So this is like a fresh start. Feels good.