Confessions

scared ishless. feel and think im going to die soon. think i have pancreatic cancer. been real sick since the beginning of the year. thought it was just stomach problems but its deeper then that. have all the symptoms of it . the itching , the headaches , the lose and floating stools , the abdominal pain , back pain , feel  worse after eating and just the general feeling of malaise.  feel like its over for me. 
 takes forever to see certain doctors and i see thats its often misdiagnosed or not found till its to late
. im not scared for myself, im scared of dying but i worry more about my kids.
. more scared for my daughters who i take care of . they so young and i feel like they going to suffer without me. I have no idea what to do. 
I hope for the best man. That sucks you have a hard time seeing those doctors.

Is there someone else to help you when you need it?
 
 
scared ishless. feel and think im going to die soon. think i have pancreatic cancer. been real sick since the beginning of the year. thought it was just stomach problems but its deeper then that. have all the symptoms of it . the itching , the headaches , the lose and floating stools , the abdominal pain , back pain , feel  worse after eating and just the general feeling of malaise.  feel like its over for me. 

 takes forever to see certain doctors and i see thats its often misdiagnosed or not found till its to late

. im not scared for myself, im scared of dying but i worry more about my kids.

. more scared for my daughters who i take care of . they so young and i feel like they going to suffer without me. I have no idea what to do. 
you THINK you have something. try to be logical and not worry for the time being. first thing u do is go get it examined and be sure. worrying at this point only gives you a headstart of being miserable IF something is wrong. or... makes you realize you stressed over nothing. you shouldnt be thinking of what ur kids will do without you until you get some more information. cmon fam.
 
I hope for the best man. That sucks you have a hard time seeing those doctors.

Is there someone else to help you when you need it?
thanks man. Appreciate it. I don't talk to anyone about this.

yeah I haven't been working for a minute. So I just have medi-cal. Everything takes forever. I remember when I had better insurance, kaiser, everything was quick.
Im seeing specialist but many of them have been stumped and just pass me on to someone else and every time it takes month half to two months for each appointment..
I'm in the process of seeing a gi specialist at Ucla

Don't really have much help , it's just me and my dad, but my dad is old he can't help me much. All my family lives far away.
you THINK you have something. try to be logical . makes you realize you stressed over nothing. you shouldnt be thinking of what ur kids will do without you until you get some more information. cmon fam.
I try to do that, been doing that for months. Been really sick since December /the beginning of this year. No answers. I try to live like ain't nothing wrong with me. I don't tell my dad much, I run every day even though I feel like trash and still take care of my daughters and do everything for them.
Life goes on until it doesn't but Im not going to be in denial to myself.
I understand trying to think and be positive but when you know something is wrong with you. I'm just tired. Tired of feeling so bad.
 
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thanks man. Appreciate it. I don't talk to anyone about this.

yeah I haven't been working for a minute. So I just have medi-cal. Everything takes forever. I remember when I had better insurance, kaiser, everything was quick.
Im seeing specialist but many of them have been stumped and just pass me on to someone else and every time it takes month half to two months for each appointment..
I'm in the process of seeing a gi specialist at Ucla

Don't really have much help , it's just me and my dad, but my dad is old he can't help me much. All my family lives far away.
I try to do that, been doing that for months. Been really sick since December /the beginning of this year. No answers. I try to live like ain't nothing wrong with me. I don't tell my dad much, I run every day even though I feel like trash and still take care of my daughters and do everything for them.
Life goes on until it doesn't but Im not going to be in denial to myself.
I understand trying to think and be positive but when you know something is wrong with you. I'm just tired. Tired of feeling so bad.
i lost my father to cancer in march. i know what youre saying. but keep ya head up until you got a reason NOT to fam. dunno if you're religious or not but prayer never hurts either. im rooting for you man
 
I ran into my ex on Thursday....
giphy.gif
 
I ran into my ex on Thursday....

I ran into my ex at the drake concert she had seats right across from me and i was with my current and they know of each other glad nothing popped off.

I was like damn outta all the seats in this venue. :{ and these seats werent cheap either
 
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Just ended it with my gf of almost four years. Feels kinda bad man but it's for the best. Certain aspects of the relationship felt perfect but we were beyond toxic for eachother.
 
Just ended it with my gf of almost four years. Feels kinda bad man but it's for the best. Certain aspects of the relationship felt perfect but we were beyond toxic for eachother.


I'm interested in hearing more, if that's okay with you.
 
Just ended it with my gf of almost four years. Feels kinda bad man but it's for the best. Certain aspects of the relationship felt perfect but we were beyond toxic for eachother.

When one door closes, another one opens....

Spend a day to yourself in the dumps, then chill and build up again [emoji]128170[/emoji][emoji]127997[/emoji].

Positive Vibes bro [emoji]128591[/emoji][emoji]127997[/emoji]
 
I don't mind sharing.
I'm currently just drinking some awesome beer my friend from Oregon shared. Some 2012 dark lord, Mexican cake etc. listening to some brutal records like Converge and Pig Destroyer which I think their themes carry over to my situation.

We met at my previous Job and stayed together out of necessity. I needed a place to live and she had a dui. Because of this we were attached at the hip from day one. I can count on my hands the days we didn't see eachother and until this year we had seen each other every day except for a family getaway

So much to say but I don't know where to begin. The toxic part of the relationship..

It did become abusive. She was the first to strike and I eventually did retaliate. This was on going for the past 3 years. I stopped going to the gym. I used to be fit..never shredded but bulky. We just picked up each others bad habits. I would drink like a fish but still work out and she would eat fast food like no end. Recently it caught up to me and I'm the heaviest I've been.
 
We lived pay check to pay check because of bad spending habits. When we traveled it always had to be 5 star hotels $500+ A night. Expensive dinners, just living outside our means. Ran into my ex 2 years ago and she said how she had so much debt and admired how I always kept my finances tight.
 
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I am also beyond thankful that I never got a dui. We were regulars at all the local craft breweries and would drink and drive drunk all the time, even though she had dui. One particular incident that sticks out in my mind is an argument in Newport Beach. We had been drinking all night and got into an argument. I revved the car down the street to the freeway going 80+ mph running stop signs and really not caring. I'm beyond thankful my wrecklessness didn't cause anyone their life
 
Sorry if I just have text diarrhea. Gotta be up for work in 4 hrs. Thanks for the positive vibes guys. Also I don't care what your political affiliation is but please take a moment to reflect for our soldiers. Each and every single one that has ever served and those who didn't come home.
 
Huh? I hope this isn't directed towards me?

It is. I'm just saying you bring up the same ish a lot. Take it how you want. Like I said it ain't no shots.

Listen to this man, he was out here lookin corny.

How do females stop any of that?

Or is that just what you have convinced yourself of?

Get out there Youngblood.

I strongly believe a good dedicated loyal woman can help her man build an empire & vice versa

I believe this, she gotta be solid though. We'll be in our ego thinking we can take on the world dolo, but when you're in that phase where you're getting your *** kicked left and right, or when you're sick there's nothing like having that strong, loving woman behind you.
 
Listen to this man, he was out here lookin corny.
I believe this, she gotta be solid though. We'll be in our ego thinking we can take on the world dolo, but when you're in that phase where you're getting your *** kicked left and right, or when you're sick there's nothing like having that strong, loving woman behind you.

Guilty
 
About a year ago, my ex broke up with me after I cheated on her. I've always considered myself a good guy but choose to live by that J**** line: "I was just f'n these broads, I was goin get right back".

What hurt about losing her was that she was my homie from high school and a person I could really call a best friend. It was never on my mind to take her serious as a gf but I decided to finally make a move on her after we graduated college (it helped that she was a late bloomer and developed into something gorgeous). We both were apprehensive because we didn't want to ruin our friendship, so we made a promise to remain friends no matter what happened between us.

Everything in our relationship was going great until one night we get drunk and are chilling at her parents place. I decide to take a power nap then wake up to her questioning me about broads she should have no knowledge of so I knew something was up. Then she throws my phone at me and of course I had no lock on my phone smh.

Long story even longer, we're both pretty religious so she tells me she's going to take a fast from dating guys for a year (which I wanted to call BS on but had no real grounds). A few weeks after the breakup I tried reaching out to her a couple times to no avail. She'd always respond back hours or days later with a text.

A year later and I'm still thinking about her fam. Part of me wants her back but the other part tells me I should play the field. I'm going back and forth every day thinking should I try my hand or just fold.

She has almost everything I want/need in a woman in my life. Great job, her own whip, ambition, goals, drive, we share the same religion.

I spent this past year trying to make myself a better person so that I'd be able to show her a reason to give me another shot. But I'm not sure I've got this dawg mentality out of me. I want to stay faithful, I'm sure I will, but for how long? IDK
 
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^^^^

You goofed fam, let that woman go.


You will have another opportunity with somebody else but don't expect or even hope for anything to happen with her.
 
...

I spent this past year trying to make myself a better person so that I'd be able to show her a reason to give me another shot. But I'm not sure I've got this dawg mentality out of me. I want to stay faithful, I'm sure I will, but for how long? IDK

Bro, i'm pretty sure if we're being honest that most men don't get the "dawg" out of their system. you just direct it towards different things. I got friends that NEVER changed and they're ok with it. I guess they just got no conscience.
 
Why pursue and waste someone's time when only "a part" of you wants to be with them? Figure yourself out first, then decide your next move.
That part telling me to move on is me trying to think logical with my brain and not with feelings from my heart.

I have about a week to figure it out like you said. Regardless, I think I'll still reach out.  Maybe ask her out to brunch or something. It sucks to lose a friend over something that you could have avoided. I guess I'll go in with the low expectations mentality not to disappoint myself....but that feels like a sucka/loser mentality. I'm more alpha than that.

@kobeoverbron how do you redirect lust for the yambs? They're literally almost everywhere
 
That part telling me to move on is me trying to think logical with my brain and not with feelings from my heart.

I have about a week to figure it out like you said. Regardless, I think I'll still reach out.  Maybe ask her out to brunch or something. It sucks to lose a friend over something that you could have avoided. I guess I'll go in with the low expectations mentality not to disappoint myself....but that feels like a sucka/loser mentality. I'm more alpha than that.

@kobeoverbron
how do you redirect lust for the yambs? They're literally almost everywhere

You didn't lose just a friend. You lost your girl and you broke her heart. People don't just heal from that. You stated "no matter what happens let's remain friends", but enter love in the equation, those words will lose meaning -- especially with infidelity.

You're still young my dood. Head up high and keep it moving
 
You will find ways my man.. or just lock your phone. I'm giving bad advice but it's either you get serious or continue to play the field. It's really on you now to decide to focus on her. Playing the field isn't all that easy, with all the cash coming out of your wallet.
 
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