How do I go about apologizing to someone I was a douche to in middle school? (long read)

[iYen]

Background info: In my middle school there was this really gay kid called John(fake name). John was so gay that people would mess with him for literally no reason at all. One day I'm in line for lunch and my group was messing with him. They were calling him names, antagonizing him, slapping the back of his head, etc. They were pushing him and telling him to go to the girl's line because this was the boy's line. I made jokes in middle school, so I tried to make a seemingly light-hearted joke about this situation.

My intention was to stop my group from going any further, but I failed.

I got between John and my group and said "didn't your mothers ever tell you to never hit girls?" My group and most of the people around us were laughing really loudly at John. John got so pissed.

He started to push me, but I gave him that B please look because his pushes were so weak. He started to call me names, then my group and the people around us started doing that classic "ohhhh" sound in unison. What escalated the situation was my buddy told me something like "You gonna let that ****** talk to you like that?"

All the while, John is still mad as hell. Finally John pushes me with all his might and he kind of gets me off balance.

I'm thinking "is this dude serious?" He goes for another push, but this time I throw a punch. I hit him square in his glasses.

He falls to the ground with his broken glasses, crying. Everyone at this point is roaring in laughter.

At that point, I was thinking "well that escalated quickly."

I got suspended, then when I came back. I was getting daps from random people during passing periods.

They'd say things like "I saw you punch that ******. Good job man."

I was thinking "wut?"

I didn't feel good about punching someone in the face nor getting "rewarded" for doing so.

Fast forward 7 years later.

Now I'm way more open minded than I was in middle school and I fully support the lgbt community. Also I regret doing what I did to John. I could have stood up for him in that situation, but instead I just joined in.

Long story short, I found John's facebook.
I'm looking at his profile, then I remember those stories about how some people have said sorry to people that they messed with in the past.

I decide that it's necessary for me to do something like that.

While I'm looking at his page, I noticed that he has an old blog. I looked through it and I find this post that made me feel even more horrible about what I did to him.

Here's the post from his blog:

 A popular question among homosexuals, such as myself is, “How was it growing up gay?” And here is my little story about how I grew up gay. Hope you guys enjoy it. <3 I was one of those kids who was always sure of their sexuality. Such as my first crush being with some blue hair boy in the 4th grade, I was a 2nd grader. At the time I was living in *insert fake location, so no one noticed I was different, well besides my skin color, and yes I did get some racial comments there. After that I moved to *insert another fake location. As if it wasn’t difficult enough being in a new town, let alone a new state, my family wasn’t friendly when it came to my feminine attributes, like my soft, girlish voice, many times my dad would tell me “Man, I can’t wait till you hit puberty, so you won’t have such a squeamish voice.”

And my most favorite “man up” I was always the “different” one, more because I chose to live my life different, then following my cousins, brother and uncle, (Who’s style is pretty much the same), I often hung out with my cousin Marie(fake name), and my aunt Marie(Jesus Christ), playing dress up, dollies, barbies, you know all that girly stuff people got made fun of for, And my family wasn’t nice about it. Now school was a different sotry, I started going to Bullsworth Elementary(fake), where I was the “new different kid”. At first it started out cool, meet a few people, then kids started to notice, how girly I was, and how I only had female friends. The names started as “gaylord, girl, gay, homo, homosexual, ***, dicksucker.” You know, all those wonderful names children should be saying. Ha...Not!

Then of course, all verbal abuse turns into physical encounters, and I was the kid always fighting, as well as craving attention from my, at the time, “homophobic” father, so my grades began to suffer, my attitude became different, I became more of the ruggish, don’t trust everyone kind of person, became distant from my parents. The older I got, the worse the bashing I got for being gay. People started jumping me, writing *** on my desk, as well as my locker, once I even got a letter saying, “Go kill yourself, ******” with a razor blade attached to it.

Now that was where I broke. I started cutting myself, even thoughts of suicide came, at first I thought I was going crazy. You know, like the things you see in movies. My parents noticed it, due to my bad behavior and not caring attitude, they had me tested for ADHD, which the doctor diagnosed me with, as well as a low case of depression, and I was prescribed, concerta, seroquel, and prozac. Which the side effects only made things worse, I became super sensitive, angry, skinny, and I felt as if I was a zombie, I had like no control over my emotions, I was just always down.

After reading this post, I felt obligated that I had to say sorry and explain why I did what I did.

Here's what I plan on doing:

Showing up at his work and saying sorry.

Or trying to contact him online so we can have a sit down.

In conclusion:

If you've been in a similar situation, please give me some advice.

 

[sooperhooper]

Props for acknowledging your mistakes and wanting to mend things up. I wouldn't pop up at his job tho, that jst seems weird. Just start things off with a genuine email via fb letting him know that you deeply regret your actions in the past and that you are supportive of his community now. Tell him that you'd like to make it up to him somehow, maybe lunch, or treating him to a nice event that he'd enjoy.

 

[countdown125]

edit

 

[FlipSide]

Props to you for stepping up and wanting to apologize. I think I would just leave him a lengthy message on Facebook or whatever if I were in your position, then arrange like a meetup if you really want to take it another step. 7 years is a long time and he's probably over it so i think just a message would be cool.

 

[mangudai954]

7 years is a long time so i think just a message would be cool.

 

[dipsetgeneral]

E-mail him the apology.

 

[cedric ceballos]

Just leave him a message and say how you feel I'm sure he'll be appreciative of it. People make mistakes and people change and apologizing for them is a positive for both sides.

I posted it in a high school reunion thread a while ago but at my 10 year reunion last year I encountered someone I treated terrible in high school and would bully and pick on. As I got older, I felt terrible about how I was. At the reunion last year I pulled dude aside and have him a genuine heartfelt apology and told him the person I was 10 years ago isn't who I am now and I felt terrible for how I could be so messed up to someone else for no reason. Dude was real cool about it, started talking, bought him a few drinks and sipped with him. We keep in touch now and I consider him a friend now. He's gone bar hopping with me and the people I usually hang out with and usually hoops at the gym I go to whenever I hit everyone I know up to run a view games. But yeah apologizing gets that weight off your back and he'll appreciate the apology knowing that someone had that remorse and took the time to try and correct a past mistake.

 

[nazdrowie]

 

[dankenstien88]

iYen must be tryin to get into some of those ****** panties and just realized hes been blacklisted by da ghey mhaab







jokes aside, I commend you for wanting to take action to make this right. Sooperhoopers advice is on point. Start out with a heartfelt apology online and then see where it goes and if he might wanna meet up sometime. If yall do meet up, say your sorry but dont let it be the first thing you say or the basis of your conversation.... keep the conversation relevant to whats currently going on in your lives, not just how bad you feel about the past. Dwelling on your mistakes and dragging him back into the past probably wont make him feel better, but showing him you've changed and openly accept gay people should.

 

[anomolie]

Leave that message man. That kid has had a tough life. I hope folks see this thread and learn from it.

 

[ihatemondayzz]

It takes a lot to say sorry to someone who you haven't had any contact with in 7 years. Props.

I'm sure he'll appreciate it.

 

[antidope]

Leave that message man. That kid has had a tough life. I hope folks see this thread and learn from it.

It takes a lot to say sorry to someone who you haven't had any contact with in 7 years. Props.

I'm sure he'll appreciate it.

 

[asianplayer]

Send him a message. Pretty sure he'll appreciate it.

 

[cashbanks]

This is dope

 

[SC kid]

Repped op

 

[joepac12]

Good move op

 

[jthagreat]

Good move op

yup, go with a message with the thoughts of apoligizing in person.

 

[squatchnt]

You already know you should leave that message of apology or you wouldn't have started this thread. Let it be from the heart bruh, not because a bunch of screenames say go for it. Dude might tell you to go eat a **** though...LOL

 

[s0lefunk]

Good move man. I'd just leave it at a message. No matter how it goes, at least you got it off your chest.

Reminds me of this girl I used to pick on bad in preschool. Long story short, I run into her 15 years later at my job and of course she became gorgeous. Didnt remember her until she friends me on FB. Went into apology/simp mode via Honesty Box

 

[crcballer55]

Do it over coffee/tea/lunch. I don't think doing it online or at work would do what you're intending to do in this situation. Online is too impersonal and might appear like you're hiding behind your online persona. On the opposite end, work is too professional of a situation to do something like that since most of his coworkers likely didn't know him back them or his situation.

It takes a bigger man to admit he was wrong than to pretend like it never happened. Props for wanting to rectify it and admit your shortcomings at the time.

 

[lyonbc1]

Leave that message man. That kid has had a tough life. I hope folks see this thread and learn from it.

It takes a lot to say sorry to someone who you haven't had any contact with in 7 years. Props.

I'm sure he'll appreciate it.

All of this. Even if its a while ago just him knowing that someone actually cares enough to apologize is a great gesture on your part. Maybe he's still going through stuff like that in some capacity as an older person so this may help him even.

 

[zapatohead408]

Smh at you OP. Although I understand that it was middle school and you were young and hopefully much less mature than you are now.You should definitely apologize though.

 

[marco23]

E-mail him the apology.

 

[thunderchunk69]

unless you run into him, don't go out of your way.

 

[az102]

I would say do it in person or over the phone if you can. The reason I say this is because what if he posts your apology online and then the Internet knows you as the guy who beat up a gay guy in middleschool. That could ruin your potential career prospects. I know that what I'm saying sounds paranoid and unlikely to happen but still.