How do you deal with one of your good homies coming out of the closet

[swendro]

^
judges gay people in his post.

"Don't judge me."

"I'd flip out if my friend was gay."

"why did you wait so long to come out?"

Typical homophobic nt'er logic. ******g pathetic.

 

[The_Isomotion31]

Happened.....Didn't change who he was for the past 13(now 24 years) I knew him before he came out. Went to parties with him. Had fun. He actually became a super wingman once he was out.

 

[Kev93]

Never had a gay friend, but i wouldn't judge him

 

[shoelyesses]

^

judges gay people in his post.
"Don't judge me."
"I'd flip out if my friend was gay."
"why did you wait so long to come out?"
Typical homophobic nt'er logic.

******g pathetic.

im not getting just cause he disagree with him that makes him afraid or fears him....? he clealy isnt comfortable with him so why should he stay his friend....? im not comfortable dont like alot of things... doesnt mean im afraid of them or shouldd just pretend accept them just to be pc....

 

[so nyuh shi dae]

push them back in the closet.... this whole movement of u gotta be cool with ppl just because they gay notion is stupid. if it wasnt such a big deal in the media and a play to distract from real issues this wouldnt be a topic for discussion... ur initial reaction is ur true reaction and how u truly feel... it made u feel weird and uncomfortable... but now all of a sudden u changing and pretending u have a change of heart for fear to be looked at as a homophobic...(which is stupid btw cause just cause u arent something/disagree/dislike something doesnt mean u r afraid of it)

so basically u r asking i initially didnt like/uncomfortable with something but should i pretend to like/agree with something so i dont feel bad or be looked at as a bad person? cause u already said how u truly feel ur just asking should i fake it and just force/pretend a certain way to save face

and b4 ppl say associate race with it... totally different... race isnt a lifestyle... it can be associated with a lifestyle actions based on prejudice thoughts and stereotypes... whereas the lifestyle/actions etc of a homosexual is different then a str8 person

 

homophobia is typically associated with more than just its literal definition. but you're right, people should always run with their initial reactions. that'd make the world better and more productive!

 

[henz0]

everytime i talk to him or see him i keep thinking oh-my-god hes gay...

I'm sorry but I @ this part..

On the real though, if its really your boy, as long as he doesn't get out of line with you, you shouldnt change anything about yall relationship

 

[Coupé It]

cause you're so damn fine and irresistible right?

Pretty much, but that's not the point. Haha.

Come on bro, you know their are many men out there that have no standards, they take all kinds of chicks down, we all have. It's almost part of our system, not saying every man has but many do. An average gay man has just as high of a sexual drive as a heterosexual guy, but different tastes. So why wouldn't a gay friend of yours (hypothetical) not think about you in that type of way? We're still men. Standards aren't as important to us, we are sexually driven.

 

[the hater boxden]

cause you're so damn fine and irresistible right?

Pretty much, but that's not the point. Haha.

Come on bro, you know their are many men out there that have no standards, they take all kinds of chicks down, we all have. It's almost part of our system, not saying every man has but many do. An average gay man has just as high of a sexual drive as a heterosexual guy, but different tastes. So why wouldn't a gay friend of yours (hypothetical) not think about you in that type of way? We're still men. Standards aren't as important to us, we are sexually driven.

What do you mean by "we all have"? I have set standards for myself and will never settle for less. I apologize if you take anything that comes at you. That doesn't mean everyone else does.
So hypothetically, you've known your 'best friend' for years and when he comes out to you about being gay, you can no longer chill with him, sit on the same couch as him or even be in the same car as him? What if he needed a ride (pun intended) or you had no where else to watch the game at other than his crib?
You think if he would have wanted to be with you, he would have done something it about it a while ago. I'm pretty sure he has standards though, doubt he'll ever hook up with a scumbag like you.

 

[so nyuh shi dae]

if a friend who is gay tries to do something beyond your will, sexually, then he's just as awful as any dude that tries to do stuff with women beyond their will. in other words, you shouldn't be friends with them. however, if your friends are decent human beings, they're not going to suddenly demand you have sex with them just because they came out to you.

 

[calikev34]

ASK A GAY DUDE THREAD, please

So many sad responses in this thread and the gay club thread.
It'd be nice to have a mature discussion.

 

[Coupé It]

What do you mean by "we all have"? I have set standards for myself and will never settle for less. I apologize if you take anything that comes at you. That doesn't mean everyone else does.
So hypothetically, you've known your 'best friend' for years and when he comes out to you about being gay, you can no longer chill with him, sit on the same couch as him or even be in the same car as him? What if he needed a ride (pun intended) or you had no where else to watch the game at other than his crib?
You think if he would have wanted to be with you, he would have done something it about it a while ago. I'm pretty sure he has standards though, doubt he'll ever hook up with a scumbag like you.

Well I guess you haven't, I just know my friends growing up, my friends in college -we've all made mistakes, we've taken down girls we shouldn't of, it happens. If that hasn't happened to you, congrats. (let's have a toast for the scumbags tho)

I never said I wouldn't sit on a couch or not give him a ride , I said - I wouldn't feel comfortable doing so. Why are you attacking me? I'm sorry I wouldn't be able help the fact that I would feel uncomfortable. I've chilled and played ball with some gay dudes in college, I treated them with great respect, but you're talking about a best friend of mine man. A person who I thought I knew and trusted.

Chill out Milanese

 

[dankenstien88]

so one of my close homey just came out of the closet yesterday... he said hes bi-sexual but he feels more attraction to guys and he said he could actuallly fall in love with them.... we hang out alot nowadays, and after he told me i was SHOCKED... i didnt know what to think... im not homophobia or anything like that but im kinda mad. I feel like he shouldve told me sooner... he saids he only sees me as friends and he values our friendship alot. Im still in shock.... and cannot believe that hes gay..... everytime i talk to him or see him i keep thinking oh-my-god hes gay... this is some frank ocean ****z..

experienced NTers how do yall deal with this? cut him out of my life? or just let it go and hopefully this awkward feeling will go away? :x

you sick sack of crap.

Forreal tho.... sounds like your the one with the problem op

 

[freshkrn]

Forreal tho.... sounds like your the one with the problem op

Yo.. forreal? put your self in my shoes..
How would you react when your CLOSEST friend came out of the closet saying he's gay?
Dont act like your so perfect and gimme that "oh our relationship would never change even though he says he's gay"
Because thats some bogus ********.

Honestly my views on gay people was same as you guys before my homey came out of the closet.
I always thought if i had a gay friend i would accept him for who he is and wouldnt really care.
But the fact that he waited this long to tell me this and all of the stuff that we did together (no ayo stuff) was like a pure lie..
The fact that he is really close to me, really worries me.

He told me some sexual things that he did with some dudes... and it wasnt easy to digest all that information in all one night.
So instead of talking like "OP has problems, he's a homophobia" and all that jazz, check yourself and put yourself in MY shoes before you talk. Most likely y'all probably never went through this.

 

[so nyuh shi dae]

Yo.. forreal? put your self in my shoes..
How would you react when your CLOSEST friend came out of the closet saying he's gay?
Dont act like your so perfect and gimme that "oh our relationship would never change even though he says he's gay"
Because thats some bogus ********.

i had a close friend come out to me. it didn't change anything. i don't see how someone's sexual orientation should change a friendship in any way. "oh no, this dude doesn't like girls!"

 

[AZwildcats]

To be honest, that would probably be the end of our friendship.

 

[the hater boxden]

Forreal tho.... sounds like your the one with the problem op

Yo.. forreal? put your self in my shoes..
How would you react when your CLOSEST friend came out of the closet saying he's gay?
Dont act like your so perfect and gimme that "oh our relationship would never change even though he says he's gay"
Because thats some bogus ********.

Honestly my views on gay people was same as you guys before my homey came out of the closet.
I always thought if i had a gay friend i would accept him for who he is and wouldnt really care.
But the fact that he waited this long to tell me this and all of the stuff that we did together (no ayo stuff) was like a pure lie..
The fact that he is really close to me, really worries me.

He told me some sexual things that he did with some dudes... and it wasnt easy to digest all that information in all one night.
So instead of talking like "OP has problems, he's a homophobia" and all that jazz, check yourself and put yourself in MY shoes before you talk. Most likely y'all probably never went through this.

Assuming you've been best friends with him for years and he's like a brother to you, then you wouldn't give a damn.

If it's really affecting your relationship with him so much then maybe you should separate ways. he deserves better friends than you

 

[kermitthefloer]

I will say from the start, due to the way I was brought up, family/values/religion ... I personally think it is wrong being GLB.

The kind of person I am though, I would not change how I act around a good friend over it. For all I know I could have been friends with the person for 14 years, and im sure he realized he was Gay prior to the day he told me. So if he has been acting the same all that time, and doesnt change when he comes out to me I am perfectly fine.

I am not here to judge any ones life. I dont bash Gays, look down on them or anything like that. To be completely honest plenty of them seem cool, and just want to be accepted. So as said although I do believe it is wrong. I accept people for who they are and give everyone the same chance.

With that said OP, if thats really your friend this should not ruin your relationship in any way shape or form. I have come to realize that if you have a gay friend, and they go out with you, or yall chillin with the homies. They will actually try not make things awkward. Just from what Ive seen.

 

[freshkrn]

Assuming you've been best friends with him for years and he's like a brother to you, then you wouldn't give a damn.
If it's really affecting your relationship with him so much then maybe you should separate ways. he deserves better friends than you

We been only friends with a year but i trust him ALOT because hes a good dude.

and ^^^ to the guy above.. im christian and my family background is STRICT hardcore christian. so thats probaly why i made this thread.

 

[freshkrn]

i had a close friend come out to me. it didn't change anything. i don't see how someone's sexual orientation should change a friendship in any way. "oh no, this dude doesn't like girls!"

this dude wants me to go to gay clubs with him.. and im not down for that


lol whatever.. i just wanted a simple advice from nt fams, but yall always hold me down like always :x

 

[firepower]

The sooner we can get over this ridiculous anti-gay social conditioning the better. 

It isn't about being "hip" or jumping on the bandwagon of some politically correct "fad" it's simply about having an understanding, and an acceptance of the people around us. 

 

[shoelyesses]

homophobia is typically associated with more than just its literal definition. but you're right, people should always run with their initial reactions. that'd make the world better and more productive!

but imagine if we just went off of majority of what ppl say think regardless if we new it to be not true or ignorant... all whites are thieves lazy racist... asians cant drive... blacks are stupid lazy etc.... to know something is wrong and yet go with it just cause is just as foolish... better yet more foolish then going with doing something wrong and not knowing.

he clearly isnt comfortable with it but he should disregard his feelings, his faith, religion because being gay accepting is the latest media trend and fear of being ostracized... his whole friendship would be phony and be based on others perception...

so ppl are basically saying be cool and fake cause society and tv etc says so....

 

[teamjordan79]

My initial reaction would be shock as well like OP. Imagine your boy, with whom you grew up with, chased girls, went to bars/clubs, played sports and video games with turns out to be a switch hitter. Yea i would have to accept it b/c its who he is but having a non-nonchalant attitude about it seems disingenuous, well to me at least because i think i wouldbe distraught at first. Maybe for some of you it doesn't matter but it would certainly matter to me if its one of my closest friends b/c it would mean that i have to factor that in to our day to day interactions all the time. For example, when talking about girls, going out and socializing and cracking gay-jokes would have to be altered. And damn, gay-jokes are like essential in my circle' so i think that would change everything....

 

[timcity2000]

Whoa, was not expecting a response.
Well where do I start. The best friends you grew up with and maintained over the years, they don't seem to mind? Have you been treated differently?
I'm trying to compare it to being friends with a girl, but I've come to realize that friends who are girls I've either hooked up with, tried to hook up with, and if I didn't it wasnt a real friendship. Guys are naturally more sexually aggressive and aroused, that's why I find it so difficult for male and females to be true friends. If my best friend says he's gay I'm going to flip out man, cause I know being a guy - we have a high sex drive but he just so happens to be a homosexual so I wouldn't feel comfortable watching a game on the couch, or going to the movies, or even being in the same car with the dude because it's awkward. Don't judge me, I'm not an arrogant person, but guys are guys - even if they like dudes. (In my opinion)
So my question is are you sexually attracted to the male friends you have?
30 years old you came out, seems late to come out? What was holding it back?
All the loonies say people aren't born gay, I disagree. You are who you are but have you ever tried to "not" be gay? I'm sure it was difficult in the south? Why are you still living there?

my closest friends have been great about it. nothing has changed.

and no, i'm not sexually attracted to any of them. sure, i think some of them are attractive... doesn't mean i want to act on it.

finally, what was holding me back? just myself. and a strong case of denial. but i've found that people are pretty accepting these days... even here in the south. i still live here because it's my home.

 

[gatzbygordon]

alot of funny dudes in here, not haha funny either..

if you aint gonna feel comfortable anymore then stop taking showers and changing in front of ya boys...

"tucked in or out?"

 grown *** men acting like its cooties.

i've also worked with gay dudes that have kids, yup, at one point they were married ,but i think at a point it gets difficult trying to fight your urges and how you feel,and from what im told is that they always kind of knew they didnt like girls at a really young age , but then again these guys were a little older that i am, and it was not really accepted back then, my old boss who was 76 told me it seemed everyone in the navy back then was gay lol..i mean i couldnt imagine hearing your parents telling you that they cant wait till you get married and give them grand children, thats kind of sad man..so they think its maybe a phase and they try to go thru life for a bit like that then as time goes on it just becomes too much, alot of you wouldnt understand and i dont expect you to since alot of you seem to live in a bubble, and i didnt call anyone homophobic just closed minded 

 

[je ne sais quoi]

NT is weird.

NT apparently has some of the toughest people on Earth, when presented hypothetical situations regarding defending oneself or one's pride, they're willing to fight a jaguar or get in a street fight with Mike Tyson in his prime.

Now when presented a hypothetical situation of simply being in close proximity to homosexuals, they're all of a sudden weak against the advances of imaginary, hungry gay men, ultimately becoming prey to imaginary gay rape unable to defend against insatiable gay lust.