Last Time You Crapped Yourself? Vol.Mudbutt

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onewearz said:
:rofl:
u gotta be kidding right , did u breastfeed till junior high ? :lol:
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bruh....grown men are talking about they crapped themselves 2 years ago and you are blown away by me getting my a** wiped till i was 11 :rofl:

give me a break!
 
Al Roker wins, he pooped on himself in The White House
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Big ATZ said:
I was 18 years old. So I had got into my first bit of major trouble so I had to do a few nights in the county jail. So before I got transfered to booking I had to sit in this booking room and they were giving out bologna sandwiches. In retrospect I should've none something wasn't right because everybody was using theirs to lay on for pillows. So I eat my two and start contemplating what I'm gonna do about my job.

About a hour goes past and my stomach starts to bubble mind you I'm in a bullpen full of dudes and one open toilet so now my mind switches over to how I'm gonna handle this situation. I'm asking the other people how long we have to wait before we get switched over and they are saying it's gonna be awhile. So I try to hold it for as long as possible but my stomach had other plans I try to let a fart slip out to relieve some of the stress. When I let it go a nice size piece came out so I waddle over to this toilet to finish the job. As I'm walking the turd starts to roll down my pants leg so I shake it out and keep moving to the toilet to finish the job.
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:lol: i got a jail story too. i was 18, got arrested on a holiday weekend. first time in jail also and since it was a holiday i had an extra day in there. i'm in a pod with about 20 dudes, we're all just cracking jokes, singing webbie and boosie songs and who's gonna bum who the first cigarette if we get out at the same time and someone has squares. you know the usual jail stuff. anyways it's day 2, i haven't really ate anything but oranges. i didn't trust that food that actually made in there. finally i get so hungry i say eff it and ate the damn stuff for dinner. our toilets and shower were in a separate room. but they didn't have a door and of course no fan to suck the **** smell out. all the social dudes were sitting at this table we're talking and i gotta **** bad as hell. finally i bite the bullet because i'm gonna have to use that toilet sometime. i go drop a deuce flushing every second but that didn't help. i'm done and go back to where everyone was. it took a good 5 minutes for the smell to hit and it covered the whole pod. :rofl: everyone is just clowning me telling me how nasty i was. **** smelled like roadkill. i just shrugged my shoulders and responded "jail food :x " made sure to give the next dude hell who blew up the bathroom though.
 
MPLSdunk said:
:lol: i got a jail story too. i was 18, got arrested on a holiday weekend. first time in jail also and since it was a holiday i had an extra day in there. i'm in a pod with about 20 dudes, we're all just cracking jokes, singing webbie and boosie songs and who's gonna bum who the first cigarette if we get out at the same time and someone has squares. you know the usual jail stuff. anyways it's day 2, i haven't really ate anything but oranges. i didn't trust that food that actually made in there. finally i get so hungry i say eff it and ate the damn stuff for dinner. our toilets and shower were in a separate room. but they didn't have a door and of course no fan to suck the **** smell out. all the social dudes were sitting at this table we're talking and i gotta **** bad as hell. finally i bite the bullet because i'm gonna have to use that toilet sometime. i go drop a deuce flushing every second but that didn't help. i'm done and go back to where everyone was. it took a good 5 minutes for the smell to hit and it covered the whole pod. :rofl: everyone is just clowning me telling me how nasty i was. **** smelled like roadkill. i just shrugged my shoulders and responded "jail food :x " made sure to give the next dude hell who blew up the bathroom though.
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Soft a** jail :lol:

I was locked up for a weekend in the BX...nobody was in a joking mood :lol:
 
I work 3rd shift and I was driving to work one day and all of a sudden I had to **** bad. When it hit me there was only 1 gas station close by so I stopped there ran inside and asked where the bathroom was....clerk was like "our bathrooom is out of order" 
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 I honestly didn't know what to do and I knew I couldn't make it to my job w/o ******* on myself. When I went outside I saw a business maybe 30ft from the gas station that was closed and it was real dark around there so I walked to other side of it and took a quick dump right there.....then I took my white tee off and wiped my *** and left it there 
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 I felt disgusted but at the same time it felt good man.

I'm pretty sure someone saw me from the road cause its a kinda busy parkway even at night but I got that **** done asap just in case someone called the cops 
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my girl the only person I've ever told this story too...she laughed so hard....to embarrassed to tell anyone else....idgaf about yall so it's w/e 
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I was in Hoboken around last April. That afternoon we went to NYC and ate at a Serbian restaurant with my buddy (who is from Serbia). There were all sorts of weird foods that we ate and it tasted alright... So we get back to my buddy's place and start pounding drinks. My friend and I nearly finished a handle of captain morgan. So we start head to the bar. Everything is going well, I was talking to this girl and we made out a bit. My stomach begins to rumble. I head to the restroom thinking I can make it a quick number 2. I wait in line for 15 minutes and there are no doors covering the one toilet in the bar. I'm frightened and really starting to feel sick.

So I leave the bar and start speed walking to my friends place, which is a mile away. I see someone coming out of their apt and ask to use their bathroom, and surprise surprise, she basically runs away. I'm sprinting now. I make it about 2 blocks when I shart. I get scared and embarrassed all at the same time. I can't hold it. I squeeze between two cars on the street and let it fly. I zip up run back to my friends place, take off my pants outside and toss them.

Nobody saw me in my poo pants, so that is a definitely plus. But I definitely told every one of my friends and we had a good laugh. Hopefully my misfortune can bring a smile to your face
 
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 Man some of these stories are hilarious. I guess I'll share one too,

So I live here in FL and we have lakes everywhere and I love to fish. I like to get up early and out on the water in my kayak and bass fish. A friend of mine lives on this really exclusive lake right in the heart of an upscale neighborhood and no one is really ever out there and its great. So I'm really dragging *** this paticular morning and coffee just wasn't doing it for me so I stop and grab a redbull on the way to the spot where I drop my kayak in. I crush the redbull, get the boat in the water and start paddling. Big Mistake. I knew as soon as I started paddling that something was a-brewin'. I get to my spot and not 5 casts later I'm nearly doubled over because of the pain in my abdomen. This lake is surrounded by million dollar homes and just a few businesses so my options as to where I could bring the Browns to the superbowl were limited. I see that there is this outpatient rehab center that is right on the lakes edge and it's early saturday and no one is there. Perfect place to dump, or so I thought. I start to paddle towards shore when out of this tree come two of the biggest raccoons that I have ever seen in my life. I love the outdoors and I love wildlife, but there wasn't a chance in hell that I was dropping trow with these furry bastards in the area, not worth the risk. So I decide to paddle back to the launch (about a mile) and figured I could hop in the car and hit the nearest gas station. We'll I made it about 1/8th the way there and it's Zero Shart Thirty. Time to go. I hop off the kayak into the water and just let it unleash. Here I am thinking that I just dodged a bullet until I start looking around myself in the water. All the doo doo was floating to the surface around me, like when Harry Potter and Dumbledore go to find the Horcrux in the cave and all the body's float up from the depths of the water. I freak out. I Swim to the bottom of the lake and then out about thirty feet from my original spot. I pulled the kayak to myself using a rope I had fashioned to it and muscle-upped into that thing and went straight back to launch, By this time people were out walking their dogs near the launch and I knew they were wondering why I was soaking wet from head to toe. I hopped in the whip and went straight home.
 
This thread make me wonder how many of the turds I've seen in parks and whatnot are actually dog turds.
 
A few months ago:
The whole weekend I was extra gassy so I'd be goofing around and farting on my girl every chance I get. Chillin in bed, then slowly lift one leg up...*fart*. "Hey! Do you know this song?" *fart* The usual stuff.
So the Sunday was her niece's baptism, and the church was a 10 minute walk from her house. We're walking for about two minutes and I felt something build up inside, seeing this as another "opportunity". I blasted it, she heard this one alright, and it sounded extra wet. I take another step only to discover I sharted myself. RUH-ROH. Even though we were two minutes from her house, had to do the duck-walk + clenched cheeks, while at the same time keeping her from taking pictures/recording me with her phone. Karma's a b****.
Made it back to her place, finished the clean-up job, all while she ran upstairs to get me a clean pair of underwear.

Lesson learned.
 
Janitor said:
A few months ago:
The whole weekend I was extra gassy so I'd be goofing around and farting on my girl every chance I get. Chillin in bed, then slowly lift one leg up...*fart*. "Hey! Do you know this song?" *fart* The usual stuff.
So the Sunday was her niece's baptism, and the church was a 10 minute walk from her house. We're walking for about two minutes and I felt something build up inside, seeing this as another "opportunity". I blasted it, she heard this one alright, and it sounded extra wet. I take another step only to discover I sharted myself. RUH-ROH. Even though we were two minutes from her house, had to do the duck-walk + clenched cheeks, while at the same time keeping her from taking pictures/recording me with her phone. Karma's a b****.
Made it back to her place, finished the clean-up job, all while she ran upstairs to get me a clean pair of underwear.
Lesson learned.
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You must be a lovely boyfriend. I hope she wipes menstrual clots on your sandwiches.
 
lobotomybeats said:
Janitor said:
A few months ago:
The whole weekend I was extra gassy so I'd be goofing around and farting on my girl every chance I get. Chillin in bed, then slowly lift one leg up...*fart*. "Hey! Do you know this song?" *fart* The usual stuff.
So the Sunday was her niece's baptism, and the church was a 10 minute walk from her house. We're walking for about two minutes and I felt something build up inside, seeing this as another "opportunity". I blasted it, she heard this one alright, and it sounded extra wet. I take another step only to discover I sharted myself. RUH-ROH. Even though we were two minutes from her house, had to do the duck-walk + clenched cheeks, while at the same time keeping her from taking pictures/recording me with her phone. Karma's a b****.
Made it back to her place, finished the clean-up job, all while she ran upstairs to get me a clean pair of underwear.
Lesson learned.
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You must be a lovely boyfriend. I hope she wipes menstrual clots on your sandwiches.
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I fart Infront of my girl all the time. If you ain't comfortable with each other than why you together
 
lobotomybeats said:
***a5in11 said:
I fart Infront of my girl all the time. If you ain't comfortable with each other than why you together
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There's a difference between farting in front of her and farting on her, dude.
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Lol didn't catch the on part. My b
Yeah my girl bet me a dollar a couple years ago when we were wrestling that I wouldn't fart on her. Never bet me a dollar. Made her sign the dollar and everything. Felt hella nasty doing it though
 
Driving home from LA to the bay one time.

I had just eaten Roscoes Chicken and waffles.
And maybe like 1 hour later we hit this spot on the highway where there is like no exits or miles. I already had to poo and this just made it worse.
I was driving and speeding like a demon trying to get to the nearest exit. I started to contemplate pooping on the side of the road, even though everyone could see me.
She wakes up from her nap like
" why are you driving so fast?"
I tell her I feel sick...

Finally get to a gas station and I dip out the car QUICK, only to find out the bathroom line is like 12 deep!!!

I lied to this man who was next and told him I was gunna yack everywhere if he didn't let me through... He seemed skeptical Bit he let me cut... I then proceeded to poop everywhere in and around the toilet for like 10 min.

So I had these people that I cut waiting for hella long only to find a bathroom full of poo.

I wiped my self and walked out with my head down but relieved I didn't poo my pants...


Also let some poo juice out like twice when I was falling asleep but that's because this medicine I was on gave you diahareah
 
lobotomybeats said:
You must be a lovely boyfriend. I hope she wipes menstrual clots on your sandwiches.
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Not that serious dude, y'all need to relax.

Guess I should clarify: I ain't talking about rubbing her nose in my butt. Just walking next to her when I cut one, it's gross but we both have a good laugh about it. And she's my fiancee. Who knows, maybe one day you'll be in a relationship where you're comfortable with the other person.
 
last time I crapped myself was 9th grade. I eat peanuts and drank coffee for breakfast so by noon my stomach was straight prison riot status :smh: Got a bowl of water and hand soap and lcoked the bathroom door. That day followed til senior year smh
 
Pee'd myself in class one time when I was like 6. I was too shy to ask the teacher if I could use the bathroom. After not being able to hold it in any longer, I get up and get in line to talk to the teacher. A little bit comes out. I'm like oh no. Then all of a sudden it's just streaming and I can feel the warmth running down my leg. I look down and see a puddle and just go and sit back in my desk like it never happened. True story.
 
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