Marriage issues mature advice please

[thunderchunk69]

Originally Posted by 4U2NV


Things started to go down hill last yr when she lost her job in January andI stated doing overtime the whole yr to make ends meet pay for some trips wehad already started paying for and brought my mom to stay for summer cause I didn’tsee her for four years. All this time I am working hard paying all the bills andother stuff you would think she would make it easy for me to come home after working10 to 10 each day, instead she would complain about us not spending time

women 

I swear, you need to win the lotto or keep them extremely busy to keep them happy 

 

[4u2nv]

Originally Posted by Truballa101

Originally Posted by NaturalyLight

so you're keeping everything together financially by working more, yet she's complaining? What does she do all day?

That.
What does she bring to the table?

she does look for jobs i can vouch that she does but other than that she is at home, she stated that she wanted to do nursing i said fine we went to a school and she did the pre test and she failed the math part, i told her don't sweat it we could study the math problems over couple weeks time she could go back and do it and pass to get in, i waited and observed to see if she would attempt to start practicing she never did attempt to, just keep finding excuses why she not good at math i told her if you want something ain't no test in the world should stop you, i basically tried inspiring her cause i know how it feels cause im not where i would like to be career wise either but i cant push some one if they dont want something. just a whole lot of stuff hopefully i can really think about the situation and make the right decision

 

[Case]

Originally Posted by Truballa101

Originally Posted by NaturalyLight

so you're keeping everything together financially by working more, yet she's complaining? What does she do all day?

That.
What does she bring to the table?

Obviously not dinner that's for damn sure..

 

[night marcher01]

Originally Posted by TomDiginson

Based on what you're saying, it sounds like your wife is lazy. Still there is always two sides to a story.

This.

Until both sides are told. No advice should be given.

 

[runningfishy]

Originally Posted by 4U2NV


Was sup NT first off thanks for taking the time to read this, I am really going through a lot and have no one to talk to. Basically me and my wife of two years are having problems and might be headed to divorce court because we can’t communicate and we think it might be best we go our separate ways. Things started to go down hill last yr when she lost her job in January and I stated doing overtime the whole yr to make ends meet pay for some trips we had already started paying for and brought my mom to stay for summer cause I didn’t see her for four years. All this time I am working hard paying all the bills and other stuff you would think she would make it easy for me to come home after working 10 to 10 each day, instead she would complain about us not spending time, which I understood and apologized multiple times and asked her to hold me down while im doing this for us cause as much she was missing me I was to missing her also, so I would try to take her out on dates from time to time and do little things to show her I care so you would think she would take it easy on me at least for showing effort but no all she does is nag and continue to complain. So I basically got sick of it because I don’t feel she is appreciative at all, I still have to clean the house most times and cant even have a sandwich made after a hard days work. So we now have been arguing for months, she cant stand me and I cant stand her, I would like to make things work and have asked her for us to start over and try to work as a team but she insists that I should be the one the make the first move to try to make things right but I refuse to let her sit and evaluate me on what im doing while she has nothing to give. Should I be the bigger man and try to make things work or keep it moving with my life, mature suggestions only. Sorry for the long read and please excuse my grammer

What is your background? What is hers?  What are your folk's cultures/values?

Also, how long have you known each other?

It's difficult sometimes but if she doesn't put in the genuine effort in looking for work, then something is wrong.  She has to realize the burden and responsibilities need to be shared.  I think you know what you have to do.  Divorce sucks, but good thing is, you don't have kids.

 

[Renaldo Balkman]

Here is a technique I learned in my marriage counseling training...


If I had a magic wand, and waived it over you, what would you want changed? What would the characteristics of each of you look like with that change?

____________

Another thing to think about... which would you rather have?
a) your marriage fixed
b) each of you incredibly happy on a personal level

If you answered A, or even made up a C (mix of both), you have to ask yourself - did she already choose B, or is she on the same page as you?


PM me if you are in a serious jam and need someone to talk to... free of charge lol

 

[1stwitit]

Not sure if you're apart of a church or anything, but they offer free counseling.

 

[ill steelo]

Go to a counselor so she/he can get both sides of the story & give you better advice than we can.

 

[memphisboi55]

Son can't even get a sandwich made when he come home from a hard days work though?

 

[ryanbbn23]

pics? because she muuust be a looker.

 

[me no pass]

Originally Posted by memphisboi55

Son can't even get a sandwich made when he come home from a hard days work though?

always gotta watch out for the hot ones

sounds like shes cheating hommy

 

[mytmouse76]

I'm willing to bet half the advice on the last two pages are from people who aren't married. "just leave her you have no kids"

 

[lamak]

It does sound like she is cheating. You should seek outside help from a counselor to see if the situation can be remedied. If not, time to sign dem papers.

 

[matt53]

Its so easy to see that half the cats responding in here haven't ever been married

edit: mytmouse beat me to it

 

[tomdiginson]

Originally Posted by mytmouse76

I'm willing to bet half the advice on the last two pages are from people who aren't married. "just leave her you have no kids"

 

[murdamiljoker]

I all honesty doesn't sound like she's to good of a wife and if she's acting like that now you probably can't change her. It's almost impossible not to find a job if you really want one I would say leave her while you young in not your going to regret it when your old. Live your life be happy

 

[DCAllAfrican]

Originally Posted by Deuce King

First off, it does sound like your wife is unappreciative of you.  Second, ask yourself deep down do you want to your marriage to survive?? 

Edit--

All this time I am working hard paying all the bills and other stuff you would think she would make it easy for me to come home after working 10 to 10 each day, instead she would complain about us not spending time, which I understood and apologized multiple times

That's part of YOUR problem right there champ.  Stop apologizing for holding your wife/family down while times are rough.  Your doing what you got to do as you said to make ends meet.  Now I'm not saying that's your wife's fault for not helping out financially to the situation as she is out of work, but when a man begins to apologize to his woman too much it makes you look weak and soft in a woman's eye and she will begin to push your around as she clearly did.  You shouldn't be submissive to your wife, your wife should be submissive to you. 

 

[|A-Man|]

I never understood how a person could not understand that you were sacrificing time with that person to make sure they were good financially. Like it's common sense. You just stopped contributing as far as money goes and instead of dealing with that and realizing all this extra work is being done for us you get more selfish and start talking about your feelings and how yall never spend time together. No appreciation for the sacrifice. As if they want you to be unemployed and both be in debt. #$#% is baffling.

I can't help you here man.

Pics?

 

[ricky409]

Why is it that you're automatically not qualifies to give advice if you've never been thru it?

I'll use the Skip Bayless argument ... 28 of 32 NFL GMs never played football ...

 

[midnight hype]

leave her, when you said, you come home from a hard days work and your wife didnt make you a SANDWICH, i was like what a SANDWICH you could make that. how about a solid meal like rice,beans and chicken, she dont know how to COOK, she complains, unemployedand dont appreciate youre effort in holding the family down,  honestly it doesnt pay to be nice if you want to keep her i suggest you find her some type of employment, either working at a supermarket or a toy store, that way she knows what you go through on a daily bases and when shes gets off her shift she would be too tired to complain instead she would begg you to tell her to quit and maybe she would act like a house wife. imo i think it would be best if you left that dead wight, eventhough she might take you to the bank. cause she seems like the type that couldnt take of herself and she needs someone whos thriven she wants it all the house, car rose pedal treatment and she cant accept dissapointment. everything has to revolve around her and not intouch with reality unless it efffects her. May i ask did you get to know her very well before you pop the question. I feel bad for you seriously i used to date a chick who didnt appreciate nada, a women like that needs a quick reality check. now either youre not be assertive or shes aggressive. take charge, sit her down have a pow wow introduce her to reality if she doesnt accept open the door from youre crib and tell her dont let it hit you on the way out.

 

[biglescobar]

Im married and am tellin him to leave if its like that! lol

 

[yungchris504]

Originally Posted by 4U2NV

Counseling is definitely the best thing for you guys. Me and my Wife were going through the same thing prior to marriage (with the lack of comm.) and were headed down a bad road. We did it for close to 3-4 months although it didn't  solve anything it makes it much easier for us to talk things out. It teaches you how to talk without attacking one another and shielding from each other also gives you compassion and you can understand how she really feels as well as for her. NOW if it is still going down south afterwards you guys may be in a terrible position. Good Luck.

 

[malcala622]

Originally Posted by mrkane

let me get this straight....

u work 12 a day..... you clean...make ur own food...and ur the only one with a job? And she still complains?

#%+ does she do all day?

USHER "im ready to sign dem papers"

THIS!!! who the %^&* is she to complain. OP youre the one holding things down and especially her.

YOU KNOW WHAT...FTP!!


She needs counseling. Not You.   

 

[ricky409]

You were definitely losing when you started apologizing for being a man.

I bet soon as you put your foot down, she's going to practically beg yo give you some Wop.

Women love dominance... and you come off as weak.

 

[oo master chief oo]

Sign dem paypas bruh, you ain't murried and no youngins, seriously get a divorce and move on, stick it to her bro