darthska
Staff member
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teaching discipline WITHOUT causing harm vol. Put that switch down, ma'am
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If my future son takes after his father, I'ma have a problem on my hands when he's a teenager...
...to this day I remember bein' 17 and pushin' my pop so hard he fell and left this big dent in the wall in my room - I THOUGHT I WAS THAT DUDE!!!!
For a split second there was this eerie silence like, ''Damn - this lil dude actually pushed the hell outta me.'' It was such a shock because he's bigger than me - he actually grinned on some, ''yeah lil man you got me''
- my dumb !$+ just stood there like it was over
...
...after that? The alley cat quick right jab and left hook to my chest pretty much knocked me back in time, I ain't need no flux capacitor or no damn Delorean - the only thing that brought me back to reality was him over me yappin', ''NOW JUMP BAD AGAIN AND WATCH WHAT HAPPEN!!''
Look man, more power to all y'all with the MLK non-violent approach, but no ''lecture'' or some BS ''I'm taking your Griffeys away'' was gonna fix the fact that I physically challenged the man who ran my house in his house...
...like I said - some kids don't need that, and it'll never get that deep with them - but for the lil Billy Badasses like myself who don't respect what they hear, they'll damn sure respect what they feel.
And to keep it 100, man my name ain't Tito Jackson - I never caught a whoopin' I ain't deserve...
...to this day I remember bein' 17 and pushin' my pop so hard he fell and left this big dent in the wall in my room - I THOUGHT I WAS THAT DUDE!!!!
For a split second there was this eerie silence like, ''Damn - this lil dude actually pushed the hell outta me.'' It was such a shock because he's bigger than me - he actually grinned on some, ''yeah lil man you got me''
...after that? The alley cat quick right jab and left hook to my chest pretty much knocked me back in time, I ain't need no flux capacitor or no damn Delorean - the only thing that brought me back to reality was him over me yappin', ''NOW JUMP BAD AGAIN AND WATCH WHAT HAPPEN!!''
Look man, more power to all y'all with the MLK non-violent approach, but no ''lecture'' or some BS ''I'm taking your Griffeys away'' was gonna fix the fact that I physically challenged the man who ran my house in his house...
...like I said - some kids don't need that, and it'll never get that deep with them - but for the lil Billy Badasses like myself who don't respect what they hear, they'll damn sure respect what they feel.
And to keep it 100, man my name ain't Tito Jackson - I never caught a whoopin' I ain't deserve...
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And that was the LAST time I ever did that/talked to my father like that
...
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I pop my son he is 1 year old. Dude is bad bruh
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Some kids need it some kids don't simple as that.
From what i see everyone here is talking about small children they get smarter and act out, only a small percentage act close to perfect.
I just don't think verbal discipline would do much once they hit middle school and high school.
From what i see everyone here is talking about small children they get smarter and act out, only a small percentage act close to perfect.
I just don't think verbal discipline would do much once they hit middle school and high school.
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I wouldnt trade getting my +$* beat when I was young for the world. It made me a better person.. I plan to cut that +$* when I have children
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The real world we live in unfortunately is much tougher than a spanking. I discipline my kids they are well behaved. It's what you do after the spanking is what counts. I will spank my kids if it is needed but after I let them no I love them what they did wrong and what they should do next time. This world is scaring me.
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point
blank
period
i'm out.
not to pull a race thing or anything, but black folks (SOME) raise their kids differently from white folks (SOME)....
but nowadays the younger black folks that are having children don't take action at all with their children which causes a cycle.
Cant really generalize it on race more like the parents personal choice.
Ive seen white parents let their kids act wild and hit random people in public etc, I think the problem is young people having kids in general when they aren't even stable(financially/Mentally) and are stressed out 24/7.
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point
blank
period
i'm out.
not to pull a race thing or anything, but black folks (SOME) raise their kids differently from white folks (SOME)....
but nowadays the younger black folks that are having children don't take action at all with their children which causes a cycle.
Naaaaaah that doesn't work this time...
...I've personally seen some of my Italian and Irish homies catch some mean ones.
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wow ska, can't believe you can relate to the book " a child called it"
that kid was SERIOUSLY abused. sorry fams, but good post and its good to hear that not every one treats their kids like they were treated
you could have easily been the same type of parent, but instead you bettered yourself. props fam
that kid was SERIOUSLY abused. sorry fams, but good post and its good to hear that not every one treats their kids like they were treated
you could have easily been the same type of parent, but instead you bettered yourself. props fam
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If I was spanked as a kid and it didnt work I wouldnt do it probably but since it worked extrewmly well why wouldnt I. you can be soft on your kids if youd like and give em a talking to and take away their toys and blah blah blah. When I would do something significantly wrong (curse out a teacher, cop an attitude with adults, bully some kid (happened one time). My dad reinforced why this is bad behavior with a belt which as an adult I have thanked him for because at times I did some really wrong things. You can take your scientific research and shove it. Not everything deserves a spanking but when my kid deserves it they will get one. Im done debating with you now. we can agreee to disagree. Ill spank my kids and give them real discipline and you can give yours a stern talking to everytime.
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I got a lil girl and i don't think i'll ever be able to lift a hand to discipline her, it hurt me to even see her cry....If i had a boy it would be a different story.
Sir San Diego
formerly brolic scholar
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I have two daughters. The oldest is very sensitive and responds well to being talked to. When she feels that she has let me down it breaks her heart. My youngest daughter is nothing like my oldest in that regard. She's a daredevil and loves to instigate or just flat out start #%%# to get a laugh. I can talk to her about my expectations all day and she'll listen, walk away and go do whatever the hell she pleases, giving less than a damn. She has my personality, while my oldest has more of my wife's personality.
I rarely spank her and when I do it's never a beating, but sometimes that's the only way she understands that she is hurting someone or endangering herself. I never spank out of frustration and I rarely raise my voice with my kids. Both are extremes to me and should only be used when the behavior of your kid warrants it.
To be clear, in the past year, I would estimate that I've given out 5 spankings. I've used the threat of a spanking when my youngest is obviously testing the limits, but she always backs down. I caught some BEATINGS as a kid and would never do any of that to my kids. I was also yelled at and don't do that either. I don't think spankings when used in moderation are a bad thing, but the offense should always be extreme for that form of discipline.
I rarely spank her and when I do it's never a beating, but sometimes that's the only way she understands that she is hurting someone or endangering herself. I never spank out of frustration and I rarely raise my voice with my kids. Both are extremes to me and should only be used when the behavior of your kid warrants it.
To be clear, in the past year, I would estimate that I've given out 5 spankings. I've used the threat of a spanking when my youngest is obviously testing the limits, but she always backs down. I caught some BEATINGS as a kid and would never do any of that to my kids. I was also yelled at and don't do that either. I don't think spankings when used in moderation are a bad thing, but the offense should always be extreme for that form of discipline.
darthska
Staff member
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"Spankings worked on me. Why should I change it?", then the same person says "Take your 'talking to' method and shove it."
Contradict much? What happened to "If it works, there's no need to change it"?
Second, I wanted to actually answer the question "Why change it?" regarding physical discipline. The reason is b/c the potential ramifications are so huge (operative word: potential). You know how devastating it is for a child to be told he's not going to basketball practice tonight? You know how horrifc that is? It's not. You're not inflicting pain to get a point across, and the logic of the consequence WILL get through if the kid has any kind of intellect.
And you guys are missing another point I mentioned from the jump: STARTING OUT w/ a non-violent pattern of consequences/discipline as soon as possible. You guys keep mentioning your own selves, failing to see that you weren't started off the way I'm talking about. One dude said he's already spanking his 1-year old; I'm sure many of you could share the same experience. Well no, if a kid is used to getting spanked, it's not going to as effective if you do something like take his video game; the kid is already used to worse than that.
But w/ consistency, the kid will come around. You guys keep saying "Kids are smarter than you're giving them credit for. They'll figure out loopholes." Well, I'm seeing people tell me that a non-physical approach won't work on a kid who IS getting hit and spanked but is still acting a fool. Seems to me like the PHYSICAL approach isn't working, either. Yeah, if spanking worked for you, I can understand thinking "Why change it?" But if that approach isn't working on a kid, then... change it.
Some of y'all afraid to look at things w/ that kind of logic and reasoning, though.
Contradict much? What happened to "If it works, there's no need to change it"?
Second, I wanted to actually answer the question "Why change it?" regarding physical discipline. The reason is b/c the potential ramifications are so huge (operative word: potential). You know how devastating it is for a child to be told he's not going to basketball practice tonight? You know how horrifc that is? It's not. You're not inflicting pain to get a point across, and the logic of the consequence WILL get through if the kid has any kind of intellect.
And you guys are missing another point I mentioned from the jump: STARTING OUT w/ a non-violent pattern of consequences/discipline as soon as possible. You guys keep mentioning your own selves, failing to see that you weren't started off the way I'm talking about. One dude said he's already spanking his 1-year old; I'm sure many of you could share the same experience. Well no, if a kid is used to getting spanked, it's not going to as effective if you do something like take his video game; the kid is already used to worse than that.
But w/ consistency, the kid will come around. You guys keep saying "Kids are smarter than you're giving them credit for. They'll figure out loopholes." Well, I'm seeing people tell me that a non-physical approach won't work on a kid who IS getting hit and spanked but is still acting a fool. Seems to me like the PHYSICAL approach isn't working, either. Yeah, if spanking worked for you, I can understand thinking "Why change it?" But if that approach isn't working on a kid, then... change it.
Some of y'all afraid to look at things w/ that kind of logic and reasoning, though.
darthska
Staff member
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And the reason I use 'afraid' is because there is an element of fear that goes into admitting that a physical approach may not be the best approach; fear that if you admit that, you're calling yourself a bad parent for already whooping your kids, or fear that you're calling your parents bad parents for spanking you.
Admitting that there might be a more effective approach, or maybe an equally effective approach that is simply lesspainful, is NOT labeling a bad parents or admitting defeat or anything.
It is simply striving for what is best for your kid.
Admitting that there might be a more effective approach, or maybe an equally effective approach that is simply lesspainful, is NOT labeling a bad parents or admitting defeat or anything.
It is simply striving for what is best for your kid.
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I was abused like hell as a child by my birth parents. I'm not talking just hitting, but straight beatings, lit cigarettes put out on my arm and back, electrical wires, thrown/pushed into walls. If i ever have kids they're never getting treated like that. My foster parents set the bar when it came to actually talking to me and using their words and non-physical actions to get their point across.
I'm black and was lower class. that whole line about it's a cultural thing is b.s, children are children and are a result of their environment. I was at a red light and saw a black kid who was visibly upset/pouting and his mom was yelling at him, hitting him in the back of the head and mouth, yanking his arm while he was walking at her pace. %@%# pissed me off.
I'm black and was lower class. that whole line about it's a cultural thing is b.s, children are children and are a result of their environment. I was at a red light and saw a black kid who was visibly upset/pouting and his mom was yelling at him, hitting him in the back of the head and mouth, yanking his arm while he was walking at her pace. %@%# pissed me off.
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big difference between a spanking and a beating.
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Great post Ska. This is basic Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA), which is a branch of psychology. I work with children with severe behaviors (aggression, self injurious behaviors, property destruction) and I teach parents principles of ABA. The ONLY way time-out is effective is if there is a time-in, otherwise it doesn't matter.
The three things important for punishment to work is:
1. Contiguity (how fast from the time is between the behavior and the consequence, the faster the better)
2. Intensity (Yes, the punishment has to really suck in order for it to work)
3. Consistency (Every single time, if they get away with it a few times and get punished only sometimes well guess what? The behavior will remain.)
Just think of fire, if you touch it the flame burns you right away (contiguity), it hurts really bad (intensity), and everytime you touch it you get the same results (consistency). So you don't touch the fire (learning).
Last thing, if you have a particular behavior with your child that he/she is consistently doing. You follow through with spanking. The next day your child is doing it again. You follow through with spanking. If your child does it the third time, guess what? Spanking is not a functional punishment, you must try something else!!!
The three things important for punishment to work is:
1. Contiguity (how fast from the time is between the behavior and the consequence, the faster the better)
2. Intensity (Yes, the punishment has to really suck in order for it to work)
3. Consistency (Every single time, if they get away with it a few times and get punished only sometimes well guess what? The behavior will remain.)
Just think of fire, if you touch it the flame burns you right away (contiguity), it hurts really bad (intensity), and everytime you touch it you get the same results (consistency). So you don't touch the fire (learning).
Last thing, if you have a particular behavior with your child that he/she is consistently doing. You follow through with spanking. The next day your child is doing it again. You follow through with spanking. If your child does it the third time, guess what? Spanking is not a functional punishment, you must try something else!!!
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I swear everytime im out and see kids acting crazy and the parents doing nothing all I think to myself is, man my parents would have beat the hell out of me if I pulled that nonsense
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I whooped my JO's 2 year old daughter all the time. She plays with dirt... WHAM. She throws a fit cause she doesn't get what she wants... KABOOM. You run away when I call for you and if I have to give chase... yes you will get run over by me.
I don't give a crap what scientific research says... if a child doesn't listen... she/he will get slap upside the head.. simple as that. That toddler is scared of me now so she knows how to properly act when I am around.
@ scientific research and logic when it comes to dealing with a 2 year old having a temper tantrum in a restaurant.
I don't give a crap what scientific research says... if a child doesn't listen... she/he will get slap upside the head.. simple as that. That toddler is scared of me now so she knows how to properly act when I am around.
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your reasonings against spanking and whoopings is solely based on your previous experiences as a kid. not all parents choosing to spank their kids are doing so to the extent that your parents did.
i spank my 4 year old son. im dont beating him. and spankings are the definite last resort. spankings come after warnings and warnings and stuff getting taken away.
my son can find and play with a spoon and be entertained.
i feel that a combination of both can be very effective. spankings used when needed.
to cancel out a way of doing things just because your parents took it to the extremity is not right.
kids are different. some kids it takes a little to get there attention some it takes more. i was one that it took more. i was very very hard headed. spankings and whoopings got my attention and i dont blame my parents for taking the appropriate action, within reason, to discipline me.
your post is very good and can be useful yet sometimes a pop on the behind is what it takes and can be effective without harming the childs mental health.
i spank my 4 year old son. im dont beating him. and spankings are the definite last resort. spankings come after warnings and warnings and stuff getting taken away.
my son can find and play with a spoon and be entertained.
i feel that a combination of both can be very effective. spankings used when needed.
to cancel out a way of doing things just because your parents took it to the extremity is not right.
kids are different. some kids it takes a little to get there attention some it takes more. i was one that it took more. i was very very hard headed. spankings and whoopings got my attention and i dont blame my parents for taking the appropriate action, within reason, to discipline me.
your post is very good and can be useful yet sometimes a pop on the behind is what it takes and can be effective without harming the childs mental health.
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Shleep
you must have got yo @ss whipped as a kid OP??? U mad?
solewoman
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sounds like u playing daddy...Originally Posted by SunDOOBIE
I whooped woop my JO's girl's 2 year old daughter all the time. She plays with dirt... WHAM. She throws a fit cause she doesn't get what she wants... KABOOM. You run away when I call for you and if I have to give chase... yes you will get run over by me.
I don't give a crap what scientific research says... if a child doesn't listen... she/he will get slap upside the head.. simple as that. That toddler is scared of me now so she knows how to properly act when I am around.@ scientific research and logic when it comes to dealing with a 2 year old having a temper tantrum in a restaurant.
it really varies from child. based on the living conditions, environment, personality, morals and values of the parents etc.. there is no right or wrong way to discipline a child within means. With the exception of child abuse of course. What works for one family may or may not work for another.
