Confessions

[balldontlie206]

Yeah basically that... like be smart, sensible, don't mess with toxic women, take care of your responsibilities type of things. All those messages I remembered from when I was young. Especially one that really got me, he said this to me when I was like 18, but he said "Don't have any children you aren't ready to man up and raise. You having fatherless children, I can't stomach that, son"

So in a way its like he was trying to tell me the truth there but I didn't hear it that way. I know he's torn up about everything and he damn near cried when he admitted he wanted to leave my mom when I was 2 but he stayed for me. I don't resent my dad, he had his reasons and what he does in his life while I am an adult, is his thing. I just wish he remembered that no matter how he feels about my mother, I am the direct result of them being together. He can't change that and he needs to remember that she is part of me. So in general, I just wished he was better about how he handled his business. He did her really dirty and I had to be there for her to pick up the pieces.

 

[usabasketball08]

I absolutely hate my job, but I like the pay. It's essentially a white fraternity and it's obvious that I'm treated differently. I'm one of three black men out of an office of 50. I have to work 3x as hard as my white colleagues just to get the same credit, and the funny thing is that they don't even see that they're racially biased.

I want to dip after two years just because the experience and firm name opens doors to so many other things but it's tough. I'm sure what I described is typical of some firms in my field but I have not witnessed it at this level.

 

[Sir San Diego]

I'm sure what I described is typical of some firms in my field but I have not witnessed it at this level.

What field are you in?

 

[usabasketball08]

What field are you in?

Corporate and Investment Banking

 

[Mark Antony]

Corporate finance is definitely an old boys club. Document and keep everything in case you may need to file an EEO complaint.

 

[King of Trash Style]

10 Confessions.

My job is cool but I feel I'm meant for bigger/better. This is just a stepping stone to my dream life/career. 

Speaking of, I have a 5 phase plan to reaching the "dream". Just call me Thanos. 

Losing moms a few years ago is something I'll never get over. Wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. She was the only person I felt understood me. 

Maybe its due to him getting older or maybe its due to moms not being here but it seems like my pops is trying to atone for the piece of sh*t he was to me while I was growing up. I swear Denzel in Fences was based on him (he saw it & called saying he realized that was him). But at this point I'm not trying to hear it because I know he's still the same a**hole. I dont hate him but I'm real distant towards him.

I know you're not supposed to hate anyone but I'm close to it with my older brother. He was the perfect example of what an older brother shouldn't be.The main reason I decided to be to my young brother what I always wanted in an older brother. 

Being diagnosed with depression and anxiety is a gift and a curse. Gift because it makes me extremely self aware. Curse because it creeps up on me at the worst time. I often feel the world and everyone in it is conspiring against me. Hence why I'm so defensive over myself. 

Playing college ball was cool but I know part of the reason I didn't make the league was because I didn't love it. Just paid for college. You have to love it and be dedicated to make it. Two things I wasn't. 

I love women and I'm successful with them (not bragging) but it would take an act of God for me to say to myself "I want to be with her forever". Cant trust them. Women that are married or in relationships still answer my texts/DMs. Why? You know what I'm hitting you up for. Arent you in love? Why even entertain me?

This is therapeutic Especially since I'm introverted and closed off to most people (don't like feeling like I'm a burden to anyone).

To anyone that needs it, keep fighting at this thing called life. It'll beat you down and spit you out but there are some good parts to it as well. Don't give up. It gets better. Take it from someone who has complimented suicide a few times in the past. 

Man I feel the same way about my dad even tho he passed.

 

[squarianaa]

Man has comin back to NT after a loooong time is crazy, especially with this forum. Got me in the feels. I won't go all the way back from the time I was away from here, I'll just do recent things that have been goin on.

I don't understand why society creates this thing of people not being able to just be friends with their ex. We'll start it off with that.

Before me and my new girl started dating, I was casually just talking to my last girlfriend. Just regular friend talk, music, shoes, etc. Ya know? And I didn't think it was gonna do any harm, but it clearly did. My girl got upset, about it cause she thought I was trynna get back together with my ex. Long story short, my girl doesn't trust me, but we're still together. And it sucks, knowing that she doesn't trust me, but knows that I love & care for her so much. It sucks that she doesn't trust me, and I know even though she does all these things to show her love.

And recently, these last couple months we've been fighting a lot more. Getting into arguments and such, some of them big but others aren't worth it. I never pick fights, it's always her doing it, picking a fight and what not. She's ALWAYS gotta win... And it's so annoying. She even admits that it's a pride thing and she's gotta let it go. She admits that some fights were so petty that she should've let them go. This recent fight, she got so pissed off. She expects me to fix it all, like I've caused all this and in my head I'm just like, "Okay, how am I supposed to fix all of this?" when all of the things happened in the past? Like, it just doesn't make sense to me. Anyways, she got pissed off and sent me "Don't text me later. U seem to not know how to fix sh-- anyways so it's fine. Bye." And that really hit me hard. Like, I know she's all heated and everything, but... I can't be responsible to fix everything that we argue about. It's like, all fingers get pointed at me, everything's my fault, I gotta fix it all, nothing's her fault. Idk, it's honestly just taken such an emotional hit on me, it makes me feel like I can't fix anything. 

Family, it's been slightly rough. Grandma had a scare couple weeks ago, another stroke but hasn't happened for a few years now. No one knew what it was at first, but the morning I heard the news, my dad told me that it could be her time now. She just turned... 97 I wanna say just a month ago, near the beginning of January. And I was honestly scared outta my mind. She's had a huge impact on my life, and by far one of the nicest people/relatives I know. Yeah, she's my grandma and she's gotta be you could say. But still, like some people talked about losing their parents, I'm not ready to lose my grandma yet.

School's going good. I'm in my second semester of city college (shocker considering I made this account 5 years ago now lol). I'm trynna make my way to art school for photography, I'm only nervous about where it'll take me. I'm still undecided which specific field I wanna do (landscapes, portrats, wedding, etc.) and I'm just scared if I stick to one specific then I won't be the kind of photographer I wanna be. Currently, I'm just scared that if I don't get into the school I wanna go to, that I don't have much of a choice after if I don't get accepted. I'm scared that if I'm shut down, it'll kill my dreams then I'll be another man hating life while living with his parents and working a minimum waged job.

To those who took the time to read this, I appreciate you hearing my rambling of every aspect of my life as of recent. These types of communities are truly a great thing, seeing everyone here just helping each other out through tough moments in each other's lives. It's great to see.

 

[John Wick]

how old is your girl she seems kind of childish

 

[slighted]

I can totally understand your girl not wanting you to talk to your ex.

Would you be alright with her talking to her ex? I think that type of stuff is messy in general. I'm also very hesitant about chicks who have mostly guy friends (you telling me they wouldn't hit if they had a chance?).

@SquarianAA -- I think you should go ghost on your girl. Give her the gift of missing you because she's obviously very emotional. If you run back to her, she'll lose all respect for you. Let it cool down, do your own thing, and she'll come running back. If she doesn't, get yourself another girl who appreciates you.

 

[korben dallas]

 
Man has comin back to NT after a loooong time is crazy, especially with this forum. Got me in the feels. I won't go all the way back from the time I was away from here, I'll just do recent things that have been goin on.

I don't understand why society creates this thing of people not being able to just be friends with their ex. We'll start it off with that.

Before me and my new girl started dating, I was casually just talking to my last girlfriend. Just regular friend talk, music, shoes, etc. Ya know? And I didn't think it was gonna do any harm, but it clearly did. My girl got upset, about it cause she thought I was trynna get back together with my ex. Long story short, my girl doesn't trust me, but we're still together. And it sucks, knowing that she doesn't trust me, but knows that I love & care for her so much. It sucks that she doesn't trust me, and I know even though she does all these things to show her love.

And recently, these last couple months we've been fighting a lot more. Getting into arguments and such, some of them big but others aren't worth it. I never pick fights, it's always her doing it, picking a fight and what not. She's ALWAYS gotta win... And it's so annoying. She even admits that it's a pride thing and she's gotta let it go. She admits that some fights were so petty that she should've let them go. This recent fight, she got so pissed off. She expects me to fix it all, like I've caused all this and in my head I'm just like, "Okay, how am I supposed to fix all of this?" when all of the things happened in the past? Like, it just doesn't make sense to me. Anyways, she got pissed off and sent me "Don't text me later. U seem to not know how to fix sh-- anyways so it's fine. Bye." And that really hit me hard. Like, I know she's all heated and everything, but... I can't be responsible to fix everything that we argue about. It's like, all fingers get pointed at me, everything's my fault, I gotta fix it all, nothing's her fault. Idk, it's honestly just taken such an emotional hit on me, it makes me feel like I can't fix anything. 

Family, it's been slightly rough. Grandma had a scare couple weeks ago, another stroke but hasn't happened for a few years now. No one knew what it was at first, but the morning I heard the news, my dad told me that it could be her time now. She just turned... 97 I wanna say just a month ago, near the beginning of January. And I was honestly scared outta my mind. She's had a huge impact on my life, and by far one of the nicest people/relatives I know. Yeah, she's my grandma and she's gotta be you could say. But still, like some people talked about losing their parents, I'm not ready to lose my grandma yet.

School's going good. I'm in my second semester of city college (shocker considering I made this account 5 years ago now lol). I'm trynna make my way to art school for photography, I'm only nervous about where it'll take me. I'm still undecided which specific field I wanna do (landscapes, portrats, wedding, etc.) and I'm just scared if I stick to one specific then I won't be the kind of photographer I wanna be. Currently, I'm just scared that if I don't get into the school I wanna go to, that I don't have much of a choice after if I don't get accepted. I'm scared that if I'm shut down, it'll kill my dreams then I'll be another man hating life while living with his parents and working a minimum waged job.

To those who took the time to read this, I appreciate you hearing my rambling of every aspect of my life as of recent. These types of communities are truly a great thing, seeing everyone here just helping each other out through tough moments in each other's lives. It's great to see.

I'm sure you probably dont want to hear it but you should consider leaving your girl fam. It's just one side of the coin, but from what you're saying she seems toxic. 

 

[stay lurkin]

That young love man

Not judging, and not saying that it can't work - but what a **** our 20s can be

 

[squarianaa]

 
I can totally understand your girl not wanting you to talk to your ex.

Would you be alright with her talking to her ex? I think that type of stuff is messy in general. I'm also very hesitant about chicks who have mostly guy friends (you telling me they wouldn't hit if they had a chance?).

@SquarianAA -- I think you should go ghost on your girl. Give her the gift of missing you because she's obviously very emotional. If you run back to her, she'll lose all respect for you. Let it cool down, do your own thing, and she'll come running back. If she doesn't, get yourself another girl who appreciates you.

 
I'm sure you probably dont want to hear it but you should consider leaving your girl fam. It's just one side of the coin, but from what you're saying she seems toxic. 

@Slighted  Yeah man, I know what you mean. It's just my nature, just wanting to be friends/friendly to everyone ya know? I'm just too nice of a guy to just drop anyone and it sucks a lot being like that. And we both young as hell, I'm her first super serious relationship so she's trynna figure it all out. Everything she had before was that short one to three months, little fling.

@Korben Dallas  Like I said above, I'm her first serious relationship. And I mean, her older sister even said to her "I know he's your first, but I think it'd be better if you two broke up so you could have the experience. Then go out and get into a couple other relationships, then maybe get back together with him (me)." Cause her sister can tell that she really loves me.

Idk man, I'm honestly just taking it one day at a time. Whatever happens, happens. It'll happen for a reason, and if it comes down to that, so be it. I don't like stressin so much about the future, ya know?

 

[mgrand15]

@Slighted
 Yeah man, I know what you mean. It's just my nature, just wanting to be friends/friendly to everyone ya know? I'm just too nice of a guy to just drop anyone and it sucks a lot being like that. And we both young as hell, I'm her first super serious relationship so she's trynna figure it all out. Everything she had before was that short one to three months, little fling.

@Korben Dallas
 Like I said above, I'm her first serious relationship. And I mean, her older sister even said to her "I know he's your first, but I think it'd be better if you two broke up so you could have the experience. Then go out and get into a couple other relationships, then maybe get back together with him (me)." Cause her sister can tell that she really loves me.

Idk man, I'm honestly just taking it one day at a time. Whatever happens, happens. It'll happen for a reason, and if it comes down to that, so be it. I don't like stressin so much about the future, ya know?

I know the feeling but you're just making excuses for her toxic behavior. Inexperience isn't a reason for what you're describing.

This is me reaching a bit but personally I feel like when someone has trust issues like that, they're projecting. And honestly, if the petty arguments are constant and you feel like you can't win no matter what you do, she's probably already checked out of the relationship. Unless you're in a LONG term relationship, that's a quick way to push someone away.

 

[korben dallas]

 
@Slighted  Yeah man, I know what you mean. It's just my nature, just wanting to be friends/friendly to everyone ya know? I'm just too nice of a guy to just drop anyone and it sucks a lot being like that. And we both young as hell, I'm her first super serious relationship so she's trynna figure it all out. Everything she had before was that short one to three months, little fling.

@Korben Dallas  Like I said above, I'm her first serious relationship. And I mean, her older sister even said to her "I know he's your first, but I think it'd be better if you two broke up so you could have the experience. Then go out and get into a couple other relationships, then maybe get back together with him (me)." Cause her sister can tell that she really loves me.

Idk man, I'm honestly just taking it one day at a time. Whatever happens, happens. It'll happen for a reason, and if it comes down to that, so be it. I don't like stressin so much about the future, ya know?

I hear you man. But it seems like either A.) she's in to this more than you are at the moment or B.) she's doing all of this accusing because of past mistakes she's made or currently doing. I'm not trying to plant bad seeds in your head at all. I just see you're in college and trying to better your life and I've been there. Closer to graduation the more distractions will come. And she seems like she's a big one at the moment and it can possibly get worse. You seriously need to sit down and have a "real sh*t" talk with her and tell her what's on your mind. She'll react emotionally (women do this no matter how careful you are with your words) and won't think she's the problem (women never do) but it should help. 

 

[squatchnt]

A relationship without trust is like a bank without a safe useless. If you caused the mistrust dead the relationship and use it as one to grow on, and if she just has insecure issues dead the relationship and let her deal with her issues. Maybe think about patching it up with your ex since you guys have a lot in common if not, be cautious in your next relationship as exes who are friends outside of the relationship will be concerning.

 

[squarianaa]

@mgrand15  @Korben Dallas  Yeah I'm hearin ya'll man, much appreciated for keepin it real as always. We'll see how it all plays out in the future, I'ma sit & think about what you've guys have said

 

[the 7th mile]

Last month my cousin got locked up for beating up his bm (she white), this like the second time so his bond like 50 racks and he probably gone be sitting for a min. Aside from being my cousin, dude is one of my best friends. Chilled with him almost every day before he got locked up... Man this ***** wasn't even gone 2 weeks before I had my **** in his bm's mouth. Wasn't my intention, I had been going to check on her and the lil ones making sure they were straight and one thing led to another. Only got the head though. I was gonna **** too but after I got that nut off I told her I'll take a rain check...To make matters worse, this ***** wrote her from jail talking about changing and how he wanna get his **** together, she fell for it and told him she sucked me off smfh

I don't know what tip he gone be on when he get out, I haven't talked to him since she told him but according to her he went from saying he was gone beat my *** to cutting me off to killing me with kindness...I'm not worried about hands being thrown but damn man a part of me feel like I violated. If it was just a random ***** or just his girl then I might not feel bad but this the mother of his children and ****.

I said a part of me feels bad because according to her he not mad at her and wanna work it out...So you gone stay with the ***** who sucked your COUSIN but get mad at your cousin for getting it? [emoji]128579[/emoji][emoji]128579[/emoji][emoji]128579[/emoji]

 

[superslime202]

the 7th mile depends on if it's your blood cousin or not imo but you sir are foul [emoji]128557[/emoji] Getting the neck from your family BM/wife/girlfriend is a no but I'm not judging I've been fouler [emoji]128557[/emoji]

 

[23kidd]

i just wish my dad and i wouldn't bump head so much. No matter what i do, even by being the bigger person i still cant get through him.
I would change, or atleast TRY to change my ways but him? Naaa

When me and him clash heads we mostly end up not talking to each other 85% of the time, and what makes it worse is my moms emotional self gets into it and literally begs me to be the bigger man and talk to him. Im not saying hes wrong when it comes down to the big or small topic, but we cant even just sit and talk without one of us raising our voices.


For an example,My daughters 4th birthday is this month and back in Oct. he had an idea of throwing her bday at a firehouse, Cool, dope idea!
My daughter says now she wants a superhero party and changed her mind bout the firehouse. Since we didnt plan nothing for the firehouse we said "why not?"

So on the phone my dad asks me whats the update(since hes overseas) and i tell him, he gets mad and im trying to calm him down but dude hangs up on me and calls my mom, who was next to me at the time, and i could hear him talking loudly, upset...like really?
Idk...he once told me he feels like im using my daughter to get back at him based on our history...which is def not the case

I do love the guy, hes a good dude with a good heart, I just want to change this "arguing routine" we have before its too late. He hasn't really been there for me as a father my teenage years, due to his business, but he still did lookout for his family the entire time.


|I

 

[legreyfoxx]

i'm

i just wish my dad and i wouldn't bump head so much. No matter what i do, even by being the bigger person i still cant get through him.
I would change, or atleast TRY to change my ways but him? Naaa

When me and him clash heads we mostly end up not talking to each other 85% of the time, and what makes it worse is my moms emotional self gets into it and literally begs me to be the bigger man and talk to him. Im not saying hes wrong when it comes down to the big or small topic, but we cant even just sit and talk without one of us raising our voices.


For an example,My daughters 4th birthday is this month and back in Oct. he had an idea of throwing her bday at a firehouse, Cool, dope idea!
My daughter says now she wants a superhero party and changed her mind bout the firehouse. Since we didnt plan nothing for the firehouse we said "why not?"

So on the phone my dad asks me whats the update(since hes overseas) and i tell him, he gets mad and im trying to calm him down but dude hangs up on me and calls my mom, who was next to me at the time, and i could hear him talking loudly, upset...like really?
Idk...he once told me he feels like im using my daughter to get back at him based on our history...which is def not the case

I do love the guy, hes a good dude with a good heart, I just want to change this "arguing routine" we have before its too late. He hasn't really been there for me as a father my teenage years, due to his business, but he still did lookout for his family the entire time.


|I

I hope you and your dad find that peace you are seeking, It may be tough for him to change due to his being older and just going about everything day to day and not realizing what he is doing may be hurting/affecting you. I have a similar relationship with my parents, and wish you the best and hope that someday it will not be like that for you two.

 

[dharv]

lost my pet cat a month ago, today. man has it been rough. made the choice to put him down after he started experiencing urinary issues. night before, we took him into the ER to find out he had a mass in his bladder. nurse put in a catheter, emptied his bladder & still he couldn't urinate. last night of his night had to have been frustrating. tried going to the litter box over 10 times in 3 hours, no success.

he was my best friend (besides my wife & son). took him in as a stray over 20 years ago. we believe he was 22 years old. things have gotten a little bit better-but I miss him so much. still shed tears daily.

me and my wife move his urn around each and every day to the spots around the house he loved. he had his own room, with his own bed (spare bedroom). the past 6 months of his life were not the greatest. stage 3 kidney failure, low potassium, he slowly lost his eye sight, and was completely blind the last 4-5 days on Earth.

I still question my decision. me & him were like 2 peas in a pod. I know he was fighting for me, so I wonder- was pain something he would've chose to deal with in order to live until the higher power said it's time?

I miss my guy y'all. tremendously.

 

[legreyfoxx]

lost my pet cat a month ago, today. man has it been rough. made the choice to put him down after he started experiencing urinary issues. night before, we took him into the ER to find out he had a mass in his bladder. nurse put in a catheter, emptied his bladder & still he couldn't urinate. last night of his night had to have been frustrating. tried going to the litter box over 10 times in 3 hours, no success.

he was my best friend (besides my wife & son). took him in as a stray over 20 years ago. we believe he was 22 years old. things have gotten a little bit better-but I miss him so much. still shed tears daily.

me and my wife move his urn around each and every day to the spots around the house he loved. he had his own room, with his own bed (spare bedroom). the past 6 months of his life were not the greatest. stage 3 kidney failure, low potassium, he slowly lost his eye sight, and was completely blind the last 4-5 days on Earth.

I still question my decision. me & him were like 2 peas in a pod. I know he was fighting for me, so I wonder- was pain something he would've chose to deal with in order to live until the higher power said it's time?

I miss my guy y'all. tremendously.

It never ceases to amaze how much of an impact our pets makes to us in our lives. May your pet rest in peace and live on through the memories you and your family shared. I know there can be no replacement on a pet friend and wish you the best during this time of mourning.

 

[703 hwy]

You might have been better off just smashing her. Getting the dome cuts kinda deeper imo.

 

[703 hwy]

lost my pet cat a month ago, today. man has it been rough. made the choice to put him down after he started experiencing urinary issues. night before, we took him into the ER to find out he had a mass in his bladder. nurse put in a catheter, emptied his bladder & still he couldn't urinate. last night of his night had to have been frustrating. tried going to the litter box over 10 times in 3 hours, no success.

he was my best friend (besides my wife & son). took him in as a stray over 20 years ago. we believe he was 22 years old. things have gotten a little bit better-but I miss him so much. still shed tears daily.

me and my wife move his urn around each and every day to the spots around the house he loved. he had his own room, with his own bed (spare bedroom). the past 6 months of his life were not the greatest. stage 3 kidney failure, low potassium, he slowly lost his eye sight, and was completely blind the last 4-5 days on Earth.

I still question my decision. me & him were like 2 peas in a pod. I know he was fighting for me, so I wonder- was pain something he would've chose to deal with in order to live until the higher power said it's time?

I miss my guy y'all. tremendously.

Sorry for your loss bro. 20 yrs together I know that's tough. Stay up man.

 

[John Wick]

You might have been better off just smashing her. Getting the dome cuts kinda deeper imo.

he was better off not even doing anything with his fam BM or whoever she is talking about one thing led to another we adults fam we have self control. I wouldn't cross fam over no female to many O's out here to be trying to smash behind your fam back.

just violating code out here.