Man has comin back to NT after a loooong time is crazy, especially with this forum. Got me in the feels. I won't go all the way back from the time I was away from here, I'll just do recent things that have been goin on.
I don't understand why society creates this thing of people not being able to just be friends with their ex. We'll start it off with that.
Before me and my new girl started dating, I was casually just talking to my last girlfriend. Just regular friend talk, music, shoes, etc. Ya know? And I didn't think it was gonna do any harm, but it clearly did. My girl got upset, about it cause she thought I was trynna get back together with my ex. Long story short, my girl doesn't trust me, but we're still together. And it sucks, knowing that she doesn't trust me, but knows that I love & care for her so much. It sucks that she doesn't trust me, and I know even though she does all these things to show her love.
And recently, these last couple months we've been fighting a lot more. Getting into arguments and such, some of them big but others aren't worth it. I never pick fights, it's always her doing it, picking a fight and what not. She's ALWAYS gotta win... And it's so annoying. She even admits that it's a pride thing and she's gotta let it go. She admits that some fights were so petty that she should've let them go. This recent fight, she got so pissed off. She expects me to fix it all, like I've caused all this and in my head I'm just like, "Okay, how am I supposed to fix all of this?" when all of the things happened in the past? Like, it just doesn't make sense to me. Anyways, she got pissed off and sent me "Don't text me later. U seem to not know how to fix sh-- anyways so it's fine. Bye." And that really hit me hard. Like, I know she's all heated and everything, but... I can't be responsible to fix everything that we argue about. It's like, all fingers get pointed at me, everything's my fault, I gotta fix it all, nothing's her fault. Idk, it's honestly just taken such an emotional hit on me, it makes me feel like I can't fix anything.
Family, it's been slightly rough. Grandma had a scare couple weeks ago, another stroke but hasn't happened for a few years now. No one knew what it was at first, but the morning I heard the news, my dad told me that it could be her time now. She just turned... 97 I wanna say just a month ago, near the beginning of January. And I was honestly scared outta my mind. She's had a huge impact on my life, and by far one of the nicest people/relatives I know. Yeah, she's my grandma and she's gotta be you could say. But still, like some people talked about losing their parents, I'm not ready to lose my grandma yet.
School's going good. I'm in my second semester of city college (shocker considering I made this account 5 years ago now lol). I'm trynna make my way to art school for photography, I'm only nervous about where it'll take me. I'm still undecided which specific field I wanna do (landscapes, portrats, wedding, etc.) and I'm just scared if I stick to one specific then I won't be the kind of photographer I wanna be. Currently, I'm just scared that if I don't get into the school I wanna go to, that I don't have much of a choice after if I don't get accepted. I'm scared that if I'm shut down, it'll kill my dreams then I'll be another man hating life while living with his parents and working a minimum waged job.
To those who took the time to read this, I appreciate you hearing my rambling of every aspect of my life as of recent. These types of communities are truly a great thing, seeing everyone here just helping each other out through tough moments in each other's lives. It's great to see.