Letter to a Simp (aka 75% of NT males) vol. FriendzOWNED

[jmb1523]

i think i just got put in the friendzone. shorty hit me with the you really cool but i never really thought about it. Guess ill still see how it plays outthough.

 

[chokeonsmoke]

 

[cwrite78]

Originally Posted by marlsj

Originally Posted by Fantastic4our

[h2]But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship Where I Ask You To Do Things And You Do Them[/h2]

I really like you. I do. You're so nice, and sweet, and you listen to all my problems and respond with the appropriate compliments. But, well, I don't really see a relationship in our future. It would be terrible if we let sex destroy this great friendship we have where I get everything I want and you get nothing you want. Don't you think?

I knew you would understand. You always do.

We're so perfect as friends, you know? I can tell you anything, and you know you can always come to me anytime you need to hear me %$@#! about work or how ugly I feel. You wouldn't want to ruin a friendship like that just so you could be my boyfriend, and have me look at you with desire and longing in my eyes, if only once-would you? Of course not. Well, if we started dating, it would only complicate this wonderful setup I've got going here.

It's just…you're like my best friend, and I would hate for something you desperately want to change that. I mean, sure, we could go on some dates, maybe mess around a little and finally validate the six years you've spent languishing in this platonic nightmare, but then what? How could we ever go back to the way we were, where I take advantage of your clear attraction to me so I can have someone at my beck and call? That part of our friendship means so much to me.

No. We are just destined to be really, really good friends who only hang out when I don't have a boyfriend, but still need male attention to boost my fragile and all-consuming ego.

Anything can happen once you bring romance in. Think about how awful my last relationship was at the end, remember? The guy I'd call you crying about at 3 a.m. because he wouldn't answer my texts? The guy I met at the birthday party you threw me? I had insanely passionate sex with him for four months and now we don't even talk anymore. God, I would die if something like that happened to us.

Plus, ick, can you even imagine getting naked in front of each other? I've known you so long, you're more like a brother that I've drunkenly made out with twice and never mentioned again. It'd be way too weird. And if we did, then whenever you'd come shopping with me, or go to one of my performances or charity events, or take me for ice cream when I've had a bad day at work, you'd be looking at me like, "I've seen her breasts." God, I can't think of anything more awkward that that.

Oh, before I forget, my mom says hi.

Anyway, you would totally hate me as your girlfriend. I'd be all needy and dramatic and slowly growing to love you. If I was your girlfriend, I would never be able to tell you all about the other !*$%$%! guys I date and pretend I don't see how much it crushes you. Let's never lose that. That's what makes us us.

Don't worry. You're so funny and smart and amazing, any girl but me would be lucky to date you. You'll find someone, I know it. And when you do, I'll be right by your side to suddenly become all flirty and affectionate with you in front of her, until she grows jealous and won't believe it when you say we're just friends. But when she dumps you, that's just what we'll be.
Best friends. Friends forever.
source: (http://www.theonion.com/c...if_we_started_dating_it)

The girl's a @!%+%$% $*$!%.

It's like I don't want you but no one else can have you.

He really needs to cut that $*$!% out of his life for good.




not a real letter.

 

[midnightmarauda112]

�Should be the theme song for this thread

 

[superantigen]

You'll find someone, I know it. And when you do, I'll be right by your side to suddenly become all flirty and affectionate with you in front of her, until she grows jealous and won't believe it when you say we're just friends. But when she dumps you, that's just what we'll be.

...

 

[NewZ05]

^^^ perfect execution

 

[ptrakarn23]

i've had my fair share... ya live and ya learn.

thanks NT for this thread....

 

[itsaNYthing]

Originally Posted by SuperAntigen

You'll find someone, I know it. And when you do, I'll be right by your side to suddenly become all flirty and affectionate with you in front of her, until she grows jealous and won't believe it when you say we're just friends. But when she dumps you, that's just what we'll be.

...

 

[frankie valentino]

I have anti-simp vision, so all i see when i open this thread is the yuku magician. like a boss

 

[eiddyfouw]

Originally Posted by HueyP in LouieV

The Friendzone is actually the best place to be with respectable women.

But if your'e corny, your'e just corny and you won't smash either way.

You have to friendzone chicks though don't let them Friendzone you. Its essentially like putting the {()} on ice.

You chill with a girl, build with her, show her respect compliment her, etc...except you do your thing and she does hers. You can't show weakness, thats the main problem with simps...you can't put the gina on a pedestal...then you become putty in her hands. Don't go out shopping with her because she asks you to, don't constantly try to be Dr. Phil in hopes that you can bring her over to your side. But do offer her real advice when she needs it, if you plan on doing something anyway...invite her to come along. IN short keep it real, don't bend to her whims. Be the man and take the reigns..never be the female in a realtionship. And always let it be know that you're not pressing her...you're doing your own thing and she can come along for the ride if shes with it.

Eventually, she gonna start falling for you and you will have succesfully friendzoned her. Then if the situation calls for it...you can pull that prime beef out of the freezer and tenderize it.

QFT

But they don't hear you....

 

[finessesosa]

Originally Posted by HueyP in LouieV

The Friendzone is actually the best place to be with respectable women.

But if your'e corny, your'e just corny and you won't smash either way.

You have to friendzone chicks though don't let them Friendzone you. Its essentially like putting the {()} on ice.

You chill with a girl, build with her, show her respect compliment her, etc...except you do your thing and she does hers. You can't show weakness, thats the main problem with simps...you can't put the gina on a pedestal...then you become putty in her hands. Don't go out shopping with her because she asks you to, don't constantly try to be Dr. Phil in hopes that you can bring her over to your side. But do offer her real advice when she needs it, if you plan on doing something anyway...invite her to come along. IN short keep it real, don't bend to her whims. Be the man and take the reigns..never be the female in a realtionship. And always let it be know that you're not pressing her...you're doing your own thing and she can come along for the ride if shes with it.

Eventually, she gonna start falling for you and you will have succesfully friendzoned her. Then if the situation calls for it...you can pull that prime beef out of the freezer and tenderize it.

this man knows what he's talking about