Today, I made a Craigslist ad looking for hot and horny women that wanted some. I only got one reply, from another guy asking me if this kind of thing actually works. FML
Today, I wake up, switch on TV and the first thing I see is the picture of a wanted rapist who looks just like me. I'm afraid to leave home. FML
Today, during the trailer at the movies, my boyfriend elbowed me in the ribs and smiled during an ad for a weightloss institute. FML
Today, I got up at 8am and didn't take a shower so I could hear the postman at the door. He never came. I stink. FML
Today, I carefully approached my boyfriend from behind and put my hands on his eyes saying: "Who's there?" he answered: "Mary? Camilla? Kate? ». Annoyed, I said « You lose; it's your beloved one… ». After a while, he said « Oh! Amanda! ». My name is Chloe. FML
Today, my 63 years old neighbor jumped out of his window… I was the first to find him alive, naked and stuck in a bush… I shouldn't have laughed at him while waiting for the ambulance to rescue him… he was my landlord. FML
Today, I got stuck in an elevator for 2 hours with my boyfriend and the guy that I have been secretly having sex with for 6 months. FML
hahaha they kill me
Today, my little sister and I were reading a book together and out of nowhere, she said "I love you". My heart melted and I told her that I love her too. Then she told me that she was talking to her stuffed animal, not me. FML
omg..
Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much turkey at a family reunion. When I looked around the room over 20 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML
Today, I was with the guy I am seeing and I were fooling around in my room. I asked him if he wanted to have sex. He said he didn't have time because he had to go play Mario Kart. FML
Today, I fell down the stairs twice. I fell from the top, stopped in the middle, stood up, stepped down one more step, tripped, and fell down the rest of the stairs. FML
Today, I had dinner on my own. My cat came and sat on the chair on the other side of the table. We stared at each other during the whole meal. Pathetic. FML
Today, I went on a date with my really attractive neighbor, and at the end, when I leaned in to make out with her, she shook my hand. FML
Today, my roomate took the toilet paper out of my bathroom. I went into his room to look for it, only to find a large wad of it balled up near his laptop and mouse. FML
Today, I was watching 'Tool Academy' with my girlfriend. When asked which Tool I would be, I replied with Power Tool. She then stated I would be 'Tiny Tool'. I'm 240 pounds. I don't know if she was calling me fat, or saying I have a small %!$*. My best guess would be both. FML
I'm done...
Today, my girlfriend and I broke up. She told me I just wasn't her type, but gave me the phone number of one of her friends. Since all the friends I had met had been pretty hot, I called it later. Her friend was a guy. FML
This site is hillarious, real or not.
