Textsfromlastnight.com LMAO

[ac4three]

Haha those are pretty good...

 

[buc em]

(215): dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
(412): haha what'd she say
(215): i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. closecalls man *++

(40: carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
(415): be there in 3 mins


ahahahahah

 

[youngtriz]

(570): why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
(1-570): you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911

(727): He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.

 

[youngmoney]

(24: do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
(1-24: RUDE.
(24: I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
(1-24: outsmarted mickey deeeees

 

[kash money23]

hahaha this is some good stuff

 

[fishinthesky]

(425): Hi
(805): Babe...You're really smothering me right now

 

[jthagreat]

Originally Posted by fishinthesky

(425): Hi
(805): Babe...You're really smothering me right now

 

[th0mas cr0wn]

(925): i think i just met the girl of my dreams. someone made a serious statement about rape and she said "pish posh, i love surprise sex"

(91: Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance

(310): i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????

(517): he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
(231): better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.

(210): Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.

(704): so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low

 

[dathbgboy]

(717): dude, she has braces
(240): i meant the dude w the ponytail.
(717): i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.

 

[vctry20]

(902): and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.

(402): I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.

 

[infinite04]

instant classics ......lmao

 

[dalilboy]

omg

 

[alleniversonfan01]

(860): I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
(860): ****k wrong person
(1-860):.. who was that for? a girlscout?

(30: I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
DAMN!!!!!!!!!!

(209): dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
(1-209): nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all

(281): How do you jack off and text at the same time?
(1-281): On my iPhone they have an app for that

Theres just too many to quote on that site. +*%# is hilarious

 

[jrp44]

Originally Posted by LifeLessons

(323): Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
(310): You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
(323): So...no?`

 

[rico x hood]

(210): Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?

(51: I hraet yuo
(862): did you say you heart me or hate me?
(51: who is this?

(517): They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."

(843): Nice meating you last night
(843): Not a typo

I'm done

 

[theswoosh]

(502): %$^&. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I havemudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!

 

[bb4 86]

lol some of these are too funny

 

[villianrootn]

Originally Posted by JCASH DA KID

(67: did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
(404): did it work?
(67: nope

 

[henz0]

way to many quotables in here

 

[dacityslanga]

(30: I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad

 

[Deleted member 37754]

i love this damn thread...... priceless

 

[doosta45]

(989): Well a couple things dont make sense to me. Like people in wheelchairs that have dirty shoes.
or how asparagus piss is funny in a crowded room but not in the shower
ive always wondered the samething

 

[kyrac2]

this is great

 

[jiggaman414]

Originally Posted by villianrootn

Originally Posted by JCASH DA KID

(67: did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
(404): "did it work?"
(67: "nope"

 

[kiddin like jason]

(314): So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.

(212): I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
(630): I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke !#$ teeth

(203): How did you manage that?
(860): Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
(203): lol... jersey girls rock