UPDATE So my girl said she doesn't want to have sex anymore until we are married... Need Advice

yeah man the living with them aspect is key before marriage. Ive seen a bunch of my boys think they are in love then move in with the girl and things change. There was no disrespect to your girl, I just know how things go at the T. As for Raleigh, I don't think there are as many distractions as Greensboro. Don't get me wrong, she can still get into #%# out here, but the vibe is much different than Gboro. Yeah man good luck though, she seems like a good girl. Plus the way most girls are these days, you don't want to let her go that easy..(might not find another one that good). And if she truly is sincere in her choices with you, this may just be the test she needs to solidify that you are the one for her. If she is keeping it real, she understands that there is more to a relationship than sex, and thats a good thing. Just don't let her know its hurting you that bad, and i'm sure she will come back around. And when you finally hit that box again, if it feels different man, you already know what she has been up to. Time to move on after that.
 
Originally Posted by mytmouse76

I think taking away the other half of intimacy is kinda petty.

"If you don't have sex with me then i won't hold your hand" Seems childish. You either deal with not having sex or you decide to break up. I realize neither are just simple decisions but it just seems like you're trying to one up her.

If you don't believe religion to be her reason & believed she was cheating just bounce.

Honestly OP if you feel there's a future can you really see yourself waiting another few years until you're married to have sex again? I'm assuming you're not ready right now.
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MyT I see what you are saying but at this point in my life I am not really ready to give up sex even if she is the one. Realistically I have at least 3 years before me and said girl would be married. I won't finish grad school until December and then (God willing) I probably still won't have a job or enough money to even get a ring until around December 2012. We would both need at least another year or 2 to save up money for marriage (she already told me not to expect help from her fam) so giving up sex for that long just don't even seem logical. I went on 3 month drought when I was 20. Felt like the longest 3 months of my life. I got back to school and literally smashed the chick I was dating and this other chick just to make up for lost time.... I couldn't imagine a 3 year Back-up (even with free internet pron)
 
Originally Posted by mytmouse76

I think taking away the other half of intimacy is kinda petty.

"If you don't have sex with me then i won't hold your hand" Seems childish. You either deal with not having sex or you decide to break up. I realize neither are just simple decisions but it just seems like you're trying to one up her.

If you don't believe religion to be her reason & believed she was cheating just bounce.

Honestly OP if you feel there's a future can you really see yourself waiting another few years until you're married to have sex again? I'm assuming you're not ready right now.
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MyT I see what you are saying but at this point in my life I am not really ready to give up sex even if she is the one. Realistically I have at least 3 years before me and said girl would be married. I won't finish grad school until December and then (God willing) I probably still won't have a job or enough money to even get a ring until around December 2012. We would both need at least another year or 2 to save up money for marriage (she already told me not to expect help from her fam) so giving up sex for that long just don't even seem logical. I went on 3 month drought when I was 20. Felt like the longest 3 months of my life. I got back to school and literally smashed the chick I was dating and this other chick just to make up for lost time.... I couldn't imagine a 3 year Back-up (even with free internet pron)
 
Originally Posted by sneakaprince

Originally Posted by debs 168

i was in the exact same situation a few months ago. it didn't last. we've been %$++%#% after those two weeks of her !#%$*@%!*%%+.

BUT

let her know how you feel about it and how you feel like its basically false advertisement to start a relationship doing one thing and taking that thing away.

her counterpoint will be "is that all you want me for?" "is that all the relationship is about?"

your counterpoint should be telling her that intimacy is a big part of the relationship for you but not the only part and that sex is a way to express how you feel about her and let her know that you feel a special bond or connection with her.

i told my gf that it was like taking away holding hands, hugging, kissing, cuddling, etc. she didn't buy it. so i told her i'm not doing anything at all until marriage then. i'm taking away the other half of the the intimacy in our relationship.

she didn't think that that was fair.

i hit her with the yeah, i know. now you understand how i feel.

i also told her that i'm not sleeping beside her, either. God wouldn't want us to do that, either.

etc. etc.

long story short, we're %$++%#% again and have been for awhile. she knows what it is. either she spreads or you'll end up leaving eventually when you find someone that will.
Click to expand...
Probably some of the realest advice in this thread I may have to try this.... I'm actually type salt since we got a trip to VA beach for memorial day.... Meaning I just spent a grip of money and won't be getting no buns.... SMH.... I could've went to my family reunion for that %!*
Click to expand...

what debs posted is what you should do.  she wants you to respect her no sex til marriage rule  so she should have no problem respecting you if you choose to not hold hands, sleep together, kiss or do any of that as well.
 
Originally Posted by sneakaprince

Originally Posted by debs 168

i was in the exact same situation a few months ago. it didn't last. we've been %$++%#% after those two weeks of her !#%$*@%!*%%+.

BUT

let her know how you feel about it and how you feel like its basically false advertisement to start a relationship doing one thing and taking that thing away.

her counterpoint will be "is that all you want me for?" "is that all the relationship is about?"

your counterpoint should be telling her that intimacy is a big part of the relationship for you but not the only part and that sex is a way to express how you feel about her and let her know that you feel a special bond or connection with her.

i told my gf that it was like taking away holding hands, hugging, kissing, cuddling, etc. she didn't buy it. so i told her i'm not doing anything at all until marriage then. i'm taking away the other half of the the intimacy in our relationship.

she didn't think that that was fair.

i hit her with the yeah, i know. now you understand how i feel.

i also told her that i'm not sleeping beside her, either. God wouldn't want us to do that, either.

etc. etc.

long story short, we're %$++%#% again and have been for awhile. she knows what it is. either she spreads or you'll end up leaving eventually when you find someone that will.
Click to expand...
Probably some of the realest advice in this thread I may have to try this.... I'm actually type salt since we got a trip to VA beach for memorial day.... Meaning I just spent a grip of money and won't be getting no buns.... SMH.... I could've went to my family reunion for that %!*
Click to expand...

what debs posted is what you should do.  she wants you to respect her no sex til marriage rule  so she should have no problem respecting you if you choose to not hold hands, sleep together, kiss or do any of that as well.
 
if you can't put up with no sex for a year then LEAVE. don't succumb to the pressure of either having a girl for a year and developing somewhat of a relationship with her. Don't be that guy that has to compromise over something that isnt 100% laid in stone.

IF she is a good girl and you've developed a strong relationship and you would rather have her around than to just cop out then more power to you if you decide to stay.
 
if you can't put up with no sex for a year then LEAVE. don't succumb to the pressure of either having a girl for a year and developing somewhat of a relationship with her. Don't be that guy that has to compromise over something that isnt 100% laid in stone.

IF she is a good girl and you've developed a strong relationship and you would rather have her around than to just cop out then more power to you if you decide to stay.
 
Originally Posted by puddinpopp

yeah man the living with them aspect is key before marriage. Ive seen a bunch of my boys think they are in love then move in with the girl and things change. There was no disrespect to your girl, I just know how things go at the T. As for Raleigh, I don't think there are as many distractions as Greensboro. Don't get me wrong, she can still get into #%# out here, but the vibe is much different than Gboro. Yeah man good luck though, she seems like a good girl. Plus the way most girls are these days, you don't want to let her go that easy..(might not find another one that good). And if she truly is sincere in her choices with you, this may just be the test she needs to solidify that you are the one for her. If she is keeping it real, she understands that there is more to a relationship than sex, and thats a good thing. Just don't let her know its hurting you that bad, and i'm sure she will come back around. And when you finally hit that box again, if it feels different man, you already know what she has been up to. Time to move on after that.
Click to expand...
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Someone else brought up that whole test thing I have considered that myself for a while

Good points tho my brother
 
Originally Posted by puddinpopp

yeah man the living with them aspect is key before marriage. Ive seen a bunch of my boys think they are in love then move in with the girl and things change. There was no disrespect to your girl, I just know how things go at the T. As for Raleigh, I don't think there are as many distractions as Greensboro. Don't get me wrong, she can still get into #%# out here, but the vibe is much different than Gboro. Yeah man good luck though, she seems like a good girl. Plus the way most girls are these days, you don't want to let her go that easy..(might not find another one that good). And if she truly is sincere in her choices with you, this may just be the test she needs to solidify that you are the one for her. If she is keeping it real, she understands that there is more to a relationship than sex, and thats a good thing. Just don't let her know its hurting you that bad, and i'm sure she will come back around. And when you finally hit that box again, if it feels different man, you already know what she has been up to. Time to move on after that.
Click to expand...
frown.gif
frown.gif
frown.gif

Someone else brought up that whole test thing I have considered that myself for a while

Good points tho my brother
 
Unless you BOTH are very religious ... I dont see how someone can just throw that stipulation into the mix after a year of dating ... She prob got an STD cheating on you or something ... Then when you marry her, she will tell you and you have to give HALF!
 
Unless you BOTH are very religious ... I dont see how someone can just throw that stipulation into the mix after a year of dating ... She prob got an STD cheating on you or something ... Then when you marry her, she will tell you and you have to give HALF!
 
I agree with the girls in here for the most part (nawth, myt)

you can't be putting the cookies back in the cookie jar once you take 'em out. seemed like she was "about that life" from the get-go with her growing up in the church. she's just like every girl out there who make the ones worth it look bad. make up your damned minds from the beginning
 
I agree with the girls in here for the most part (nawth, myt)

you can't be putting the cookies back in the cookie jar once you take 'em out. seemed like she was "about that life" from the get-go with her growing up in the church. she's just like every girl out there who make the ones worth it look bad. make up your damned minds from the beginning
 
Originally Posted by sneakaprince

Originally Posted by mytmouse76

Do you really believe her faith is the reason OP?

If so you need to figure out if its as important to you as it is to her. She said you strengthen the both of your relationships with God. If thats not something thats important to you then you may need to break up. At 23 a year isn't even that long.

If you decided to stick it out just know that it will be rough.

She may just need to find someone else who is in the same place she is. She knows it won't be easy which is why she waited to she got in a relationship to decide to become celibate but thats just comes with the territory when you're abstaining.

Then there's the other side that she's already creepin.
Click to expand...
So many people to reply to but I will start with u MyT
In all fairness my girl is actually a preachers kid... She grew up in the church. We met during the last couple weeks of my undergrad and truth be told I do feel like she is the one. I have lots of love for her and honestly I have never met a chick this down for me (and this is after a lot of fuggin around during college)...

My personal relationship with God isn't as strong and she knows that. I believe in God and I accept Jesus as my savior... There is alot I need to work on in my personal life and we have discussed that before. In truth I do plan to get right with God at some point but I can't front I never plan to become a holy roller that just aint my steez..  I love her but I have always told her overly religious people make me uncomfortable. The bible can be interpreted many different ways. I grew up in a variety of schools but I graduated from a Catholic High School so I do know my fair share about religion and I have developed my own personal beliefs I like to think that me and God are cool right now although I know I do a couple of things he may not always approve of on occasion.

And she swears its that whole she waited until she was in a relationship to become celibate because she was sure guys weren;t looking for that. This is by far my GFs most serious relationship and she would like to do this because she feels that we should do things right since I am her "future".

As for the cheating thing I doubt she is but no lie this did make me wonder if someone else is in her ear. When I told her how I felt and that I "may try" she was like now she is always gonna be worried bout me cheating.... And I had to hit her with the "aint this the pot calling the kettle black"
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Thats called a bait and switch 
And she is very wrong for doing that 

And i feel like based on what you said she is pressuring you to marry her 

My advice is leave 

But if you decide to stay just remember you are about to give up years of sex and time for her so be 100% sure she is the right one for you.
 
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