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Can someone explain to me how this ISN'T racist?
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Originally Posted by Sloane Kettering
..."if she can't use your comb, don't bring her home"...
Originally Posted by Deuce King
On a related note, I wonder how many black men would feel if a large population of black women were out dating white men.
We definitely would be... Hell I would argue that there are some black men who get upset when they see a beautiful black female with someone who isn't black.Originally Posted by RamZs8906
Originally Posted by Deuce King
On a related note, I wonder how many black men would feel if a large population of black women were out dating white men.
I'm quite sure "we" would be heated if this were to occur on a wide-scale basis.
Amen, my brother. Black women need to skim off some of the attitude. It isn't always necessary to act a fool. Then again, if some of us got our act together, maybe Black women wouldn't always be ready to pop off. And want to know why else Black men go with other races? Because they're not spending thousands of dollars on a hair-do ...Originally Posted by niidawg3
Originally Posted by Diego
Originally Posted by bangtcg
I understand what Jill Scott is saying.
I think the gripe really comes specifically towards white women. If it was a black men and, let's say an Indian woman I don't think black women would care. It is the fact that black men are hooking up with white women.
Sounds like racism to me.
No - its the fact that you hardly see a white woman with a broke black man (unless they are both broke). I think sistahs feel white women are gaming the system and grabbing the few well to do black men out there, even further destroying their chances ...
Case in point - i have been asked by African American women on several separate occasions whether my wife was white. They just assume that if a black man has his stuff together, he will be swooned and scooped up by an aggressive white woman before they can even get into the game.
I agree black women dont help themselves with the attitude (some of which is just propagation of stereotypes and not totally accurate). I think for them to equal the playing field, they need to go the extra mile like these white women do ... and stop referring to how they hang with their men during slavery.
What are black women doing today to support their men? They are supporting the kids alone - yes ... but before the kids and all the drama ... what were they doing to help push the black man up to the sky.
Thats the question i have for black women.
Man I got 29 years worth of experience. I don't need a college program skewed by the thoughts of misguided undergrads trying to find understanding externally rather than looking internally and being cognizant of what's going on around them. You think they're trying to lay a guilt trip but that's not at all the case. If you feel guilty that's on you. Black women aren't saying black men should only date black women. They're just adverse to the notion that black women aren't worth dating, or that any other ethnicity is more worth dating. Especially AFTER one becomes successful.Originally Posted by RavageBX
Originally Posted by OptimusPrimeAPhiA
Maybe if you actually took the time to read instead of jumping to defend your stance you wouldn't have misinterpreted what I said. You can date and marry as many white/latin/asian women as you like. Feel free to fall in love with whoever you want. But when dudes say that they won't date black women that's a problem to me. When black men who as a whole are faltering when it comes to education and incarceration, have the audacity to look down on and abandon black women after they have faithfully stood by us, that is a problem to me. Like I said in the other thread, what a different song we would sing if the shoe was on the other foot.Originally Posted by RavageBX
This is a goddamn lieOriginally Posted by OptimusPrimeAPhiA
Sums up what I had to say in the other thread and pretty much mirrors Ms. Scott's sentiments. I have no problem with interracial relationships. I think they're great and definitely a step forward. However, I do have a problem with this mentality of abandonment. Lots of black men walking around acting like they don't need black women. I don't see how any self-respecting black man can say he would never or will never date a black girl and look their mothers in the faces.Originally Posted by RavageBX
Originally Posted by RavageBX
Whata cruel joke we've played on ourselves, to sit here and act as if weAfrican American males have no fault in this. Why is it that wechampion interracial relationships as if dating within our own ranks isundesirable? Seems like every other ethnicity loves their own more thanwe do. "Black love" is but a fleeting memory of a time when we neededeach other. With dismal incarceration, death and education statisticscoupled along with racism and false concepts of beauty embedded in ourcollective psyche, it's no wonder they're feeling some kind of way.Wouldn't you?
Oh and contempt and jealousy? Get over yourselves.I'm not saying you'd be jealous but you'd feel some kinda way. Maybejust a little hurt. After all those years of fighting for equality andacceptance it's like we don't need each other anymore. Actually morelike we think we don't need them. And we couldn't be any more wrong.
How you gonna support an agenda like the notion of "abandonment" and then champion interracial dating? So dating is cool as long as they're not married? Whats the point in dating? just to bust a nut and add numbers to the score sheet? Lets be real, what the hell are both of you all saying?
I'm tired of feeling like i can't do what the hell I want because ya'll get slighted. If I see some latina or white tail, I'm damn entitled to pursue that. This entire conversation is the result of insecurity. Entirely. If you are copping feelings over the fact that you weren't wifed up by a black man, one of two things needs to happen, go find you a black man that likes you OR go outside of the race your damn self. Other races have no problem dealing with this fact. Black people and this self-hate and burden are sponsoring this f'd up mentality of inclusiveness when it violates basically everything you stand for as a member of society. I can not and WILL not be responsible for your insecurities and inability to gain confidence over your life and let history...be history.
I like black women, as a black male, but I like women in general too. I shouldn't have to worry about the millions of black women when i'm only talking to ONE of ya'll at a time. If it was really that serious, why don't you re-evaluate why you all want to FORCE men to love you all. Why don't they do it naturally should be your question. if you force anything, it'll never work. Maybe, just maybe thats the way things were intended to be. You're being unrealistic any other way.
And you speak of insecurity but what do you think causes this? Are you living in a vacuum? You think with the way black women are portrayed they can move as freely outside of our ethnicity as we can? But that's not your problem is it? If you don't want black women some other ethnicity will right? Yeah that makes sense. You, and most people as nearsighted as yourself, need to look at things from their perspective. I doubt you even read what she said. They have every reason to be hurt.
Dude we had a program on this on campus this past tuesday so I have more than enough experience...RECENT experience with this.
I'm not talking about who stands by who. I'm not. I'm talking about straight ATTRACTION. If a brother is attracted to a white woman, why whould I shed tears for the unmarried black woman?
You're not even reading. I did not say someone else will love them I said don't guilt trip people into doing what they want. This is what we fought for, not you want them all for yourselves and bring up stories to pidgeon hole people. It is you that really needs to open your eyes up.
I'm doing me and she shuold be trying to do her. If I don't who else will? These chicks these days have this sense of entitlement thats just not working any more. i should be free to do what I want and you should feel the same. If youre going to lose sleep over all the black men that chose other wise why aren't you losing sleep over the fact that other interracial couples are dealing with the same criticism. People want change but don't want to rationalize it.
True some lesser women do judge and make assumptions, though that's not just a black women thing. But look at the totality of the circumstances in what she's trying to convey here. It's not just any Johnny-come-lately. He's an intelligent, wealthy, athlete. I think this is a big part of the "wince". See my previous reply. Why does success always seem to be apart of the equation?Originally Posted by Wade187
YoRavage you really hit the nail on the head. If she would've said whatyou did it would be a different story, but she judged that man basedoff of his wifes skin color and thats flat out wrong. She says nothingabout him actually saying he doesn't date black women, and nothing ofher knowing he hasn't. I know how shes feeling has to do with the factthat some guys are like that and wont date black women simply causetheir black, but at the same time you cant put the people who are intoother woman into one category the same way those guys put black womenin one. I know plenty of people who do date black women, but also dateother races, and they always gotta deal with black women makingcomments when they are out with their lady. Aren't these women doingexactly what they are so angry is being done to them? They are judgingthese men without knowing them, making assumptions of what they arelike. Im just sayin
Originally Posted by Nawth21
It's hard as hell to find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. It really is. Limiting yourself just makes it that much harder. Or sometimes that person who you thought wasn't your type (because of race, religion, socio-economic background, etc) ends up being the other half of your essence. We don't plan for that, but it happens.
Celebrate love. Regardless of color or creed.
We definitely would be... Hell I would argue that there are some black men who get upset when they see a beautiful black female with someone who isn't black.Originally Posted by RamZs8906
Originally Posted by Deuce King
On a related note, I wonder how many black men would feel if a large population of black women were out dating white men.
I'm quite sure "we" would be heated if this were to occur on a wide-scale basis.
Originally Posted by OptimusPrimeAPhiA
We definitely would be... Hell I would argue that there are some black men who get upset when they see a beautiful black female with someone who isn't black.Originally Posted by RamZs8906
Originally Posted by Deuce King
On a related note, I wonder how many black men would feel if a large population of black women were out dating white men.
I'm quite sure "we" would be heated if this were to occur on a wide-scale basis.
That said, the childish comments in here are disheartening. What does a woman's appearance have to do with her opinion on a stance, whether you agree with it or not? I see some of ya'll haven't learned what fallacies are seeing as you toss them around often.
And for someone who talked about white/Asian women being able to keep men better than black women, I'm not going to address whether that is true or not, but I believe most of us don't understand the reasons behind that.
You have a lot of black women whom never grew up seeing their mother in a successful relationship, and in some cases being taught that men ain't crap by their bitter mothers who influenced them in an improper way.
And EVEN MORE importantly, you have an entire group of women whom don't know the difference between submitting to their man and being submissive, because they are led to believe they are one in the same and that both have negative connotations. You can't blame them.
And on top of that, I understand black men not wanting to deal with HEADstrong Black women (even though many black women say we don't want a strong black women) the truth is many black men go and mess with white and Asian women because they want a relationship to be easy and don't want a relationship they want to work at.
Optimus, you aren't helping the discussion being subjective by the way, you sound personally but hurt in some of your statements.
Originally Posted by balloonoboy
In the April issue of Essence
My new friend is handsome, African-American, intelligent and seemingly wealthy. He is an athlete, loves his momma, and is happily married to a White woman. I admit when I saw his wedding ring, I privately hoped. But something in me just knew he didn’t marry a sister. Although my guess hit the mark, when my friend told me his wife was indeed Caucasian, I felt my spirit…wince. I didn’t immediately understand it. My face read happy for you. My body showed no reaction to my inner pinch, but the sting was there, quiet like a mosquito under a summer dress.
Was I jealous? Did the reality of his relationship somehow diminish his soul’s credibility? The answer is not simple. One could easily dispel the wince as racist or separatist, but that’s not how I was brought up. I was reared in a Jehovah’s Witness household. I was taught that every man should be judged by his deeds and not his color, and I firmly stand where my grandmother left me. African people worldwide are known to be welcoming and open-minded. We share our culture sometimes to our own peril and most of us love the very notion of love. My position is that for women of color, this very common “wince
Originally Posted by illfrozn
Amen, my brother. Black women need to skim off some of the attitude. It isn't always necessary to act a fool. Then again, if some of us got our act together, maybe Black women wouldn't always be ready to pop off. And want to know why else Black men go with other races? Because they're not spending thousands of dollars on a hair-do ...Originally Posted by niidawg3
Originally Posted by Diego
Originally Posted by bangtcg
I understand what Jill Scott is saying.
I think the gripe really comes specifically towards white women. If it was a black men and, let's say an Indian woman I don't think black women would care. It is the fact that black men are hooking up with white women.
Sounds like racism to me.
No - its the fact that you hardly see a white woman with a broke black man (unless they are both broke). I think sistahs feel white women are gaming the system and grabbing the few well to do black men out there, even further destroying their chances ...
Case in point - i have been asked by African American women on several separate occasions whether my wife was white. They just assume that if a black man has his stuff together, he will be swooned and scooped up by an aggressive white woman before they can even get into the game.
I agree black women dont help themselves with the attitude (some of which is just propagation of stereotypes and not totally accurate). I think for them to equal the playing field, they need to go the extra mile like these white women do ... and stop referring to how they hang with their men during slavery.
What are black women doing today to support their men? They are supporting the kids alone - yes ... but before the kids and all the drama ... what were they doing to help push the black man up to the sky.
Thats the question i have for black women.
And on a side note, Jill Scott is fine as hell and the bidness could be given to her ...
Originally Posted by RamZs8906
Originally Posted by OptimusPrimeAPhiA
We definitely would be... Hell I would argue that there are some black men who get upset when they see a beautiful black female with someone who isn't black.Originally Posted by RamZs8906
Originally Posted by Deuce King
On a related note, I wonder how many black men would feel if a large population of black women were out dating white men.
I'm quite sure "we" would be heated if this were to occur on a wide-scale basis.
That said, the childish comments in here are disheartening. What does a woman's appearance have to do with her opinion on a stance, whether you agree with it or not? I see some of ya'll haven't learned what fallacies are seeing as you toss them around often.
And for someone who talked about white/Asian women being able to keep men better than black women, I'm not going to address whether that is true or not, but I believe most of us don't understand the reasons behind that.
You have a lot of black women whom never grew up seeing their mother in a successful relationship, and in some cases being taught that men ain't crap by their bitter mothers who influenced them in an improper way.
And EVEN MORE importantly, you have an entire group of women whom don't know the difference between submitting to their man and being submissive, because they are led to believe they are one in the same and that both have negative connotations. You can't blame them.
And on top of that, I understand black men not wanting to deal with HEADstrong Black women (even though many black women say we don't want a strong black women) the truth is many black men go and mess with white and Asian women because they want a relationship to be easy and don't want a relationship they want to work at.
Optimus, you aren't helping the discussion being subjective by the way, you sound personally but hurt in some of your statements.
They're acting like a majority or something near a majority of black men are dating white women. We KNOW the numbers aren't that high.
We're applying something that applies to not that many people and blowing the issue up. Thats the guilt trip i'm talking about. Why the hell would that man want to hear all of that if A. hes going to have to constantly hear how much less of a man he is and B. why he can't just be happy with a choice that makes him feel good. They out here acting like theres a manual of love out here that manfunctioned. To black women...IM SORRY...I'll probably end up marrying a black woman even...but damn why are you feeling so damn hurt if this dude wants to make his move? it makes him HAPPY...its HIS life...maturity is accepting others for who they are and what tehy do. No one told ya'll to forget history but people are telling you that progression can not happen with a mentality of "well we fought for equality and the right to choose...so you could stick with me..." Why are they so obligated to locking down Black Men when exclusivly for relationships but ask the greater society for equality and level playing fields.
Its backwards and a hinderance. You'd be foolish to feel that you could have both and maintain a progressive society.
Sums up what I had to say in the other thread and pretty much mirrors Ms. Scott's sentiments. I have no problem with interracial relationships. I think they're great and definitely a step forward. However, I do have a problem with this mentality of abandonment. Lots of black men walking around acting like they don't need black women. I don't see how any self-respecting black man can say he would never or will never date a black girl and look their mothers in the faces.Originally Posted by RavageBX
Originally Posted by RavageBX
What
a cruel joke we've played on ourselves, to sit here and act as if we
African American males have no fault in this. Why is it that we
champion interracial relationships as if dating within our own ranks is
undesirable? Seems like every other ethnicity loves their own more than
we do. "Black love" is but a fleeting memory of a time when we needed
each other. With dismal incarceration, death and education statistics
coupled along with racism and false concepts of beauty embedded in our
collective psyche, it's no wonder they're feeling some kind of way.
Wouldn't you?
Oh and contempt and jealousy? Get over yourselves.I'm not saying you'd be jealous but you'd feel some kinda way. Maybe
just a little hurt. After all those years of fighting for equality and
acceptance it's like we don't need each other anymore. Actually more
like we think we don't need them. And we couldn't be any more wrong.
Pick a side my dude.Originally Posted by OptimusPrimeAPhiA
RamZs8906 wrote:
I don't necessarily think thats the issue. I think its more along the fact that black women want to be with successful (not necessarily athletes or entertainers) black men when many of us are not that. Now to be honest, I believe some of the issue with black women is that their scope of what is a good black man is skewed because the only black men that society and other women pay attention to are the ones with their names up in lights. And to be honest if some black women would equate a good man by his deeds and not by the fantasy life they want to live of marrying a successful black man whose making 6 figures, things would be a lot better when it comes to this topic. I understand Jill Scott's stance, but that doesn't apply for ALL black women. Black women don't get mad if it is a black man who is doing nothing with his life messing with a white woman, but the fact that many successful black men are being bXtches when it comes to relationships and don't want anything that will challenge them and expect relationships to be easy isn't not helping the issue.
Originally Posted by DipsetGeneral
It's hard for me because, my parents are from a foreign country, and they are a older generation so, They expect for me to find a woman of my same ethnicity...
They want to keep the Ghanian line going...