Your Girl wants to have a baby... But you don't... What next??? (UPDATE PG 5)

[vanillafreak13]

Throw my man. I'm feeling your arguments cuz we're in similar situations, but check this.

My girl is 31! If i can get her to be reasonable then your girl at 23 should be reasonable.

My girl has a job, career, makes 80+ a year so for her it does make sense. When I laid out my issues on the table she understood. I'm young, unestablished, don't have anything built up and right now I know it would be impossible to juggle a new career and baby.

If she's being this unreasonable now, imagine her when you have a kid together and your tied to her forever?

RIP to your kid, but your not attached to her right now. If she's willing to give you an ultimatum like that, I think it's time to go. Obviously the compatibility you were talking about might have gone away if she's saying stuff like that.

 

[vanillafreak13]

Throw my man. I'm feeling your arguments cuz we're in similar situations, but check this.

My girl is 31! If i can get her to be reasonable then your girl at 23 should be reasonable.

My girl has a job, career, makes 80+ a year so for her it does make sense. When I laid out my issues on the table she understood. I'm young, unestablished, don't have anything built up and right now I know it would be impossible to juggle a new career and baby.

If she's being this unreasonable now, imagine her when you have a kid together and your tied to her forever?

RIP to your kid, but your not attached to her right now. If she's willing to give you an ultimatum like that, I think it's time to go. Obviously the compatibility you were talking about might have gone away if she's saying stuff like that.

 

[lamak]

Originally Posted by DCAllAmerican

Wow @ her ONLY being 22. Man I was in here thinking this girl's time was running out. I thought she was about to hit 30 or something. Damn the world really makes women think they aren't &!*$% if they aren't married with kids.

But no disrespect, the fact that she doesn't have a degree nor a job add a big spin to the whole story. Right now she is a liability. And she is having a baby so that means YOU and only YOU will realistically be the financial provider. She won't even be in a position to help you anytime soon. Don't do it man. Don't do it. I probably won't end up good.

Man OP, be honest here, is there ANY chance that you are thinking about giving in? Be honest?

Are you sure she won't go to counseling? What if you went with her?

Damn this is a tough situation, but she might have to be set free if she doesn't get it.

+1 to everything DC said. Fam you need to drop here asap. She sounds a little off. Even if the death of your last kid effected her, logic would tell you that she wouldn't want to go through that again and become closer to you and build your relationship. But instead, she's about to leave you because you don't want to have a kid while she sits and home and chills with no college degree or job. What is that? Do you want to be slaving for a girl that forced you to have a baby with her when you weren't? A forced agreement to conceive is the same as an accident/mistake.

 

[lamak]

Originally Posted by DCAllAmerican

Wow @ her ONLY being 22. Man I was in here thinking this girl's time was running out. I thought she was about to hit 30 or something. Damn the world really makes women think they aren't &!*$% if they aren't married with kids.

But no disrespect, the fact that she doesn't have a degree nor a job add a big spin to the whole story. Right now she is a liability. And she is having a baby so that means YOU and only YOU will realistically be the financial provider. She won't even be in a position to help you anytime soon. Don't do it man. Don't do it. I probably won't end up good.

Man OP, be honest here, is there ANY chance that you are thinking about giving in? Be honest?

Are you sure she won't go to counseling? What if you went with her?

Damn this is a tough situation, but she might have to be set free if she doesn't get it.

+1 to everything DC said. Fam you need to drop here asap. She sounds a little off. Even if the death of your last kid effected her, logic would tell you that she wouldn't want to go through that again and become closer to you and build your relationship. But instead, she's about to leave you because you don't want to have a kid while she sits and home and chills with no college degree or job. What is that? Do you want to be slaving for a girl that forced you to have a baby with her when you weren't? A forced agreement to conceive is the same as an accident/mistake.

 

[DCAllAfrican]

Something I have done before. If I am having a discussion with a female, and it is a severe disagreement, I will print out an article online that supports MY claim and leave it somewhere in which I know she will see/read it. Don't give it to her but it shows you are concerned about the topic and it also offers a different opinion. Try that. LOL

1. What were her exact words when she said she will find someone else that will give her a baby?

2. How does the conversation usually start? DOes she just say, "When are we having a baby." I just have never been in that situation so I don't know the verbatims.

 

[DCAllAfrican]

Something I have done before. If I am having a discussion with a female, and it is a severe disagreement, I will print out an article online that supports MY claim and leave it somewhere in which I know she will see/read it. Don't give it to her but it shows you are concerned about the topic and it also offers a different opinion. Try that. LOL

1. What were her exact words when she said she will find someone else that will give her a baby?

2. How does the conversation usually start? DOes she just say, "When are we having a baby." I just have never been in that situation so I don't know the verbatims.

 

[rightguard]

move on like mya

 

[rightguard]

move on like mya

 

[mangudai954]

Originally Posted by DCAllAmerican

Something I have done before. If I am having a discussion with a female, and it is a severe disagreement, I will print out an article online that supports MY claim and leave it somewhere in which I know she will see/read it. Don't give it to her but it shows you are concerned about the topic and it also offers a different opinion. Try that. LOL

1. What were her exact words when she said she will find someone else that will give her a baby?

2. How does the conversation usually start? DOes she just say, "When are we having a baby." I just have never been in that situation so I don't know the verbatims.

I love this guy.

 

[mangudai954]

Originally Posted by DCAllAmerican

Something I have done before. If I am having a discussion with a female, and it is a severe disagreement, I will print out an article online that supports MY claim and leave it somewhere in which I know she will see/read it. Don't give it to her but it shows you are concerned about the topic and it also offers a different opinion. Try that. LOL

1. What were her exact words when she said she will find someone else that will give her a baby?

2. How does the conversation usually start? DOes she just say, "When are we having a baby." I just have never been in that situation so I don't know the verbatims.

I love this guy.

 

[dt43]

Originally Posted by popcornplaya

Before you resort to ending the relationship, try to get that young lady help man.

I'm no psychologist, but it's obvious that she's suffering PTS. She probably has taken the the death of your child as her responsibility (I say this because you said she refers to herself as 'the bearer,') or in the very least, sees herself as an unfit mother, and wants to have a baby to prove herself.

Try going to therapy. It's obvious that you care for this girl. Try getting her help.

this. she'll probably try to deny it, but the loss of the baby is obviously affecting her still. don't take anything she says at face value.. instead, figure out why she feels she has a psychological need to have another baby and help her find a way to relieve the pain.


and what kind of girl is deadset on bearing a child at such a young age? man, i almost guarantee she has some type of family issues that are affecting her mentality. all i'm gonna say is, some of you guys need to have a better filter on the type of girls you get involved with.

 

[dt43]

Originally Posted by popcornplaya

Before you resort to ending the relationship, try to get that young lady help man.

I'm no psychologist, but it's obvious that she's suffering PTS. She probably has taken the the death of your child as her responsibility (I say this because you said she refers to herself as 'the bearer,') or in the very least, sees herself as an unfit mother, and wants to have a baby to prove herself.

Try going to therapy. It's obvious that you care for this girl. Try getting her help.

this. she'll probably try to deny it, but the loss of the baby is obviously affecting her still. don't take anything she says at face value.. instead, figure out why she feels she has a psychological need to have another baby and help her find a way to relieve the pain.


and what kind of girl is deadset on bearing a child at such a young age? man, i almost guarantee she has some type of family issues that are affecting her mentality. all i'm gonna say is, some of you guys need to have a better filter on the type of girls you get involved with.

 

[thytkerjobs]

It's crazy to me how selfish people can be. Why would you even WANT to bring a baby into the world knowing your significant other isn't 100% ready or that the baby could be facing a mediocre lifestyle of financial instability. What if your baby has medical issues that require hundreds of thousands a month? Is her unemployment check going to cover that?
People think having a child is a game.
Like Katie said, a PUPPY is hard work.... I can't even imagine having the responsibility of a human being's life, and I have a degree and a job.

I'd have absolutely no trouble telling her to hit the road if this is how illogical and unfair she is.

 

[thytkerjobs]

It's crazy to me how selfish people can be. Why would you even WANT to bring a baby into the world knowing your significant other isn't 100% ready or that the baby could be facing a mediocre lifestyle of financial instability. What if your baby has medical issues that require hundreds of thousands a month? Is her unemployment check going to cover that?
People think having a child is a game.
Like Katie said, a PUPPY is hard work.... I can't even imagine having the responsibility of a human being's life, and I have a degree and a job.

I'd have absolutely no trouble telling her to hit the road if this is how illogical and unfair she is.

 

[throwback1718]

thanks yall. I will try to find the best way to consider counseling. and joint counseling sessions were the only way I was even thinking about suggesting it to her. but like i said, she told me that I can go and that she doesnt need it.

I asked her up to LAST night. I asked her is she feeling a void that needs to be filled and she insists that she has felt her pain and gone through all of the motions already.
not like im taking her word for it though.

I told her that its selfish on her part, and shes flipping it saying that its selfish on my part because i get it the way I want.
to me its selfish for the kid more than anyone else.

i will try to see how to figure out counselling sessions.and how to approach trying to get her to go.

 

[throwback1718]

thanks yall. I will try to find the best way to consider counseling. and joint counseling sessions were the only way I was even thinking about suggesting it to her. but like i said, she told me that I can go and that she doesnt need it.

I asked her up to LAST night. I asked her is she feeling a void that needs to be filled and she insists that she has felt her pain and gone through all of the motions already.
not like im taking her word for it though.

I told her that its selfish on her part, and shes flipping it saying that its selfish on my part because i get it the way I want.
to me its selfish for the kid more than anyone else.

i will try to see how to figure out counselling sessions.and how to approach trying to get her to go.

 

[throwback1718]

thanks yall. I will try to find the best way to consider counseling. and joint counseling sessions were the only way I was even thinking about suggesting it to her. but like i said, she told me that I can go and that she doesnt need it.

I asked her up to LAST night. I asked her is she feeling a void that needs to be filled and she insists that she has felt her pain and gone through all of the motions already.
not like im taking her word for it though.

I told her that its selfish on her part, and shes flipping it saying that its selfish on my part because i get it the way I want.
to me its selfish for the kid more than anyone else.

i will try to see how to figure out counselling sessions.and how to approach trying to get her to go.

 

[throwback1718]

thanks yall. I will try to find the best way to consider counseling. and joint counseling sessions were the only way I was even thinking about suggesting it to her. but like i said, she told me that I can go and that she doesnt need it.

I asked her up to LAST night. I asked her is she feeling a void that needs to be filled and she insists that she has felt her pain and gone through all of the motions already.
not like im taking her word for it though.

I told her that its selfish on her part, and shes flipping it saying that its selfish on my part because i get it the way I want.
to me its selfish for the kid more than anyone else.

i will try to see how to figure out counselling sessions.and how to approach trying to get her to go.

 

[scshift]

Originally Posted by throwback1718

thanks yall. I will try to find the best way to consider counseling. and joint counseling sessions were the only way I was even thinking about suggesting it to her. but like i said, she told me that I can go and that she doesnt need it.

I asked her up to LAST night. I asked her is she feeling a void that needs to be filled and she insists that she has felt her pain and gone through all of the motions already.
not like im taking her word for it though.

I told her that its selfish on her part, and shes flipping it saying that its selfish on my part because i get it the way I want.
to me its selfish for the kid more than anyone else.

i will try to see how to figure out counselling sessions.and how to approach trying to get her to go.

So wait, if you're planning to leave her, why go to counseling?

And you're not being selfish.

 

[scshift]

Originally Posted by throwback1718

thanks yall. I will try to find the best way to consider counseling. and joint counseling sessions were the only way I was even thinking about suggesting it to her. but like i said, she told me that I can go and that she doesnt need it.

I asked her up to LAST night. I asked her is she feeling a void that needs to be filled and she insists that she has felt her pain and gone through all of the motions already.
not like im taking her word for it though.

I told her that its selfish on her part, and shes flipping it saying that its selfish on my part because i get it the way I want.
to me its selfish for the kid more than anyone else.

i will try to see how to figure out counselling sessions.and how to approach trying to get her to go.

So wait, if you're planning to leave her, why go to counseling?

And you're not being selfish.

 

[mytmouse76]

why don't you tell her the counseling is for you and you want her to come along...

then when you two get there you can sort out your issues...i dont' think its fair so many people are calling her unfair when she just lost a child she carried inside of her...its obvious she's not in the right mind set right now...


SN: if she doesn't work or go to school the hell does she do all day? she has way to much time on her hands to sit at home and think of ways to trap you...strap up until this is sorted out...do you think she got pregnant on purpose the first time?

 

[mytmouse76]

why don't you tell her the counseling is for you and you want her to come along...

then when you two get there you can sort out your issues...i dont' think its fair so many people are calling her unfair when she just lost a child she carried inside of her...its obvious she's not in the right mind set right now...


SN: if she doesn't work or go to school the hell does she do all day? she has way to much time on her hands to sit at home and think of ways to trap you...strap up until this is sorted out...do you think she got pregnant on purpose the first time?

 

[DCAllAfrican]

Can you explain to her that the person that gets their "way" isn't necessarily the one that is deemed selfish. SHE is being selfish because YOU will be the one footing every bill related to that child. Not her. That is how she is being selfish. Did you explain THAT part to it? She has no job so she won't be taking care of the child's needs. How the !($%Y doesn't she see that?

Just stay calm through all of the discussions.

 

[DCAllAfrican]

Can you explain to her that the person that gets their "way" isn't necessarily the one that is deemed selfish. SHE is being selfish because YOU will be the one footing every bill related to that child. Not her. That is how she is being selfish. Did you explain THAT part to it? She has no job so she won't be taking care of the child's needs. How the !($%Y doesn't she see that?

Just stay calm through all of the discussions.

 

[6 Rings G.O.A.T.]

Originally Posted by Th3RealF0lkBlu3s

Tell her you won't be a father until you're ready. If she can't respect that then maybe it's time to move on.