Originally Posted by
Method Man
I dont get why people cant get the concept of intent. I use that word all time jokingly with my friends, not one of them are gay.
So, you've decided it's not offensive because of the reactions of your straight friends? Really?
Let's talk about intent for a minute.
When I was an undergrad I contributed to an intergroup dialog program that facilitated discussions on racial issues. I participated in several series of them and, each time, some of the White students would bring up the concept of intent in attempt to excuse making racist statements and assumptions. Basically, they felt that they shouldn't be judged harshly unless they MEANT to cause harm to others. They didn't want to be forced to change their behavior or reconsider the way they looked at the world. They wanted to continue to behave as they always had, without acknowledging the unearned privileges associated with their majority status and the undeserved penalties associated with minority status. It's a false sense of innocence. They didn't want the benefits to which they'd become accustomed to be cut off, but they didn't want to acknowledge where those benefits came from or that other people suffer as a result. And so, they try to rationalize it such that these benefits are "rightfully earned," considering them a function of hard work or education, for example. They'd argue that if a Black student felt uncomfortable holding a White student's hand in public that they were just "imagining it," or that if you were followed around a store that it was because of the way you were dressed, that you brought it on yourself and the clerk's actions weren't racially motivated.
Heterosexual privilege isn't the
same as White privilege, but it does function in a similar way.
Imagine that you're waiting in line in a crowded space. A friend of mine is in line ahead of you and I decide that I'd like to talk to him. So, I shove a few people out of my way and walk over to his place in line. Since I'm focusing on my conversation, I'm not really paying any attention to the other people in line or those I've pushed past, and, without knowing it, I'm standing on your foot. It wasn't my goal to stand on your foot, but it happened. I'm not feeling any pain, so I couldn't really care any less about it.
At this point, if you have any self-respect whatsoever, you'll probably try to get my attention to let me know that I'm standing on your foot and probably scuffing up your shoes.
Imagine if I responded by saying, "well, I'm sorry if I've caused any harm. I didn't mean to. If this place weren't so crowded it would never have happened." Fair enough, right? It would be - except that, as the line moves up and everyone shuffles a bit, I'm going to do the same thing again. And again. As you become increasingly indignant, I'm just going to reinforce my position, "look, I'm not TRYING to step on your foot. It's just happening. I'm not used to looking at my feet while I walk and I'm not going to inconvenience myself to avoid stepping on you. I don't know what you're whining about anyway. You say it's hurting you, but
I'm not feeling any pain."
You KNOW that by using a slur you're offending others, but rather than reform your behavior you're falling back on this excuse that "you don't mean it."
Well, at a certain point, that's not a valid excuse - because you know that the behavior IS hurting others and yet you continue to do it. What's more, you expect everyone else to adapt and "suck it up," just so you can continue to use a highly offensive slur at your leisure.
Using that type of language can make others feel disrespected - and, frankly, that's what slurs are
intended to do. It's a bit like playing catch with a skull. You and your friends may have fun throwing around the remains of someone else's grandmother, and in theory it isn't hurting anyone, but if people discover that's what you've been doing, including the relatives of the deceased, you should expect them to be offended by it. Realistically, you should expect them to think less of you. Perhaps someone else's skull is just an inanimate object to you, but you live in a society in which many people feel a deep sense of respect for the remains of their loved ones and don't want to see those remains treated so frivolously. Knowing that, what you're doing is insensitive to say the least - and it is intentionally insensitive in that you don't
care that it's offensive to others. You do it because you feel like it and you're not interested in changing your behavior. That's a pretty selfish position.
I still don't understand whats the big deal. It's not like he actually called the referee a %%@!@!. At least he isn't on sidelines yelling and cussing at the top of his lungs like this guy...
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