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#!# just got real
Golden Gate Bridge Suicide Jumpers
- Thread in 'General' Thread starter Started by alan garner,
- Start date
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holy crap
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[table][tr][td][table][tr][td][font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][color=35407C]The Bridge: Behind the Docu with Eric Steel[/color][/font][/td][/tr][/table][/td][/tr][tr][td][table][tr][td][font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Eric Steel's "The Bridge" offers glimpses into the darkest, and possibly most impenetrable corners of the human mind. The fates of the 24 people who died at the Golden Gate Bridge in 2004 are linked together by a 4 second fall, but their lives had been moving on parallel tracks and similar arcs all along.
New Yorker Story
When I read in The New Yorker that the Golden Gate Bridge was the most popular suicide magnet in the world, I could not stop thinking about what someone must be going through as they walked from the parking lot on either side to some spot in the middle and climbed over the rail. It seemed like the darkest corner of the human mind.
I was reminded of the painting by Pieter Breughel, "Landscape with the Fall of Icarus." In the corner of the painting, a pair of legs disappears into the water with a splash so small it is hardly noticed by the other people in the picture, much less by someone in the museum.
Having watched the World Trade Center collapse from my window, I imagined that the people who jump from the Golden Gate Bridge must be trying to escape their own inferno. Relationship to Suicide
I had worked in the movie business for most of my adult life, but the closest I had come to actually making a movie was sitting behind a desk or in a folding chair on set. My relationship to suicide has been casual and distant like most people the idea had crossed my mind only fleetingly; my middle name was given to me after a great uncle who had committed suicide. My relationship to the precarious nature of life and the pain of tragic loss has been intense and familial. I believed I was sensitive to suffering.
What made the suicides at the Golden Gate Bridge so unusual is that they took place in broad daylight, in front of people at a busy place whereas most suicides take place in extreme privacy, in locked studies, dorm rooms, garages, barns, closets, motel bathrooms. Did these people want to be seen Why Did they evidence their intentions as they walked onto the bridge Could one tell that they were already in some liminal state, almost gone What must this walk from one end of the bridge toward the center be like
How to Film the Bridge
I flew to San Francisco, tried to find locations from which to film the Golden Gate Bridge, learned how to use mini-dv cameras, placed ads for crew, obtained permits. The production structure took shape: we would film the bridge for an entire year, every daylight moment, with a pair of cameras at each of two vantage points. One camera would be fixed, at wide angle to record the bridge and the water beneath it, as if it were a postcard. The operator simply had to change tapes every hour and press record. The other camera was fitted with an extreme telephoto lens strong enough to see individual people as they walked across the bridge. The bridge was more than a mile long, filled with tourists, joggers, and bikers, often obscured by weather. So the camera operator had to make choices, use whatever instincts he or she possessed to try to determine who might climb over the rail.
Set of Guidelines
It was clear that we needed to establish a set of guidelines about when we were simply to observe and when should intervene. After one day, we understood that if someone was walking alone, if he or she looked sad, lingered too long at one spot, paced back and forth this made them logical subjects to be filmed but did not mean we should call the police to take them away. There were simply many too many people who fit this description. We decided that if someone set down a bag or briefcase or removed shoes or a wallet warning signs we knew, from the article in The New Yorker, that the Bridge Patrols paid attention to or if someone made a real move to climb onto or over the rail, that trying to save a life was more important than getting footage. The Bridge Office was put on all of our cell phone speed dials.
In the first two months, we watched countless pedestrians cross the bridge. Our logbooks are quite sad in and of themselves. Man walking alone, black jacket. Young man standing at rail for a long time. Alone. Woman in hooded sweatshirt, maybe crying. We saw no one jump though our telephoto lens, but we knew when someone had. Flares were thrown into the current; Coast Guard boats came racing from their docks; small emergency vehicles redirected traffic on the bridge; patrolmen leaned over scouring the water for a body. Back in the office, we reviewed our wide-angle footage and found the splashes.
Meeting the Coroner
I met frequently with the Coroner of Marin County, where the bodies of the jumpers were taken. He had the unenviable task of notifying the families of the deceased, and the incredible ability to do so with both great comfort and honesty. Marin is the placid commuter community outside the city. Not so many people actually die there. It is only because of the location of the Coast Guard station on the Marin side of the bay that so skews the suicide statistics and directs these bodies to his attention, even though the bridge seems much more rightfully San Franciscan. But perhaps there is a grace in this, in that the Coroner of Marin is much more available, more of hand-holder than his urban counterpart. And when he thought it was appropriate, he provided me access to autopsy reports and inquiries, and even asked families if they wished to participate in my project or wrote them letters of introduction on my behalf.
Cracking the Bridge's Code and Beauty
I had a lot of time to contemplate when I was sitting behind the camera, in every kind of weather imaginable, within a few hundred yards of one of the worlds greatest sites of Nature and Mans majesty side by side. I thought if I stared at the Golden Gate Bridge long enough, I might crack its code, understand its fatal beauty. It is often undeniably stunning, awe inspiring but the Bridges most striking power is its ability to seemingly erase time. Within moments of a death, its like it never happened. Things return to normal, just like in Breughels painting.
I thought if I watched enough people, I would be able to spot the outward manifestations of their interior demons. My crew and I followed thousands of people with the cameras. I saw the first man actually climb onto the rail and jump. I am not sure to this day why I filmed him. He looked like he was enjoying a spring day. He was wearing a tracksuit and sneakers. He walked briskly as if getting some exercise. He talked on his cell phone. He laughed heartily. And then he put down his phone as I called the Bridge Police. He sat on the rail for a few seconds. He crossed himself. And then he jumped. In retrospect I told myself that I must have seen something, some clue but what
I filmed another man for 90 minutes. It was a picture-perfect day sunny and warm. There were many tourists walking on the bridge, even picnicking in the grassy area near my camera. He had very long black hair that whipped in front of his face. He was very tall. He walked in fits and starts, stopping at the little art deco balconies as if to take in the panoramic views of the bay. He completed a full crossing of the bridge, like a great many tourists do, and walked off the north end towards a little rest area. About 15 minutes later he crossed the bridge walking southbound, making a round trip. He walked more quickly, as if he had had enough sightseeing, but he let his hair blow into his eyes, made less effort to push it back in place. He touched the cables. He walked back to one of the balconies. He seemed to be reading something, a ticket perhaps. It was almost noon. He hopped onto the rail, sitting on it facing the traffic and the ocean beyond. And then he stood up and then he fell back. I have reviewed my footage over and over; not for one minute, one second, one frame, did he do anything that met our guidelines for a call to the authorities. The Bridge Patrols never approached him. Still his presence on the bridge made me anxious but then there was hardly a day when we didnt think we might be filming someone who was going to jump.
Hints and Clues
In all of my interviews, I searched to see if these people who had committed suicide had dropped hints, left clues. Many had gone to great lengths to conceal their intentions, but almost all had made mention of suicide, sought help, confided. Even when their plans were in plain sight, they were almost impossible to see. Those moments of clarity appeared as if in a dream, in hindsight. Those left behind were always playing things back in rewind.
I wanted to make a film about the human spirit in crisis, that showed but did not judge. I wanted to open peoples eyes. I wanted to make people look harder at the world around them, at the relationships that they treasure and the people they are somehow entrusted to care for. In the course of our year at the Golden Gate Bridge, I came to care in a way for all of the people who walked out onto it. We helped to save several lives our calls pointed the patrolmen to people who had climbed over the rail and were standing on the ledge. We were unable to help others. This is profoundly and inescapably disturbing.
Opening a Debate
I wanted to punctuate the debate about the suicide barrier at the bridge: the bridge authorities need to care about everyone on their bridge, not just the people they think are worthy. I dont know how many lives a suicide barrier would save but one life would be a start. In the United States there are almost twice as many suicides each year than homicides. While homicides are a nightly recitation on the local news, suicides are rarely mentioned. I wanted to open a much larger and much needed debate about suicide and mental illness.
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New Yorker Story
When I read in The New Yorker that the Golden Gate Bridge was the most popular suicide magnet in the world, I could not stop thinking about what someone must be going through as they walked from the parking lot on either side to some spot in the middle and climbed over the rail. It seemed like the darkest corner of the human mind.
I was reminded of the painting by Pieter Breughel, "Landscape with the Fall of Icarus." In the corner of the painting, a pair of legs disappears into the water with a splash so small it is hardly noticed by the other people in the picture, much less by someone in the museum.
Having watched the World Trade Center collapse from my window, I imagined that the people who jump from the Golden Gate Bridge must be trying to escape their own inferno. Relationship to Suicide
I had worked in the movie business for most of my adult life, but the closest I had come to actually making a movie was sitting behind a desk or in a folding chair on set. My relationship to suicide has been casual and distant like most people the idea had crossed my mind only fleetingly; my middle name was given to me after a great uncle who had committed suicide. My relationship to the precarious nature of life and the pain of tragic loss has been intense and familial. I believed I was sensitive to suffering.
What made the suicides at the Golden Gate Bridge so unusual is that they took place in broad daylight, in front of people at a busy place whereas most suicides take place in extreme privacy, in locked studies, dorm rooms, garages, barns, closets, motel bathrooms. Did these people want to be seen Why Did they evidence their intentions as they walked onto the bridge Could one tell that they were already in some liminal state, almost gone What must this walk from one end of the bridge toward the center be like
How to Film the Bridge
I flew to San Francisco, tried to find locations from which to film the Golden Gate Bridge, learned how to use mini-dv cameras, placed ads for crew, obtained permits. The production structure took shape: we would film the bridge for an entire year, every daylight moment, with a pair of cameras at each of two vantage points. One camera would be fixed, at wide angle to record the bridge and the water beneath it, as if it were a postcard. The operator simply had to change tapes every hour and press record. The other camera was fitted with an extreme telephoto lens strong enough to see individual people as they walked across the bridge. The bridge was more than a mile long, filled with tourists, joggers, and bikers, often obscured by weather. So the camera operator had to make choices, use whatever instincts he or she possessed to try to determine who might climb over the rail.
Set of Guidelines
It was clear that we needed to establish a set of guidelines about when we were simply to observe and when should intervene. After one day, we understood that if someone was walking alone, if he or she looked sad, lingered too long at one spot, paced back and forth this made them logical subjects to be filmed but did not mean we should call the police to take them away. There were simply many too many people who fit this description. We decided that if someone set down a bag or briefcase or removed shoes or a wallet warning signs we knew, from the article in The New Yorker, that the Bridge Patrols paid attention to or if someone made a real move to climb onto or over the rail, that trying to save a life was more important than getting footage. The Bridge Office was put on all of our cell phone speed dials.
In the first two months, we watched countless pedestrians cross the bridge. Our logbooks are quite sad in and of themselves. Man walking alone, black jacket. Young man standing at rail for a long time. Alone. Woman in hooded sweatshirt, maybe crying. We saw no one jump though our telephoto lens, but we knew when someone had. Flares were thrown into the current; Coast Guard boats came racing from their docks; small emergency vehicles redirected traffic on the bridge; patrolmen leaned over scouring the water for a body. Back in the office, we reviewed our wide-angle footage and found the splashes.
Meeting the Coroner
I met frequently with the Coroner of Marin County, where the bodies of the jumpers were taken. He had the unenviable task of notifying the families of the deceased, and the incredible ability to do so with both great comfort and honesty. Marin is the placid commuter community outside the city. Not so many people actually die there. It is only because of the location of the Coast Guard station on the Marin side of the bay that so skews the suicide statistics and directs these bodies to his attention, even though the bridge seems much more rightfully San Franciscan. But perhaps there is a grace in this, in that the Coroner of Marin is much more available, more of hand-holder than his urban counterpart. And when he thought it was appropriate, he provided me access to autopsy reports and inquiries, and even asked families if they wished to participate in my project or wrote them letters of introduction on my behalf.
Cracking the Bridge's Code and Beauty
I had a lot of time to contemplate when I was sitting behind the camera, in every kind of weather imaginable, within a few hundred yards of one of the worlds greatest sites of Nature and Mans majesty side by side. I thought if I stared at the Golden Gate Bridge long enough, I might crack its code, understand its fatal beauty. It is often undeniably stunning, awe inspiring but the Bridges most striking power is its ability to seemingly erase time. Within moments of a death, its like it never happened. Things return to normal, just like in Breughels painting.
I thought if I watched enough people, I would be able to spot the outward manifestations of their interior demons. My crew and I followed thousands of people with the cameras. I saw the first man actually climb onto the rail and jump. I am not sure to this day why I filmed him. He looked like he was enjoying a spring day. He was wearing a tracksuit and sneakers. He walked briskly as if getting some exercise. He talked on his cell phone. He laughed heartily. And then he put down his phone as I called the Bridge Police. He sat on the rail for a few seconds. He crossed himself. And then he jumped. In retrospect I told myself that I must have seen something, some clue but what
I filmed another man for 90 minutes. It was a picture-perfect day sunny and warm. There were many tourists walking on the bridge, even picnicking in the grassy area near my camera. He had very long black hair that whipped in front of his face. He was very tall. He walked in fits and starts, stopping at the little art deco balconies as if to take in the panoramic views of the bay. He completed a full crossing of the bridge, like a great many tourists do, and walked off the north end towards a little rest area. About 15 minutes later he crossed the bridge walking southbound, making a round trip. He walked more quickly, as if he had had enough sightseeing, but he let his hair blow into his eyes, made less effort to push it back in place. He touched the cables. He walked back to one of the balconies. He seemed to be reading something, a ticket perhaps. It was almost noon. He hopped onto the rail, sitting on it facing the traffic and the ocean beyond. And then he stood up and then he fell back. I have reviewed my footage over and over; not for one minute, one second, one frame, did he do anything that met our guidelines for a call to the authorities. The Bridge Patrols never approached him. Still his presence on the bridge made me anxious but then there was hardly a day when we didnt think we might be filming someone who was going to jump.
Hints and Clues
In all of my interviews, I searched to see if these people who had committed suicide had dropped hints, left clues. Many had gone to great lengths to conceal their intentions, but almost all had made mention of suicide, sought help, confided. Even when their plans were in plain sight, they were almost impossible to see. Those moments of clarity appeared as if in a dream, in hindsight. Those left behind were always playing things back in rewind.
I wanted to make a film about the human spirit in crisis, that showed but did not judge. I wanted to open peoples eyes. I wanted to make people look harder at the world around them, at the relationships that they treasure and the people they are somehow entrusted to care for. In the course of our year at the Golden Gate Bridge, I came to care in a way for all of the people who walked out onto it. We helped to save several lives our calls pointed the patrolmen to people who had climbed over the rail and were standing on the ledge. We were unable to help others. This is profoundly and inescapably disturbing.
Opening a Debate
I wanted to punctuate the debate about the suicide barrier at the bridge: the bridge authorities need to care about everyone on their bridge, not just the people they think are worthy. I dont know how many lives a suicide barrier would save but one life would be a start. In the United States there are almost twice as many suicides each year than homicides. While homicides are a nightly recitation on the local news, suicides are rarely mentioned. I wanted to open a much larger and much needed debate about suicide and mental illness.
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listen, what you are failing to realize is that not all minds are the same. just because you and i don't believe in suicide doesn't mean someone severely depressed doesn't consider suicide a logical option...
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That last guy went out with a bang...backwards and head first. wow
darthska
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GTEK:
as for the dry snitching....
quit it with the child like tactics.
Fix your sig.
I was on my phone when I was posting earlier, and on my phone, NikeTalk has a white background. Your sig is white/red text on a black background, so I was already aware that you had an image and not text.
You can believe that or not, but you still have to fix your sig. And you can blame someone else for dry snitching, or you can realize that you're the one who was seeing how long you could go without being caught.
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as if the net would stop people from committing suicide?
if they know there's a net they'll just find another bridge, or swallow a bottle of aspirin or something.
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at people who watched and did nothing.
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im so scared of heights, thats crazy
darthska
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I was thinking the jumpers would die from impact, instead of drowning, or maybe both. I couldn't see someone conscious enough to withstand a 245 ft. fall.
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You'd be surprised what can drive a man or woman insane. I think suicide or even contemplating suicide is so normal then say something like child molesting or even murder. I don't think you have to be a type of person to commit suicide. If your emotions are there and you feel content at the time, jumping off a bridge is the last thing to scare you.
I wonder if the new Bay Bridge will have these same problems. I think they are making it so people can walk across it.
I wonder if the new Bay Bridge will have these same problems. I think they are making it so people can walk across it.
marionthebarberian
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I swear this is the "cool" thing to say on NT when it comes to threads like this.Originally Posted by mikeJordache23
very sad. hits home with me.
PR0LiFiKz wrote:
I have no sympathy for these cowards what so ever...
^i think its bc those who say it have never been through any type of struggle in life.
One of my friends shot himself and another tried to kill himself, we had to take his guns away.
I KNOW what it feels to not have %**# and that "feeling".
but at the end of the day I consider my friend a coward and the other one a part timer.
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very crazy, i remember watching this documentary
darthska
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just finished watching..........it didnt seem to bother me as much as i thought (some of the 9/11 ones did a lot)
with that said
-it is still sad
-the dude that survived they interviewed had a interesting story
-it opened my eyes a bit more to the fact some people just cant handle some stuff and its
but i just dont believe in what they are doing......i forgot what page it was on in this thread but someone wrote "suicide is a long term solution to a short term problem" is a great way to look at it...
very interesting
with that said
-it is still sad
-the dude that survived they interviewed had a interesting story
-it opened my eyes a bit more to the fact some people just cant handle some stuff and its
but i just dont believe in what they are doing......i forgot what page it was on in this thread but someone wrote "suicide is a long term solution to a short term problem" is a great way to look at it...
very interesting
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This issue is pretty personal to me, as many on NT know, and yes, suicide is cowardly and selfish.
but to say you have no sympathy is pure cold and inhumane. a large percentage of people who commit suicide suffer from undiagnosed mental illnesses, those who are undiagnosed have the highest chance of recovery to have a normal or semi normal life. to say these people dont deserve any kind of help is barbaric, these are mentally ill humans who are trying to end pain in the only way they can, suicide. those who are suffering from a mental illness need support and care, not the green light to put a gun to their head or hang themselves. I cant speak for the people who dont have a mental illness and are looking for a way out of their problems, but for those that have mental issues, they need the care, badly.
and the people who let this !@!* happen are vile, especially the filmmaker, and dont feed me this "i didnt think they would jump" $%@$##@$. you think a group of suicidally depressed people are gonna met at a bridge known for being a suicide hotspot and then not jump? FOH. Dude capitalized off these poor people and is getting off without !@!* being done about it.
and GTEK, 1 in 5 people suffer from a mental illness, so be careful with who you spout your hatred to. One of your boys, or a neighbor or a relative may have similar issues.
but to say you have no sympathy is pure cold and inhumane. a large percentage of people who commit suicide suffer from undiagnosed mental illnesses, those who are undiagnosed have the highest chance of recovery to have a normal or semi normal life. to say these people dont deserve any kind of help is barbaric, these are mentally ill humans who are trying to end pain in the only way they can, suicide. those who are suffering from a mental illness need support and care, not the green light to put a gun to their head or hang themselves. I cant speak for the people who dont have a mental illness and are looking for a way out of their problems, but for those that have mental issues, they need the care, badly.
and the people who let this !@!* happen are vile, especially the filmmaker, and dont feed me this "i didnt think they would jump" $%@$##@$. you think a group of suicidally depressed people are gonna met at a bridge known for being a suicide hotspot and then not jump? FOH. Dude capitalized off these poor people and is getting off without !@!* being done about it.
and GTEK, 1 in 5 people suffer from a mental illness, so be careful with who you spout your hatred to. One of your boys, or a neighbor or a relative may have similar issues.
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WOW
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WOW
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My sig has been fixed since page 9.....
the same page you quoted me on.
darthska
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Your sig wasn't fixed at the time I quoted you, hot shot. It's fixed now, so why not just keep it moving?
Nice gif, though.
Pssttt, pull your skirt down; your immaturity is showing.
Oh, by the way, our limit on avatars is 150 KB (150,000 bytes). Your avatar is 185.66 KB (190,117 bytes).
Fix that, please.
Nice gif, though.
Pssttt, pull your skirt down; your immaturity is showing.
Oh, by the way, our limit on avatars is 150 KB (150,000 bytes). Your avatar is 185.66 KB (190,117 bytes).
Fix that, please.
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Damn.... crazy stuff
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Here's the thing you're failing to realize: not everyone has family that cares about them. I work with juvenile delinquents, and there's one kid at work right now whose biological parents are both dead (from different circumstances), and he was accused of molesting a little girl in one of the foster homes he was in when he was 8. He's now 16, been in 27 different foster homes, and he's about to graduate the program we have at work. For kids with traditional families, graduating the program I work at means they have completed their court sentence by graduating, and they can go back home, with their charges dropped (ranging from weapons possession, drug possession, assault, GTA, etc.). This kid is one of the few on campus that has NO charges, so graduating the program for him doesn't mean he's fulfilling a court sentence. It simply means that he can go back to foster care.
Foster care. He has been rejected by 27 different foster homes already, and his reward for graduating our program is that he gets to go back to this system that continuously bounces him around. And why has he been in so many foster homes? Because of two things: #1- because of the accusation from 8 years ago, and #2- he has issues with depression and hyperactivity. The last foster home he was in suggested that he be placed in a juvenile treatment program for delinquent behaviors, and his social worker agreed, so he was sent to us.
Now when he goes back to foster care, he will still have that accusation hanging on his head, and he definitely still has depressive episodes and hyperactive behaviors.
Picture THIS kid as a 25-year-old on the side of the bridge. He's having trouble coping with having NO caregivers to reach out to every Mother's Day and Father's Day and Christmas and everything. He can't stomach one more story of people getting all kinds of well-wishes on their birthdays when his birthday goes by every year without so much as a call. Maybe a friend from wherever he works that year buys him a round, maybe he just stays at home with his dog.
You tell me that your line about him being selfish applies.
"Dude, you're being selfish! Think about your family, and how hurt they'll be when they hear you're dead!" Yeah, about that...
"You have all kinds of friends that will be heartbroken by you being gone!" If you're expecting him to look back on this address book of people who he knows value him, you're basically giving him more reason to jump by not knowing anything about him, not knowing that he has struggled to form meaningful friendships his whole life, including adulthood. His address book is VVVNDS.
"Think of your kids and your wife/girlfriend." Right, because women are CLAMORING to fall in love with a guy who grew up in foster care and consequentially developed hyperactive, depressive behaviors and was accused of molestation as a young boy. You're sure this 25-year-old young man you're trying to talk down has a loving relationship to look back on?
You can't tell this kid to think about hurting the people that matter to him, because the entire reason he's standing there is because he's sick of not mattering to anyone, as evidenced by countless holidays alone or with people who tossed him a charity invite to their house because they know his situation.
Sure, there are people who are undermining how much their parents and wives and husbands and children love them, and your line about them being selfish works for them, but there are people who are fully aware that their funeral would have absolutely no one in attendance that was sincerely heartbroken and in serious mourning over their death. You might be aware that YOUR funeral would have plenty of people in mourning over your death as well as people pissed off that you put them through that pain, but your experience is by NO means universal.
And your point? People come from third world countries to the US with not a dollar to their name, entire families killed in wars, and still find a way to make something of themselves. I'm sorry but I've known way too many people who have come from similar or worse backgrounds who simply toughed it out. The human potential is so great, true resilience is so strong that I find it very hard to have sympathy for people who commit suicide. What if all black slaves just decided to have mass suicides because they saw no future in living? I probably wouldn't be here and you'd be hard pressed to find anybody in our modern day who faced the level of worthlessness slaves did. I respect the fact that the choice to live should belong to that person, but you can't deny the fact that it's the ultimate cop out. Some guy robs a bank to feed his starving family and society labels him a villain, yet some other guy commits suicide because life handed him lemons and we're supposed to shed tears? Maybe my optimism about life in general jades me but unless a person has some chemical imbalance or sickness which causes their depression, the majority of people who commit suicide are cowards *kanye shrug*
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Son please show me where in this thread I have spoken out against and
spewed hatred towards people who have committed suicide...
I have only addressed those who think they can persuade someone from such a thing so easily.
This is what happens when you don't read.
Fixed that too...
Don't see much immaturity here, all I done was state the obvious.
Skirt? Hotshot? Stop it son, you making me blush.
air ih zona
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Here's the thing you're failing to realize: not everyone has family that cares about them. I work with juvenile delinquents, and there's one kid at work right now whose biological parents are both dead (from different circumstances), and he was accused of molesting a little girl in one of the foster homes he was in when he was 8. He's now 16, been in 27 different foster homes, and he's about to graduate the program we have at work. For kids with traditional families, graduating the program I work at means they have completed their court sentence by graduating, and they can go back home, with their charges dropped (ranging from weapons possession, drug possession, assault, GTA, etc.). This kid is one of the few on campus that has NO charges, so graduating the program for him doesn't mean he's fulfilling a court sentence. It simply means that he can go back to foster care.
Foster care. He has been rejected by 27 different foster homes already, and his reward for graduating our program is that he gets to go back to this system that continuously bounces him around. And why has he been in so many foster homes? Because of two things: #1- because of the accusation from 8 years ago, and #2- he has issues with depression and hyperactivity. The last foster home he was in suggested that he be placed in a juvenile treatment program for delinquent behaviors, and his social worker agreed, so he was sent to us.
Now when he goes back to foster care, he will still have that accusation hanging on his head, and he definitely still has depressive episodes and hyperactive behaviors.
Picture THIS kid as a 25-year-old on the side of the bridge. He's having trouble coping with having NO caregivers to reach out to every Mother's Day and Father's Day and Christmas and everything. He can't stomach one more story of people getting all kinds of well-wishes on their birthdays when his birthday goes by every year without so much as a call. Maybe a friend from wherever he works that year buys him a round, maybe he just stays at home with his dog.
You tell me that your line about him being selfish applies.
"Dude, you're being selfish! Think about your family, and how hurt they'll be when they hear you're dead!" Yeah, about that...
"You have all kinds of friends that will be heartbroken by you being gone!" If you're expecting him to look back on this address book of people who he knows value him, you're basically giving him more reason to jump by not knowing anything about him, not knowing that he has struggled to form meaningful friendships his whole life, including adulthood. His address book is VVVNDS.
"Think of your kids and your wife/girlfriend." Right, because women are CLAMORING to fall in love with a guy who grew up in foster care and consequentially developed hyperactive, depressive behaviors and was accused of molestation as a young boy. You're sure this 25-year-old young man you're trying to talk down has a loving relationship to look back on?
You can't tell this kid to think about hurting the people that matter to him, because the entire reason he's standing there is because he's sick of not mattering to anyone, as evidenced by countless holidays alone or with people who tossed him a charity invite to their house because they know his situation.
Sure, there are people who are undermining how much their parents and wives and husbands and children love them, and your line about them being selfish works for them, but there are people who are fully aware that their funeral would have absolutely no one in attendance that was sincerely heartbroken and in serious mourning over their death. You might be aware that YOUR funeral would have plenty of people in mourning over your death as well as people pissed off that you put them through that pain, but your experience is by NO means universal.
man, poor dude
but why do we judge the suicidal? NOBODY asked to be born anyway
