Right.
Right.
Originally Posted by Griffey3
today we talked and apparently to her, we aren't on the "same page." she mentioned a couple things that bothered her.
-she talked about losing our spark and how its not the same. the main thing she wants is to gain the spark back like when we first started dating.
(That's why they call it a spark. It's suposed to be a phase. But hopefully that pjhase ignites something greater. If it doesn't it, it won't. You can't get a spark back just like you can't get back yesterday. She needs to know this and understand it FIRST, then she needs to re-evaluate what you two actually have, if anything at all....)
-she later went on to talk about how i dont go with her and her friends to hang out (whether to parties or clubs). she used those specific examples because im not a person who likes to go out and party. i dont do it with my friends, i dont do it with her or her friends. she claimed that since thats what her & her friends do a lot, she feels she wants me included since their boy friends are there. i told her i dont mind hanging out with them whether movies, concerts, sports games, whatever. i just dont feel comfortable going to clubs/parties.
(You sound young, or at least she does. If going out is what makes you want to bring somebody in.... She ought to enjoy her space with her friends. She'll value it as the relationship goes on (if it does). Right now you're just a trophy for her to show her friends. That's bad...)
- ^^my response was, i never question you or complain about you going out (i give her space) and you have all the freedom you want. I personally don't see the point of being out to a club or party with her when she's with her friends, i figuered it was better to let her do her own thing.
(correct!)
- from there, she talked about how she just feels like she can't balance her friends and me. my response was thta i never made her choose and i liked the fact we had freedom. she has been cancelling plans with me as of late and i have given her a little heat for it, but not to the point where there was arguing, just playful, but the point was still there. she felt bad about it and says she doesnt know how to balance the two.
(What? Now she's making up reasons...)
she thinks that being friends could solve this due to the fact there is no pressure. she wants that spark, but it isnt there. she also feels pressured i guess.
(...and now she's phasing you out polity.. how "Sweet". I prefer honesty to saccharine any day... )
my question is, how should i approach this situation? how could i make things work?
give her space? thats my guess at first but she wants the spark back, so i figuered do some new things. im not sure but any advice is appreciate don how to handle this situation.
(My question is, why do you even want to. *No sarcasm* Is there something else there worth holding onto? I don't know this girl but you do. What's in it for you besides sex? I gather from the way she's acting that it's pretty hopeless, if not even moreso pointless, but it's not like I know what all goes down with you two. Changing yourself to fit this girl is fine within reason, but don't sacrifice CORE values. It's ok to grow towards her though, but I strongly recommend you cut all ties to her if she's not willing to grow towards you as well. Ya'll ain't gotta meet half way. That's just what we're raised to think. In truth, anything you really want has to be pursued 100% at some point. That half and half %%*% only works on coffee. If she really is special, and you really are tryna keep her, meet her at 75% but promise her she can earn 100%. Slowly work her towards giving more and doing more until her 25% becomes 50%. Your 75% and her 50% = 125% of a relationship you built on your own. That extra 25% you gave her early on (rather than the 50/50 approach that doesn't work with dating) will be your insurance for the hard times that always come later on. Think about it... she owes you that much, literally. Once she's shown that she's about it, give her 100% and she'll do the same. THEN you can havea 50/50 relationship, word to congruent fractions --- IF---- that's what's meant for the 2 of you. )
also, i know friends = the oppurtunity for her to get plowed by other dudes. its in my head, so im not gonna be clueless about it. she said thats not the reason and she thinks this is a road bump that she really wants to make it work. i believe it, but to an extent. im not gonna be stupid about that.
(Sex is just sex.. truth be told, if she want to roam.. let her.. if she comes back and you can deal with that, move on. As important as sex is to people, it's still just a 30 minute experience. Relationships last years and take a long time to develop. Sex can be an impulse decision. Think about it. Let her be impulsive and see how she behaves. Pwrsonally, every time I've given a woman the freedom to walk around, it made them value standing still even more. I don't build up fences. I build up home and make my lady never want to roam.)
cliffs:
-she wants the spark back
-says that she cant balance her friends and me & feels bad
- wishes i would hang out with her and her friends more like their bf's do
-thinks being friends will solve it
-whats the best thing to do in this situation? i wanna make it work and so does she. shes just stubborn and this is her way of handling it.
Spoiler [+]cut that out.
Spoiler [+]cool story bro
Spoiler [+]forever alone
Originally Posted by Griffey3
today we talked and apparently to her, we aren't on the "same page." she mentioned a couple things that bothered her.
-she talked about losing our spark and how its not the same. the main thing she wants is to gain the spark back like when we first started dating.
(That's why they call it a spark. It's suposed to be a phase. But hopefully that pjhase ignites something greater. If it doesn't it, it won't. You can't get a spark back just like you can't get back yesterday. She needs to know this and understand it FIRST, then she needs to re-evaluate what you two actually have, if anything at all....)
-she later went on to talk about how i dont go with her and her friends to hang out (whether to parties or clubs). she used those specific examples because im not a person who likes to go out and party. i dont do it with my friends, i dont do it with her or her friends. she claimed that since thats what her & her friends do a lot, she feels she wants me included since their boy friends are there. i told her i dont mind hanging out with them whether movies, concerts, sports games, whatever. i just dont feel comfortable going to clubs/parties.
(You sound young, or at least she does. If going out is what makes you want to bring somebody in.... She ought to enjoy her space with her friends. She'll value it as the relationship goes on (if it does). Right now you're just a trophy for her to show her friends. That's bad...)
- ^^my response was, i never question you or complain about you going out (i give her space) and you have all the freedom you want. I personally don't see the point of being out to a club or party with her when she's with her friends, i figuered it was better to let her do her own thing.
(correct!)
- from there, she talked about how she just feels like she can't balance her friends and me. my response was thta i never made her choose and i liked the fact we had freedom. she has been cancelling plans with me as of late and i have given her a little heat for it, but not to the point where there was arguing, just playful, but the point was still there. she felt bad about it and says she doesnt know how to balance the two.
(What? Now she's making up reasons...)
she thinks that being friends could solve this due to the fact there is no pressure. she wants that spark, but it isnt there. she also feels pressured i guess.
(...and now she's phasing you out polity.. how "Sweet". I prefer honesty to saccharine any day... )
my question is, how should i approach this situation? how could i make things work?
give her space? thats my guess at first but she wants the spark back, so i figuered do some new things. im not sure but any advice is appreciate don how to handle this situation.
(My question is, why do you even want to. *No sarcasm* Is there something else there worth holding onto? I don't know this girl but you do. What's in it for you besides sex? I gather from the way she's acting that it's pretty hopeless, if not even moreso pointless, but it's not like I know what all goes down with you two. Changing yourself to fit this girl is fine within reason, but don't sacrifice CORE values. It's ok to grow towards her though, but I strongly recommend you cut all ties to her if she's not willing to grow towards you as well. Ya'll ain't gotta meet half way. That's just what we're raised to think. In truth, anything you really want has to be pursued 100% at some point. That half and half %%*% only works on coffee. If she really is special, and you really are tryna keep her, meet her at 75% but promise her she can earn 100%. Slowly work her towards giving more and doing more until her 25% becomes 50%. Your 75% and her 50% = 125% of a relationship you built on your own. That extra 25% you gave her early on (rather than the 50/50 approach that doesn't work with dating) will be your insurance for the hard times that always come later on. Think about it... she owes you that much, literally. Once she's shown that she's about it, give her 100% and she'll do the same. THEN you can havea 50/50 relationship, word to congruent fractions --- IF---- that's what's meant for the 2 of you. )
also, i know friends = the oppurtunity for her to get plowed by other dudes. its in my head, so im not gonna be clueless about it. she said thats not the reason and she thinks this is a road bump that she really wants to make it work. i believe it, but to an extent. im not gonna be stupid about that.
(Sex is just sex.. truth be told, if she want to roam.. let her.. if she comes back and you can deal with that, move on. As important as sex is to people, it's still just a 30 minute experience. Relationships last years and take a long time to develop. Sex can be an impulse decision. Think about it. Let her be impulsive and see how she behaves. Pwrsonally, every time I've given a woman the freedom to walk around, it made them value standing still even more. I don't build up fences. I build up home and make my lady never want to roam.)
cliffs:
-she wants the spark back
-says that she cant balance her friends and me & feels bad
- wishes i would hang out with her and her friends more like their bf's do
-thinks being friends will solve it
-whats the best thing to do in this situation? i wanna make it work and so does she. shes just stubborn and this is her way of handling it.
Spoiler [+]cut that out.
Spoiler [+]cool story bro
Spoiler [+]forever alone
