Need some girl advice NT... My girl wants to be just friends for now

[philthy]

Doesnt wanna break it off but you guys are just friends? She broke it off when she wanted to be just friends... if you meant break it off as in never talk to each other again then of course she is going to say she doesnt wanna break it off.

If you guys are just friends then she is now single, there is no in between. Therefore, she feels no guilt whatsoever about dating someone else. It sounds like she just wants to keep you around.

 

[brockbo]

If she still likes you the. Give her space within the first week you will know if your ever going to have anything agian

Good luck bro

 

[brockbo]

If she still likes you the. Give her space within the first week you will know if your ever going to have anything agian

Good luck bro

 

[retro23j]

Originally Posted by Philthy


Doesnt wanna break it off but you guys are just friends? She broke it off when she wanted to be just friends... if you meant break it off as in never talk to each other again then of course she is going to say she doesnt wanna break it off.

If you guys are just friends then she is now single, there is no in between. Therefore, she feels no guilt whatsoever about dating someone else. It sounds like she just wants to keep you around.

This, and thats never acceptable. Don't stress yourself and try to understand it you'll just get even more confused. She wants to be single.

  

 

[retro23j]

Originally Posted by Philthy


Doesnt wanna break it off but you guys are just friends? She broke it off when she wanted to be just friends... if you meant break it off as in never talk to each other again then of course she is going to say she doesnt wanna break it off.

If you guys are just friends then she is now single, there is no in between. Therefore, she feels no guilt whatsoever about dating someone else. It sounds like she just wants to keep you around.

This, and thats never acceptable. Don't stress yourself and try to understand it you'll just get even more confused. She wants to be single.

  

 

[debso]

listen to grimlock, memphisfinest and like one other dude from the first page. smash and leave. she's already found somebody else and having second thoughts.

 

[debso]

listen to grimlock, memphisfinest and like one other dude from the first page. smash and leave. she's already found somebody else and having second thoughts.

 

[griffey3]

Originally Posted by Murda He

Originally Posted by Griffey3

today we talked and apparently to her, we aren't on the "same page." she mentioned a couple things that bothered her.

-she talked about losing our spark and how its not the same. the main thing she wants is to gain the spark back like when we first started dating.

(That's why they call it a spark. It's suposed to be a phase. But hopefully that pjhase ignites something greater. If it doesn't it, it won't. You can't get a spark back just like you can't get back yesterday. She needs to know this and understand it FIRST, then she needs to re-evaluate what you two actually have, if anything at all....)

-she later went on to talk about how i dont go with her and her friends to hang out (whether to parties or clubs). she used those specific examples because im not a person who likes to go out and party. i dont do it with my friends, i dont do it with her or her friends. she claimed that since thats what her & her friends do a lot, she feels she wants me included since their boy friends are there. i told her i dont mind hanging out with them whether movies, concerts, sports games, whatever. i just dont feel comfortable going to clubs/parties.


(You sound young, or at least she does. If going out is what makes you want to bring somebody in...

. She ought to enjoy her space with her friends. She'll value it as the relationship goes on (if it does). Right now you're just a trophy for her to show her friends. That's bad...)

- ^^my response was, i never question you or complain about you going out (i give her space) and you have all the freedom you want. I personally don't see the point of being out to a club or party with her when she's with her friends, i figuered it was better to let her do her own thing.

(correct!)

- from there, she talked about how she just feels like she can't balance her friends and me. my response was thta i never made her choose and i liked the fact we had freedom. she has been cancelling plans with me as of late and i have given her a little heat for it, but not to the point where there was arguing, just playful, but the point was still there. she felt bad about it and says she doesnt know how to balance the two.

(What? Now she's making up reasons...

)

she thinks that being friends could solve this due to the fact there is no pressure. she wants that spark, but it isnt there. she also feels pressured i guess.

(...and now she's phasing you out polity.. how "Sweet"

. I prefer honesty to saccharine any day...  )

my question is, how should i approach this situation? how could i make things work?

give her space? thats my guess at first but she wants the spark back, so i figuered do some new things. im not sure but any advice is appreciate don how to handle this situation.


(My question is, why do you even want to. *No sarcasm* Is there something else there worth holding onto? I don't know this girl but you do. What's in it for you besides sex? I gather from the way she's acting that it's pretty hopeless, if not even moreso pointless, but it's not like I know what all goes down with you two. Changing yourself to fit this girl is fine within reason, but don't sacrifice CORE values. It's ok to grow towards her though, but I strongly recommend you cut all ties to her if she's not willing to grow towards you as well. Ya'll ain't gotta meet half way. That's just what we're raised to think. In truth, anything you really want has to be pursued 100% at some point.  That half and half %%*% only works on coffee.  If she really is special, and you really are tryna keep her, meet her at 75% but promise her she can earn 100%. Slowly work her towards giving more and doing more until her 25% becomes 50%. Your 75% and her 50%  =  125% of a relationship you built on your own. That extra 25% you gave her early on (rather than the 50/50 approach that doesn't work with dating) will be your insurance for the hard times that always come later on. Think about it... she owes you that much, literally. Once she's shown that she's about it, give her 100% and she'll do the same. THEN you can havea 50/50 relationship, word to congruent fractions --- IF---- that's what's meant for the 2 of you. )

also, i know friends = the oppurtunity for her to get plowed by other dudes. its in my head, so im not gonna be clueless about it. she said thats not the reason and she thinks this is a road bump that she really wants to make it work. i believe it, but to an extent. im not gonna be stupid about that.

(Sex is just sex.. truth be told, if she want to roam.. let her.. if she comes back and you can deal with that, move on. As important as sex is to people, it's still just a 30 minute experience. Relationships last years and take a long time to develop.  Sex can be an impulse decision.  Think about it. Let her be impulsive and see how she behaves. Pwrsonally, every time I've given a woman the freedom to walk around, it made them value standing still even more. I don't build up fences. I build up home and make my lady never want to roam.)

cliffs:

-she wants the spark back
-says that she cant balance her friends and me & feels bad
- wishes i would hang out with her and her friends more like their bf's do
-thinks being friends will solve it
-whats the best thing to do in this situation? i wanna make it work and so does she. shes just stubborn and this is her way of handling it.

Spoiler

Spoiler

Spoiler [+]

Spoiler

cut that out.

Spoiler

Spoiler

Spoiler [+]

Spoiler

cool story bro

Spoiler

Spoiler

Spoiler [+]

Spoiler

forever alone

Peep game son..

appreciate all that. we've been dating for about a year and a half and i told her that a spark is in the begining and even though we'll still have something kind of like that, we have a more mature relationship now. such as freedom, trust, space, all that.

and ya, i would prefer her to be straight up with me to because like i said, im not gonna be some side piece unless she truely wants to make it work. i told her that and made it clear and she agrees, she just wants things to be better.

the reason im holding on to her is because we've been together awhile for one. also, besides this, i have nothing to complain about with her, and we just have (atleast i thought) a good thing going and if there is a chance to make it work, then i wanna try.

my whole thing is (and ive said this to her and ive said it in the thread) im not gonna wait around for her. if she wants to do her thing so be it, im not gonna be a sucker and wait for her or hope she wont leave. i gave her those options and told her id do the same. but at the same time if she wants to make it work i am as well.

you can have 10 pages full of people telling you what you should do. What do you plan to do though?
i just wanted to get other peoples views. from there, ill try to make it work, but i wont be a fool. thing is she stressed she wants to make it work, things just needed to be changed a little.

 

[griffey3]

Originally Posted by Murda He

Originally Posted by Griffey3

today we talked and apparently to her, we aren't on the "same page." she mentioned a couple things that bothered her.

-she talked about losing our spark and how its not the same. the main thing she wants is to gain the spark back like when we first started dating.

(That's why they call it a spark. It's suposed to be a phase. But hopefully that pjhase ignites something greater. If it doesn't it, it won't. You can't get a spark back just like you can't get back yesterday. She needs to know this and understand it FIRST, then she needs to re-evaluate what you two actually have, if anything at all....)

-she later went on to talk about how i dont go with her and her friends to hang out (whether to parties or clubs). she used those specific examples because im not a person who likes to go out and party. i dont do it with my friends, i dont do it with her or her friends. she claimed that since thats what her & her friends do a lot, she feels she wants me included since their boy friends are there. i told her i dont mind hanging out with them whether movies, concerts, sports games, whatever. i just dont feel comfortable going to clubs/parties.


(You sound young, or at least she does. If going out is what makes you want to bring somebody in...

. She ought to enjoy her space with her friends. She'll value it as the relationship goes on (if it does). Right now you're just a trophy for her to show her friends. That's bad...)

- ^^my response was, i never question you or complain about you going out (i give her space) and you have all the freedom you want. I personally don't see the point of being out to a club or party with her when she's with her friends, i figuered it was better to let her do her own thing.

(correct!)

- from there, she talked about how she just feels like she can't balance her friends and me. my response was thta i never made her choose and i liked the fact we had freedom. she has been cancelling plans with me as of late and i have given her a little heat for it, but not to the point where there was arguing, just playful, but the point was still there. she felt bad about it and says she doesnt know how to balance the two.

(What? Now she's making up reasons...

)

she thinks that being friends could solve this due to the fact there is no pressure. she wants that spark, but it isnt there. she also feels pressured i guess.

(...and now she's phasing you out polity.. how "Sweet"

. I prefer honesty to saccharine any day...  )

my question is, how should i approach this situation? how could i make things work?

give her space? thats my guess at first but she wants the spark back, so i figuered do some new things. im not sure but any advice is appreciate don how to handle this situation.


(My question is, why do you even want to. *No sarcasm* Is there something else there worth holding onto? I don't know this girl but you do. What's in it for you besides sex? I gather from the way she's acting that it's pretty hopeless, if not even moreso pointless, but it's not like I know what all goes down with you two. Changing yourself to fit this girl is fine within reason, but don't sacrifice CORE values. It's ok to grow towards her though, but I strongly recommend you cut all ties to her if she's not willing to grow towards you as well. Ya'll ain't gotta meet half way. That's just what we're raised to think. In truth, anything you really want has to be pursued 100% at some point.  That half and half %%*% only works on coffee.  If she really is special, and you really are tryna keep her, meet her at 75% but promise her she can earn 100%. Slowly work her towards giving more and doing more until her 25% becomes 50%. Your 75% and her 50%  =  125% of a relationship you built on your own. That extra 25% you gave her early on (rather than the 50/50 approach that doesn't work with dating) will be your insurance for the hard times that always come later on. Think about it... she owes you that much, literally. Once she's shown that she's about it, give her 100% and she'll do the same. THEN you can havea 50/50 relationship, word to congruent fractions --- IF---- that's what's meant for the 2 of you. )

also, i know friends = the oppurtunity for her to get plowed by other dudes. its in my head, so im not gonna be clueless about it. she said thats not the reason and she thinks this is a road bump that she really wants to make it work. i believe it, but to an extent. im not gonna be stupid about that.

(Sex is just sex.. truth be told, if she want to roam.. let her.. if she comes back and you can deal with that, move on. As important as sex is to people, it's still just a 30 minute experience. Relationships last years and take a long time to develop.  Sex can be an impulse decision.  Think about it. Let her be impulsive and see how she behaves. Pwrsonally, every time I've given a woman the freedom to walk around, it made them value standing still even more. I don't build up fences. I build up home and make my lady never want to roam.)

cliffs:

-she wants the spark back
-says that she cant balance her friends and me & feels bad
- wishes i would hang out with her and her friends more like their bf's do
-thinks being friends will solve it
-whats the best thing to do in this situation? i wanna make it work and so does she. shes just stubborn and this is her way of handling it.

Spoiler

Spoiler

Spoiler [+]

Spoiler

cut that out.

Spoiler

Spoiler

Spoiler [+]

Spoiler

cool story bro

Spoiler

Spoiler

Spoiler [+]

Spoiler

forever alone

Peep game son..

appreciate all that. we've been dating for about a year and a half and i told her that a spark is in the begining and even though we'll still have something kind of like that, we have a more mature relationship now. such as freedom, trust, space, all that.

and ya, i would prefer her to be straight up with me to because like i said, im not gonna be some side piece unless she truely wants to make it work. i told her that and made it clear and she agrees, she just wants things to be better.

the reason im holding on to her is because we've been together awhile for one. also, besides this, i have nothing to complain about with her, and we just have (atleast i thought) a good thing going and if there is a chance to make it work, then i wanna try.

my whole thing is (and ive said this to her and ive said it in the thread) im not gonna wait around for her. if she wants to do her thing so be it, im not gonna be a sucker and wait for her or hope she wont leave. i gave her those options and told her id do the same. but at the same time if she wants to make it work i am as well.

you can have 10 pages full of people telling you what you should do. What do you plan to do though?
i just wanted to get other peoples views. from there, ill try to make it work, but i wont be a fool. thing is she stressed she wants to make it work, things just needed to be changed a little.

 

[starzinoureyes]

Originally Posted by Griffey3

and its not like i never go out or anything. we always go out when we chill to movies, concerts, games, dinner, etc. the 1 (or 2) things i just didnt go with her to was parties or clubs. and to my defense, i thought i was never in the wrong for that because she always gave me my speace with my friends, and this was my way of giving her her space.

Aw you're a nice bf

Give her her space, you don't worry your cute little head, man. Any girl would be lucky to have a bf like you.

  

 

[starzinoureyes]

Originally Posted by Griffey3

and its not like i never go out or anything. we always go out when we chill to movies, concerts, games, dinner, etc. the 1 (or 2) things i just didnt go with her to was parties or clubs. and to my defense, i thought i was never in the wrong for that because she always gave me my speace with my friends, and this was my way of giving her her space.

Aw you're a nice bf

Give her her space, you don't worry your cute little head, man. Any girl would be lucky to have a bf like you.

  

 

[jbug88]

sounds like you two are two completely different people. no amount of "time apart" is going, or should, change that.
move on. let her move on.
chalk up the relationship to experience.
find someone who is more on your wavelength.

-J-

 

[jbug88]

sounds like you two are two completely different people. no amount of "time apart" is going, or should, change that.
move on. let her move on.
chalk up the relationship to experience.
find someone who is more on your wavelength.

-J-

 

[philthy]

I think this is important to know... what are you guys right now? Together? Friends?

IMO if you guys are friends and she wants to work it out as friends... then you are waiting for her.

 

[philthy]

I think this is important to know... what are you guys right now? Together? Friends?

IMO if you guys are friends and she wants to work it out as friends... then you are waiting for her.

 

[quincy powell]

Shes already sucking on some other penises. Never talk to her again.

 

[quincy powell]

Shes already sucking on some other penises. Never talk to her again.

 

[dtb00201]

Cut that off asap. Delete her from facebook, twitter, or w/e social media you use and completely cut ties with her. If you really care for her, she will make your life hell because I guarantee you she already has another man lined up and she will bring him up or post little messages to make sure you know. There is really no point in going backwards in the relationship and that friends stuff never works.

 

[dtb00201]

Cut that off asap. Delete her from facebook, twitter, or w/e social media you use and completely cut ties with her. If you really care for her, she will make your life hell because I guarantee you she already has another man lined up and she will bring him up or post little messages to make sure you know. There is really no point in going backwards in the relationship and that friends stuff never works.

 

[6 Rings G.O.A.T.]

Originally Posted by dtb00201

There is really no point in going backwards in the relationship.  

 

[6 Rings G.O.A.T.]

Originally Posted by dtb00201

There is really no point in going backwards in the relationship.  

 

[memphissfinest]

Originally Posted by Griffey3

i gave her the option to break it off, the thing is she doesnt want to. she wants to be together, she just wants the spark back (among some other things), but that was the main.

my question is / was what could i do to save the relationship since she has told me she wants to.

thanks for the advice so far, ill keep everything in mind.

SEE YOU ARE STILL TRYNA REASON LIKE A RATIONAL MAN WHEN WOMEN ARE IRRATIONAL IN ALMOST EVERY WAY.

YOU GAVE HER THE OPTION TO BREAK IT OFF BUT OF COURSE SHE WONT TAKE IT. IMO SHE ALREADY GOT ANOTHER DUDE LINED UP BUT IS KEEPING YOU AS A FRIEND JUST IN CASE NOTHING PANS OUT ON THAT END. YOU SIR ARE HER CRUTCH.

DUDES DONT REALIZE GIRLS PLAY AND PIMP TOO. I JUST HOPE YOU REALIZE OUR ADVICE BEFORE THE NEXT TOPIC TITLE IS "CAUGHT MY GIRL GETTING SMASHED IN MY BED...VOL. NT YA'LL WAS RIGHT"

EDIT: PICS?

WHY ISN'T THERE A RELATIONSHIP THREAD STICKIED IN THE GENERAL SECTION? AS  A MATTER OF FACT, WITH AS MUCH PLAY THESE TOPICS GET, WE SHOULD BE MAKING A PUSH FOR A RELATIONSHIP FORUM...I COME TO GENERAL OUT OF JORDAN BRAND FOR LULZ BUT MOST OF THE TIME I FEEL SORRY FOR SOME OF THE DUDES WHO MAKE THESE TOPICS. NO HATE ON OP, JUST SAYING....

 

[memphissfinest]

Originally Posted by Griffey3

i gave her the option to break it off, the thing is she doesnt want to. she wants to be together, she just wants the spark back (among some other things), but that was the main.

my question is / was what could i do to save the relationship since she has told me she wants to.

thanks for the advice so far, ill keep everything in mind.

SEE YOU ARE STILL TRYNA REASON LIKE A RATIONAL MAN WHEN WOMEN ARE IRRATIONAL IN ALMOST EVERY WAY.

YOU GAVE HER THE OPTION TO BREAK IT OFF BUT OF COURSE SHE WONT TAKE IT. IMO SHE ALREADY GOT ANOTHER DUDE LINED UP BUT IS KEEPING YOU AS A FRIEND JUST IN CASE NOTHING PANS OUT ON THAT END. YOU SIR ARE HER CRUTCH.

DUDES DONT REALIZE GIRLS PLAY AND PIMP TOO. I JUST HOPE YOU REALIZE OUR ADVICE BEFORE THE NEXT TOPIC TITLE IS "CAUGHT MY GIRL GETTING SMASHED IN MY BED...VOL. NT YA'LL WAS RIGHT"

EDIT: PICS?

WHY ISN'T THERE A RELATIONSHIP THREAD STICKIED IN THE GENERAL SECTION? AS  A MATTER OF FACT, WITH AS MUCH PLAY THESE TOPICS GET, WE SHOULD BE MAKING A PUSH FOR A RELATIONSHIP FORUM...I COME TO GENERAL OUT OF JORDAN BRAND FOR LULZ BUT MOST OF THE TIME I FEEL SORRY FOR SOME OF THE DUDES WHO MAKE THESE TOPICS. NO HATE ON OP, JUST SAYING....

 

[murda he]

Originally Posted by Griffey3

Originally Posted by Murda He

Originally Posted by Griffey3

today we talked and apparently to her, we aren't on the "same page." she mentioned a couple things that bothered her.

-she talked about losing our spark and how its not the same. the main thing she wants is to gain the spark back like when we first started dating.

(That's why they call it a spark. It's suposed to be a phase. But hopefully that pjhase ignites something greater. If it doesn't it, it won't. You can't get a spark back just like you can't get back yesterday. She needs to know this and understand it FIRST, then she needs to re-evaluate what you two actually have, if anything at all....)

-she later went on to talk about how i dont go with her and her friends to hang out (whether to parties or clubs). she used those specific examples because im not a person who likes to go out and party. i dont do it with my friends, i dont do it with her or her friends. she claimed that since thats what her & her friends do a lot, she feels she wants me included since their boy friends are there. i told her i dont mind hanging out with them whether movies, concerts, sports games, whatever. i just dont feel comfortable going to clubs/parties.


(You sound young, or at least she does. If going out is what makes you want to bring somebody in...

. She ought to enjoy her space with her friends. She'll value it as the relationship goes on (if it does). Right now you're just a trophy for her to show her friends. That's bad...)

- ^^my response was, i never question you or complain about you going out (i give her space) and you have all the freedom you want. I personally don't see the point of being out to a club or party with her when she's with her friends, i figuered it was better to let her do her own thing.

(correct!)

- from there, she talked about how she just feels like she can't balance her friends and me. my response was thta i never made her choose and i liked the fact we had freedom. she has been cancelling plans with me as of late and i have given her a little heat for it, but not to the point where there was arguing, just playful, but the point was still there. she felt bad about it and says she doesnt know how to balance the two.

(What? Now she's making up reasons...

)

she thinks that being friends could solve this due to the fact there is no pressure. she wants that spark, but it isnt there. she also feels pressured i guess.

(...and now she's phasing you out polity.. how "Sweet"

. I prefer honesty to saccharine any day...  )

my question is, how should i approach this situation? how could i make things work?

give her space? thats my guess at first but she wants the spark back, so i figuered do some new things. im not sure but any advice is appreciate don how to handle this situation.


(My question is, why do you even want to. *No sarcasm* Is there something else there worth holding onto? I don't know this girl but you do. What's in it for you besides sex? I gather from the way she's acting that it's pretty hopeless, if not even moreso pointless, but it's not like I know what all goes down with you two. Changing yourself to fit this girl is fine within reason, but don't sacrifice CORE values. It's ok to grow towards her though, but I strongly recommend you cut all ties to her if she's not willing to grow towards you as well. Ya'll ain't gotta meet half way. That's just what we're raised to think. In truth, anything you really want has to be pursued 100% at some point.  That half and half %%*% only works on coffee.  If she really is special, and you really are tryna keep her, meet her at 75% but promise her she can earn 100%. Slowly work her towards giving more and doing more until her 25% becomes 50%. Your 75% and her 50%  =  125% of a relationship you built on your own. That extra 25% you gave her early on (rather than the 50/50 approach that doesn't work with dating) will be your insurance for the hard times that always come later on. Think about it... she owes you that much, literally. Once she's shown that she's about it, give her 100% and she'll do the same. THEN you can havea 50/50 relationship, word to congruent fractions --- IF---- that's what's meant for the 2 of you. )

also, i know friends = the oppurtunity for her to get plowed by other dudes. its in my head, so im not gonna be clueless about it. she said thats not the reason and she thinks this is a road bump that she really wants to make it work. i believe it, but to an extent. im not gonna be stupid about that.

(Sex is just sex.. truth be told, if she want to roam.. let her.. if she comes back and you can deal with that, move on. As important as sex is to people, it's still just a 30 minute experience. Relationships last years and take a long time to develop.  Sex can be an impulse decision.  Think about it. Let her be impulsive and see how she behaves. Pwrsonally, every time I've given a woman the freedom to walk around, it made them value standing still even more. I don't build up fences. I build up home and make my lady never want to roam.)

cliffs:

-she wants the spark back
-says that she cant balance her friends and me & feels bad
- wishes i would hang out with her and her friends more like their bf's do
-thinks being friends will solve it
-whats the best thing to do in this situation? i wanna make it work and so does she. shes just stubborn and this is her way of handling it.

Spoiler

Spoiler

Spoiler [+]

Spoiler

cut that out.

Spoiler

Spoiler

Spoiler [+]

Spoiler

cool story bro

Spoiler

Spoiler

Spoiler [+]

Spoiler

forever alone

Peep game son..

appreciate all that. (no prob.. this is why I like NT..we a family man)

we've been dating for about a year and a half and i told her that a spark is in the begining and even though we'll still have something kind of like that, we have a more mature relationship now. such as freedom, trust, space, all that.

and ya, i would prefer her to be straight up with me to because like i said, im not gonna be some side piece unless she truely wants to make it work. i told her that and made it clear and she agrees, she just wants things to be better.

(never be a side piece for a girl you WANT. It doesn't matter if she's just a girl you lust, but if a part of you really wants her.. don't play into that role. Ever.)
the reason im holding on to her is because we've been together awhile for one. (not really bro

) also, besides this, i have nothing to complain about with her (....cuz you haven't really been together long at all... you're young man. I am too. I thought the 2 years I spent on my ex was a lifetime until I finally got past her. Now I realize we never even took the training wheels off. You'll have to realize that at some point), and we just have (atleast i thought) a good thing going and if there is a chance to make it work, then i wanna try. (The only thing better than a good thing is a great thing... ask yourself... you settling for good enough? I did. My ex was good enough. She still would be with her fine +*$. But I've moved on to greatness. I ain't turning back now. Don't be afraid bro.. )

my whole thing is (and ive said this to her and ive said it in the thread) im not gonna wait around for her. if she wants to do her thing so be it, im not gonna be a sucker and wait for her or hope she wont leave. i gave her those options and told her id do the same. but at the same time if she wants to make it work i am as well. (You can still be available when the time comes w/o necessarily waiting... just don't burn her bridge out of spite and anger. Do you and enjoy it. Don't just do you to try and show her you can be done. It's not about proving to her that if she don't want you, another chick will. It's about testing the market. Taste life.  But keep things on good terms.. you never know... life might bring that boat back around one day.)

you can have 10 pages full of people telling you what you should do. What do you plan to do though?

i just wanted to get other peoples views. from there, ill try to make it work, but i wont be a fool. thing is she stressed she wants to make it work, things just needed to be changed a little.

Good luck...

 

[murda he]

Originally Posted by Griffey3

Originally Posted by Murda He

Originally Posted by Griffey3

today we talked and apparently to her, we aren't on the "same page." she mentioned a couple things that bothered her.

-she talked about losing our spark and how its not the same. the main thing she wants is to gain the spark back like when we first started dating.

(That's why they call it a spark. It's suposed to be a phase. But hopefully that pjhase ignites something greater. If it doesn't it, it won't. You can't get a spark back just like you can't get back yesterday. She needs to know this and understand it FIRST, then she needs to re-evaluate what you two actually have, if anything at all....)

-she later went on to talk about how i dont go with her and her friends to hang out (whether to parties or clubs). she used those specific examples because im not a person who likes to go out and party. i dont do it with my friends, i dont do it with her or her friends. she claimed that since thats what her & her friends do a lot, she feels she wants me included since their boy friends are there. i told her i dont mind hanging out with them whether movies, concerts, sports games, whatever. i just dont feel comfortable going to clubs/parties.


(You sound young, or at least she does. If going out is what makes you want to bring somebody in...

. She ought to enjoy her space with her friends. She'll value it as the relationship goes on (if it does). Right now you're just a trophy for her to show her friends. That's bad...)

- ^^my response was, i never question you or complain about you going out (i give her space) and you have all the freedom you want. I personally don't see the point of being out to a club or party with her when she's with her friends, i figuered it was better to let her do her own thing.

(correct!)

- from there, she talked about how she just feels like she can't balance her friends and me. my response was thta i never made her choose and i liked the fact we had freedom. she has been cancelling plans with me as of late and i have given her a little heat for it, but not to the point where there was arguing, just playful, but the point was still there. she felt bad about it and says she doesnt know how to balance the two.

(What? Now she's making up reasons...

)

she thinks that being friends could solve this due to the fact there is no pressure. she wants that spark, but it isnt there. she also feels pressured i guess.

(...and now she's phasing you out polity.. how "Sweet"

. I prefer honesty to saccharine any day...  )

my question is, how should i approach this situation? how could i make things work?

give her space? thats my guess at first but she wants the spark back, so i figuered do some new things. im not sure but any advice is appreciate don how to handle this situation.


(My question is, why do you even want to. *No sarcasm* Is there something else there worth holding onto? I don't know this girl but you do. What's in it for you besides sex? I gather from the way she's acting that it's pretty hopeless, if not even moreso pointless, but it's not like I know what all goes down with you two. Changing yourself to fit this girl is fine within reason, but don't sacrifice CORE values. It's ok to grow towards her though, but I strongly recommend you cut all ties to her if she's not willing to grow towards you as well. Ya'll ain't gotta meet half way. That's just what we're raised to think. In truth, anything you really want has to be pursued 100% at some point.  That half and half %%*% only works on coffee.  If she really is special, and you really are tryna keep her, meet her at 75% but promise her she can earn 100%. Slowly work her towards giving more and doing more until her 25% becomes 50%. Your 75% and her 50%  =  125% of a relationship you built on your own. That extra 25% you gave her early on (rather than the 50/50 approach that doesn't work with dating) will be your insurance for the hard times that always come later on. Think about it... she owes you that much, literally. Once she's shown that she's about it, give her 100% and she'll do the same. THEN you can havea 50/50 relationship, word to congruent fractions --- IF---- that's what's meant for the 2 of you. )

also, i know friends = the oppurtunity for her to get plowed by other dudes. its in my head, so im not gonna be clueless about it. she said thats not the reason and she thinks this is a road bump that she really wants to make it work. i believe it, but to an extent. im not gonna be stupid about that.

(Sex is just sex.. truth be told, if she want to roam.. let her.. if she comes back and you can deal with that, move on. As important as sex is to people, it's still just a 30 minute experience. Relationships last years and take a long time to develop.  Sex can be an impulse decision.  Think about it. Let her be impulsive and see how she behaves. Pwrsonally, every time I've given a woman the freedom to walk around, it made them value standing still even more. I don't build up fences. I build up home and make my lady never want to roam.)

cliffs:

-she wants the spark back
-says that she cant balance her friends and me & feels bad
- wishes i would hang out with her and her friends more like their bf's do
-thinks being friends will solve it
-whats the best thing to do in this situation? i wanna make it work and so does she. shes just stubborn and this is her way of handling it.

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cut that out.

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cool story bro

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forever alone

Peep game son..

appreciate all that. (no prob.. this is why I like NT..we a family man)

we've been dating for about a year and a half and i told her that a spark is in the begining and even though we'll still have something kind of like that, we have a more mature relationship now. such as freedom, trust, space, all that.

and ya, i would prefer her to be straight up with me to because like i said, im not gonna be some side piece unless she truely wants to make it work. i told her that and made it clear and she agrees, she just wants things to be better.

(never be a side piece for a girl you WANT. It doesn't matter if she's just a girl you lust, but if a part of you really wants her.. don't play into that role. Ever.)
the reason im holding on to her is because we've been together awhile for one. (not really bro

) also, besides this, i have nothing to complain about with her (....cuz you haven't really been together long at all... you're young man. I am too. I thought the 2 years I spent on my ex was a lifetime until I finally got past her. Now I realize we never even took the training wheels off. You'll have to realize that at some point), and we just have (atleast i thought) a good thing going and if there is a chance to make it work, then i wanna try. (The only thing better than a good thing is a great thing... ask yourself... you settling for good enough? I did. My ex was good enough. She still would be with her fine +*$. But I've moved on to greatness. I ain't turning back now. Don't be afraid bro.. )

my whole thing is (and ive said this to her and ive said it in the thread) im not gonna wait around for her. if she wants to do her thing so be it, im not gonna be a sucker and wait for her or hope she wont leave. i gave her those options and told her id do the same. but at the same time if she wants to make it work i am as well. (You can still be available when the time comes w/o necessarily waiting... just don't burn her bridge out of spite and anger. Do you and enjoy it. Don't just do you to try and show her you can be done. It's not about proving to her that if she don't want you, another chick will. It's about testing the market. Taste life.  But keep things on good terms.. you never know... life might bring that boat back around one day.)

you can have 10 pages full of people telling you what you should do. What do you plan to do though?

i just wanted to get other peoples views. from there, ill try to make it work, but i wont be a fool. thing is she stressed she wants to make it work, things just needed to be changed a little.

Good luck...