nt tell me a joke........make it funny tho

Originally Posted by THE FAME

Alright 2 old people were fighting....

The old lady : Now I know why they call you Pa.
Cause you are Paaaathetic.


The old man: Well now I know why they call ya Ma.
Cause you always riding Ma @%$.
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you got that from king of the hill
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Originally Posted by MoMoney848

What are Mario and Luigi's favorite kind of pants?

Spoiler [+]
Denim Denim Denim

What is Bruce Lee's favorite drink?

Spoiler [+]
Watah!

A man went into the Social Security Office to apply to start receiving his retirement disbursement. When the woman there asked for proof of his age, he replied that he had no ID. The woman said "no problem, unbutton your shirt so I can see the hair on your chest." The man unbuttoned his shirt and the woman saw his gray chest hair. She agreed to his age and signed him up for the distributions. When he came home to tell his wife, she was surprised. She thought about this for a second and then said to him "why didn't you drop your pants? You could have gotten disability."
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OMG
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A white man, black man, asian man and a mexican man, climb on top of a very tall mountain. The mexican man steps to the ledge and says "this is for MYpeople" and jumps off. The asian man than steps up and says "this is for MY people" and jumps off. The black man says "this is for MYpeople".... he grabs the white man and throws that %*@+%*#%+%!+ of the cliff.
 
A rich lonely widow decided that she needed another man in her life so she placed an ad, which read something like this:

Rich widow looking for man to share life and fortune. Needs to have these qualifications:

1) Won't beat me up
2) Won't run away
3) Has to be great in bed

For several months, her phone rang off the hook, her doorbell was ringing constantly, she received tons of mail, etc., all to no avail: none seemed to matchher qualifications.

Then one day the doorbell rang yet again. She opened the door to find a man with no arms and no legs lying on the welcome mat.

Perplexed, she asked, "Who are you? And what do you want?"

"Hi," he said, " your search is over, for I'm the man of your dreams. I've got no arms so I can't beat you up and no legs so Ican't run away."

"Well, then," she said, "what makes you think that you're so great in bed?"

To which he replied,..... "Well, I rang the doorbell, didn't I?
 
Originally Posted by MyJaysGetRocked

A white man, black man, asian man and a mexican man, climb on top of a very tall mountain. The mexican man steps to the ledge and says "this is for MY people" and jumps off. The asian man than steps up and says "this is for MY people" and jumps off. The black man says "this is for MY people".... he grabs the white man and throws that %*@+%*#%+%!+ of the cliff.
Click to expand...


lmao
 
Originally Posted by MaddenFan04

Originally Posted by MoMoney848

What are Mario and Luigi's favorite kind of pants?

Spoiler [+]
Denim Denim Denim

What is Bruce Lee's favorite drink?

Spoiler [+]
Watah!

A man went into the Social Security Office to apply to start receiving his retirement disbursement. When the woman there asked for proof of his age, he replied that he had no ID. The woman said "no problem, unbutton your shirt so I can see the hair on your chest." The man unbuttoned his shirt and the woman saw his gray chest hair. She agreed to his age and signed him up for the distributions. When he came home to tell his wife, she was surprised. She thought about this for a second and then said to him "why didn't you drop your pants? You could have gotten disability."
Click to expand...
OMG
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First Time
A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Give me 5 shots of Jack!"
The bartender asks "Are you having a bad day?"
The guy replies, "Nope, I'm celebrating my first BJ!"
The bartender congradulates him and says, "Well in that case, let me give you a beer on the house."
The guy replies, "No thanks, if this doesn't take the taste out of my mouth, nothing will."

[color= rgb(255, 255, 255)]Buttered Corn[/color] (This one had me
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)
There are these three guys in a desert dying of dehydration. Off in thehorizon they see a house and finally manage to struggle to it. The first guy goes up to the door to ask for water. The door is opened by this really old,wart-covered, *$+! covered, scaly, toothless old woman.
"C-c-c-can I h-h-h-have some w-w-w-water for me and m-my friends?" he asks.
She replied, "I will... if you have sex with me."
The guy pukes all over the woman and runs back to his friends.
"You guys would not believe who answered the door. Some really gross old lady!" he tells them. "She said we could have water if I had sex withher."
"Why didn't you then?" asks he second guy.
"Because she was so ugly, I was sick and couldn't do it!"
"Oh, you are such a wuss. I'll go up to the door," the second guy says.
He goes up to the door and rings the bell. The old hag answers.
"W-w-w-w-w-w-waaaaaa......" He uses all of his will power to not hurl.
"Water? Yes, I have water," she says knowingly. "But you have to have sex with me."
"AAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!"
He runs back to his friends and before he could say a word, the third guy goes to the door and rings the bell.
"What do you want for some water?"
"You have to have sex with me."
Knowing that if he doesn't do something, he and his friends will all die. So he follows the lady into her kitchen.
"Do me here," she told him.
He sees 3 ears of corn on the counter and gets an idea.
"Lay back and close your eyes. And keep them closed!"
The witch lays back and spreads her legs. The guy nearly pukes after seeing this. He picks up an ear of corn and screws her with it. Finally she is finished.He throws the corn out the window.
"Oh, God. That was the best orgasm of my life. If you do that again I will give you a million dollars."
"Then lay back and close your eyes again."
This she does and he does her with the second ear of corn until she is satisfied. Then he throws it out the window. This time she doesn't even open hereyes.
"If you do that again, I will give you a Jeep so you can get out of the desert."
"Eyes closed," he says.
Then he does her with the last piece of corn. He brings her to multiple orgasms.
"Ohhhhhhhhh........ The water, money and Jeep are outside," she says as she squirms in ecstasy.
So he runs like hell outside and grabs the water and money and jumps into the Jeep. He wonders where his friends are and drives around to find them. He findsthem by the window.
One of the guys says to him, "Hey, man. I hope you had fun. We just ate the three best pieces of buttered corn you could have imagined!"


 
What's the difference between Simba and OJ Simpson?
Spoiler [+]
One is an African lion. The other is a lyin' African
 
Originally Posted by dunks87

a duck walks into the bar orders a drink,
the bartender notices that the duck only has on one shoe.
he says to the duck "hey you lost your shoe."
the duck replies "no i found one."
Click to expand...





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This simple ##@ had my
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What do you call a gay dinosaur? megasauras
what do you call a lesbian dinosaur? lickalottapuss

3 midgets were sitting out thinking they wanted to be famous so they come up with the idea to try to get into the Guinessbook of World Records... The 1st onesays Im gonna go in for the smallest hand, 10 minutes later he comes out and hes in the book! The 2nd one says I'll go in for the smallest feet! 10 minuteslater he comes out hes in the book! The 3rd one says he is gonna go in for the smallest Penis... 10 minutes later the angry ****** storms out and yells"WHO THE HELL IS DIRTYLICIOUS!"
 
Funny story... I was driving home from work last week and got a text message and looked down for a second and traffic stopped and I rear ended the car infrontof me
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I hear the guy in the car that I hit yell out "F*#k!!" and I am thinking oh crap this sucks
frown.gif
All of a sudden his door swings open and amidget jumped out of the car and I started
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He walks right up to my car window pounds on the window and I apologize and his reply was "I AM NOTHAPPY!" To which I replied "oh, well which one are you then?"
 
Originally Posted by sportinjordans916

What do you call a gay dinosaur? megasauras
what do you call a lesbian dinosaur? lickalottapuss

3 midgets were sitting out thinking they wanted to be famous so they come up with the idea to try to get into the Guinessbook of World Records... The 1st one says Im gonna go in for the smallest hand, 10 minutes later he comes out and hes in the book! The 2nd one says I'll go in for the smallest feet! 10 minutes later he comes out hes in the book! The 3rd one says he is gonna go in for the smallest Penis... 10 minutes later the angry ****** storms out and yells "WHO THE HELL IS DIRTYLICIOUS!"
Click to expand...
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nerd.gif
 
Originally Posted by sportinjordans916

3 midgets were sitting out thinking they wanted to be famous so they come up with the idea to try to get into the Guinessbook of World Records... The 1st one says Im gonna go in for the smallest hand, 10 minutes later he comes out and hes in the book! The 2nd one says I'll go in for the smallest feet! 10 minutes later he comes out hes in the book! The 3rd one says he is gonna go in for the smallest Penis... 10 minutes later the angry ****** storms out and yells "WHO THE HELL IS DIRTYLICIOUS!"
Click to expand...
HOOOOOOOOOO!!
 
Originally Posted by razzle dazzle



One of the guys says to him, "Hey, man. I hope you had fun. We just ate the three best pieces of buttered corn you could have imagined!"


Click to expand...
sick.gif
 
So your mom walks into a bar...
and I say, "Hey why the long face?"
she replies, "I'm just ugly"
I proceed to smash
 
Originally Posted by sportinjordans916

What do you call a gay dinosaur? megasauras
what do you call a lesbian dinosaur? lickalottapuss

3 midgets were sitting out thinking they wanted to be famous so they come up with the idea to try to get into the Guinessbook of World Records... The 1st one says Im gonna go in for the smallest hand, 10 minutes later he comes out and hes in the book! The 2nd one says I'll go in for the smallest feet! 10 minutes later he comes out hes in the book! The 3rd one says he is gonna go in for the smallest Penis... 10 minutes later the angry ****** storms out and yells "WHO THE HELL IS DIRTYLICIOUS!"
Click to expand...
Thats my joke..
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A MAN ASKED HIS WIFE, "WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF I WON THE LOTTO"?
SHE REPLIED "I'd TAKE HALF AND LEAVE YOUR SORRY %$%"
MAN SAYS "PERFECT. I WON 6 DOLLARS. HERES 3, GRAB YOUR %%+% AND GET OUT".
 
Got this from FB:
[h3]WHAT DOES THE PIZZA DELIVERY MAN AND THE GYNECOLOGIST HAVE IN COMMON?[/h3]
[h3]Spoiler [+][/h3]
[h3]THEY CAN SMELL IT BUT THE CAN'T EAT IT![/h3]
 
Originally Posted by Uptempo kid

Got this from FB:
[h3]WHAT DOES THE PIZZA DELIVERY MAN AND THE GYNECOLOGIST HAVE IN COMMON?[/h3]
[h3]Spoiler [+][/h3]
[h3]THEY CAN SMELL IT BUT THE CAN'T EAT IT![/h3]
Click to expand...
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Originally Posted by That Guy

What do you call a woman with two brain cells?








Pregnant
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Originally Posted by razzle dazzle

Why did the little girl fall off the swing?

Spoiler [+]
She had no arms.
Click to expand...

I seriously was-->
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when I read this..
 
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