NTers with interracial children-Serious question UPDATE PG4

[T0INE]

Just went through this thread and I feel for you OP.

The situation is beyond *%$%## up, hope you can get yourself out of this predicament.

@ this trifling @#+!$ trying to deflect the blame on you.

Some of y'all women, I swear.

 

[stepheezy]

that is dirty. as. hell.

 

[willis03]

Reminds me of that Jay lyric...

See I'm light-skinned and that baby is dark, so its mamas baby... poppas maybe...

Good luck dude

 

[crazy dav0]

damn thas foul but for real ... since u signed it she can def. get u for child support ... the system is beyond messed up ... try to get ur name removed fromthat asap ...

@ her trying to act u like u the messed up one ...

 

[marionthebarberian]

Originally Posted by I Drink Your Milkshake

man lie: I was a tony's house!

woman lie: It's yo baby!

sometimes we can be real triflin', I swear

not the same.

 

[ponson02]

OK. I have had a whole day to myself and no contact with ol girl.

I am going to find a lawer on Monday and go through the proper procedures to get my name taken off of the birth certificate. This will legally free many of anyfinancial oblgation to the child.

BUT. I have been thinking and I know how her mother is and I can foresee her struggling to raise this child. Were in the process of planning her birthdayparty. I keep her dressed in polo and nikes. I buy pampers and other supplies in bulk and just bought some last weekend so I know shes good for at least amonth. Im having a hard time dealing with the fact that when times get hard for her mother they will be hard for her too. After developing the bond I did withthe child its hard to think about her having to do without or suffer at all. I miss her smile and laugh. I dont want her to have to suffer at all.

I do not want anything to do with her mother relationship wise or in any other context. Her reaction in this matter is the same as it has been in othermatters. They were not that serious. This just shows me she cant act any other way even when the situation calls for it. So I have completely come to termswith that being over and Im perfectly alright with it. Its just the baby. She is innocent.

I will still get this resolved through the courts. I just feel bad knowing how the baby is going to be affected.

What would the rational, logical NTers do in this case. Can I get some female opinions as well. DIRTYLICIOUS, u always have something smart and reasonable tosay. I would appreciate your opinion on this matter. Thanks.

 

[mytmouse76]

what kind of an opinion do you want...

either you're there or you're not...

you don't want to leave the baby hangin but to stay in her life you'll have to have contact with her mother...who will probably bring nothin but stressto your life...she'll probably give you hell when ever you come around just for leaving her...its up to you to decide if its worth it or not...

there was a guy on Michael Baisden radio show that has a business helping men get off the birth certificate and out of CS...you might want to hit upBaisden's site to get that guys info...it might even be free...its a team of lawyers that help men in your situation...

 

[botz luvz 23z]

good luck with everything.

 

[renarene]

You have every right to go through legal channels to remove legal financial obligation to the child. The mother's actions will make it even easier to dothat.
But it seems you feel you may have a moral obligation to the baby. You've already bonded with her, and you still are coping with the shock of founding out,but it will take time for you to completely adjust.
No one can expect you to just up and leave without feeling something in you heart regarding the welfare of the baby. So for now, especially with the birthdaycoming up over the next month you can see to it that she's good.
After a couple of months, you can taper off a little and see how you feel. The mother is out of the question. But the pace you set for yourself in terms of howyou deal with the child, step off a little but stay involved, or remove yourself all together from her life depends on your bond and what you feel iscomfortable for you.
It may be easier to do it slowly. Adjust communication accordingly over like 6 months, which will probably coincide with the court proceedings and see how itgoes.

 

[xilegacy]

Originally Posted by ponson02

OK. I have had a whole day to myself and no contact with ol girl.

I am going to find a lawer on Monday and go through the proper procedures to get my name taken off of the birth certificate. This will legally free many of any financial oblgation to the child.

BUT. I have been thinking and I know how her mother is and I can foresee her struggling to raise this child. Were in the process of planning her birthday party. I keep her dressed in polo and nikes. I buy pampers and other supplies in bulk and just bought some last weekend so I know shes good for at least a month. Im having a hard time dealing with the fact that when times get hard for her mother they will be hard for her too. After developing the bond I did with the child its hard to think about her having to do without or suffer at all. I miss her smile and laugh. I dont want her to have to suffer at all.

I do not want anything to do with her mother relationship wise or in any other context. Her reaction in this matter is the same as it has been in other matters. They were not that serious. This just shows me she cant act any other way even when the situation calls for it. So I have completely come to terms with that being over and Im perfectly alright with it. Its just the baby. She is innocent.

I will still get this resolved through the courts. I just feel bad knowing how the baby is going to be affected.

What would the rational, logical NTers do in this case. Can I get some female opinions as well. DIRTYLICIOUS, u always have something smart and reasonable to say. I would appreciate your opinion on this matter. Thanks.

If she is struggling financially, she should go find the real father. The child is still young and doesn't have the ability to grasp somethinglike this. It's a good thing that you found out sooner than later because things would have been a lot worse. Do you want this child to know what hermother did as she grows older? The child will eventually get older and ask who is this man and why is he part of my life. It may be hard now but I think withtime you can get over it. If you do stay in her life, at least to me it would be constant reminder of whole situation and what could have been. I don'tthink I would want to live my life like that.

At her blaming you and calling you coward, I don't condone hitting women but in that situation I probably woulda lost it.

 

[af1 beast]

Originally Posted by AF1 Beast

Originally Posted by AF1 Beast

Well since she did you dirty.........










PICS??

Maybe it's just me but I don't see pics.

 

[jehul]

If she is struggling financially, she should go find the real father. The child is still young and doesn't have the ability to grasp something like this. It's a good thing that you found out sooner than later because things would have been a lot worse. Do you want this child to know what her mother did as she grows older? The child will eventually get older and ask who is this man and why is he part of my life.

^ This NTr speaks the truth.

The real father should be the one to be responsible for the child , not you. The child will want her real father at some point, the sooner you vacate thesooner you placate.


Have you gotten a second opinion yet just to make sure?

 

[mexicansoul]

if you in cali bruh I'd get the check book out now. If you dont get that taken care of in time...despite you not being the father...you'll befinancially responsible.

 

[ponson02]

Yeah. I know real father should be the responsible one. I guess my emotional attachment is what is making me have the thoughts that i am having. But I thinkthat is what it will end up being.

The test we get through the courts is going to be the second opinion.

The mother is claiming the test is wrong and that I am the father. So based on this she doesnt seem to have any plans of contacting the real father. I viewthis as a way of not facing what she did and making herself look like guest on Maury. Once I am vindicated all that real father stuff will be her problemthough. I don't know. Her attitude and unwillingness to discuss the issues is making this hard to deal with because its not being dealt with.

 

[russ tha g]

I believe you have until the third birthday to get off of the birth certificate. Leave her behind. She did you wrong and then got mad at you for findingout--she's insane. You don't need that in your life.

 

[capricorn1229]

Originally Posted by RenaRene

You have every right to go through legal channels to remove legal financial obligation to the child. The mother's actions will make it even easier to do that.
But it seems you feel you may have a moral obligation to the baby. You've already bonded with her, and you still are coping with the shock of founding out, but it will take time for you to completely adjust.
No one can expect you to just up and leave without feeling something in you heart regarding the welfare of the baby. So for now, especially with the birthday coming up over the next month you can see to it that she's good.
After a couple of months, you can taper off a little and see how you feel. The mother is out of the question. But the pace you set for yourself in terms of how you deal with the child, step off a little but stay involved, or remove yourself all together from her life depends on your bond and what you feel is comfortable for you.
It may be easier to do it slowly. Adjust communication accordingly over like 6 months, which will probably coincide with the court proceedings and see how it goes.

Excellent advice. Good luck with everything OP. I'm sorry you are going through this.

All I know is that to the child you are her daddy. Not her biological daddy but she has a bond with you so who cares. You were able to change your life and itseems like you became a better a man because of her.

 

[jehul]

Originally Posted by ponson02


The mother is claiming the test is wrong and that I am the father. So based on this she doesnt seem to have any plans of contacting the real father.

Stalling tactic. She's trying to hold on to you while there still some doubt.
As soon as the second opinion confirms that you are not the father (no Maury) best believe ol' girl will be posting reward notices for the person who givesup the real baby daddy's location.

You need to leave he asap and cut all ties. If not she'll know that she can still manipulate you b/c of the feelings you have for her child

 

[thesouthside]

I told you

 

[Master Zik]

If you really still got that bond with that child and you really wanna help try finding the real father of the child.

 

[dcortes23]

Originally Posted by SuperAntigen

...

too funny!!

 

[chris steez]

there has been times where two a very dark couple has a baby that is lighter than them...and vice versa...

 

[tfromthe617]

Originally Posted by marionthebarberian

Originally Posted by I Drink Your Milkshake

man lie: I was a tony's house!

woman lie: It's yo baby!

sometimes we can be real triflin', I swear

not the same.

its a chris rock joke bro.

 

[anacki]

As a single mother myself I can tell you it will be hard on the baby. But if you are not completely sure you want to be in her life forever I suggest you exitnow. The longer you wait the harder it will be on the child. When you make your decision make sure you consider how you would feel if the father wants to be apart of her life.

 

[jerryjones]

dont feel bad or gulity brah..she lied....she did somethin foul...move on

 

[ponson02]

shes been texting me. She is adamant about this test being wrong. I am going to a lawer tommorrow and get another one through the courts. If she denies thisone she is certified crazy.


Deep down I hope it was wrong though.