Parents of kids that get bullied

[Kimchi Papi]

Originally Posted by frostythepoptart

yall are really stupid with this boxing martial arts nonsense. like seriously. you think you take a year worth of classes and suddenly your immune to the average joe?

Girls in my hs took those self defense classes, using your key as a stabbing weapon then running away etc" We were friends so we played out scenarios (in b4 rape) and at the end of the day nothing they learned mattered.

if you can defend yourself and then take a martial arts or boxing then you've simply bettered and structured how you are able to defend yourself.

my point is some wimpy 50lb pound kid with all the training in the world isn't going to beat up an 80 lb bully much less defend themselves when push comes to shove.

i don't think you can fix bullying but what you can teach is letting kids be more social and make some friends with some common interests rather than being the different one.

btw you guys are misinterpreting what jay is saying because he wrote it semi confusingly. In short he is going to allow his kids to dress a long with the fashion trends, but he's not going to sit around and let his kid wear a pink sock every day just because he thinks it will make himself cool because it might make him a target.

Taking a self defense class at a school or community college & learning martial arts are 2 totally different things. Self defense classes teach you some techniques to try & ward off attacks. It also allows you to practice the moves to try & get them down.

At the risk of sounding corny or cliche, taking martial arts really is spiritual journey. You will learn discipline, confidence in yourself, and learn to respect everything around you (if you have a good teacher/instructor). If anyone that knows someone that has taken some sort of martial arts for some time, I'm pretty sure they'll say these folks have quite the sense of confidence about them while displaying great grace & humility.

My son's Tae Kwon Do instructor is truly gifted. When talking to the parents at my son's TKD school, we all agree that we've seen great positive changes in our children since they've been there. My son will earn his red belt later this month.

Having said this, most bullies pick on kids they view as weak or if they look different. They can basically sense weakness. If a person has truly learned martial arts, they will not come off as weak but rather relaxed & confident in whatever situation. Aside from the vocal affirmations, there are several techniques that teach this confidence like board breaking. To earn the next belt in TKD you have to break boards. Aside from learning the techniques to breaking boards, you have to have confidence in yourself to be able to break the board. You will not be able to break boards without being confident.

Sorry for the rambling post but I hope I certa explained myself clearly...

  

 

[Gill Baka Esq. LLC.]

Originally Posted by DoubleJs07

Originally Posted by HAM CITY

Oh look another thread where NTers who aren't even parents give their two cents on how other people should be raising their kids.

I know, right?  Parenting advice from dudes 2 years removed from riding the school bus and trading pokemon cards. 
  

 

[sn00pee]

Originally Posted by INS

well all my life people have called me gay. I got bullied because everyone assumed because i was INS (no pun) i was a %%%++%#%++%. I took it with a grain of salt and look at me now. I'm still living, words never hurt no one.

in another thread:

Originally Posted by INS

Tell her you like guys. That excuse got me through all of highschool.

Makes sense...

 

[antonlavey]

Originally Posted by Mangudai954

Originally Posted by MonStar1

1. Most cases of bullying are blown out of proportion.  Its the new "IT" thing for talk shows
2. Its gonna happen. Somebody is gonna make a joke, pull a wedgie, pull your shorts down....its all about how you respond. 
3. Lame parents do make lame kids.

I honestly don't remember kids getting bullied in school...I remember weirdos, lames, cry babies, stinky kids, etc.  If you were in one of those categories you better have thick skin and learn from your environment. 

I would of agreed with you a month ago but recently my Dad released a documentary on bullying and some of the stories he's been telling me I didnt even have words..I keep wondering if it was that bad when I was a jit and I can't be sure. The police here have even been trying to establish programs and speaking out about it its gotten so bad. From what ive been reading and hearing its on a whole 'nother level nowadays.

I've had the opportunity to counsel and interview kids who have been bullied relentlessly on a daily basis and some of the stuff I've heard is heartbreaking to say the least

 

[cwrite78]

Originally Posted by Forgot About Jae

Originally Posted by CWrite78

Originally Posted by Jay02

Originally Posted by o fenomeno


its gonna suck to be your kid.

Its gonna suck to be my kid because im gonna force him to look and dress normal? Whatever...

When he asks me to buy him a call of duty or world of warcraft shirt im gonna say no and hes gonna just have to deal with it.

the fact that you're going to "force" him/her to do something to please you, as stupid as "dressing/looking" normal is just idiotic.



please don't have children, their life is going to suck with such a stupid parent.

I get what you're trying to say....but it sounds like the people getting upset at what he said aren't children of immigrants and are more used to the "let your child be an enigma and free spirit" logic that we hear in America all the time, which I personally think is one reason for the ever increasing softness amongst males born in the last couple years.

im a child of immigrant parents (residents now, waiting to become citizens) so, yeah. BS excuse.

what he's saying is stupid. lets hope his child isn't born with some sort of physical deformity, because since he won't be "normal" he'll never be let out of his basement.

How old are you? Again I was in high school 2 years ago I probably know more about bullying then you do unless you too have recently been in high school. I have seen it happen many times. Dressing and looking normal does matter. Kids DO target others by how they dress. How you look physically doesnt matter. There are plenty of kids who are no where near lookin like Brad Pitt that have many many friends. But if they're wearing some napoleon dynamite boots to school every day they're gonna get their +#$@ ribbed.

So what if you are 2 years out of high school, do you think bullying is something new? there was bullying when i was in high school (8 years ago) and bullying when your parents were in high school. the only difference now is that the bullying can take place on social networks instead of just in school.

 

[b smooth 202]

everybody who doesn't think like you is stupid I guess

 

[cwrite78]

nope, just you. and i won't entertain your PM either. you're set in your "everybody owes me" mentality, not going to bother trying to change it.

actually, i don't think you're stupid. you're probably pretty smart. you just say a lot of dumb things most of the time.

 

[b smooth 202]

Originally Posted by CWrite78

nope, just you. and i won't entertain your PM either. you're set in your "everybody owes me" mentality, not going to bother trying to change it.

thats why in two posts in this thread you refereed to somebody as stupid right?

your not on my level anyway...a non-response is just as good...'entertain my PM' +$+* outta here..you have nothing to say.

...and your parents are immigrants so you think everybody views America from the same perspective as your family...as some land of great opportunity...well guess what genius....my family and millions of other families who descend from African slaves didn't make the conscious decision to live in this  country. 

ANYWAY...bullying starts at home...parents these days are too passive or  abusive...what can you really do? bullying is a part of social life...the best thing to do is to teach everybody how to stick up for themselves physically and to be mentally strong enough to cope with bullying and teasing.

not on your level?

that's enough to let me sleep at night.

genius.

go do some math bro. your so condescending it hurts.

 

[cwrite78]

not on your level?

that's enough to let me sleep at night.

genius.

ANYWAY...bullying starts at home...parents these days are too passive or abusive...what can you really do? bullying is a part of social life...the best thing to do is to teach everybody how to stick up for themselves physically and to be mentally strong enough to cope with bullying and teasing.


i can agree with you there. being mentally weak doesn't help with the bullying. some of these bullies are bigger vaginas than the kid they are bullying, sometimes a little self confidence scares them away.


are you going to study English while I do my math?

 

[Clyde Frog]

Originally Posted by CWrite78

Originally Posted by Forgot About Jae

Originally Posted by CWrite78



the fact that you're going to "force" him/her to do something to please you, as stupid as "dressing/looking" normal is just idiotic.



please don't have children, their life is going to suck with such a stupid parent.

I get what you're trying to say....but it sounds like the people getting upset at what he said aren't children of immigrants and are more used to the "let your child be an enigma and free spirit" logic that we hear in America all the time, which I personally think is one reason for the ever increasing softness amongst males born in the last couple years.

im a child of immigrant parents (residents now, waiting to become citizens) so, yeah. BS excuse.

what he's saying is stupid. lets hope his child isn't born with some sort of physical deformity, because since he won't be "normal" he'll never be let out of his basement.

No one has a kid expecting them to be deformed...
This thread has NOTHING to do with kid that have physical or mental handicaps. If your making fun of kids who are handicapped your worse than a bully.

So what if you are 2 years out of high school, do you think bullying is something new? there was bullying when i was in high school (8 years ago) and bullying when your parents were in high school. the only difference now is that the bullying can take place on social networks instead of just in school.

There are alot of changing factors when it comes to bullying. Some things now may be considered cool but wont be in 10 years from now. You dont know what the reasons were for some kids to be targeted by bullies back when our parents were in high school cause you werent there. Thats why the biggest problem with bullying is the communication between the kid and the parent. Because the parent doesnt know..

And you're right social networking is becoming a problem. More of a reason for me to tell my kid to get his #!* off the computer and go outside. But o wait...Thats means im being too hard on my son please Jay02 dont have kids cause its gonna be a unfortunate situation for your child if you make him stop playing video games to go outside and play a recreational sport with other kids. Get the hell outa here.

 

[antonlavey]

Originally Posted by B Smooth 202

Originally Posted by CWrite78

nope, just you. and i won't entertain your PM either. you're set in your "everybody owes me" mentality, not going to bother trying to change it.

thats why in two posts in this thread you refereed to somebody as stupid right?

your not on my level anyway...a non-response is just as good...'entertain my PM' +$+* outta here..you have nothing to say.

...and your parents are immigrants so you think everybody views America from the same perspective as your family...as some land of great opportunity...well guess what genius....my family and millions of other families who descend from African slaves didn't make the conscious decision to live in this  country. 

ANYWAY...bullying starts at home...parents these days are too passive or  abusive...what can you really do? bullying is a part of social life...the best thing to do is to teach everybody how to stick up for themselves physically and to be mentally strong enough to cope with bullying and teasing.

not on your level?

that's enough to let me sleep at night.

genius.

As is racism, racism starts at home


The irony of you making excuses for the aggressor/oppressor is comedy

The problem isn't with the bullied

 

[cwrite78]

And you're right social networking is becoming a problem. More of a reason for me to tell my kid to get @#* off the computer and go outside. But o wait...Thats means im being too hard on my son please Jay02 dont have kids cause its gonna be a unfortunate situation for our child if you make him stop playing video games to go outside and play a recreational sport with other kids. Get the hell outa here.

not at all, sending them out to play outside is perfectly fine. what bugged me was the whole "force them to look and dress normal"

i don't think it's right to have tv, video games and computer raising your kids. which well eventually make them into shut ins and socially awkward (and in comes the the bullying)

 

[antonlavey]

Originally Posted by CWrite78

And you're right social networking is becoming a problem. More of a reason for me to tell my kid to get @#* off the computer and go outside. But o wait...Thats means im being too hard on my son please Jay02 dont have kids cause its gonna be a unfortunate situation for our child if you make him stop playing video games to go outside and play a recreational sport with other kids. Get the hell outa here.

not at all, sending them out to play outside is perfectly fine. what bugged me was the whole "force them to look and dress normal"

i don't think it's right to have tv, video games and computer raising your kids. which well eventually make them into shut ins and socially awkward (and in comes the the bullying)

I have a problem with this type of thinking as well because again it's essentially justifying the aggressor's actions-

-Stop being so gay if you don't wanna get bullied
-Stop being so black in a white school if you don't wanna get bullied
-Stop being shorter and skinnier than everyone else and an easy target if you don't wanna get bullied


Another good analogy is rape-It's like bringing up a woman dressing provocatively in a incident of rape

 

[Clyde Frog]

Originally Posted by CWrite78

And you're right social networking is becoming a problem. More of a reason for me to tell my kid to get @#* off the computer and go outside. But o wait...Thats means im being too hard on my son please Jay02 dont have kids cause its gonna be a unfortunate situation for our child if you make him stop playing video games to go outside and play a recreational sport with other kids. Get the hell outa here.

not at all, sending them out to play outside is perfectly fine. what bugged me was the whole "force them to look and dress normal"

i don't think it's right to have tv, video games and computer raising your kids. which well eventually make them into shut ins and socially awkward (and in comes the the bullying)

If my kid comes to me wanting me to buy him something ridiculous looking im gonna say no, how about you get this instead. My mother did the same thing to me. Im sure I didnt have the best taste in things as kid, because I was an immature kid. Its why you have parents..to look out for you cause they know whats best for you. Again call me an A-hole but im not letting my kid walk outa the house if I think he's lookin goofy. When I was a kid I remember times where I would walk downstairs before school and my mom would look at me and be like what in the hell are you wearing? Do I see her as an A-hole parent. Hell no, I appreciated it. Still to this day when I gotta dress up super formal for some kind of event, I will ask my mom does this look good or does this match. 

 

[ecruteakcityboy]

Originally Posted by psk2310

I'm a parent of a 7 year old boy. My son & I are very close. We do everything together from reading together, playing video games together, & playing board games together. I help coach his soccer team. I also take him with me (when appropriate) when I do volunteer work in my community as much as possible.Having said this, I think proly 70% of people that have kids have no business having kids. They're ill equipped emotionally & intellectually to have kids. I see so much bad parenting.

My son used to be in a class with a girl that has downs syndrome. He used to asked questions about her & I always ended my conversations with making sure he never made fun of her and not to let anyone else make fun of her.

One day later on in the school year, I was picking him up from school when the vice principle told me Chris had gotten into a fight because some kids were making fun of the girl & he told them to stop. When one of the kids stepped to my son, he told him he didn't want to fight but the kid kept at him. My son had enough so he ended up giving the kid a tornado kick straight to his chest that knocked the wind out of him & to the ground. The VP told me Chris wasn't going to face discipline not only because he was defending someone as politely as he could but that he repeatedly tried to defuse the situation as best a he could.

Although I told him he was never to get into a fight again, I gave him a pat on the back & a fist bump for defending someone. I've noticed as my son is getting older that he definately thinks for himself and doesn't follow the crowd which I'm very proud of. He's growing up to be an amazing kid and I'm so proud of him. He's really taught me more than I've taught him.

I hope some of you young NTers get to experience the joy I've had so far some day...

kind of wish my father raised me like this..

 

[thunderchunk69]

 

[Kimchi Papi]

How kids become bullies can vary in my experience but the common denominator is always going to be bad parenting.  

 

[antonlavey]

Originally Posted by psk2310

How kids become bullies can vary in my experience but the common denominator is always going to be bad parenting.  

there are a lot of factors, this is one of them

-Kids who become bullies also tend to have some insecurities and psychosocial problems of their own so they displace those feelings by preying on others

Eg- A child who gets beat by his dad goes to school and beats on a smaller kid-Classic displacement and identification with the aggressors

 

[rapsteady1]

I was bullied in high school. I hated those guys.
I assume I was bullied because I was a "nerd," and the cool thing back in my days was to be
a "hoodlum," and/or a "thug," which I never understood being that I went to a private school..

I remember walking to my locker during lunch to get books and adam (bully) pushed me and
my face hit the door, which broke my glasses. He walked and said "use a microscope to see 4 eye"

I see him working at rite-aid and always try's to avoid me when I'm there.

Payback is a B.

 

[tcurda]

Used to get bullied in Elementary. Being one of the only hispanics and always the smallest played a factor. Finally stood up and had my first fist fight in 5th grade. Best day of my life. Got beat up but not before I bloodied the bully everyone was scared of. Never got picked on again. Even tho word spread I got beat up, people knew I would hit back and nobody likes to get hit. I just teach my kids to defend themselves and hope for the best.

 

[rapsteady1]

double

 

[brettthejett]

is it safe to say almost everyone gets bullied at least a couple times in their youth?

It's how you dealt with those situations that either progressed the bullying or made them stop all together.


Gotta teach kids how to be cool/confident/collected

 

[jhustle23]

You can analyze both behaviors of the bully and the bullied, but the one engaging in the problem behavior is the bully. The bully is getting some reinforcement for "bullying" otherwise the behavior would not continue. What that reinforcement is will be different from case to case. Changing the consequence of the behavior and not allowing the bully to obtain reinforcement will reduce the "bullying" behavior. I'm a behaviorist if that matters...

 

[ridingonlorenzos]

Not a fan of bullying. I have never been the type to have trouble with socializing, even as a youth.
But when I was in grade 6, my family moved to a predominantly white suburb. I had one friend Carlos that I met who was brown like me, but everyone else in our new class was white. Not sure if racism had anything to do with it, but we got "bullied" for a year. Him moreso than me.
It was kinda weird because my other "friend" Cam was one of the bullies, but I look back and this that I tried to befriend him to get away from the bullying. They used to tackle us from behind on to the pavement, call us names and even kicked Carlos into the urinal. I remember the day when Carlos got kicked, because that was the day we both kind of snapped. Carlos, covered in urine and blood, body slammed Johnny the bully into the bathroom floor while I made sure Johnny's other friends didn't try to get in.
The next year came and we got bigger and stronger and made more friends and ended up scrapping most of the "bullies" throughout the school year. But the main perp, the guy who was my "friend" at first, got it the worst. We put out a little comic about him and really isolated him from everyone else. I remember watching him cry and shake in embarrassment and shame, and I felt good about it. I look back on watching him cry today, and it kind of hurts my heart, even though he hurt us so much. We never saw him much since that year, but word is he's a loner gamer stoner graphic designer.
I'm 24 now, and still best friends with my one homie that got kicked into the urinal. I have rarely encountered any bullying since grade 6 and 7, (except in grade 9 after 9/11). When I did feel threatened, I countered with threats of my own or violence. I might have even been heading down the wrong path if it hadn't been for my support network at home and my friends that I made through the years.
It's strange, because the friend that I speak of is now yoked, but is the most caring, god fearing and compassionate type of dude you'd ever meet. I hate bullying, and my heart goes out to those who get bullied and even those who do bully. Children are so sensitive and so easily influenced, and I do not believe they willingly become bullies or bullied. It surely stems from underlying issues from the parents/guardians/family or mental instability, whether they are bullied or are bullies.

 

[futuristic]

Bullying

Giving swirly's in a +%!% filled toilet bowl

Atomic Wedgies

Sand Paper Indian Burns

Dry Ice down someone's pants

OG Noogies

Purple Nurples 

Wish I could go back