Textsfromlastnight.com LMAO

[jayadict92]

(904): I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
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(765): just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
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(602): how was that guy you hooked up with?
(415): i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
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(612): Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
(1-612): strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
(612): could be more
(1-612): absolutely not
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(847): I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot
(847): parking. I am not drunk

this site is helping me get through work.

 

[justscoreda100]

(973): haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
(630): savin' lives aint cheap

she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love

(530): Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' inreference to my milkshake

 

[gboy1230]

damn these are funny

 

[thedeek]

(417): He has such a weird drunk-voice.
(1-417): dude, he's deaf.

 

[maldonado316]

FMyLife.com

Today, 3 of the 4 stalls were occupied in the rest room. I took the 4th stall. Upon sitting, I let out one of the longest, loudest farts I have done in a long time. Next, I hear "Hey, how's it going?". I was CORRECTLY identified by a co-worker hearing me fart. FML

 

[mr monday niight]

Originally Posted by JustScoreda100

(973): haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
(630): savin' lives aint cheap

she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love

(530): Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake

 

[shortydoowopp]

Originally Posted by JamesOnNT

(512): Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer

'bout to browse this site for a few ..

 

[dvsonm]

(81: Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.

(817): She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
(1-817): OMG. What did u say?
(817): I told her I did too

(310): I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
(415): Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?

 

[nyzmagician]

 

[mateen cleaves]

 

[phillypg1]

Damn i just texted my homie like whats up for tonight,sent me a wrong text saying will you be my wonderwoman.

Suspect.

 

[allday allnight]

Excellent rec

 

[toast1985]

(703): Can i come over
(240): After you called me a desperate @+@+? No
(240): Come over



lol, sounds like me and my ex.

...Site is hilarious.

 

[ajwings23]

Man y'all got me rolling over here.
Some funny stuff.

 

[jaye05]

(404): Dude, at my wedding all the groomsmen are gonna wear swords.

(704): the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?

(401): Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa

(310): dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
(323): no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
(310): oh, so thats why my junks red.
(323): wow. cant help you there...

(415): Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.

(312): Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
(773): You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal

 

[murkn3m]

how does this work?

 

[kidufc]

posting to check the next 2 pages for later

 

[gfcskiksaholic]

(757): DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
(703): I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.

 

[icykicks79]

 

[Burton Guster]

Originally Posted by GFCsKiksAholic

(757): DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
(703): I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.

 

[ricekrispies420]

Originally Posted by JKickz1334

Lmao....

Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.

I got called a %%++ by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..%$% is that *+%!? explain that to me

do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?



omg

 

[joshyy1834]

Originally Posted by CryingFreemancoa

(20: i just saw a ****** buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.

 

[solefood229]

this site is crazy

 

[j671]

 

[jordan novice]

(216): ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
(740): 100 blowjobs

Sounds fair