The Official Chuck Norris Thread Chuck Norris. Vol

[juggy4805]

Originally Posted by Air Murphy 23

Seagal is the ultimate badass. He has the size(||) and reach advantage over Chuck. He may be at a disadvantage when it comes to agility but all it takes is one good grab and Seagal could snap Chuck Norris' neck and chop his head off EASY. He's 300+ pounds of raw force like a great white shark, Chuck Norris is a helpless seal in this battle. On top of that Steven Seagal is the ultimate business man, he has 2 flavors of energy drinks bearing the Steven Seagal Enterprise name! Chuck Norris could even bring his *%$+* %$# guns to a fight and Steven Seagal could block all of the bullets with his electric guitar, chop his head off with the guitar and then play Stairway to Heaven. Plus Seagal does it all with 50% vision because he always squints to maximize his focus.

[Jay-Z]ASK CHUCK, HE DON'T WANT IT WITH SEAGAL, NOOOOOOO![/Jay-Z]

 

[sighfur]

Chuck Norris's cowboy hat is made of Human skin.

Chuck Norris doesn't ask, he forces.

Chuck Norris's blood is the #1 cause of Global Warming.

Before Chuck Norris's first grade Play, his mother told him "break a leg," everyone in the audience became amputee's.

Chuck Norris keeps a ninja star under his tongue.

Chuck Norris once wished for World Peace, then said "sike!"

 

[GL Rayner]

.

 

[luckyp90]

Originally Posted by shaqtus92

Originally Posted by dnycemodel


For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

 

[htwn hitman]

Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flyingover the Pacific Ocean.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhousekicks you in the face.

 

[oidreez]

Originally Posted by SuperVi11ain

All of jay-z's 99 problems are chuck norris

 

[parada45]

Classic

 

[jhustle23]

Chuck Norris's tears are proven to cure cancer, to bad he never cries...ever.
Kids wear superman pajamas, but superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick a fart back into someones butt.

 

[chokeonsmoke]

Originally Posted by juggy4805

Originally Posted by Air Murphy 23

Seagal is the ultimate badass. He has the size(||) and reach advantage over Chuck. He may be at a disadvantage when it comes to agility but all it takes is one good grab and Seagal could snap Chuck Norris' neck and chop his head off EASY. He's 300+ pounds of raw force like a great white shark, Chuck Norris is a helpless seal in this battle. On top of that Steven Seagal is the ultimate business man, he has 2 flavors of energy drinks bearing the Steven Seagal Enterprise name! Chuck Norris could even bring his *%$+* %$# guns to a fight and Steven Seagal could block all of the bullets with his electric guitar, chop his head off with the guitar and then play Stairway to Heaven. Plus Seagal does it all with 50% vision because he always squints to maximize his focus.

[Jay-Z]ASK CHUCK, HE DON'T WANT IT WITH SEAGAL, NOOOOOOO![/Jay-Z]

where yall get these

 

[Fong$tarr]

This is making my Friday. Haha!

 

[sighfur]

Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky

 

[calikix88]

Originally Posted by htwn hitman

Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

I don't normally do this but

at you sir forbringing this kind of corny garbage to an otherwise great thread.

 

[drsfinest72]

Originally Posted by oidreez

Originally Posted by SuperVi11ain

All of jay-z's 99 problems are chuck norris

lmaooooooo thats ode.

 

[91 west]

Chuck Norris clogs the toilet even when he pisses

Chuck Norris eats beef jerky, then s***ts out bullets and uses it to kill cows to make more beef jerky...this is now known as The Circle of Life.

 

[airjapan707]

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

 

[da matrix 1]

 

[blazekicks]

Originally Posted by SuperAntigen

Originally Posted by ironman78

...

 

[crazy ebw]

Never. Gets. Old.

 

[swanginon4z]

chuck norris flosses with barb wire, brushes his teeth with steel wool and gargles with peanut butter!

 

[jamergrady]

Chuck Norris once bowled a 300. Without a ball. He wasn't even in a bowling alley.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.

When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.

Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murdered in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not"attempt" murder.

Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.

Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.

When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

 

[tennhouse2]

Chuck Norris was once on celebrity wheel of fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly waiting forthe wheel to stop.

 

[swishasweets]

this has me in tears

 

[frankl1001]

Before sliced bread, people used to say "That's the greatest thing since Chuck Norris". But Chuck Norris was displeased by this. So he roundhousekicked a loaf of bread into slices.

 

[jayfiend]

Originally Posted by BlazeKicks

Originally Posted by SuperAntigen

Originally Posted by ironman78

...

Chuck Norris once wished for World Peace, then said "sike!"

Classic!

 

[IDKwhyImHere]

Chuck Norris does not drink beer too often, but when he does, he does NOT drink Dos Equis. Stay thirsty my friends.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

Chuck Norris can hold Diddy down.

Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his bare hands.