The Official Chuck Norris Thread Chuck Norris. Vol

[sighfur]

Chuck Norris is a Knight Templar.

When Chuck Norris farts, gas prices drop.

Chuck Norris shot Tupac.

Chuck Norris uses his beard to shave.

Chuck Norris once had cold feet, it was called The Ice Age.

 

[lilstarz07]

COMEDY!

 

[jayizill21]

chuck norris is on santas naughty list every year and still gets presents


!!!!!!

 

[Gill Baka Esq. LLC.]

Chuck Norris causes an estimated $300,000 worth of damage each year, solely by kicking people through windows.

When there's a fire, you stop, drop, and roll. When there's a Chuck Norris, you stop, drop, and die.

We don't know if Chuck Norris enjoys a good fight. He's never had one.

Chuck Norris does not love Raymond.

Einstein's original Theory of Relativity was; if Chuck Norris kicks you, your relatives will feel it.

On the Asian market, Chuck Norris' urine is worth $400 per fluid ounce.

 

[kanyeeezy]

chuck norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

 

[coolnificent]

Originally Posted by Sighfur

Chuck Norris uses his beard to shave.

what?

 

[swanginon4z]

chuck norris rides on swangas and drives straight.

 

[ducky quack]

Chuck Norris can push open doors that say 'pull'

 

[ironman78]

 

[daemacho]

 

[kingramey]

Originally Posted by Prolific Sole


Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.

 

[coolgraymemo]

this thread is pure comedy

 

[suprduperfly]

Chuck Norris doesn't teabag women, he potato sacks them.

 

[kazuum]

Originally Posted by SuprDuperFly

Chuck Norris doesn't teabag women, he potato sacks them.

 

[black leg]

Originally Posted by dnycemodel


For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.

When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his *%# kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.

These all got me

 

[supervi11ain]

All of jay-z's 99 problems are chuck norris

 

[superantigen]

Originally Posted by ironman78

...

 

[dominino313]

Originally Posted by Kanyeeezy

chuck norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

 

[airjapan707]

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

 

[anathema]

Chuck Norris was originally a character in a Street Fighter beta version. He was removed from the game however due to a glitch which caused him only toperform roundhouse kicks. When asked about it, Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.

Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.

Chuck Norris was the subject of one of VH1's "Where are they now" shows. The entire show consisted of a blank screen with the words "Rightbehind you" written on it.

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.


Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

Hiroshima never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.

It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.

Crime does not pay - unless you are an undertaker following Walker, Texas Ranger, on a routine patrol.

Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks

 

[jt solemates lm]

Sidekicks FTW!

 

[dyyhard]

When McDonalds brought back the McRib, you all know who gave the orders to do it right?

 

[soleminded]

Chuck Norris had sex with a dolphin and it gave birth to Michael Phelps..

 

[ducky quack]

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity, twice.
Chuck Norris once won a staring contest against the sun.

 

[air murphy 23]

Seagal is the ultimate badass. He has the size(||) and reach advantage over Chuck. He may be at a disadvantage when it comes to agility but all it takes isone good grab and Seagal could snap Chuck Norris' neck and chop his head off EASY. He's 300+ pounds of raw force like a great white shark, ChuckNorris is a helpless seal in this battle. On top of that Steven Seagal is the ultimate business man, he has 2 flavors of energy drinks bearing the StevenSeagal Enterprise name! Chuck Norris could even bring his *%$+* %$# guns to a fight and Steven Seagal could block all of the bullets with his electric guitar,chop his head off with the guitar and then play Stairway to Heaven. Plus Seagal does it all with 50% vision because he always squints to maximize his focus.

[Jay-Z]ASK CHUCK, HE DON'T WANT IT WITH SEAGAL, NOOOOOOO![/Jay-Z]