If you're married or in a long term relationship please come in...

[rl treyce]

Originally Posted by Supermanblue79


I've been with my wife for 11 years, married 4 years.

Is your woman a true friend?
Can you be your true self around her, with no compromises?
Is your girl someone that has all of the qualities that you are looking for?  Someone special that would be near impossible to find in this lifetime?
Do truely love her? 

Does she feel the same way about you?

If the answers are "Yes", then you are I would say that engagement is a good decision.
You have to be sure that you are sure because this is the woman that you are potentially going to spend the
rest of your life with. 

Difficulties and tests will come and go, but love is what will get you through.

Just know that you can never change a person, so if there are any warning signs make sure that you address those and pay attention.
Enjoy your engagement make sure that you make a good decision before finally going through with marrying her.

Good advice and questions right here... thanks

 

[crobers 78]

RL Treyce wrote:

---

At what point in a long term relationship do you know when its time to make the next big step, as in engagement??

Is it natural to have doubt and not be sure if things will work out in the end, or are you supposed to be 100% sure of the commitment?

Also people that are married, what makes you want to spend your life with that person, is the person just your companion, best friend, or that you know each other well enough to make it work.

I know every moment won't be full of sparks and good times so what makes you get through..

Thanks in advance for the feedback.



If you two are not or have not lived together then I would suggest you do that first. If you two can coexist living together for at least 6 mos to a year with good communication, compromise and still have fun together then I would suggest you follow your heart after that. If you do decide to engage then def live together first. Be sure you want to be legally tied to this person as a business partner because essentially that's what it will become esp if you have kids n property together. Keep these things in mind because sometimes long term relationships are better.

It's hard to give advice on these types of things because we are all so different emotionally so the best advice would be to experience life and follow your heart.

As far as going through the ups n downs, i'm glad you understand this will occur. To get through it just make sure the both of you have top notch open communication and do your best to resolve any differences as soon as they happen followed with a happy medium or resolution. Be each others best friend and keep the sparks going with dates, vacations, working out together, etc etc and you should be good but just remember the communication is prob the most important.

I think once you two hit that 5 year mark of being together straight will really test the waters...


Once you two stop being each others priority is like your 'check engine' light

 

[crobers 78]

RL Treyce wrote:

---

At what point in a long term relationship do you know when its time to make the next big step, as in engagement??

Is it natural to have doubt and not be sure if things will work out in the end, or are you supposed to be 100% sure of the commitment?

Also people that are married, what makes you want to spend your life with that person, is the person just your companion, best friend, or that you know each other well enough to make it work.

I know every moment won't be full of sparks and good times so what makes you get through..

Thanks in advance for the feedback.



If you two are not or have not lived together then I would suggest you do that first. If you two can coexist living together for at least 6 mos to a year with good communication, compromise and still have fun together then I would suggest you follow your heart after that. If you do decide to engage then def live together first. Be sure you want to be legally tied to this person as a business partner because essentially that's what it will become esp if you have kids n property together. Keep these things in mind because sometimes long term relationships are better.

It's hard to give advice on these types of things because we are all so different emotionally so the best advice would be to experience life and follow your heart.

As far as going through the ups n downs, i'm glad you understand this will occur. To get through it just make sure the both of you have top notch open communication and do your best to resolve any differences as soon as they happen followed with a happy medium or resolution. Be each others best friend and keep the sparks going with dates, vacations, working out together, etc etc and you should be good but just remember the communication is prob the most important.

I think once you two hit that 5 year mark of being together straight will really test the waters...


Once you two stop being each others priority is like your 'check engine' light

 

[blackstilettos]

Originally Posted by paegk

I've been with my girl for 12 years.  We got engaged 9 years ago and we've been living together for about 10 years.  If we get married that's cool but if we broke up it's nothing, on to the next.

You've been engaged for almost a decade, and neither are you making advances to, idk, actually get married? And you say if you break up, it's on to the next? Why are y'all still together? Do you even like each other?

 

[blackstilettos]

Originally Posted by paegk

I've been with my girl for 12 years.  We got engaged 9 years ago and we've been living together for about 10 years.  If we get married that's cool but if we broke up it's nothing, on to the next.

You've been engaged for almost a decade, and neither are you making advances to, idk, actually get married? And you say if you break up, it's on to the next? Why are y'all still together? Do you even like each other?

 

[hollywoodjose]

I've been with my girl for 5 years now and on our 5 year anniversary I proposed to her. We have loved together for 4 years and we are really good together. We work together on everything and try to never go to bed mad, always talk things out and be completly honest. It seems to be working. She is my best friend and after 5 years I love her more than ever.

 

[hollywoodjose]

I've been with my girl for 5 years now and on our 5 year anniversary I proposed to her. We have loved together for 4 years and we are really good together. We work together on everything and try to never go to bed mad, always talk things out and be completly honest. It seems to be working. She is my best friend and after 5 years I love her more than ever.

 

[mrdozo]

I dated my girl 4years, got engaged during the 5th and married 1 year after that. Does she make you a better person? A better man, human being? Does she build you up or tear you down? Is there a mutual respect and love? Do you 2 have a foundation of friendship? Common goals in life? Are you done playing the field man, there's A LOT of women out there. When you're not with her, do you miss her?
By the way, great thread.

 

[mrdozo]

I dated my girl 4years, got engaged during the 5th and married 1 year after that. Does she make you a better person? A better man, human being? Does she build you up or tear you down? Is there a mutual respect and love? Do you 2 have a foundation of friendship? Common goals in life? Are you done playing the field man, there's A LOT of women out there. When you're not with her, do you miss her?
By the way, great thread.

 

[crobers 78]

Originally Posted by hollywoodjose

I've been with my girl for 5 years now and on our 5 year anniversary I proposed to her. We have loved together for 4 years and we are really good together. We work together on everything and try to never go to bed mad, always talk things out and be completly honest. It seems to be working. She is my best friend and after 5 years I love her more than ever.

  

 

[crobers 78]

Originally Posted by hollywoodjose

I've been with my girl for 5 years now and on our 5 year anniversary I proposed to her. We have loved together for 4 years and we are really good together. We work together on everything and try to never go to bed mad, always talk things out and be completly honest. It seems to be working. She is my best friend and after 5 years I love her more than ever.

  

 

[nawth21]

Fortune cookie told me.

 

[nawth21]

Fortune cookie told me.

 

[sighfur]

IMO, in order for marriage to work you have to reinvent the fun in your relationship every now and then. Such as finding new things that make you both happy. It can't be the same ol' "dinner date" or "lets go to the movies" ...cause' things will get old real fast. My wife and I try new things all the time, some get added to our idea of "fun" some things we never do again.

But doing things together isn't as critical as finding your own individual space. Being a functioning couple is dependant on being a functioning individual. Seperation is just as important to a relationship as companionship.

Most importantly, it all has to be effortless.

 

[sighfur]

IMO, in order for marriage to work you have to reinvent the fun in your relationship every now and then. Such as finding new things that make you both happy. It can't be the same ol' "dinner date" or "lets go to the movies" ...cause' things will get old real fast. My wife and I try new things all the time, some get added to our idea of "fun" some things we never do again.

But doing things together isn't as critical as finding your own individual space. Being a functioning couple is dependant on being a functioning individual. Seperation is just as important to a relationship as companionship.

Most importantly, it all has to be effortless.

 

[optimusprimeaphia]

Originally Posted by MASERATI HARM

Originally Posted by RL Treyce

Crazy Davo & Mas Harm- Good points...

She's not pushing the issue but I know its the next logical step.

I'm just trying to make the right decision and not waste time, mine or hers.

If she not pushing the issue don't even trip then  ..
Hell' don't even bring it up 

ESP if you thinking of doing it out of convenience ..

Worst mistake you could make ..

I say this from experience

 

 

This makes the MOST sense.

 

[optimusprimeaphia]

Originally Posted by MASERATI HARM

Originally Posted by RL Treyce

Crazy Davo & Mas Harm- Good points...

She's not pushing the issue but I know its the next logical step.

I'm just trying to make the right decision and not waste time, mine or hers.

If she not pushing the issue don't even trip then  ..
Hell' don't even bring it up 

ESP if you thinking of doing it out of convenience ..

Worst mistake you could make ..

I say this from experience

 

 

This makes the MOST sense.

 

[tryingtomakeamil]

Ruuuuunnnnn dont do it lol

 

[tryingtomakeamil]

Ruuuuunnnnn dont do it lol

 

[kix4kix]

Originally Posted by RL Treyce

Originally Posted by ImReallyDirkNowitzki

Originally Posted by paegk

I've been with my girl for 12 years.  We got engaged 9 years ago and we've been living together for about 10 years.  If we get married that's cool but if we broke up it's nothing, on to the next.

You've been engaged for 9 years?

I was going to ask this also... In some states you're already considered marriage by common law.
  

12 years invested with no return.

  

 

[kix4kix]

Originally Posted by RL Treyce

Originally Posted by ImReallyDirkNowitzki

Originally Posted by paegk

I've been with my girl for 12 years.  We got engaged 9 years ago and we've been living together for about 10 years.  If we get married that's cool but if we broke up it's nothing, on to the next.

You've been engaged for 9 years?

I was going to ask this also... In some states you're already considered marriage by common law.
  

12 years invested with no return.

  

 

[da r entertainment]

Originally Posted by Dynasty Raider

Living together is a great idea to see if things can go to the next level. My love grew even stronger for my lady after we lived together for a while. The fact that I still can't get tired of her after of living with her for a year and still look forward to seeing her everyday really means something. Especially since I'm the type of person that gets tired of people very fast after seeing them too often.

Agreed.  That's how I feel about my lady.  Love living with her and couldn't imagine doing it with anyone else.  I'm purchasing her an engagement ring as her Christmas gift.

 

[da r entertainment]

Originally Posted by Dynasty Raider

Living together is a great idea to see if things can go to the next level. My love grew even stronger for my lady after we lived together for a while. The fact that I still can't get tired of her after of living with her for a year and still look forward to seeing her everyday really means something. Especially since I'm the type of person that gets tired of people very fast after seeing them too often.

Agreed.  That's how I feel about my lady.  Love living with her and couldn't imagine doing it with anyone else.  I'm purchasing her an engagement ring as her Christmas gift.

 

[kix4kix]

Originally Posted by Sighfur

IMO, in order for marriage to work you have to reinvent the fun in your relationship every now and then. Such as finding new things that make you both happy. It can't be the same ol' "dinner date" or "lets go to the movies" ...cause' things will get old real fast. My wife and I try new things all the time, some get added to our idea of "fun" some things we never do again.

But doing things together isn't as critical as finding your own individual space. Being a functioning couple is dependant on being a functioning individual. Seperation is just as important to a relationship as companionship.

Most importantly, it all has to be effortless.

my dream relationship. I am calling ducktales on it's existence though

.

  

 

[kix4kix]

Originally Posted by Sighfur

IMO, in order for marriage to work you have to reinvent the fun in your relationship every now and then. Such as finding new things that make you both happy. It can't be the same ol' "dinner date" or "lets go to the movies" ...cause' things will get old real fast. My wife and I try new things all the time, some get added to our idea of "fun" some things we never do again.

But doing things together isn't as critical as finding your own individual space. Being a functioning couple is dependant on being a functioning individual. Seperation is just as important to a relationship as companionship.

Most importantly, it all has to be effortless.

my dream relationship. I am calling ducktales on it's existence though

.