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- Dec 13, 2018
70% of Divorces are filed by women. 90% of Child Custody cases are awarded to women.
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Yes, currently.
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High-Achieving Black Women and Marriage: Not Choosing or Not Chosen?
Black SWANS (Stong Women Achievers, No Spouse)
She was a 40 year old black woman with a Ph.D., ready to find a mate in a city that is only 5% black. One day a tall good-looking black man about her age approached her in the gym. He hadn't finished college but was smart, funny and interesting and she was happy to go out with him. At the end of what she thought was a fun, easygoing dinner he said he was really attracted to her and tried to get her to stay at his place. She refused, telling him it was too fast for her but that she would love to see him again. His response? "Just because you have a Ph.D. you think you're too good for me?" She was so taken aback by his comment she's never forgotten it. That woman was me.
"We have a saying called the 'black girl curse.' A lot of our white friends are married by 25, happily married with kids by 27, and we're like, 'What's the deal with the BGs?' -- and that's black girls."
Popular culture and media such as the ABC Nightline story (from which this quote was taken) continue to feature attractive, successful black women opining about being dissed and dismissed by black men. For years I facilitated black student, faculty and staff support groups on predominantly white campuses and heard similar complaints (especially about high-achieving black men dating and marrying interracially).
What's really going on with high-achieving black women and marriage?
BLACK SWANS
www.psychologytoday.com
Black SWANS (Stong Women Achievers, No Spouse)
She was a 40 year old black woman with a Ph.D., ready to find a mate in a city that is only 5% black. One day a tall good-looking black man about her age approached her in the gym. He hadn't finished college but was smart, funny and interesting and she was happy to go out with him. At the end of what she thought was a fun, easygoing dinner he said he was really attracted to her and tried to get her to stay at his place. She refused, telling him it was too fast for her but that she would love to see him again. His response? "Just because you have a Ph.D. you think you're too good for me?" She was so taken aback by his comment she's never forgotten it. That woman was me.
"We have a saying called the 'black girl curse.' A lot of our white friends are married by 25, happily married with kids by 27, and we're like, 'What's the deal with the BGs?' -- and that's black girls."
Popular culture and media such as the ABC Nightline story (from which this quote was taken) continue to feature attractive, successful black women opining about being dissed and dismissed by black men. For years I facilitated black student, faculty and staff support groups on predominantly white campuses and heard similar complaints (especially about high-achieving black men dating and marrying interracially).
What's really going on with high-achieving black women and marriage?
BLACK SWANS
High-Achieving Black Women and Marriage: Not Choosing or Not Chosen?
- 35,327
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- Dec 27, 2014
Worked with a dude who had 3 kids from two women. Was having his wages garnished, tax returns taken, almost everything was being sniped by child support. Man was basically volunteering at work 
- 14,578
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- Jul 25, 2012
Never married/childless folks have no comprehension of the sacrifice. You go from thinking your fn crazy to apologizing.
and your telling me it’s all peaches and cream..
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Far from it. The good ones make it look easy. And we're a constant work in progress. But so far so good....
And your self?
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- Jul 25, 2012
19 yrs married famb. 5 kids. I do agree as the good ones make it last (parents together 45yrs), but maaaaaaaaaaaaaan,,, this covid has brought the worst out of marriage.
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- Dec 13, 2018
25 years here.
Just bought a new house, closed in Feb, March brought the shutdown. Wife worked remotely, and we made it seem as if she was actually going in to work, moving her office to our basement, treated like a 9 to 5. I didn't see her all day. She'd come upstairs at 5:30, and I'd come down from the Attic around the same time.
It has kept our relationship cool, no pressure.
That said, my new next door neighbor just threw her husband out, for being stupid enough to lie about going to work. He told her that he had to go in, and when she called? No answer at his gig. She found out that he was slinging it with his side...cops had to come and allow him to collect his things.
High-Achieving Black Women and Marriage: Not Choosing or Not Chosen?
Black SWANS (Stong Women Achievers, No Spouse)
She was a 40 year old black woman with a Ph.D., ready to find a mate in a city that is only 5% black. One day a tall good-looking black man about her age approached her in the gym. He hadn't finished college but was smart, funny and interesting and she was happy to go out with him. At the end of what she thought was a fun, easygoing dinner he said he was really attracted to her and tried to get her to stay at his place. She refused, telling him it was too fast for her but that she would love to see him again. His response? "Just because you have a Ph.D. you think you're too good for me?" She was so taken aback by his comment she's never forgotten it. That woman was me.
"We have a saying called the 'black girl curse.' A lot of our white friends are married by 25, happily married with kids by 27, and we're like, 'What's the deal with the BGs?' -- and that's black girls."
Popular culture and media such as the ABC Nightline story (from which this quote was taken) continue to feature attractive, successful black women opining about being dissed and dismissed by black men. For years I facilitated black student, faculty and staff support groups on predominantly white campuses and heard similar complaints (especially about high-achieving black men dating and marrying interracially).
What's really going on with high-achieving black women and marriage?
BLACK SWANS
High-Achieving Black Women and Marriage: Not Choosing or Not Chosen?
Hypergamy?
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Man. . . You ain’t lying! COVID is testing us in every possible way.
I’m right behind you, married 16 years with 4 kids. But been together for 21 years.
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fascinating conversation and perspectives.
edit: guess I should contribute something so although I don´t profess to know **** about **** on these subjects, my parents have been married for 33 years and together longer...interesting to see two human beings grow and change under each other´s influence, from some angles I can really see the appeal of it.
wild to consider there are no real rules governing interpersonal relationships tho...we choose our connections.
edit: guess I should contribute something so although I don´t profess to know **** about **** on these subjects, my parents have been married for 33 years and together longer...interesting to see two human beings grow and change under each other´s influence, from some angles I can really see the appeal of it.
wild to consider there are no real rules governing interpersonal relationships tho...we choose our connections.
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- Aug 14, 2012
Salute to all you that are making it do what it do.
No shade to you guys who do choose to be happily married.
As you already know, you guys a truly blessed and lucky to have found that one.
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- Jul 25, 2012
Trying to get to that 25 yr mark but idk fam..
quitting is not in my nature.. hate failure..
My mental health is deteriorating lol.. you try to be the best cheerleader but alpha ways get the best. Marriage isn’t the problem, it’s us as people in general. We’re hateful beings bruh.. we get mad at life and carry that **** like a NF backpack.
shout out
onthenephs
Hunnynutcheerios
on the greenery reference.. hardly ever argue with SO during a session ...bless upIts like a light switch hit. Past trauma, anxiety, depression boom boom POW MF lol....
it’s all love though.. we gon make it..
Hunnynutcheerios
formerly sh0rtyy12
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- Oct 11, 2012
i think every couple should have a nightly smoke sesh with their significant others. Like after doing all the adulting and responsible **** 
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Gotta be careful at the same time cause it can be a gateway to harder stuff and some folks lose track of responsibility and turn into a baserockheadi think every couple should have a nightly smoke sesh with their significant others. Like after doing all the adulting and responsible ****
Hunnynutcheerios
formerly sh0rtyy12
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- Oct 11, 2012
This might be very for some. But everything in moderation nothing wrong with that. Our biggest flaw after that is the munchies and looking for snacks lol
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I worked with a dude at Sports Authority that had two kids with his ex. Mans had just gotten out of jail on a 7-month stretch.Worked with a dude who had 3 kids from two women. Was having his wages garnished, tax returns taken, almost everything was being sniped by child support. Man was basically volunteering at work
It was during the summer, so ole boy worked all kinds of overtime and overnight work. When the courts caught up to him, his bi-weekly checks even with all that overtime were like $2.37 or $1.74 or 63 cents.
For some reason, I found that more disrespectful than just taking the entire thing. Like they were leaving ole boy with pittance to remind him how ****** he was.
Imagine me being 19 years old and having to console a pissed-off crying 34-year-old man. Mans was in the inventory room screaming at the top of his lungs "HOW DO THEY EXPECT ME TO LIVE"
I understand dude was behind in his payments, but damn, he was trying and was getting done so dirty.
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She gave me 3 beautiful kids but she became a land whale. Just had no attraction to her anymore. About 2 weeks ago I was driving & saw her carrying our heavy *** toddler because she doesn't have a stroller lol. We were together 15 years not 20. Tips for guys don't marry a woman your age, by the time you're 30 she'll look like your mother in law.
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- Dec 13, 2018
Wasn't easy! Had a nice break while my daughter was in college, I moved to Texas for her late junior and entire senior years. Best move I ever made. Gave my wife and I the break that we needed. I do believe that all couples should take an organized break from each other, taking a step back, seeing the world individually if it is possible. However, that only works if both people in the marriage are making their own paper, of which we were.Trying to get to that 25 yr mark but idk fam..
quitting is not in my nature.. hate failure..
My mental health is deteriorating lol.. you try to be the best cheerleader but alpha ways get the best. Marriage isn’t the problem, it’s us as people in general. We’re hateful beings bruh.. we get mad at life and carry that **** like a NF backpack.
shout out
Its like a light switch hit. Past trauma, anxiety, depression boom boom POW MF lol....
it’s all love though.. we gon make it..
Good luck man, all the best, and have fun!
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See this is where state laws come in to play.
What state is this btw?
VOTE IN LOCAL ELECTIONS!
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It was Maryland, in like 05. I dunno if the laws have changed though.
I think they were only dinging him so hard because he had fallen behind so much.
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Even then they should just extend it.
That's why you have dudes i they 60s still paying.
Im 35 and mom dukes still gets a deposit every other Thursday.
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Worked with a dude who had 3 kids from two women. Was having his wages garnished, tax returns taken, almost everything was being sniped by child support. Man was basically volunteering at work
I already dislike being at work enough on its own. This situation sounds awful lol
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- Aug 14, 2012
In Ohio this biggest thing about back child support is theybwill take your Ls.
In a city with ****** public transportation, your Ls are LIFE!
In a city with ****** public transportation, your Ls are LIFE!
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- Jul 25, 2012
Moderation is for suckas..
You’re 100% right though.. take it easy, slow burn
Good look.. when your with someone for so long they become apart of you. Like caved in your conscience.
